The Butt-Ugly Marzoids
a/nHeheh... This is my first fan fic. I personally think its really good, but what do you think about it? Just a reminder, if you havnt seen the IZ episode Battle of the Planets, or an episode of BUM, you may not get some of the jokes.
Disclamer: I don't own any of the IZ characters, they all belong to Jhonen Vasquez, and thank God I own none of the BUM characters, they all belong to some unemployed freak. All I own is the guy with the I EAT STUFF shirt which is based on a drawing of me. Bit of useless trivia for ya.
The title shows up on the screen, and the camera zooms into the Skool. Cut to Ms. Bitters's class.
Ms. Bitters: And that is why, class, that one day all the chairs on Earth will explode, causing our sitting privilages to be doomed.. doomed.. doooooomed...
The rest of the class sighs, as if this is the hundreth time she's gone on a Doom rant.
Ms. Bitters: My next rant will be about... life on other planets.
Zim: Nonsense!! Why must we study this!? We already know that all planets have life, and those planet-life things will soon bow to the Irkens!!! HAHAHAHAHAH!!!
Ms. Bitters, Dib, and the rest of the class look at him strangly.
Ms. Bitters: ...yes. Anyway, life on Mars has already been discovered. And--
Zim: Liar!!!! Mars is no more!! I have sent it flying through space for eternity, on a path of Doom and destrution!!!!!!
More staring.
Dib: See? This is what I'm talking about! Zim is an alien!!
Sara: No he's not, Dib! When will you admit that!? I am sick of your increasing alien accusations!! No more!! I will not take it anymore!!!!!
Sara jumps out the window of the class and runs around outside untill she hits a tree and falls down.
Ms. Bitters: Okay, I am sick of all your insanity-related incedents! No more insanity, or you will all be doomed... doomed... dooooooo--
Zim: Cease the dooming! I'm not finished with you, old stink beast woman! Mars and all its filthy inhabitants are dead! Full of death and death by- products!!!
Zita: Ms. Bitters? I think Zim's gone crazy again.
Zim: Crazy I not be!
Zita: We need another crazy card!
Zim: I'm not crazy, dammit!
Zita: You are crazy if you think you can say "dammit" on Nickelodeon! Why is your gigantic head full of such insane thoughts?
Melvin: Wait a minute! Dib's the one with the gigantic head!
Dib: My head is not big!!
Ms. Bitters: All of your heads are disturbingly huge! Now, I want you all to sit there and listen to me say "Doom" over and over for no apparent reason! Doom... doom.. doom....
They all sit in there desks listening. But Zim starts talking to himself.
Zim: Can there really be life on Mars still alive? Nonsense! Mars isnt even in this solar system anymore! But.. some could have escaped and come to Earth.... But they were all dead... Wait.. maybe the entire race had escaped and lived out in spaceship things and are now plotting to destroy the Earth and stuff! I must go back to the lab to scan for any extra- terrestrial life on Earth!
Zim turns around to see that everyone had been listening to him. Ms. Bitters is still saying "Doom" over and over.
Zim: Ummm... bye.
Zim gets up and walks out of the room. Ms. Bitters continues ranting.
Dib: See!? He's an alien!
Sara jumps back in through the window.
Sara: No he's not!
She jumps back out. Cut to Zim's base. Here we see Zim out of disguise, sitting at his computer looking bored. He is scanning Earth for extra- terrestrial life.
Zim:...filthy human........filthy human........filthy human.......Ahh! An Irken!! No wait.. that's me......filthy human..... filthy human..... filthy human........filthy human.....filthy human....What the!?
Zoom into the screen Zim is looking at. The scan showes three aliens close up.
Zim: Ooh, they're ugly!
They are blue and have seperate clothing colors. One ie blue, one is yellow, and another is red.
Zim: Computer! Bring up the scan biographies!
A bunch of words start appearing on the screen. The computer starts reading them aloud.
Computer: Biological information: Home planet: Mars.
Zim: Ahh!
Computer: Don't interrupt me! Mission on Earth: to destroy. Mission evaluation: ...0% complete.
Zim: What!? Why would a conquring alien race not be fullfilling their duties?
