AN: This is a Post War fic about the moments immediately following the battle at Hogwarts. This is to the tune of Hallelujah by Jeff Buckley.
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
~Bertrand Russell
Hallelujah
I heard there was a secret chord that David played and it pleased the lord, but you don't really care for music, do you. Well it goes like this the fourth, the fifth the minor fall and the major lift the baffled king composing hallelujah.
It wasn't supposed to be like this. Their victory should have been a celebration of fireworks, drinks, laughter and hope. Instead, they all stood as if they were unsure of what just happened. It was as if the smoke had settled and had frozen them in place. Bodies lay scattered across the grounds and the smell of blood lingered in the air. This was not the setting of a celebration. Faces were haunted and vacant as if the horrors they had faced just moments ago were but a vague memory. As if in slow motion, the warriors of Hogwarts retreated toward the castle. There was an eerie silence that lingered amongst the survivors as if talking about the battle will make it real.
Bodies of the dead came in loads. Mother's screamed as their children were carted away; pried from their cold unmoving arms. Lovers groaned in agony as they whispered their last goodbyes onto deaf eyes. This victory had not come without physical sacrifice. The once beautiful Hogwarts now lay in rubble and disarray. It was almost like Hogwarts had lost its beauty after hosting such a gruesome battle. Could they ever walk these halls the same way again. Instead of walls and floors they see grave markers of fallen soldiers.
Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah
It wasn't supposed to be like this.
Well your faith was strong but you needed proof; you saw her bathing on the roof, her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you. She tied you to her kitchen chair, she broke your throne, and she cut your hair, and from your lips she drew the hallelujah
He had to find her. His brother was dead, his mother was suffering a mental crisis, his sister had disappeared with his best friend; but all he could think about was how he needed her. This damn war has taken everything from him but her.
It didn't take him long to know where she was at. Most people would think she would head to the protection of the library. They were wrong. Ron climbed what seemed like a million stairs before reaching the top of the astronomy tower. She always said the higher up she was, the closer she felt to God, and what better time to be closer to God.
Hermione sat on the window sill, her head hidden in her knees. The moonlight reflected of her curly brown locks. It was one of those moments frozen in time, where the world doesn't seem so important. She heard him walk in startling her out of thought.
"Ron. Shouldn't you be with your family right now? They just-" Her thought was never finished as his lips captured her's.
Their first kiss was quick and unsure. This kiss was slow and full of passion. He wanted her to feel his love for her, his suffering from the loss of Fred, and his guilt for being happy they made it alive together all in one kiss.
"Ron! Stop doing this. Please, just leave." She pushed him off her and backed toward the wall. She had kissed him first and now she changed her mind. He couldn't believe this was happening.
"What do you mean stop? This is what you wanted right! Krum, Lavender, the fighting: they were all a show, I get that." He started walking toward her.
"You think I want this? I don't want to feel empty inside anymore. I can't even remember the last time I laughed Ron, and I'm beginning to think it will never happen again."
"You think I don't feel the same way? The only thing I know is that you are the only person to make me feel something." He had her pinned against the stone wall. Her breath was coming in short pants and she let her first few tears spill.
"I know you feel the same way Hermione," he said whipping away the single tear. The tenderness in his voice made her look up.
"Prove it."
He grabbed her mouth and left a long hard kiss on those lips he loved so dearly.
Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah
It wasn't supposed to be like this.
Baby I've been here before. I've seen this room and I've walked this floor. I used to live alone before I knew you. I've seen your flag on the marble arch, but love is not a victory march. It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah.
Coming from a Muggle family, Hogwarts was always like a second home to Angelina. Her life was split into magical and muggle and these days she wonders if she made the right choice choosing magic. What had magic given her but heartache and despair? That wasn't completely true, but when you're in war, peace seems like a fantasy.
She rounded the hall leading to the head tower and had to lean against the wall to keep from collapsing. Memories of sneaking Fred into her common room and the thrill of living in the moment nearly did her in. Fred. It felt like someone had taken a brick to her chest. She had to see for herself. She collected her thoughts and headed toward the great hall. It wouldn't be real until she saw him with her own two eyes.
In school she wasn't particularly talented in anything off the pitch. I guess you could say she was a natural born athlete. She dominated on the pitch and used the status as a shield. No one bothered to break through until Fred joined the team. She always made him tell her again what he saw that day. He said the moment their eyes met his heart started beating to a new rhythm. She told him he was full of it, but really she felt the same thing. She never told him that.
