This simply can´t be true, right?

This must be some very evil joke, like in one of those shows with hidden cameras- my mother and Her Majesty Queen Clarisse Marie Renaldi who also happens to be my grandmother were both sitting at the kitchen table when I slid down the pole this morning- my grandmother all prim and proper again and looking at me as though I was some sort of slug- I suppose that IS what she thinks, that I´m something disgusting and slimy that could rub off on her Prada suit and Hermés scarf and shiny golden hair- hey, no one should be allowed to be that beautiful in their sixties, especially no one who is related to me.

I mean my grandmother looks like one of those Hollywood beauties, my Dad was a reasonable handsome guy and my Mom is rather pretty herself, so how come I am me?

Anyway, so I told them that they weren´t considered family because they both lied to me and then I went back to my room- of course both Mom and my grandmother ran after me- ok, Mom ran, Her Majesty doesn´t run, she sort of floats or something.

Mom came up with that great compromise how Grandma will wait until Genovia´s Independence Day Ball before I make a decision, somehow I feel that I came off worse than Grandma but she seemed to be thinking the same for her.

I then told Grandma about my car and she actually got the hint and promised to pay some of the repairs- having a queen for a grandmother does seem to have some advantages after all.

Then she said she´d have someone drive me around town which I thought is pretty weird bus she insisted- Joe, the guy who is suppose to look after me, was really nice to me but he has a strange sense of humor and he´s rather intimidating- I can´t believe he likes working for someone who looks like Miss America 1960 and acts it too, he should go off and work for someone cool, like Arnold Schwarzenegger or Mel Gibson.

Lily freaked completely and went all squeaky and disbelieving on me but I make her get into the limo eventually in the end.

Princess lessons are horrible, Grandma made me look really, really stupid in front of Charlotte when she asked me if my bad posture was affecting my hearing.

I just didn´t listen to what she said because I was busy staring at a portrait of her where she´s all dressed up in a ball gown and with a tiara and looks like a perfected version of Grace Kelly.

Then she said that about everything on me was bad expect for my eyes- minus the glasses and the eyebrows- and that my ears looked like my Dad´s.

At the time I thought it was nice of her to say it but now I think it´s not really a complement to be told that your ears look like your father´s- well, I have to give her credit for trying- though I´m not really sure she even was.

At least she made me leave early because she had to get to dinner with some ambassador from Genovia on time or that´s what she said- Joe, who was standing next to me, was grinning all the time and Grandma glared at him in the same way she always looks at me, it always makes me want to run away but Joe only kept smiling- he probably knows that he could handle Grandma if she went ballistic on him but I think Charlotte is as scared of her as me.

I asked Joe about the girnning thing and he said it had been because Grandma had said that she had to get to her dinner on time- it turns out Grandma never gets anywhere on time, she doesn´t feel the need to, after all anyone else has to wait until she turns up anyway- she is the queen after all.

I didn´t ask Joe if he was scared of Grandma- I don´t think he´d get the joke.