Computer: Shut up! I am still not finished! Current location: Crossbetweendeathvallyandafghanistan. Reason for incompetince: They have taken a liking to Earth. They enjoy Earth food and dancing.
Zim: Liking? How can they like this horrid ball of tectonic plates?
Computer: Shut the hell up!! Oh wait.. I'm done.. Okay, never mind.
The computer screen goes blank. Zim turns around in his chair and starts thinking.
Zim: So.. this probably isn't any of my business.. which it's not... But I must teach those lazy Marzoids a lesson! When a planet calls for them to destroy things..... they must destroy things!!!!!!!
Zim gets out of his chair and walks over to the elevator. He rides it up to the main floor. When he gets there, he sees Gir, in dog disguise, walking around the kitchen making tacos with The Scary Monkey Show playing in the living room.
Zim: Gir! Come with me to the Voot Runner! We must go destroy some Marzoids!
Gir: Ohhh... But master! If I go, who will make the tacos!? I must make tacos!!
Zim: You can make tacos later Gir! ...Gir?
Zim walks into the next room to see Gir watching The Scary Monkey Show. The scary monkey growls.
Zim: Gir! Come on!
Gir: Bacon!
Zim: Uhh.... yes. Come Gir! We must destroy the Marzoids!
Gir: Why?
Zim: Because... uh.. they like to dance. Instead of destroy.
Gir: Who doesn't!?
Suddenly, the lights dim and colored lights fill the room. Everybody Dance Now starts playing and Gir starts dancing. He does a little spin thing and does a split. Suddenly, the music stops.
Gir: Ow! My crotch! Ceiling fans!
Zim: ...Okay, I've had enough of your crap, Gir! Get in the Voot Runner now!
Gir: I like pigs!
Gir jumps out of his dog disguise and lands on the floor. He turns back to his dog disguise which is laying on the floor.
Gir: Now, you watch over the tacos while I'm gone, 'K?
The dog disguise lays there. Gir jumps into the Voot Runner where Zim is sitting. The window on the Voot Runner closes and the ship flys out through the roof, which isn't open.
Zim: Okay... gotta fix that when I come back... Now! Time for some Doom!!
Zim laughs evilly as dramatic music plays in the background. Cut to Crossbeweendeathvalleyandafghanistan. The 3 aliens, B-Bop, 2-T, and Do-Wah are standing with 3 Earth kids: Mikey, Cedric, and Angela. They are all dancing. Suddenly, 2-T stops.
2-T: I feel danger coming this way! I feel it in my forboding-sense thingy!
Mikey: You don't have a forboding-sense thingy.
2-T: Oh. Yeah.
Do-Wah: Come on! Let's dance around like idiots for no reason!
B-Bop: That would be because we are idiots, Do-Wah!
B-Bop grabs onto Do-Wah.
B-Bop: I mean, look at our names! Look at our names!!
Do-Wah: Hey, I'm trying to eat here! Stop hassling me!
B-Bop: Not untill you look at our names!
Cedric: Hey, stop guys!
Angela: Yeah! I mean, everyone knows we suck, and we have no fans in America whatsoever, so lets just dance like the crazy retards we are!
And they do. Suddenly, Zim's Voot Runner/Cruiser, whatever you want to call it, flies above them. It fires giant energy balls at them which miss. Zim turns the loud speaker on.
Zim: Hahahahahah!! Take that you butt-ugly Marzoids!!
Zim laughs some more. His Voot Runner then crashes into a canyon wall. It falls to the ground and Zim and Gir pop out.
Zim: Uh... Okay.
2-T: Who are you!?
Zim: Everything that you are scared of!!
Mikey: AHHHH!!! You're a circus clown!!!
Zim: ......no.
Zim gets up on his spider legs and glares at them. Cut to Dib's house. In the living room, Dib and Gaz are fighting for the remote for the TV. Gaz does a spinning-karate thing and knocks Dib on the ground. She walks over and turns the TV on to a show where a cow was sitting in a wheat field.
Dib: Gaz, didn't you already see this? Isn't this the one where the bats eat a cow? I need to see Mysterious Mysteries!
Gaz: I need to see it again!! It's so funny. DO NOT DEPRIVE ME MY COW- EATING BAT PLEASURES!!!
