After writing A Nightmare In Portland, I was left wondering, did the Doctor and Rose really go to the cheese planet? What happened to them while they were there? What happened after they left? Well, here are the answers! Enjoy!
The Doctor reluctantly removed his arm from Rose's shoulders and headed over to the console. Though some part of him was disappointed to end the physical contact between himself and his companion, a large part of the Doctor was simply pleased that they would have a break from Jackie and her insane family. Harmony seemed alright, but that was it. The Doctor moved swiftly around the console room, pressing buttons and pulling levers as he went. Finally, he pulled the last lever and the TARDIS lurched. A short time later, they had reached their destination. The Doctor walked over to the door and held it open. "Welcome to Quesodyne!" The Doctor declared.
Rose stepped out and observed her surroundings, taking in the sights and scents. Her eyes widened. Everything was made of white and orange cheeses. "It really is made of cheese!" She exclaimed.
"It's safe to eat. Wellll, safe to eat for humans." the Doctor said "Just don't eat the yellow cheese."
"What's wrong with the yellow cheese?" Rose asked
"Same principle as yellow snow." the Doctor replied.
Rose snickered and said, "Ew."
"Explore as much as you like!" the Doctor said with a grin. "There are no large predators on Quesodyne."
Rose was intensely curious and quite delighted about this cheese planet. Eventually, she came across a cheese tree. Even the trunk was made of cheese, but it was too hard for her to break any off of. When she looked up, she saw cheese 'fruit'. Rose climbed up into the tree and out onto a thick branch. She reached out and picked one of the cheese 'fruit'. It was wrapped in a wax-like substance. She peeled the substance off before taking a sniff. The Doctor had said that it was safe for human consumption, but what did it taste like. Reluctantly, Rose took a bite. Immediately, she was surprised at the taste. It tasted like cheese and mangos, which sounded disgusting, but was actually quite good in this instance. "Doctor!" Rose called out. "You have to try these!"
The Doctor stood there, hands in his pockets. "Ah, no." He called out. "I'd have decline this time, Rose Tyler."
"It's really good," Rose said, "and you said that it was safe to eat!"
"I said that it was safe for human consumption." the Doctor clarified.
"Is it poisonous to Time Lords or something?" Rose inquired, her voice full of concern.
"No, it's not poisonous." The Doctor said. He seemed slightly embarrassed. "It has a rather unique effect on Time Lord physiology. It causes us to behave in a manner similar to being intoxicated. Even a bite half the size of my thumb would cause an extreme reaction."
"So you're saying that Quesodynian cheese would make you act like you were drunk?" Rose inquired, trying not to laugh.
The Doctor nodded and replied, "Extremely."
When the Doctor noticed the impish expression on his companion's face, his own face took on a serious expression as he said, "Don't even think about it, Rose."
"I'm not going to do it." Rose replied with a smile. "I was just trying to imagine what you would be like if you were really, really drunk."
"Imagine all you'd like, Rose Tyler." the Doctor said, his expression lightening. "You're never going to find out."
Rose picked a few more of the cheese 'fruit' before descending from the cheese 'tree'. She didn't have anything to put them in. The Doctor sighed and said, "Give them to me."
Rose handed the cheese 'fruit' to the Doctor and he put them in his pockets. The blonde human watched as the 'fruit' disappeared. Rose looked at the Doctor and asked, "Are there any people on Quesodyne?"
"Not many." The Time Lord replied. "Just cheesemakers."
It made sense that a cheese planet would need cheesemakers. Rose was a bit curious. As if sensing what was going on in Rose's head, the Doctor asked with a grin, "Do you want to meet them?"
"That'd be wonderful." Rose replied, returning a smile.
They were about to head off when they heard a vehicle approaching. When the Time Lord and his companion looked to check it out, they saw that it resembled a pickup truck. The truck's door opened and a human male stepped out. He eyeballed the pair and asked bluntly, "Who are you?"
"I'm the Doctor," the Doctor replied, "and this is Rose Tyler. Who are you?"
"The name's Mitch." the man with the truck replied. "I'm a cheese-picker. I pick cheese-fruit and bring them back to headquarters for export."
"For export?" Rose echoed.
"Yep." Mitch replied. "Some of the finest cheeses in the galaxy are grown on Quesodyne."
"How do they make the cheese-fruit?" Rose asked.
The handsome Mitch smiled and winked at Rose. The Doctor scowled at Mitch. The cheese-picker, having seemingly not noticed the Doctor's glare, continued to smile at the pretty blonde and said, "That, little lady, is a trade secret. Only cheesemakers and a select few cheese-pickers are allowed to know."
Rose blushed slightly and smiled back at Mitch when he winked and grinned at her. "That's too bad." Rose replied. "Are you sure that you can't tell us?"
"Well," the Mitch said with a wide grin. "Maybe you can make it worth my while. How's about this? Maybe I might accidentally slip up and say a little bit about the process if you were to give me a little kiss."
The Doctor shot Mitch his most potent glare, but it seemed to have no effect. Either the cheese-picker was too busy flirting with Rose to notice or he was too stupid to be affected by the Time Lord's death-glare. Or maybe he was flirting with Rose but also happened to be stupid. Rose was about to say something, when the Doctor took her by the hand and said, "Come on, Rose. We're leaving."
"But Doctor-" Rose tried to say, but the words were startled out of her when the Doctor began to walk away, still having not released her hand.
The frowning Time Lord continued to pull Rose along, though the human didn't put up much of a resistance. The Doctor's mind was occupied with thoughts of the stupid cheese-picker and his stupid smile and his stupid winking and his stupid flirting. As the Doctor grew angrier, his grip on Rose's hand grew tighter. By the time they were just outside the TARDIS, the human began struggling and trying to pull away from the Time Lord. "Doctor, let go!" Rose cried out. "You're hurting me!"
The Doctor, shocked at his actions, immediately released Rose's hand. He looked at her, "Rose, I- oh, I didn't mean- I-"
Words failed the Doctor. He looked away from Rose in shame. He felt a soft hand cup his cheek. "Doctor, look at me." Rose said softly.
The Time Lord turned his head, facing his companion. "I didn't mean to hurt you. I'd never want to hurt you." The Doctor said quietly.
Rose smiled gently and said, "I know."
"I'm sorry." the Doctor apologized.
"Apology accepted." Rose said, smiling once more as she pulled her hand away from the Doctor's cheek. "Now, let's just get back into the TARDIS and forget this ever happened, yeah?"
The absence of the blonde woman's soft, warm hand on his cheek left the Doctor feeling oddly chilly. Pushing his guilt aside, the Time Lord grinned and said, "Right-o! Back to anywhere in time and space we go!"
The pair returned to the TARDIS. A though hit the Doctor. What if, after this short trip, Rose wanted to go back to Portland to be with her mother's crazy relatives? The Doctor shook his head. She hadn't brought it up, so neither would he. Beaming at the human, the Time Lord said, "So, where to next, Rose Tyler?"
"Well, we sort of walked out on a meal, so I could use a bite to eat. We could go and get sandwiches, maybe?" Rose replied. She shook her head and said, "No, that's a silly thing."
"Silly?" the Doctor echoed. "Nah. Silly is tickling the Thigrophian Jorthax with a carrot. Silly is wearing a turnip as a hat. Wanting a sandwich? That's not silly."
The Doctor turned to face the console and said, "I know of this fellow who makes excellent bread. He owes me a favor. We could get a few loaves of his bread and make our own sandwiches!"
"First cheese and now bread?" Rose asked with a grin. "What's next, space ham?"
"Rose, don't be silly." the Doctor said with mock-seriousness. "I already have ham in the TARDIS' kitchen."
"Let's get that bread, then!" Rose declared.
"Right-o, Rose!" The Doctor called out as he pulled a lever, "Allons-y!"
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
They'd had to make their way through a riot to get back to the TARDIS, but they had gotten their bread. After the TARDIS dematerialized away from the riot, the Doctor and Rose made their way to the kitchen. The Doctor had removed the cheesefruit from his pockets. Rose had just finished slicing it. Soon afterwards, the Doctor sliced some of his own cheese. They both layered their sandwiches with the same things: some lettuce-like leafy vegetable, a tomato-like fruit, ham, cheese, and mayonaise. The only thing different about their sandwiches was the cheese inside. Rose's sandwich sat to the left and the Doctor's sandwich at the right. The two turned away from the sandwiches to make smoothies. Rose made a strawberry smoothy and the Doctor, of course, made a banana smoothie. Then it was mealtime. The Doctor grabbed the left-hand sandwich and went over to the table to sit down. Rose took her sandwich and sat down at the table with the Doctor. Both shared a grin before biting into their sandwiches. The Doctor, being oddly ravenous, dug into his sandwich. Rose took a few bites before pausing. She hesitated before saying, "I don't remember putting cheddar in my sandwich."
The Doctor froze. He had put cheddar in his sandwich. If there was cheddar in her sandwich, then that meant... oh no. He had already eaten half the sandwich. Immediately, he pushed it away. He picked up his smoothie and quickly chugged it down, but he knew that it wouldn't do anything. All it would do was comfort him with the taste. It was inevitable.
About five minutes after the Doctor had pushed his sandwich away, Rose noticed that he was acting strangely. The Doctor often smiled, but this time the smile seemed a tad more... well, Rose would almost say idiotic. The Time Lord's face had become flushed as well. Slowly, he began to stand up, but he stumbled. Rose quickly rushed over without thinking, intent on stopping him from falling. The Doctor didn't fall. Instead, he flung his arms around Rose's shoulders. Slurring slightly, the Time Lord turned to Rose and said with a giggle, "The floor moved."
The Doctor hadn't been kidding when he had told Rose that Quesodynian cheese would make him act like he was very, very drunk. "Doctor, the floor didn't move." Rose said with surprising calm. "You're drunk."
"I am not." the Doctor replied. "I'm suffering from Quesodynian cheese intoxication."
"You should sit down." Rose said, attempting to guide him back to his seat.
"I want another banana smoothie." the Doctor whined.
"You're not getting another banana smoothie." Rose replied, "If you're acting like you're really drunk, you might throw it up."
"Oh." the Doctor said. He leaned into Rose slightly and said, "The kitchen chair's not comfy anyway. I wanna sit somewhere else."
Rose nodded and led him out of the kitchen. She led him into the console room and helped him lower himself into the jump seat. The Doctor wriggled around a bit, trying to get comfortable. He looked up at Rose, his eyes unsteady, and whined, "It's not comfy enough!"
"Let's find you someplace else to sit." Rose suggested. "Just please, stop whining."
"I'm a centuries-old Time Lord, Rose." the Doctor said with a pout. "I do not whine."
Rose let out a sigh and helped the Doctor up. This time, he was leaning into her a little more. The cheese intoxication's symptoms were getting worse. When the Doctor lost his balance and had to use Rose to hold himself up, the human's knees almost buckled. "God, you're heavy!" Rose huffed.
"Sorry." the Doctor mumbled, burying his face in the crook of Rose's neck.
"Just try not to do it again." Rose said, a bit relieved when the Doctor started pulling himself up a bit.
The Time Lord still had to depend on the human to hold him up a bit. "Where should I take you to sit down?" Rose asked.
The Doctor had to lean into Rose a bit more, so he was right next to her ear when he whispered, "My bedroom is comfy."
When Rose felt the Doctor's breath brush against her ear, she was unable to hold back a pleased shudder. Of course, when the Doctor's words fully registered with her, Rose froze. The Doctor, having noticed this, spoke up once again. "Rose? You allright?"
"Fine." Rose replied, trying to keep her discomfort out of her voice. "Where's your bedroom?"
"First corridor, fourth door down to the right." the Doctor said, his voice still slurred.
Rose led the Doctor down the indicated route. Well, half-dragged would be a more appropriate way of putting it. The Doctor was leaning on Rose more and more, rendering himself little more than dead weight. When they finally reached the bedroom door, Rose was grateful. She wasn't sure how much longer she could tolerate the Doctor's weight dragging her down. Rose opened the door and pulled the Doctor into his room. Slowly, Rose dragged the Time Lord to his bed. She adjusted her position and the Doctor's until she was able to guide him down onto his TARDIS-blue duvet. Carefully, Rose guided the Doctor to a position where he was laying on his side. Rose stood up to walk away, but the Doctor stopped her when he grabbed her by the hand. When Rose turned to look at him, the Doctor pulled her down to him. When Rose was close enough, the Time Lord pulled her down and hugged her. He then planted a sloppy kiss on Rose's cheek and slurred, "Rose, you're the best."
Rose's face heated up as she blushed heavily. She was about to say something, but she was interrupted by snoring. The Doctor had fallen asleep. Carefully, Rose extricated herself from the Doctor's arms. Once she was free, the blonde woman stood up and quietly made her way back to the door. After stepping outside, she took one last look at the Doctor's sleeping face. He looked so peaceful when he was asleep. With a smile, Rose closed the door behind her. She would let the Doctor rest as long as he needed to. After all, the TARDIS was a time machine. They could still get back to Portland in time. In the meantime, they had all the time they needed.