With All That I Am

By: Hitokiri Musei

Rated: T

Summary: Kaoru's worst fear is that of losing Kenshin, the only man that she loves. What would she do if it truly happened? One-shot.

Warning and Disclaimer: Keep in mind; I have not seen/read the episodes/manga for the Shishio part. I don't know what happened here, this is just an interpretation I have. I don't own Rurouni Kenshin. Enjoy and please review!

Something was wrong. Kaoru knew it as she waited in the growing dark. She twisted her hands nervously, chewing on her lower lip. Megumi, standing beside her, was quiet, but Kaoru could tell that she was just as nervous as she was. Kenshin and Sano were still gone, and they were getting later and later. Time was passing, and there was still no sign of the man that she loved.

Her hand dropped to fist in her blue hakama, her other traveling up to play with the lingering end of her ebony colored ponytail. She had a habit of playing with her hair when she was nervous, and she twisted it around her fingers.

Megumi sighed, putting a hand on her shoulder. "It'll be alright Kaoru. Kenshin and Sano can take care of themselves. They'll be alright."

She sighed. "I know… I just can't help being worried…" She sucked her bottom lips into her mouth again, chewing on it worriedly. "They were supposed to be back long ago…"

Megumi looked ahead of them again. "We don't know that. They weren't sure what time they were going to back Kaoru, they were in a battle."

She closed her eyes, looking down fighting back tears of fear. "I know…"

It wasn't until she heard Megumi's cry of horror that she looked up again. The previously held in tears began to flow when she saw Sano staggering towards her, a tiny, limp figure in his arms. "KENSHIN!" she screamed, lunging forward.

Sano made it to her, and then sank to his knees, exhausted. "Jou-chan…"

She looked up into the ex-street-fighter's face, searching for the truth she wasn't sure she wanted to see. "Sano…"

He set Kenshin's motionless body down, and then fell heavily into a sitting position, too tired to remain upright. Kenshin didn't move, and Kaoru reached for him hesitantly. She brushed her fingers over his cheek, sweeping the crimson bangs away from his face. "Oh Kenshin… Oh Kami-sama, iie…"

Kenshin's face was as pale as snow, stained with blood and dried sweat. His gi was gone, shredded and hanging from the top of his stained hakama. She ran her eyes over his bruised and damaged chest and stomach, nearly crying when she saw the stab wound in his side. The blood was still flowing sluggishly from the injury, beginning to soak the dirt.

Megumi was beside her in an instant, placing a gentle hand on his pulse point. "Oh Kami, we have to get him back home!" She lifted his left arm, draping it over his shoulder and trying to stand and haul his limp body up with him. "Help me Kaoru, or he may not make it!"

Those words snapped Kaoru out of her horrified daze, and she lifted Kenshin's right arm and repeated Megumi's actions. Together to the women got his thin body up and off the ground, and then they were able to get to the dojo. Sano stood shakily and followed them, stumbling slightly.

Once they were within the dojo Megumi and Kaoru lay Kenshin on a futon, and Megumi shot into action. Kaoru helped Sano to a position where he leaned against the wall. Megumi instantly began to deal with Kenshin's numerous injuries, cleaning, stitching, and bandaging wounds.

Kaoru watched with a numb body, barely able to realize what was happening right before her eyes. Kenshin was seriously injured, and close to death. Maybe already dying…

Megumi worked for hours, and Sano eventually fell into a sleep, or maybe unconsciousness, Kaoru wouldn't know. When the lady doctor finally moved back from Kenshin it was morning, and Kaoru was struggling to keep awake.

Megumi shook Kaoru as she left the room, sadness on her face. "Kaoru, you can go in now if you want. But I don't know if he'll respond to you. I've got to go take care of Sano now. Keep the cloth on Ken-san's forehead cool, and call me if anything seems wrong."

Kaoru nodded, standing and going into the room. Kenshin's bandaged form lay still in the middle of the room, like nothing but a ghost of the former rurouni. Kaoru knelt beside him, tears filling her eyes as she saw his deathly pale features and flushed cheeks. There was a cold wet cloth on his forehead, and Kaoru knew that some of his injuries must have been infected.

She lifted the cloth, surprised to find it already warm. She touched his forehead and gasped in fear, instantly rewetting the cloth and replacing it on Kenshin's skin. He didn't react at all, and this worried Kaoru more. His fever was high, higher than any fever Kaoru had ever had to deal with, and it was seriously frightening.

She barely noticed the warm tears running down her cheeks as she sat and watched the rurouni struggle for each breath. She picked up one of his hands; he was uncovered by any blanket, and squeezed it gently. There was no reaction in his fingers, and she ran her fingers comfortingly over the back of his hand. She had nothing else to do while she watched him, and touching him made her feel a little better.