Gaz's eye starts twitching and she turns back around to the TV. The bats are diving down on the cow when the screen goes blank and a news reporter appears.
TV Announcer Guy: We interrupt whatever show you are watching to bring you... news stuff.
Gaz: Nooooooooooooooooooo!!!!! Damn you, TV Announcer Guy, damn you!!!
TVAG: There seems to be some sort of alien warfare going on in Crossbetweendeathvalleyandafghanistan.
Dib: Alien warfare!? Crossbetweendeathvalleyandafghanistan!? Where is that!?
Gaz: Crossbetweendeathvalleyandafghanistan. You know, it's that place that that looks like a cross between Death Valley and Afghanistan.
Dib: Figures.
The TV screen shows Zim up on his spider legs fighting the three Martians. A crowd of people has already gathered. Professer Membrane walks into the living room. He looks at the TV.
Membrane: Wha!? Aliens! This is some sort of scientific thing! We must be there to record stuff! Come, kids!
So Membrane, Dib, and Gaz get in a car and drive away Crossbetweendeathvalleyandafghanistan. Cut to some secret cave thingy where alien hunter Stoat Muldoon is watching the TV.
Muldoon: Those are the 3 aliens I've been tracking! Plus some new one! This must be the lucky day for Stoat Muldoon, Alien Hunter Extraordinarre!
Muldoon makes a dramatic pose and keeps it for about 15 seconds.
Muldoon: Thats enough! To my extraodinarily badly animated vehicle!
Muldoon gets in his extraodinarily badly animated car and drives off. Cut to the battleground. Zim is cutting the Martians while they try to fight back with lasers. Dog, the Martian's robot, is fighting Gir.
Dog: Bark!
Gir: Bark!
Dog: Bark!
Gir: Meow!
Dog: Meow?
Dog stops. He wonders why Gir said "Meow". He wonders why Gir said "Bark" in the first place. He wonders why humans must wear pants. He wonders so much that his head explodes. Gir looks at the robot wreckage. He then does a little victory dance thingy. We suddenly see Dib's car driving up. At the same time, we see Muldoon's extraordinarily badly animated vehicle drive up. They all get out at the same time.
Muldoon: I am Stoat Muldoon, Alien Hunter Guy!
He looks around to notice that no one gives a damn about what he is. He looks sad. Membrane walks up to him.
Membrane: How dare you make a mockary of things! You think you can hunt aliens? Ha! Only science will prevail, with their superior theories! Except for the big bang and evolution. I don't know what us scientists were high on when we thought those up.
Muldoon: You think you scientists can do things!? Only alien hunters will win!
So they start fighting for a reason that I have long forgotten. Anyway, we see Dib and Gaz are watching the fight. A guy with glasses and a shirt that says "I EAT STUFF" walks up to Dib.
Guy: So... what's going on?
Dib: The two alien races are fighting each other! I'm hoping the winner is the blue ones, because the green one is a real pain in the ass!
Guy: ..you know the aliens...?
Dib: Well, not the blue ones. Only the green one. His name is Zim. AND I HATE HIM SO!!!!
Guy: Yeah.........
The guy starts slowly stepping away.
Dib: Sure, I'm getting the cold shoulder from a kid who's shirt says "I EAT STUFF".
Guy: Do not mock the shirt!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dib flinches. He looks at the guy who is looking strangly at Dib.
Guy: No mocky..... no....
Dib gives him an odd look and turns back to look at Zim. Zim has given them quite a fight. The Martians are all tired out.
B-Bop: Well team.. I think you know what to do now!
The ohter 2 nodded.
Zim: What is this? Some sort of primative way of defending yourself?
Butt-Ugly Martians: BKM!
Suddenly they start growing armor everywhere. They say stuff, but I can't quite remember what it is. They all have on armor with their color on it covering all of their bodies.
Butt-Ugly Martians: Let's get ugly!
Zim: "Let's get ugly"? What kinda catchphrase is that?
2-T: Uhh... the best catchphrase ever!
Zim: Well, here's a better one! Let's get...... doom.... something! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!
Zim laughs evilly and runs into his Voot Runner. It flies shakely, because it had crashed into the cliff before. They fly at each other, glaring at each other.
To Be Continued....