As she turned the corner she remembered the feeling she got when they lowered the Gryffindor flag. She knew this meant her beloved house had suffered a casualty, but it wasn't until she heard the cry of did she register the fact that it could be bad. She knew in her heart that something was wrong, but that meant the unimaginable.
She could see the great hall up ahead. She had to see for herself.
"Angelina, don't go in there," cried Katie Bell. She ignored her and pushed open the doors.
It took her three seconds to find the mass of red heads huddled around a body. She knew in her heart, but she had to see to be sure. Katie ran in after her, pleading with her to leave. Angelina marched toward the grieving family.
The second she saw Fred, she fell to the ground. It was like someone had punched her in the gut and she couldn't breathe. She heard someone scream in heartbreak and realized it was coming from her. The pain she felt could only be rivaled by her lover's twin. His cries blended with hers and they sobbed for the loss of their other half. It was like someone had ripped them in two and left them to bleed out. She remembered how just last week he had ask her to marry him. He was twenty and had his whole life ahead of him. Twenty is too young to die.
Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah
It wasn't supposed to be like this.
There was a time you let me know what's really going on below. But now you never show it to me, do you? And remember when I moved in you. The holy dove was moving too. And every breath we drew was Hallelujah
Unimaginable pain was all she remembered. It was like every inch of air was sucked out of her and life stood still. The sight of his mangled body in Hagrid's arms would haunt her for the rest of her life. That she was sure of. What frightened Ginny the most was the rage that overtook her. No thought was functioning and a fire burned inside her soul. She had a thirst only blood could quench, and she was fighting to kill. The scary part was she knew Harry wasn't dead. No, she would have known if he was dead. This anger was for the people who put fear in her heart and harmed the man she loves. This was terrifying yet empowering.
She had to find Harry. After the smoke settled everyone hurried off to tend to their families. He might not think he had a family, but he was her family. She knew this man better than he knew himself. She knew the second Voldemort 's voice came through and blamed Harry for innocent deaths that he would turn himself in. There was a moment that she felt him leave her, and she turned to her mother and cried. She knew in that second that something was wrong, and she prayed it wasn't the worst.
Dumbledore's tomb was a bit of a hike from Hogwarts which meant no distractions. It was time she put it on the line for this stupid boy who saved her as a girl and then saved her again as a woman. As she rounded the corner she saw him slumped over sitting in the dirt. He hadn't noticed her yet so she had time to take him in.
He looked so tired. It wasn't from lack of sleep, but like the life and joy had been taken from him. He was far too thin and yet he looked so strong. The time on the run showed all over his body and she noticed scars that had never been there before. A small sob got caught in her throat. This startled Harry and he jumped up wand at her throat. She watched his face relax and he silently lowered his guard. She wondered how long they would be like this.
"Gin, go back to your family." He turned and walked back toward the grave.
She grabbed his arm and a pulled him back to her. She locked eyes with his and tried to tell him what he couldn't understand.
"Not without you. I won't do it again Harry. I couldn't go with you last summer, and I get that, but I won't leave without you again. Don't make me do it."
It started to rain and it seemed fitting after what they had been through. Harry looked away from Ginny and looked up to the sky. The words seemed to just fall out of her mouth.
"This is it Harry. You lived. And I'm not sorry! Others died but not you, and you had no say in that. I'm glad it was you who lived. You were on the run, and I heard rumors of all the crazy things that you were up to and I'm sure half of them where fake, but I physically hurt. I spent every second thinking of you. I found myself having fake conversations with you, and when I was being beaten at school I would close my eyes and remember the way it felt when you kissed me after the big game. After first year I promised myself I would never have a reason to need protecting. I made myself brave and strong so that I wouldn't have to rely on anyone and be that weak little girl. I'm scared because I always need you Harry. You have me. I sing in the showers and spend hours doing my hair the way you like. I am that girl, but only for you. And you left me. You went to the forest and gave up on me. You never let me save you."
Harry seemed to be trying to process all that she was saying, and she waited for him to say anything. His emotions danced across his face from confusion to irritation to sadness to admiration. The silence was deafening and the rain continued to pour. It was like the sky was mimicking all of the tears shed from the day. Minutes passed and he said nothing.
"Ok. Maybe I said too much. I sometimes ramble when I keep things bottled up. I should just-"
"I'm not ready to trust anyone. We use to talk about everything, but I don't know how to explain this. I don't know how to do a lot, but I followed your dot. Every night. I would look at the map and follow your name. Sometimes I would trace it with my finger just to feel something that belonged to you. I-…I don't know how. I don't know how to love you, but I do. I love you so much Ginny."
