Title: Second Chance
Disclaimer: Nope.
Summary: He's the commander of the opposing army; she's waiting for her fiancé to return from the war. He killed her fiancé, yet she couldn't find it in her to hate him. Everybody deserves a second chance, don't they?
I sat down on my bunk and sighed. I ran my hands through my raven hair, making it messier than ever. I was nervous, but I shouldn't be. I couldn't help being nervous though; tomorrow was the great battle: the battle that would determine the future of my country.
I got up and went up to the drawer, rummaging through it to find something comfortable to sleep in. I was still clad in my uniform and it was definitely not the most comfortable outfit to sleep in. I changed into a plain white t-shirt and black boxers, then sat down on my bunk again.
I took a deep breath, knowing I should rest to ensure my energy for tomorrow. I was their commander; I couldn't be nervous or tired, I needed to be strong for my men for they needed a good example. I massaged my temple; this was stressing me more than I thought. The burden I had to carry was too much: people would blame me if we lost this battle.
My country, Connaughton, had been fighting with the neighboring country, Gagharv, for more than two hundred years. Even now, when there was the presence of the UN, our fights hadn't ceased. The UN had tried to interfere many times, but it was useless, the hatred between people of Connaughton and Gagharv were too much.
In 1949, the brutal war between the two countries ceased and changed into a cold war instead. The cold war lasted for longer than people originally thought, but Gagharv started assaulting us again ten years ago. Eight years ago, my father died in the battlefield, killed by Gagharv's soldier. I was still sixteen at that time, and I had to work to fend for my remaining family member. Seven years ago, I joined the army, with vengeance as my main motive. Six years ago, we lost a battle against Gagharv and they took over my hometown, Vanderhoff. My mother and my sister were killed during their invasion. And now, tomorrow was my chance to wipe out those Gagharv's soldiers. It was my chance for vengeance.
Tomorrow, I would make sure that none of Gagharv's soldiers would make it out alive. I would crush them mercilessly. Nothing would be able to stop me, and whatever the outcome of the battle would be, I would make sure to follow the rest of my family soon.
Someone knocked on the door. "Commander? It's me, Lieutenant Commander Youichi," Youichi said from the other side of the door.
"Come in," I replied. He opened the door and I scrutinized his face, he was fidgeting and he seemed worried. My expression softened immediately and I motioned him to sit on the chair in front of me. He sat down and bowed his head, playing with his hands.
"Commander, I –"
"Youichi, it's just Natsume behind closed door," I reminded him. True, he was my subordinate, but I considered him as my little brother. I found him four years ago, buried in the midst of rubbles. I took care of him and when he recovered from his wounds, he decided to join the military and worked under me as my right hand. I trusted him with my life and I knew I had done the right thing that day by helping him.
"Natsume, I . . . What are our chances of winning tomorrow's battle?" he asked in a whisper. I pinched the bridge of my nose as a method to calm myself down. He knew how small our chances were and yet he was questioning it. Why now, Youichi?
"I presume you already know the answer to your question, Youichi," I answered, trying not to show any emotion at all.
"But why, Commander? They obviously outnumber us! Our battle tomorrow is like a massive suicide for the soldiers. Why?" he asked desperately.
"I don't have the authority to change the command. You know that very well, Youichi, it's not my place. Our troops are just a decoy, the main force will get hold of Gagharv's ruler and kill him. If all is well, then the battle is a sure win," I replied calmly.
"That's it? We're nothing more than a decoy? All these years of training and fighting for the country and now they're sending us to a suicide mission?" Youichi said, raising his voice. I couldn't blame him for getting angry, but I couldn't bring myself to be as angry as him.
"Lieutenant Commander Youichi Hijiri, are you questioning His Highness King Serio's decision?" I asked sternly. He squirmed under my glare and continued to bow his head.
"No, sir. I'm sorry, sir. I am not questioning and will never question His Highness King Serio's decision anymore. I devote my life to serve His Majesty and I shall do my best for tomorrow's battle, sir," he replied. I knew it strained him to say those words. I couldn't blame him; I wasn't entirely fond of the King as well. As far as I knew, he was a cunning jackass.
"You are dismissed. Go back to your room, Lieutenant Commander, we have a big day ahead," I said abruptly, refusing to look him in his eyes. I knew I would see disappointment and hurt there in his eyes. Youichi really looked up at me and I couldn't bear the thought of me disappointing him.
