She gazes down at her patient. She's proud. She thinks maybe it's him that's kept her so alive. Here is a individual as weird and imperfect as she, and yet he overcomes every day. He has friends and can find happiness in life.
She admires Rodney, but she knows he doesn't really love her. Maybe he thinks so, maybe she wants to think so, but love is never that simple. Rodney doesn't love her.
Not in that way anyway. She watches the tapes in sequence over and over. He loves her on Day 6, when all his layers are still intact. But that degrades. The layers peel away like wet paper curling at the corners. His love for her was on top, and she doesn't doubt it. But time passes and soon she's just a pretty face and he's asking about his team, and his ancient city, and his little sister.
And then they aren't his team- just people he knows and loves but he can't remember why. It's not his city- it's his home, and it's not his sister, but his family. Whoever Elizabeth is, he says one day, he has no idea, but he knows she's not coming back and he misses her.
And then he starts to scream- Day 13. He's peeling so fast now. He calls for Teyla and Ronon Dex and John . He needs them- he's gotten used to them being there and now they aren't.
In reality, they're upstairs looking at the monitors, trying not to cry. She is angry only for a little while- why can't they just suck it up and see him? He deserves it!
But then she thinks… why isn't she acting like them? Sure she hasn't given up- perhaps that's part of it, but maybe- and this hurts to even consider- but maybe he doesn't run as deep in her layers either. Maybe if she had that thing in her brain, she would confess a desperate feeling to him on Day 6, but then have no recollection of him by Day 10. She knows it's true the second she thinks it. They haven't had time to sink into each other. That's ok.
But they certainly don't have time now.
It's Day 15 and Rodney has all but withered away to his core. He only knows them if he sees them. There's only one name he thinks to call when he's alone now, and it's not hers. It's his.
His speech is slurred; his mouth cannot quite wrap itself around the 'j', and the soft 'o' sound is drawn out desperately . "John!" "Jaaawwwnnn!"
She knows now, when the intelligence is gone, when the city is gone, when his whole life, is gone, there's one thing he can think to seek out again.
Because he can't really live without it.
His best friend.
But maybe that's only what he is to those outer layers that are long gone now. Maybe if you went deeper, the Colonel was something more. She isn't hurt. She has no right to be. She can deal with this- she has before. Part of her just wants to go through that big old brain, see more of those little bits, delve down and see when she ends and where the hidden things begin.
She wonders when, and how far down, John Sheppard ends. But really, she doesn't have to wonder- she knows; he doesn't.
He may never have known when he was himself, but deep down at the core, Rodney loves John. Wholly and completely.
Her medical knowledge tugs at the back of her mind- Alzheimer's does not work in layers- people forget their spouses all the time, before their children, before the name of the first street they lived on. Then again, Rodney holds onto everything. It will take time for him to hold onto her like he holds onto John Sheppard- hell it may never happen- but the point is that he wants to.
Maybe it's all nonsense- or wishful thinking- she can't decide. It's probably even simpler than that. She admires Rodney. She wonders now what will happen if he…
Well… he keeps her alive; she needs to do the same. Who knows how many, if any, of her layers love him back. She needs him to live- they all do. Wholly and completely.
That's as simple as this mess is going to get.
A/N: I love Stargate Atlantis and I always liked to play around with these two but never really entertained the idea of them being together. The slash with them was cute and enjoyable enough, but I never really wrote it that way. I guess everyone has a moment when they realize the the show actually hints at it, or that if the pairing ever becomes canon, they will cheer. After the Shrine, I sort of had an epiphany. If John and Rodney kiss or something on the show, I'd be a bit surprised at first, but then I would be ecstatic. And then I watched the Shrine with slash goggles. Holy crap. They LOVE each other! And I've gone to the dark side. I can't believe I wrote a (mild slash). Ah well. Had to happen sometime.
Disclaimer: I do not own Stargate Atlantis. This is merely fan fiction.