I cried. I cried and I cried a thousand times.
It's hard to realise that you'll never come back.
Just a few nights back I was calling you to come down for dinner.
We were having your favourite.
Rice with Jerk Chicken.
I never had to call you down before.
Usually the sweet aroma of it would hit your nose and you'd be the first down.
But I had to call you.
3 times, before reality sinked in.
I keep living in the past, its not that I'm mad but…
It's the only way I feel that I can go on.
I remember when I got to see you…
You were so still.
Not even the slightest twitch of life.
I remember when I first had you. You were my good luck charm…Still are.
It all started way back, when me and your father we're moving on our own.
We wanted to start a family. Got pregnant, with my first child.
5 months into it. It dropped. Same with the second…
And then finally, one stayed. She was going to be called Alisha.
But she died in 3 days. I was about to give up, but it was your father that told me to hold on and stay in there a little while longer.
It was such a struggle. I couldn't bare…
And then finally, got pregnant… then on the 13 September 1974, the most glorious thing happened. You were born. Sign of hope.
It was then I knew that I had my own heart beating in my own arms.
I had fallen for you instantly.
I'd always used to take you on walks with me… Wherever I went, you would follow.
Park,beach, mall – you name it.
I remember your first word: Mama.
Not papa, dada, or nana. – Mama.
Then you got older, had your own little group of friends.
We still had that bond though. No matter what, you always kept close to me.
You had my heart. You are my heart.
Wherever you went…there it be..
But when you died…. It died too…
It's funny how in one go, some really stupid people can take away the life of a brother, lover, friend, uncle and son all in one go.
Stephen, we all miss you.
You'll never be forgotten no matter what.
You'll always be my baby boy.
No matter what… There will always be a hole in my heart until the day we meet again, when you'll gracefully mend it for me.
I love you.