"Yes, sir. Good night, sir," he replied in a whisper. He walked to the door and went out of my room, leaving me alone to my thoughts again.
I'm sorry, Youichi, I am not worthy of your respect.
***
There was only five minutes left before the operation commenced. My subordinates were expecting a speech to raise their spirits, but I wasn't a man of many words. I looked at their faces, all of them showing determination yet frightened. I sighed inwardly, knowing I had to do my duty and lift their spirits before the big battle.
"Men," I started. "This battle will determine the outcome of the war between Gagharv and us. It is time for us to put an end to this battle. Indeed, we are outnumbered, but fear not, for we have the determination that they do not have. We will slay each and every Gagharv soldiers and we will show them the strength of Connaughton 3th Cavalier! We will bring victory to our country!"
The soldiers replied with a chorus of "Yeah!" and my heart constricted with guilt. I wasn't really lying to them; we really would bring victory to our country, but as human sacrifices. We would avert Gagharv's soldiers' attention and let the main force infiltrate their capital. It was a well-thought plan, too bad they forgot to count the soldiers' feelings to the equation. I had to shield the truth from them, only Youichi knew the real motive behind our raid.
We were attacking their military headquarters just outside of their capital, effectively routing the soldiers our way. We might be outnumbered, but we were better in the weapon department.
"FIRE!" I yelled, and the battle commenced.
Everything was a blur; that was always the way it was during a battle. I didn't keep count of how many enemy soldiers I shot. I was in a frenzied state, all I could think about was how I could kill as many enemy soldiers as possible. Youichi fought alongside me; together we wiped the soldiers as we made way to their headquarters.
Cries of pain echoed in my ears, bloods sputtered out from shot soldiers, and bodies were strewn everywhere. It was a painful sight to behold and you could never get used to it. I could still see it clearly in my head: my sister and my mother's lifeless body among the rubbles. I remembered the half-crushed face of my sister, and my mother's destroyed limbs.
Revenge. I was about to take my revenge on them, even if it cost my own life.
Youichi and I parted ways since we were surrounded by enemy soldiers. I hid behind a big boulder and looked around, making sure that none of the enemy soldiers saw me behind the boulder. Three soldiers stood near the boulder with their backs facing me. I took the opportunity and shot the three of them in their head, the three bodies tumbling onto the ground.
Youichi was surrounded by four soldiers, but he managed to kill the four of them. However, he was careless and didn't realize a soldier aiming his rifle at him. Everything seemed to happen in a slow motion: the bullet shot from the rifle, going straight to Youichi's chest, and him collapsing onto the floor. I watched with horror in my eyes, not quite knowing what to do. Again, I had lost someone important to the Gagharv soldiers.
I let out a heart-wrenching scream and shot the soldier who killed Youichi. I didn't even think about the fact that I was putting myself in danger by going to Youichi's lifeless body. His eyes were opened and his expression was shocked. I knew right then that if I survived, the vision of Youichi's dead body would haunt me for the rest of my life.
At that moment, I really gave up on the prospect of living. I looked around the battlefield and noticed the corpses strewn everywhere. It was a horrible and haunting sight. I looked at the soldier who killed Youichi: the soldier was lying with his face down on the ground, but I could still see his opened blue eyes. His blonde hair was laced with red, from the bloods shed in the battlefield. I noticed brown leather bound notebook peeking from his pocket. I walked up to him and crouched to take it from his pocket. Inside it was a photo of a brunette and a letter addressed to a certain Mikan Yukihira. I didn't know why, but I pocketed the item on an impulse.
I stood up and led my remaining men to the headquarters. We set up a bomb and quickly scurried away from the site. There were only five of us left out of eight hundred and seventy three.
The box exploded once we were far away from the site, successfully cutting the soldiers from their weapon supply. Our weapon supply was thinning as well, my rifle held only ten bullets left. I have to get back to our base, I told myself. I have to ensure these four men will get back safely.
Suddenly, I could hear the splatter of blood and the sound of a body collapsing to the ground. One of my comrades had fallen and behind us were a dozen of enemy soldiers. Again, it was all a blur as we fought for our lives. This was the moment where we knew how precious a life was, the moment when we were about to face death.
I could feel a sharp sting on my shoulder, obviously I was shot by a bullet. I thought I was ready for death, but perhaps I was wrong. Nobody would ever be ready for death even if they said they were. It was impossible to get over the fear of death. I shot the remaining bullets in my rifle, not caring if it hit my men instead of my foes; I was too far gone to care. I felt another sharp pain in my stomach, and I succumbed into darkness, welcoming the pain.
