Title: Fool
Rating: T for language
Pairing: Sort of hinted Raito/L. It never says it though…
Warning: Uh. Well. Yaoi-ish themes, but not really. It might just be me. Maybe Shounen Ai. Or Shounen hate. Oo
Summary: People say that watching someone important to you die is the most traumatic experience one can go though. Raito always did think people were idiots. Drabble.
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"From the deepest desires often come the deadliest hate." Socrates
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It was traumatic, the task force says, telling me to take a day off work.
A week off -or more, as if I can afford to lose appearances at such a critical time. I can't do that –how can I do that? I am to be L, now, aren't I? Isn't that fantastic? Just what you always wanted, my dear friend. Oh, it's really just perfect, you know, that I should take your place after I killed you.
I killed you, L –oh, how I love the ring to those words. Or perhaps I despise it, because the truth is, it was not my hand in which the pen lay that wrote your name. The ink did not stain my fingers, and your blood is not on my hands.
But it is on my mind.
And no, L, it wasn't traumatic, don't make me laugh. It was fairly glorifying, to have L fall at my feet and take his final breaths in my arms. Did you like it, L? Dying with me holding you? Did it make you feel special, L, that I was there for you in your last moment's? What were your last thoughts when you saw my smile? I wasn't hurt, or sad or –and I wasn't taking off the Kira case for anything, even though it was technically solved by the new 'L'.
I will never be L, no matter what computer screen I hide behind. I know that, and you know it too, bastard -wherever you are.
Since there's no Heaven or Hell, I guess you're in for quite a shock when you realize that what I did wasn't wrong. How could it be wrong, if we're both going to the same place? You're just a righteous as I am –or unrighteous. Whichever you prefer.
Preferred.
Because you aren't here anymore, finally I have removed such a nuisance as you from this earth. You're gone, nothing but rotting matter in the ground, rotting like the world was –until I cam along. You tried to get rid of me, you tried to cleanse the world of a God, L, you fool…did you truly thing that would work? All throughout history, God has been the thing that people have clung to the most. Wars have been fought over lesser Gods, L, did you think you could change the world?
Fool.
You are just a man.
And the only emotion I feel besides the satisfied feeling of cleaning another pest up, is probably –
Fury.
I wouldn't let it show, but I hate you more than ever now that you're gone.
You weak little bastard. You pathetic little fool. After all these years of reigning supreme, your down fall was nothing compared to your legacy. You fell three measly feet from a chair because of a heart attack, the most anticlimactic ending a man like you could have. It was disappointing, really –I thought you were better that.
How could a worthy opponent of mine not be better than that?
I guess in the end I overestimated you. I was really looking for more of a challenge. You told me you were going to catch me, L, didn't you? You said I was evil, said you were going to stop me, kill me, and some part of me was almost looking forward to it. Perhaps not in a conventional fashion, but… I wanted to see if it was possible. If I could even be outmatched –it was supposed to be fun. And it was, for a while.
But you were sloppy. You trusted the Shinigami not to kill you. You foolish little bastard, how could you be so damn careless?
I was half expecting Rem to gasp and tell me later that she'd written down your name and you hadn't died, and she couldn't explain it. That would be just like you, L. 'The human whose name is written into this Note shall die.'
You never acted human L. I thought you were better than that.
You were like a great tree deeply rooted in this earth, old and unmovable –but I was the lightning to strike you down and cut you open and show that you were nothing more but hollow wood. Weak and penetrable, just like your precious humanity. You had my hopes up, L, really you did. I thought you were special, but that was just a giant facade. I thought you might have been godly, like me, powerful and great, and trying to kill you, that was almost a test…which you failed.
Because you died, L.
How dare you fucking die?
You are human, in the end, aren't you, L? You're human –were human, so mortal, so fallible, so prone to mistakes, letting your guard down, and despite every good quality you have –had –
You were always human, L. And a human can't stand up against a God, you fool. So very, disgustingly human.
I hate you for it.
Liar.
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"You hate someone whom you really wish to love, but whom you cannot love. Perhaps he himself prevents you." -Sri Chimony
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Very short. I had to write it. Raito's POV for some reason or another…I was possessed by his spirit or something. Er –well. That only works if more than just me think it sounds like him. (laughs nervously) So um…did you get that Light cared about L even though he just basically cussed him out in hatred? Without the quotes, I mean. owo
But um. I rather like it. Scratch that. I love it. I dunno why but I always feel self conscious whenever I love something I've written, as though it's arrogant or something…but anyway. Tell me if the love if justified, mah peeps.
Nilah