After a little while she switched the cloth again, brushing her fingers across Kenshin's cheek on the way back. His skin was so warm, sweat trailing down his face and neck. She couldn't hold in the sob. "Oh Kenshin…"

There was no response again, and Kaoru buried her face in her hands, crying for a moment. She was startled out of her sobbing by the feeling of hand on her knee. She looked down into fever-glazed violet eyes, filled with pain. "K-kaoru-do-no…"

His voice was halting, so quiet she could hardly hear him. It was full of pain and suffering, and it was obvious to her that he was doing everything he could to keep speaking to her. "Kenshin!" she gasped.

"Kaoru…" he breathed, and Kaoru was shocked at the lack of the honorific that Kenshin had always attached to her name. "I-I'm s-sorry…"

She put a hand on his cheek. "Don't be sorry Kenshin, you don't need to be! There's no reason at all for it!"

But Kenshin was already drifting again, his eyes fluttering closed again. His brief moment of awareness had been dashed beneath fever and pain, and Kaoru's hope died. She had hoped that he would be alright because of that, but maybe she was wrong. Kenshin's face was growing paler, and his breathing was getting shallower.

"Kenshin…" she whispered. "Kenshin, wake up… Please…"

This time Kenshin didn't move. He had sunk fully back into his deep sleep, leaving her alone again. She sniffled, replacing the cloth on his forehead with shaky hands. The water was refreshing on her fingers, and she steeled herself, stopping her tears and gaining hope again.

"You'll be okay Kenshin…" she murmured. "I know you'll make it through…" She smiled slightly. "You'll make it… Because I'm here…And I love you…"

She blushed slightly at her own brave declaration, even though she knew Kenshin couldn't hear her. She settled herself down to keep watch over her redhead.

Kaoru woke with a start, looking around her in confusion. She rubbed her eyes slightly, blinking away sleep. 'I dozed off…' she thought dazedly, and then she gasped. 'Oh no, Kenshin!'

She looked down into his peaceful face, still pale and still. But something was different. The flush to his cheek was gone, and his face was no longer tight with pain and suffering. Was he alright now?

Kaoru reached down tentatively, pulling back the cloth and feeling his forehead. What she felt frightened her.

Kenshin's skin was alarmingly cool; there was no more heat at all. Kaoru's fear began to grow, and she studied his body. It was then she realized the problem with the picture in front of her.

Kenshin's chest wasn't rising and falling with his steady breath. It wasn't even uneven. There was no movement at all. Kaoru put her hand on his pulse point, but there was no steady beat.

She screamed.

Megumi came running in from where she was tending to Sano to find Kaoru pressing herself against Kenshin's still body, sobs wrenching from her throat. The woman doctor ran forward, touching her shoulder. "Kaoru! Kaoru what's wrong?"

"It's my fault! I didn't watch him! It's my fault!" she sobbed, clenching her hands into fists and pounding the floor on the other side of Kenshin's body.

Megumi pulled her off, checking Kenshin and then realizing what was wrong. Kenshin had died sometime during the day, and Kaoru thought that it was her fault because she had drifted off. The woman had to hold back her tears as she pulled a blanket up and over Kenshin's face, marking him as one of the deceased.

She turned to Kaoru, pulling the sobbing girl into her arms. "Kaoru, it's not your fault. Ken-san was close to death, it's not your fault. He just…slipped away."

Kaoru sobbed into her shoulder, shaking her head. "If I had been watching him then you might have been able to save him! He might have lived! He might still be here!"

Kaoru awoke to shaking. "Kaoru! Wake up itoshii!"

She opened her eyes to see Kenshin's worried face. She gasped for breath, still shaking off the memory of the dream. "K-Kenshin?"

He breathed a sigh of relief. "Kaoru, finally." He settled back on his side on their futon. "Are you okay itoshii? You were screaming my name and crying."

She snuggled close to his bare chest for comfort and he wrapped his arms around her. "I'm okay anata…I'm just afraid."

She felt his breath in her hair. "What were you dreaming about?"

"When you were injured after the fight with Shishio," she murmured. "I dreamed that you'd died during the day while I was asleep."

In truth Kenshin had lived through Karou's nap, and healed well. Kaoru's fears had always been that he would have died, but thankfully he had kept breathing through the day, slow and shallow.

Kenshin hugged her tighter. "It's okay Kaoru. I would never leave you."

Kaoru buried her nose in a wave of crimson hair that flowed over her husband's shoulder, breathing in his scent of ginger and the wild. "I know anata. But I can't help my fears."

He chuckled slightly. "Hai, I suppose." His lips settled on her hair, resting there. "And I love you for that, that I do itoshii."

Kaoru leaned up, kissing his lips gently. He responded to her eagerly, tilting his head slightly. She snaked her arms around his slender waist, pulling herself closer to his lean, muscular body.

She pulled back and rested her head in the crook of his neck, kissing his throat softly. "Aishiteru my Kenshin."

He squeezed her gently. "Aishiteru mo my koishii. And I will always be here for you."