A/N: I own nothing. All characters property of ABC and Private Practice.
You will always be - beautiful in my eyes
And the passing years will show
That you will always grow ever more beautiful in my eyes
The passing years will show
That you will always grow ever more beautiful in my eyes.
Beautiful In My Eyes, Joshua Kadison
Cooper sat on Violet's couch, elbows resting on his knees as he leaned forward. "I'm at a complete loss here Vi. I just want to see that genuine Charlotte smile, you know?" he sighed deeply. It had been nearly two months since the attack and he still felt like he was walking eggshells around his fiancée.
"Well, how was Christmas, Coop?" Violet asked, as she lifted her cup of tea to her mouth and took a sip. "How was she?"
"Christmas was great. Don't get me wrong, I love spending Christmas by the beach," Cooper sat back and smiled. He reflected on the last few days, finally having some needed time alone with Charlotte, away from the distractions that surrounded them daily.
Albeit, spending the holiday at the beach wasn't Cooper's idea in the first place. If anything, Sheldon had suggested Cooper take Charlotte somewhere that would give them the opportunity to clear their heads. Most of all, being away from the hustle and bustle of their daily lives would allow them to reconnect emotionally.
As of late, both Charlotte and Cooper were disconnected in the emotional sense. And while it was perfectly normal, considering the circumstances, it was also obvious how it was taking a toll on the both of them. Still, Cooper and Charlotte managed to get through each day, even if it meant tiptoeing around subjects and Cooper's patience being tested on a regular basis while Charlotte was trying to pull herself back together.
But despite just getting through the day, Cooper and Charlotte needed to be on the same page again or at least close to it.
"So, Christmas was great," Violet repeated Cooper's statement. "Great as in, Santa brought you what you wanted?" she quipped. "Or great as in, you managed to keep yourself from upsetting Charlotte."
Cooper bit down on his lower lip, contemplating how to phrase his reply. "I guess you could say the latter. But really, Violet. I just…"
"You miss the Charlotte you fell in love with," Violet finished her friend's thought.
"Yeah…"
"You do remember what Sheldon told you. Patience."
Cooper sighed. He rubbed his face, his hand running along the five o'clock shadow that he'd been sporting for the past few days. Contemplating Violet's words, he knew Sheldon had a point. With all the money he was paying him in therapy bills, Sheldon's advice had better be worth every penny.
"I know I need to be, but I just want to do more, you know. I need a way to show Charlotte that no matter what, I will always love her," he expressed his ongoing concern. "You know, I came in late the other night and I guess she didn't know I was home but I heard her praying… She's afraid I'm going to leave her."
"Oh Coop," Violet reached out and rubbed Cooper's knee. "Have you told her that you're not going anywhere?"
"Time and time again. She knows I'm hers forever and I've said it to her over and over," Cooper found himself leaning forward again. It was a familiar position for him, resting his chin on his elbows. "But you know how it is with Charlotte, actions… words… her fear. I just need to find a way to show her, reassure her. A way for her to see that no matter what's happened, she will always be mine."
Violet smiled, her heart aching at the same time for him. She could see the frustration on Cooper's face. "Well, what did Sheldon tell you?"
"Forget Sheldon, I want your input on this. What should I do? Help me Violet."
Leaning over, she placed her hand on his knee. "Do what your heart tells you. It's the only way you can reach her. I'm sure you already have an idea of what you want to do to show how much you love her."
Cooper sat for a moment and nodded his head. "Yeah, I do."
"Then what are you waiting for? You know what you have to do."
It was half past seven when Charlotte came home. She dropped her keys onto the table by the door and left her bag by the couch. It had been a grueling day at St. Ambrose, which was no different from any other day, but lately, it seemed tougher than usual. Yet, Charlotte would manage to make it through the day, despite the lingering uneasiness in the pit of her stomach that never seemed to go away.
These days, Charlotte considered it an accomplishment that she got through the day without having an anxiety attack.
It wasn't until that moment she realized how dim their living room was, the only main sources of light being the candles all around her. Charlotte looked around, brow furrowed as she called out for her fiancée. "Coop?" Not receiving a response, she called out again. "Cooper?"
A few seconds later, Cooper appeared from the kitchen. "Hey, you're home," he smiled, carrying a bottle of wine to the table that was already set with two plates of food. "Come here, have a seat," he said, pulling out a chair for her.
Still unsure of what was going on, Charlotte obliged him and sat down at the table. She looked up at him and cracked a small smile. "Thank you," she murmured before grabbing the napkin and spreading it across her lap. Cooper lifted the cover off the dish in front of her. "Oh, grilled salmon?"
"Your favorite."
"Yes, I know. But why?"
Cooper slowly reached across the table and took hold of Charlotte's hand. "No reason. I guess I just wanted to be spontaneous. That's all."