That was all she needed to hear and she closed the distance between them. Their kiss was slow and controlled. They needed the other to feel each other and to memorize every detail of this moment. The rain made their clothes stick to their skin and her hair clung awkwardly to her face. This was not a sexy moment. This moment was about two broken people who needed eachother.
Their clothes came off rapidly, almost as if they burnt them. Everything was hurried and desperate. They lay naked in the rain as the storm beat down harshly. They felt nothing except eachother. It took him seconds to enter her. There was no foreplay or teasing. There would be time for playing and love making later. This was about being together.
Ginny's mind was all over the place and she could barely recognize the pain. She needed him closer and in her. She needed to know he was there. When he finished she felt nothing except calm. He was alive, but suddenly she knew she had wasted their virginity. It seemed oddly fitting that their last shred of innocence be taken so forcefully and feel so unforgiving. Just like everything innocent in their life ruined by war.
Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah
It wasn't supposed to be like this.
Maybe there's a God above, but all I've ever learned from love was how to shoot somebody who outdrew you. And it's not a cry that you hear at night. It's not somebody who has seen the light. It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah.
This wasn't what he was expecting. There had always been talk of a white light that welcomes you, but all he felt was silence. The silence was deafening and there was darkness. Severus knew he was dead. What he didn't know was what would happen next. Subconsciously he began to rub his neck where the snake had bitten him. How fitting that a snake was how he ended up going.
He would wait in this darkness until he felt the light. He deserved that light, or if nothing else he deserved something. His existence on earth was darkness, he needed this light. The surrounding darkness slowly shifted and he found himself in a dimly lit room. It appeared to be an office of some sort. There was no color; just blank walls and two chairs. He would wait here for his light.
The last thing he had seen was her eyes. He knew they belonged to the boy, but they were the eyes he missed. His heart ached as he imagined her in his mind. She was the light on earth and after her death the world turned cold forever. How stupid and childish he was back then. He let her go with Potter. He wasn't the better man. As a child he was cruel and manipulative. Everything Potter touched reeked of arrogance and eventually was destroyed. His mates were nothing but shadows, and Lily was gone. For a long time he could not get past the child. He brushed off Harry as a small detail. Lily was who he needed, and the child could disappear in the shadows with his father. The boy looked just like Potter, down to the smirk. Except. Her eyes.
In Hogwarts he had grown to detest the child because Albus could not see how he was just like Potter. He believed it too, until the night he saw his worst memory. The boy reacted in horror. His eyes became Lily, but so did his whole face and demeanor. He was just like Lily. His heart was full. He failed Lily. He failed the boy. Harry would die as a part of some sick twisted game. Lily's boy.
" You didn't fail Sev"
His head whipped up and saw the woman next to him. She looked just like she had the night he last saw her. She was here. He was frozen in shock.
A slow gentle smile came across her face as she touched his knee. There were tears silently pouring down her face, but she didn't wipe them away.
" You were so brave, Sev. I can't imagine the strength you possessed. No one in the world did what you did. You won" She lifted her hand off his knee and slowly touched his cheek. He closed his eyes and leaned into her.
He would take this. For the first time since her death his empty heart lightened. Here was the light he needed. They stayed like this for a moment before he lifted his head and looked into those eyes.
"You are a good man. I can never thank you for protecting my baby. I saw everything and I was with you, always." Lily's eyes bore into him trying to express her complete gratitude to the man that did what she could not.
Gently, she closed her eyes and leaned into Severus. She kissed him, and his soul slowly began to feel at peace. He pulled away because he knew it was almost time.
"We're leaving aren't we? Where will we go? Will you go with me?" Severus was confused and excited, but Lily just looked a bit sad.
" I don't know Sev. I'm just here to see you off. Your afterlife is of your own choosing."
The room was starting to get fuzzy. This wasn't fair! He had just gotten her back! Why was she leaving?
"Is it Potter? He doesn't want you here, right?" Severus could not believe this was happening even in death. Lily just shook her head and sadly smiled.
" No, Sev. James told me to go to you. He wanted me here. He owes you so much." That couldn't be right.
"Will I see you again?"
The room started to disappear. They were leaving this place soon.
" I think th-"
The room burst into a bright white light and she was gone, but then again so was he.
Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Halleluja…..
Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah…..
Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah