Grissom was back in town. The rumors around the lab just made me more and more tense. It had been a year since I last saw Grissom since our divorce. I felt like my life was going back to normal. I worked cases then went home listening to my police scanner.

The next shift I stopped as I reached the front desk seeing Grissom walking over in a black suit. He stopped seeing me.

"Sara." He said

"Grissom." I said

We just stood there staring. I could feel my heart thumping in my chest. He slowly walked over to stand infront of me. I watched him look me up and down.

"How are you?" He asked

"Great." I said

"Great!" He said

I swallowed as I searched his eyes.

"So, why are you here?" I asked

"I am taking over Ecklie's position."

"Really?" I asked

"Yes, I guess you'll be seeing me a lot."

"Great!" I said

He looked me over again.

"I should…." I said, slowly moving past him.

"Bye." He said

I sort of waved at him before running down the hallway. The thought that he was working at the lab again made me cringe. Now, I was confused. I was still in love with him.

He moved into Ecklie's office and there were times I would just stand by the vending machine looking at his closed door.

A week later I was in an accident at a scene and the paramedics cleared me. I came into the lab with a large white bandage on my head. My head throbbed as I walked down the hallway. Grissom came around the corner seeing me. He walked slowly over looking at the bandage with concern. I looked down as I walked feeling him block my path.

"Sara, are you okay?"

"Yeah." I said, looking down.

"What happened?" He asked, moving some hair away from my head.

"Just a silly accident. I was checked out."

He silently looked at me. I looked at him awkwardly for a moment.

"I am going to the breakroom." I said

His hand caught mine and I looked down at our hands. My fingers moved along his it felt good to touch him again. I sighed as he looked at me. I looked back at him searching his eyes.

"Grissom?" I said, quietly.

He lifted my hand up between us. I took a breath as he put my fingertips to his lips. I trembled watching him. He stopped lowering our hands.

"Why don't you come back to my office?"

"I need to work." I said

"I have aspirin."

"Okay." I said

He nodded leading me to his office. Once inside, he closed the door taking my arm. I felt my heart race as he pulled me to him. I knew what was coming. He put his lips onto mine. I almost fell to the ground, but he held me tightly. He broke the kiss as I laid my head against his shoulder feeling his lips go to my neck.

I kept my eyes closed not wanting to fall. He stopped kissing my skin as he sighed lifting his head.

"Sara?"

"Hmm?"

"Look at me."

I slowly lifted my head looking at him. His hands went to my cheeks.

"You okay?" He asked

I nodded wishing he kissing me again. I licked my lips as he pulled me against him in a hug.

"Sara, I will always be here for you." He said "No matter what."

"I want you to be. I love you." I said

"We can't go back to what we were."

I swallowed slowly nodding.

"Do you understand?"

"Yes."

He nodded letting me go.

"I'll get you the aspirin."

He walked to his desk as I stayed still watching him. I left after he gave me the pills. I wanted more, but he didn't want that. I tried to work even though my mind was on him.

After shift I laid my head on my arms in the breakroom trying to ease the headache I still had. I must have fallen asleep because someone was calling my name. I moved raising my head feeling sick. Russell was standing beside me talking.

"It's time to go home." He said

I started to gag getting up running to the trash can by the counter. He jumped back as I threw up barely making it. I threw up again gasping between spasms. As I finished, I fell to the floor moaning. Russell knelt down touching my neck. He got his phone out dialing. I faintly listened to him as I touched my stomach. My head was lifted as some water was put down my throat. I laid back moving my head then stilling. Grissom held his phone as he walked in seeing us by the counter. He knelt down as Russell moved touching my cheek.

"How long has she been unconscious?" He asked

"Not long."

Grissom came closer smoothing my hair back.

"Sara?" He called "Honey, wake up."

"Mmm." I moaned, moving my head.

"Can you hear me?"

I opened my eyes a little looking at him.

"Sara, can you hear me?"

I felt him lift me up against him. Russell silently watched him kiss my head. The paramedics came and put me on the stretcher. Grissom got inside taking my hand. I woke knowing I was not at home. Voices in the room were talking about me.

"Gil, why don't you go home and rest?" Catherine said

"I am, I just wanted to stay a little bit longer." Grissom said, rubbing his head as he glanced at me on the bed.

"Let me know is she gets worse."

Grissom nodded as she walked out. He sighed walking over to the bed. I swallowed moving my head. Grissom moved down kissing my head.

"Hey." I said, without opening my eyes.

"You scared Russell and I." He said, as he smoothed my cheek with his.

"Gris?"

"What?" He asked, moving back to look at me. I blinked slowly trying to wake up. His hand went to my cheek.

"Can you…. stay here?"

"I would, but I need to go home." He said

I looked at him with pleading eyes. He let his thumb move over my skin.

"I need to make dinner for…. a guest."

I blinked looking at him.

"A guest?"

He nodded.

"Who?"

"I met Joanne when I was doing research. She and I struck up a friendship and she's in town."

"You…kissed me."

"Sara." He said, sighing.

I realized the truth as I moved my head to the side.

"You should go." I said

"I can stay for a few minutes."

"No, you should go now." I said, feeling my lower lip tremble.

He looked at me a moment then walked out. I put my hand to my face sobbing.

A few days later I was allowed to go home. I took a taxi to my house. Once inside, I went and laid down on my bed. My phone went off, but I didn't hear it.

Grissom opened the front door using the spare key. He looked around the silent house coming to the bedroom seeing me stretched out on the bed. He leaned over to touch me as I jumped back holding my gun pointing it straight at his head.

"Calm down. It's just me." He said, holding his hands up.

"What do you want?" I asked, as I put the gun back under my pillow laying down again.

"You still sleep with your gun?" He asked

"Yeah, so?"

He sighed shaking his head looking at me.

"I would lay in bed feeling uncomfortable about that."

"What do you want?" I asked, closing my eyes.

"I wanted to check on you."

"I'm fine. Goodbye."

"Are you hungry?"

"No, how was Joanne?" I asked, annoyed.

"She canceled."

I made a sound moving to lay on my side looking at him.

"Why?"

"Something came up." He said, shrugging his shoulders.

I smiled as I looked at him.

"There isn't a Joanne, is there?"

"Yes, there is."

"What does she look like?" I asked

He got his cell phone out finding a picture holding it out for me to see.

"You always go for blonds." I said

"You're not blond."

"You divorced me." I said, looking at him.

"It wasn't because you were not blond."

I shook my head sitting up winching some as I flipped to the next picture seeing Grissom and this Joanne kissing infront of a fountain.

"Wow, you really like her."

He grabbed the phone looking at the picture.

"I might." He said, putting his phone away.

"Good luck with that." I said

"There it is, the sarcasm." He said, getting up.

"I am not using sarcasm."

He gave me a little smile.

"Sara, I know you very well. I know every tone you use, and what it means."

I laid down not facing him.

"Goodbye."

"Now your pouting."

I waved at him with my hand and he chuckled leaving. I sighed unhappy hearing the front door close. Russell let me come to work starting Monday. I walked with him to his office as he reviewed the paper I handed him.

"Have a seat." He said, as he sat behind his desk. I sat down looking around Grissom's old office. "It looks good. What did you get off the hammer?"

"Nothing yet, I think the killer wore gloves." I said, taking the paper from him.

"Keep working on it."

I nodded standing.

"Um…Russell?"

"Yes?" He said, looking at me.

"Can I ask you something personal?"

He shifted in his chair.

"Okay."

"Did you ever consider divorcing your wife?"

"We had some difficulties a few years ago, but we worked it out."

"Oh."

"Is this about you and Grissom?"

"I just…..love him. I want him back." I said

"Have you told him?" He asked, gently.

"He doesn't want get together."

"Sara, it may be time for you to find someone new. That way you will get your mind off Grissom."

I felt a pain in my heart. I nodded giving him a small smile before leaving. I knew deep down he was right, but the ghost of Grissom haunted me.

At break, I walked to Grissom's office knocking on his door.

"Come in." He said

I slowly opened the door looking in seeing him working at his desk.

"Can I talk to you?"

He looked at his watch then nodded. I opened the door closing it behind me. He silently watched me walk over fidgeting.

"What's going on?"

"Nothing, I just wanted to…..ask you something."

"Must be something big." He said

"Yeah, I was thinking about this and…." I said, stopping hearing a voice telling me to just leave. "Never mind."

He got up blocking my exit. I stepped back swallow looking at the door then at him.

"I want to hear this. What did you want?"

"Look, it's nothing." I said

"No, I think it's something." He said

"Okay, I want to know if we could…get back together."

"No."

"Great! I just thought…. nothing. That's a good decision. I mean…. I would not want to either considering that I am not the sanest person. Plus, you got that woman, and she…."

He put his hand over my mouth to stop me.

"I am going to stop you because I have a meeting and you're just digging a deeper hole here. I want you to go back to work and we can forget this happened."

I felt a tear come down my cheek. He watched it go down my skin dropping.

He opened the door and I went out. He closed the door behind me. I looked down hurting. I told Russell my head was hurting and I went outside sitting under a tree crying as I picked at the grass. Someone walked over stopping and I sniffed wiping my face as I turned seeing Nick standing there.

"Hey stranger." He said, sitting down beside me.

"Hey."