Charlotte let out a small laugh under her breath. "Well, you know how I feel about spontaneity these days." Grabbing the fork and knife, she decided to simply enjoy what looked like the perfect meal.
They ate dinner in relative silence, which wasn't unusual these days. Granted, prior to Charlotte's attack, dinner was never a quiet affair, as both of them would rattle back and forth on how their individual days were. Occasionally, they'd have long winded discussions over the silliest subjects and half the time, it would turn into a battle of wits. Both always wanted to get the last word in, especially Cooper, but in the end it tended to be Charlotte that did.
Yet as of late, a long winded discussion over dinner was few and far between. In fact, these days, Cooper and Charlotte hadn't shared daily meals like they used to. Charlotte was either working late into the evening at St. Ambrose or spending most of her time at the Oceanside, while Cooper pretty much worked a normal day and would come home without her.
And while it wasn't an issue for Cooper at first, considering he wanted to let Charlotte recover at her own pace, he really did miss coming home with her and simply, just her presence.
So tonight was Cooper's way of telling Charlotte that. Most of all, he wanted to ease her fears and remind her that she was stuck with him forever.
It didn't take long for the dishes to get done, Cooper offering to do them while Charlotte went into the bedroom to begin unwinding for the evening. He told her not to get into bed yet, saying he had one more surprise. Initially, Charlotte wasn't in the mood and wanted to crawl into bed and sleep, but she had noticed the longing look in Cooper's eyes during dinner and decided to heed the man's request.
Charlotte returned to the living room, dressed in track pants and a short sleeve tee. She noticed the room was still dimly lit and saw Cooper sitting on the couch. He turned around and patted the spot next to him. Charlotte walked around the couch and sat down.
She moves closer to him, enough that she leans her head on his shoulder, reaching for his hand. Fingers entwined, she sighs softly and closes her eyes, relishing the relaxing moment.
"How was your day?" Cooper spoke in a hushed voice, his thumb making small circles in the palm of her hand.
"Busy, which is what I like," Charlotte replies, focusing her gaze on the flame from the candle across the room.
"That's good. No anxiety attacks?"
"None."
Cooper was relieved to hear that Charlotte had gotten through the day. "Good."
They sat in silence for the next few minutes, Charlotte continuing to stare at the candle across the room. Although exhausted, she was enjoying this quiet time with Cooper. In a way, it relaxed her, kept her calm. And for the first time in a long while, distracted from the thoughts running through her head.
"Coop?" Charlotte turned, her gaze meeting Cooper's. She could see the worry in his eyes as she stared into them. "Thank you."
Cooper squeezed her hand. "No need to thank me. It was just a nice dinner and all."
"I know…"
Charlotte smiled a little, amused by his modesty. She could see he was trying, but knew not to push. For that she was grateful. Despite everything, the steps forwards and back they were experiencing the past several weeks, he still hadn't given up on her.
Yet it didn't do much to quell the lingering fear inside her, that someday his patience would run out and he would leave her.
It was then when Cooper turned to look at her, smiling that goofy smile that always had a way of melting her heart. And in his eyes, the ever-present concern.
"I love you," he said softly.
Moisture pooled at the corners of Charlotte's eyes and she quickly reached up to wipe them away. She hated feeling like this, the helplessness, the loss of control. All of her adult life, she was always in control, always strong. But as of late, it seemed like she could never quite grasp complete control of anything and while everyone was offering their help, she refused it. Charlotte was convinced she could get through this herself, find that light at the end of the tunnel without having to ask for help.
But Cooper was always the one who managed to get to her, managed to see through that tough façade she'd been trying to maintain since the attack. And at this moment, just the way he was looking at her, it was making her cry for some reason.
"I know…" her voice cracked.
"Charlotte, please talk to me?" Cooper pleaded in a gentle voice. "I know something's going on in that head of yours. I'm just worried about you."
Charlotte's gaze fell. "Nothing to worry about, I'm okay."
She knew there was an underlying reason for all of this. She wanted to be annoyed about it, but couldn't because in all honesty, she was tired of being strong and brave. Tired of being the Charlotte King everyone knew, when it reality, she wasn't that woman right now.
They continued to sit there in silence. Cooper would wait, as sooner or later, something had to give.
It took a few minutes for Charlotte to gather the right words, her downcast gaze focused on her hands. It wasn't long ago that she was sporting a cast on her left arm, while her right arm had been bandaged up from the attack. Though the wounds had long healed, but she still felt the phantom pains, a lingering reminder.
"I'm tired Coop," Charlotte whispered.
"Then let's go to bed," Cooper attempted to move, but was stopped when Charlotte tugged his hand.
Charlotte shook her head. "No… I'm tired… I'm tired of feelin' this way. Feelin' like I gotta be strong for you all or else everyone'd go all worryin' about me."