***
I didn't know how long I had been lying there in the darkness, feeling the excruciating pain throughout my body. Was this how it felt to die? Would we never be freed of pain? Or was I in hell, enjoying everlasting torture until who-knows-when?
I opened my eyes slowly, feeling the bright light piercing my eyes. I was in a foreign room with white and beige walls. In the hospital? Nah, that was very unlikely. How could I survive such an impact?
I tried to sit up and groaned at the pain on my abdomen. I immediately fell back to the bed. Instead of trying to sit up again, I scrutinized my surrounding. There was a worn out dresser opposite of the bed and a door beside the aforementioned dress. Aside from that, there was nothing else in the room.
A brunette opened the door softly, her eyes widening when she saw me. "You're awake! Let me get you something!" she said quickly and disappeared again throughout the door. I was awestruck; I knew who the brunette was even though I had only caught a quick glimpse of her photo.
She returned a few minutes later with a tray of what smelled like soup and a glass of water. She put the tray on the nightstand beside the bed and helped me to sit up. She handed me the glass of water and I greedily drank it. I didn't even notice how dry my throat was until the cool water swept through it.
"Thanks," I said hoarsely. She offered me a beatific smile, like an angel.
"I'm glad you're finally awake. You've been out for almost four days, I thought you weren't going to make it. Don't worry about your wounds, my father tended to them and he said you should be alright," she said softly.
"Four days? Where am I? How did I get here?" I asked in a panicked state which was very unlike me.
"You're not in the village of Cleaveland in Gagharv. Dad and I were checking out the battlefield, trying to help any survivors. We only managed to help you though, you were the sole survivor of the battle," she said wistfully. She averted her gaze from me and it seemed she was miles away.
"Are you going to turn me in?" I asked. She must know that I was from Connaughton.
Her eyes softened when I asked the question. "Of course not. I don't even know who you are, but I know you're not from Gagharv. You're free to return to your home country once you're fine. We're not holding you captive, if you're thinking of that." She chuckled.
I glanced at her, I wanted to ask her about the outcome of the war, but felt like it was inappropriate. "If you're wondering about the war, a peace treaty is to be signed in a week. And you, Commander Natsume Hyuuga, seems to be the national hero of Connaughton." I was taken aback for she knew who I was. "I can assure you that you'll be welcomed like a hero if you return."
I looked up and stared at the ceiling. Who said I wanted to return to Connaughton? My vengeance was done; my purpose of living was done. I even cursed the fact that I was still alive and well. What would I do if I returned to Connaughton?
"You must be hungry. Here," she said, offering the bowl of soup to me. I shook my head; I was willing to starve myself to death now. I was tired. She frowned. "You should eat or you'd never recover."
I straightened up and stood up from the bed, ignoring the sharp pain in my abdomen. The physical pain was nothing compared to my emotional pain. "Wait! What are you doing? You should rest!" she said frantically, putting the bowl back on the tray.
"I don't want to impose and I certainly do not want you to get in trouble because of me," I replied without even looking at her. She was about to protest, but I stopped her. "Are you Mikan Yukihira?"
"Huh? Yes, how did you –"
I rummaged through my pocket and noticed that the notebook was still there. I pulled it out and gave it to her. She looked at me quizzically; nonetheless, she took the notebook from my hand and opened it. Her eyes widened slightly and then it softened. She unfolded the letter and began reading it. Tears were forming in her eyes, and once she finished reading the letter, she broke into sobs.
"I was the one who killed him. I am sure that man is important to you, and I assure you that I don't feel guilty at all for killing him," I seethed. He killed Youichi, I could never forgive someone for that. With that assumption, I knew that Mikan would never forgive me as well. "Thank you for helping me," I said, walking towards the door.
"His name was Ruka, Ruka Nogi," she whispered softly between her sobs. "He was my fiancé."
I stopped. "I'm sorry to hear that." No, I wasn't sorry at all.
"Where are you going?" she asked again as I reached the door.
"To Hell," I muttered. She laughed, the fucker laughed at me.
"Are you going to try to off yourself? Wait, don't answer that, I know your answer. Don't you think you should be more thankful that God gave you a second chance to live? You were on the verge of dying, Mr. Hyuuga. If I had been half an hour late, you wouldn't be standing here now. You were given life instead of all those other soldiers, and now you're wasting it?" She laughed bitterly.