What will happen!? Only I know... please review!
a/nHeheh... This is my first fan fic. I personally think its really good, but what do you think about it? Just a reminder, if you havnt seen the IZ episode Battle of the Planets, or an episode of BUM, you may not get some of the jokes.
Disclamer: I don't own any of the IZ characters, they all belong to Jhonen Vasquez, and thank God I own none of the BUM characters, they all belong to some unemployed freak. All I own is the guy with the I EAT STUFF shirt which is based on a drawing of me. Bit of useless trivia for ya.
The title shows up on the screen, and the camera zooms into the Skool. Cut to Ms. Bitters's class.
Ms. Bitters: And that is why, class, that one day all the chairs on Earth will explode, causing our sitting privilages to be doomed.. doomed.. doooooomed...
The rest of the class sighs, as if this is the hundreth time she's gone on a Doom rant.
Ms. Bitters: My next rant will be about... life on other planets.
Zim: Nonsense!! Why must we study this!? We already know that all planets have life, and those planet-life things will soon bow to the Irkens!!! HAHAHAHAHAH!!!
Ms. Bitters, Dib, and the rest of the class look at him strangly.
Ms. Bitters: ...yes. Anyway, life on Mars has already been discovered. And--
Zim: Liar!!!! Mars is no more!! I have sent it flying through space for eternity, on a path of Doom and destrution!!!!!!
More staring.
Dib: See? This is what I'm talking about! Zim is an alien!!
Sara: No he's not, Dib! When will you admit that!? I am sick of your increasing alien accusations!! No more!! I will not take it anymore!!!!!
Sara jumps out the window of the class and runs around outside untill she hits a tree and falls down.
Ms. Bitters: Okay, I am sick of all your insanity-related incedents! No more insanity, or you will all be doomed... doomed... dooooooo--
Zim: Cease the dooming! I'm not finished with you, old stink beast woman! Mars and all its filthy inhabitants are dead! Full of death and death by- products!!!
Zita: Ms. Bitters? I think Zim's gone crazy again.
Zim: Crazy I not be!
Zita: We need another crazy card!
Zim: I'm not crazy, dammit!
Zita: You are crazy if you think you can say "dammit" on Nickelodeon! Why is your gigantic head full of such insane thoughts?
Melvin: Wait a minute! Dib's the one with the gigantic head!
Dib: My head is not big!!
Ms. Bitters: All of your heads are disturbingly huge! Now, I want you all to sit there and listen to me say "Doom" over and over for no apparent reason! Doom... doom.. doom....
They all sit in there desks listening. But Zim starts talking to himself.
Zim: Can there really be life on Mars still alive? Nonsense! Mars isnt even in this solar system anymore! But.. some could have escaped and come to Earth.... But they were all dead... Wait.. maybe the entire race had escaped and lived out in spaceship things and are now plotting to destroy the Earth and stuff! I must go back to the lab to scan for any extra- terrestrial life on Earth!
Zim turns around to see that everyone had been listening to him. Ms. Bitters is still saying "Doom" over and over.
Zim: Ummm... bye.
Zim gets up and walks out of the room. Ms. Bitters continues ranting.
Dib: See!? He's an alien!
Sara jumps back in through the window.
Sara: No he's not!
She jumps back out. Cut to Zim's base. Here we see Zim out of disguise, sitting at his computer looking bored. He is scanning Earth for extra- terrestrial life.
Zim:...filthy human........filthy human........filthy human.......Ahh! An Irken!! No wait.. that's me......filthy human..... filthy human..... filthy human........filthy human.....filthy human....What the!?
Zoom into the screen Zim is looking at. The scan showes three aliens close up.
Zim: Ooh, they're ugly!
They are blue and have seperate clothing colors. One ie blue, one is yellow, and another is red.
Zim: Computer! Bring up the scan biographies!
A bunch of words start appearing on the screen. The computer starts reading them aloud.
Computer: Biological information: Home planet: Mars.
Zim: Ahh!
Computer: Don't interrupt me! Mission on Earth: to destroy. Mission evaluation: ...0% complete.
Zim: What!? Why would a conquring alien race not be fullfilling their duties?