Cooper sat down, but instead of sitting next to her, he sat on the coffee table so he was face to face with her. Taking her hands in his, he held grasped them gently. "Sweetie, it's okay. You don't have to be."
"But what if I want to? Because it seems like the only thing I have control over these days?" Charlotte sighed deeply. She felt tears pooling in the corners of her eyes, ready to reach up and wipe them away when Cooper took his hand and used his thumb to swipe away the moisture. "Cooper, I want to be okay for you. I want to be strong for you. But sometimes, it's just so hard."
Cooper tilted his head slightly, half smiling at her. "You don't have to be. I'm not going to get upset if you aren't. I don't care if you're weak, strong, angry or sad. You'll always be my Charlotte."
"And what I never am that woman again for you?" she asked. "Coop, I'm scared you're gonna get tired of waitin' for me and just decide this engagement isn't gonna work out. Or that I'm not worth marryin' anymore," closing her eyes. "I'm afraid that someday you'll feel like I'm not worth lovin' anymore and you're gonna pack up and leave."
You're my peace of mind
In this crazy world
You're everything I've tried to find
Your love is a pearl
Cooper's chest tightened, his heart aching at hearing the vulnerability in his fiancée's voice. He took Charlotte's hands and pressed his lips to them. "Charlotte King. I want you to listen to me," he said, looking straight into her eyes. "I will never leave you. I love you, I have always loved you and I will always love you."
"But I'm damaged goods," Charlotte looked away.
You're my Mona Lisa, you're my rainbow skies
And my only prayer is that you realize
You'll always be beautiful in my eyes
"Sweetie, don't do this to yourself," Cooper lifted the blonde's chin, looking into her tired eyes.
"Don't do what?" Charlotte asked, her tear-filled eyes staring back at Cooper. "Don't think about what this is doing to me? To you? Don't wonder if I'll ever be able to make love to you without thinking about what that bastard did to me?" She sighed and leaned back against the couch, defeated. "Don't worry that I'll never be able to give myself to you completely? The way you deserve?"
"You're letting him control you. Your feelings, your fears. What he did to you isn't your fault," he reassured, wiping her cheeks with his thumbs. "Look at me. I understand if you're still scared. I do, I really do. But you have to know that nothing and I mean nothing is ever going to change my love for you. You are mine forever."
The world will turn
And the seasons will change
And all the lessons we will learn
Will be beautiful and strange
Charlotte smiles a little, relieved to hear those words come out of his mouth. "Even if I'm damaged goods?"
"Sweetie, haven't you realized by now? We're all damaged," Cooper cups Charlotte's cheek and smiled back at her.
We'll have our fill of tears, our share of sighs
My only prayer is that you realize
You'll always be beautiful in my eyes
Charlotte's smile grew through her tear filled eyes. "What did I ever do to deserve you?"
You will always be - beautiful in my eyes
And the passing years will show
That you will always grow ever more beautiful in my eyes.
"You didn't do anything, All you did, all you have to do is love me," Cooper brushed away stray wisps of blonde hair away from Charlotte's face. "There's nothing you could ever do or say to make me stop loving you."
"Even if it's gonna take a lil' while longer for us to be intimate again?" she asked, but already knew the answer.
Cooper moved off the table and onto the couch, where Charlotte moved right into his arms. "However long it takes. I'll wait."
Charlotte rests her head on his chest, taking a deep breath and closing her eyes. "I love you. I'm sorry if…"
"Shhh…" Cooper rubbed her arm, letting her nestle in his gentle embrace. "You don't have to explain. I understand."
"Thank you."
"We're going to get through this, Charlotte. Just like everything else, we'll get each other through. I promise."
Charlotte sighed softly, wrapping her arms around him. It was the first time she finally felt comfortable being pressed up against him. "Coop?" she yawned.
"Yeah, Sweetie?"
"Think we can stay here like this all night? Just you holdin' me?" she asked, her eyes closing and voice drifting as she spoke. "I've missed this. And I kinda like being around all the candlelight."
"As long as you're okay with this, me holding you like this," he replied.
"Yeah… I am," she nestled closer, taking his hands and pulling his arms tighter around her body. "Just like this."
Cooper smiled, kissing the top of Charlotte's head. "Good night, Sweetie."
"Night' Coop…"
They remained that way for the duration of the night, Cooper holding Charlotte in his arms. Not wanting to close his eyes just yet, he simply laid there, watching her sleep and relishing in the peacefulness of the moment and most of all, reveling in the fact that he was able to ease Charlotte's fear.
And when the time came for sleep to overtake him, he pressed a kiss to her cheek once more and whispered into her ear before closing his eyes.
"No matter what Charlotte, I love you, and just know you'll always be beautiful in my eyes."
~fin