I turned around and glared at her. She was still crying, she was leaning against the wall now. "What do you know?" I snarled.
"You don't know how desperately I want Ruka to be standing there in your place right now. But no, he's dead, and you're alive. Why can't you just get back to the bed, be a good boy, and drink that soup? Why can't you cherish the fact that you're alive? Don't be such a douchebag!" She walked past me and exited the room.
I stared at the wall, trying not to think about anything. I desperately wanted to get out of this place and kill myself. I didn't want to live haunted by the nightmares and the sins I have committed.
Against my better judgment, I sat down on the bed and drank the soup.
"Not bad," I murmured to myself.
***
Mikan and I steered clear of each other while I was staying at her place. I was acquainted to her father, Izumi Yukihira. I had to say that he was a nice man, even though it killed me to admit that. If Izumi knew that I was the killer of his daughter's fiancé, he didn't say a word.
It had been a week since I woke up and my wound was completely healed. Izumi had finally allowed me to go wherever I wanted to go. I tried to repay him by offering to work for him, but he told me not to. He was indignant, and I lost the battle in the end.
Connaughton and Gagharv had signed the peace treaty a few days ago and everything seemed to be going well for both countries. I had no intention of returning back to Connaughton though. I wouldn't stay in Gagharv either, people knew who I was and I was a public enemy in this country.
I hadn't spoken to Mikan at all and she made it her mission to ignore me at all cost. I didn't mind, I deserved it for killing her fiancé. I could still spot her stealing glances at me every now and then though, especially when I was talking to her father. Surprisingly enough, Izumi was very fond of me and offered me a job in the village. I declined his offer, of course.
I had thanked Izumi for his help and had left the house as soon as the sun had set. Mikan wasn't in the house, and for some reasons, I felt like it was better for her to know that I had gone when I was nowhere in her vicinity.
I didn't have any particular place to go, but I knew I was setting on a journey. I still wanted to die though, but Mikan's words always made me stray from that path. Now that I had nothing else to live for, I was going to find out why I was still living. I wanted to find the meaning of life so I could finally appreciate it. I doubted that I could though.
I wore a hat and kept my head down therefore people wouldn't recognize me. I was almost out of the village when I heard Mikan's voice calling out to me. She was panting when she reached me. "Where are you going?" she asked wistfully.
"I don't know," I answered truthfully, my back facing her.
"You're not gonna waste that gift, are you?" she whispered. I shook my head. "Then why are you going? Why can't you stay here?"
"I'm the one who killed your fiancé, why do you want me here?" I asked, not getting her logic.
She sighed. "You think I know the answer? I'm as lost as you." She chuckled. "It's not your fault that he died. It was a war, he was bound to die sooner or later. Not that I wanted him to, but I know that it was inevitable. I can't really blame you for that . . . Just stay, Natsume . . ."
"I can't. I'm not as forgiving as you. I can never forgive your fiancé; he took the life of someone very important to me. He took the life of my remaining family. You shouldn't forgive me either," I murmured.
"But I do, Natsume, I do." Her voice was strained.
I closed my eyes. I couldn't fathom why she still wanted me to stay, but I knew that deep inside, I wanted to stay too. But I couldn't. "I'm going on a journey, hitchhiking throughout the continent, perhaps? I need to find the answer to my questions."
"Will you be back once you find the answer?" she asked.
I turned around and looked at her big brown eyes. She looked sad and pained. I tucked a loose strand of her brown hair back to behind her ear and caressed her cheek. For the first time in eight years, I smiled a genuine smile. "Maybe."
She smiled back at me. "I'll be waiting."
With that, I turned my back on her and walked away from her. For now, it was enough for me. Maybe I could never return back to her, but I was selfish. I needed to know that she would remember me even when I was gone, and now I knew she would.
"Don't wait up," I yelled, knowing that she could hear me and hopefully, she would get the message behind it.
The End
Yeah, just a random one shot lying around in my hard disk. This was written months ago and I completely forgot to post it. This fic was inspired by the movie We Were Soldiers, especially the photograph part. Yes, I am way too fascinated with wars. Sorry for the errors, too lazy to proofread them. Well, I hope the errors are bearable. I have another war-themed story in my hard disk, so tell me if you're interested and perhaps I'll post it someday. It's chaptered, btw.