Computer: Shut up! I am still not finished! Current location: Crossbetweendeathvallyandafghanistan. Reason for incompetince: They have taken a liking to Earth. They enjoy Earth food and dancing.
Zim: Liking? How can they like this horrid ball of tectonic plates?
Computer: Shut the hell up!! Oh wait.. I'm done.. Okay, never mind.
The computer screen goes blank. Zim turns around in his chair and starts thinking.
Zim: So.. this probably isn't any of my business.. which it's not... But I must teach those lazy Marzoids a lesson! When a planet calls for them to destroy things..... they must destroy things!!!!!!!
Zim gets out of his chair and walks over to the elevator. He rides it up to the main floor. When he gets there, he sees Gir, in dog disguise, walking around the kitchen making tacos with The Scary Monkey Show playing in the living room.
Zim: Gir! Come with me to the Voot Runner! We must go destroy some Marzoids!
Gir: Ohhh... But master! If I go, who will make the tacos!? I must make tacos!!
Zim: You can make tacos later Gir! ...Gir?
Zim walks into the next room to see Gir watching The Scary Monkey Show. The scary monkey growls.
Zim: Gir! Come on!
Gir: Bacon!
Zim: Uhh.... yes. Come Gir! We must destroy the Marzoids!
Gir: Why?
Zim: Because... uh.. they like to dance. Instead of destroy.
Gir: Who doesn't!?
Suddenly, the lights dim and colored lights fill the room. Everybody Dance Now starts playing and Gir starts dancing. He does a little spin thing and does a split. Suddenly, the music stops.
Gir: Ow! My crotch! Ceiling fans!
Zim: ...Okay, I've had enough of your crap, Gir! Get in the Voot Runner now!
Gir: I like pigs!
Gir jumps out of his dog disguise and lands on the floor. He turns back to his dog disguise which is laying on the floor.
Gir: Now, you watch over the tacos while I'm gone, 'K?
The dog disguise lays there. Gir jumps into the Voot Runner where Zim is sitting. The window on the Voot Runner closes and the ship flys out through the roof, which isn't open.
Zim: Okay... gotta fix that when I come back... Now! Time for some Doom!!
Zim laughs evilly as dramatic music plays in the background. Cut to Crossbeweendeathvalleyandafghanistan. The 3 aliens, B-Bop, 2-T, and Do-Wah are standing with 3 Earth kids: Mikey, Cedric, and Angela. They are all dancing. Suddenly, 2-T stops.
2-T: I feel danger coming this way! I feel it in my forboding-sense thingy!
Mikey: You don't have a forboding-sense thingy.
2-T: Oh. Yeah.
Do-Wah: Come on! Let's dance around like idiots for no reason!
B-Bop: That would be because we are idiots, Do-Wah!
B-Bop grabs onto Do-Wah.
B-Bop: I mean, look at our names! Look at our names!!
Do-Wah: Hey, I'm trying to eat here! Stop hassling me!
B-Bop: Not untill you look at our names!
Cedric: Hey, stop guys!
Angela: Yeah! I mean, everyone knows we suck, and we have no fans in America whatsoever, so lets just dance like the crazy retards we are!
And they do. Suddenly, Zim's Voot Runner/Cruiser, whatever you want to call it, flies above them. It fires giant energy balls at them which miss. Zim turns the loud speaker on.
Zim: Hahahahahah!! Take that you butt-ugly Marzoids!!
Zim laughs some more. His Voot Runner then crashes into a canyon wall. It falls to the ground and Zim and Gir pop out.
Zim: Uh... Okay.
2-T: Who are you!?
Zim: Everything that you are scared of!!
Mikey: AHHHH!!! You're a circus clown!!!
Zim: ......no.
Zim gets up on his spider legs and glares at them. Cut to Dib's house. In the living room, Dib and Gaz are fighting for the remote for the TV. Gaz does a spinning-karate thing and knocks Dib on the ground. She walks over and turns the TV on to a show where a cow was sitting in a wheat field.
Dib: Gaz, didn't you already see this? Isn't this the one where the bats eat a cow? I need to see Mysterious Mysteries!
Gaz: I need to see it again!! It's so funny. DO NOT DEPRIVE ME MY COW- EATING BAT PLEASURES!!!