"What are you doing here?" He asked

"I am just taking a little break."

"Your eyes are all red." He said

"Allergies."

My phone went off and I looked at the caller.

"You gonna answer that?"

"No." I said, setting it down beside me.

I got up as he did.

"I should go home. I am not feeling well."

"Take some pills for those allergies." He said, before walking away.

"I will." I said, watching him go to the building. "I will."

I walked to my car as Grissom came out seeing me opening the door. He ran over holding his phone.

"Sara, what are you doing?"

I looked at him.

"I am going home."

"I was trying to call you!" He said

"Sorry." I said

"Russell told me you were ill."

"Yes, must be something I ate."

"Or, didn't eat." He said

I looked at my car door then at him.

"I came to apologize for my words earlier." He said "I was rude."

I nodded looking down.

"I hurt you."

"It doesn't matter." I said

"Yes, it does." He said, reaching over touching my cheek.

I stepped back as he lowered his arm.

"So, you're going home?" He asked

I nodded.

"Good, I think you need more time to heal."

"I do to." I said

He came forwards, but I stopped him.

"Please leave me alone!" I said

"What's wrong?"

"Just…. don't touch me!" I said

I sniffed ready to lose it. He watched me get into my car and leave. I raced back to my home crying trying to find my house keys. I got inside shutting the door holding my face. The sadness turned into anger as I ran to the living room throwing my things around the room. Every room I smashed and broke what I could. Nothing made the pain go away.

Russell stood at the front door of the lab looking worried as he dialed my number hours later. Grissom came in seeing him.

"Have you heard from Sara?" He asked

"She might be sleeping?" Grissom asked

"She's not answering her phone either."

Grissom got his phone out dialing my number waiting. He dialed again.

"No answer. I think we should check on her."

"I'll have Catherine take over." Russell said, dialing her number. Grissom rushed out to his car as Russell got in the other side.

Grissom parked beside my car outside my house.

"I don't like this, Gil." Russell said, as he got out. "I have got a bad feeling."

Grissom said nothing as he raced to my front door getting the spare key I kept under the flower pot to the right of the door. He unlocked and opened the door seeing the mess inside. Russell looked at him then pulled out his gun. Grissom let him go in first.

"Sara?" He called, looking around carefully.

Grissom walked slowly looking at the glass on the floor hearing his heart pound in his chest.

"Bedroom." Grissom said

Russell nodded walking to the left. He slowly pushed the door open seeing a bigger mess inside.

"Sara?" He called, seeing the bathroom door closed.

He walked over turning the handle.

"Locked." He said, looking at Grissom.

"On the count of three." He said, holding up his hand counting.

On three, both men kicked the door causing it to break open. Grissom shoved past Russell seeing my arm hanging down from the tub. He moved the curtain looking in horror.

"Sara!" He shouted, touching my neck. "Faint pulse!"

Russell got his phone out.

Grissom got a towel setting it on the floor then he pulled me out wrapping the towel around me.

"Sara, wake up!" He shouted, tapping my cold cheek.

Russell came in kneeling down touched my neck.

"She's still breathing." He said

"Sara?" Grissom called

Russell looked over seeing a pill bottle on the floor next to the tub. He lifted it up looking at it.

"Sleeping pills." He said

Grissom looked at them then he slapped my cheeks.

"Sara, don't you dare do this!"

I moved my head feeling him lift me up.

"Russell, get some warm water with salt in it."

"Okay." He said, getting up leaving.

Grissom pulled me closer to the toilet putting his fingers in my mouth. I gagged, but nothing came out. He did it again causing me to vomit. Russell came back with a glass of water. Grissom made me drink some and I vomited again.

The ambulance came and they loaded me up. When I woke, I was back in a hospital room feeling horrible. Someone kept poking and talking to me. I heard thunder outside and then nothing. I opened my eyes seeing how gloomy it was outside. The room was only lit by the windows. My fingers touched the blanket covering my body.

I remembered things here and there, but it was a blur. The door opened as Grissom came in holding a Styrofoam cup looking at me with a frown. He stopped at the foot of the bed looking at me.

"The doctor said you were lucky." He said

I moved my head to look at the windows.

"Sara, look at me."

I never did. He walked over blocking my view.

"How could you be so selfish? Do you understand how this has affected everyone? I blame myself partly. Not seeing that you were in a dark place." He said "I made the decision that you are going to talk to someone and that you are not coming back to the lab."

I closed my eyes as he said this. He looked down at my hands then at me. His hand came to mine. He moved sitting on the bed as I opened my eyes looking at the window.

"You must know that I still think of you and feel you near me all the time, but our time is over. It's never going to come back. Do you understand?" He asked

I never acknowledge him. He watched me then he looked down.