Gaz's eye starts twitching and she turns back around to the TV. The bats are diving down on the cow when the screen goes blank and a news reporter appears.
TV Announcer Guy: We interrupt whatever show you are watching to bring you... news stuff.
Gaz: Nooooooooooooooooooo!!!!! Damn you, TV Announcer Guy, damn you!!!
TVAG: There seems to be some sort of alien warfare going on in Crossbetweendeathvalleyandafghanistan.
Dib: Alien warfare!? Crossbetweendeathvalleyandafghanistan!? Where is that!?
Gaz: Crossbetweendeathvalleyandafghanistan. You know, it's that place that that looks like a cross between Death Valley and Afghanistan.
Dib: Figures.
The TV screen shows Zim up on his spider legs fighting the three Martians. A crowd of people has already gathered. Professer Membrane walks into the living room. He looks at the TV.
Membrane: Wha!? Aliens! This is some sort of scientific thing! We must be there to record stuff! Come, kids!
So Membrane, Dib, and Gaz get in a car and drive away Crossbetweendeathvalleyandafghanistan. Cut to some secret cave thingy where alien hunter Stoat Muldoon is watching the TV.
Muldoon: Those are the 3 aliens I've been tracking! Plus some new one! This must be the lucky day for Stoat Muldoon, Alien Hunter Extraordinarre!
Muldoon makes a dramatic pose and keeps it for about 15 seconds.
Muldoon: Thats enough! To my extraodinarily badly animated vehicle!
Muldoon gets in his extraodinarily badly animated car and drives off. Cut to the battleground. Zim is cutting the Martians while they try to fight back with lasers. Dog, the Martian's robot, is fighting Gir.
Dog: Bark!
Gir: Bark!
Dog: Bark!
Gir: Meow!
Dog: Meow?
Dog stops. He wonders why Gir said "Meow". He wonders why Gir said "Bark" in the first place. He wonders why humans must wear pants. He wonders so much that his head explodes. Gir looks at the robot wreckage. He then does a little victory dance thingy. We suddenly see Dib's car driving up. At the same time, we see Muldoon's extraordinarily badly animated vehicle drive up. They all get out at the same time.
Muldoon: I am Stoat Muldoon, Alien Hunter Guy!
He looks around to notice that no one gives a damn about what he is. He looks sad. Membrane walks up to him.
Membrane: How dare you make a mockary of things! You think you can hunt aliens? Ha! Only science will prevail, with their superior theories! Except for the big bang and evolution. I don't know what us scientists were high on when we thought those up.
Muldoon: You think you scientists can do things!? Only alien hunters will win!
So they start fighting for a reason that I have long forgotten. Anyway, we see Dib and Gaz are watching the fight. A guy with glasses and a shirt that says "I EAT STUFF" walks up to Dib.
Guy: So... what's going on?
Dib: The two alien races are fighting each other! I'm hoping the winner is the blue ones, because the green one is a real pain in the ass!
Guy: ..you know the aliens...?
Dib: Well, not the blue ones. Only the green one. His name is Zim. AND I HATE HIM SO!!!!
Guy: Yeah.........
The guy starts slowly stepping away.
Dib: Sure, I'm getting the cold shoulder from a kid who's shirt says "I EAT STUFF".
Guy: Do not mock the shirt!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dib flinches. He looks at the guy who is looking strangly at Dib.
Guy: No mocky..... no....
Dib gives him an odd look and turns back to look at Zim. Zim has given them quite a fight. The Martians are all tired out.
B-Bop: Well team.. I think you know what to do now!
The ohter 2 nodded.
Zim: What is this? Some sort of primative way of defending yourself?
Butt-Ugly Martians: BKM!
Suddenly they start growing armor everywhere. They say stuff, but I can't quite remember what it is. They all have on armor with their color on it covering all of their bodies.
Butt-Ugly Martians: Let's get ugly!
Zim: "Let's get ugly"? What kinda catchphrase is that?
2-T: Uhh... the best catchphrase ever!
Zim: Well, here's a better one! Let's get...... doom.... something! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!
Zim laughs evilly and runs into his Voot Runner. It flies shakely, because it had crashed into the cliff before. They fly at each other, glaring at each other.
To Be Continued....
What will happen!? Only I know... please review!