Chapter 1 – Living a lie

Draco watched as the other young people boarded the train to go back to Hogwarts. He could not believe that he was standing on this platform again, for another year. But this year it would be different – this year he would be watched and that scared him more than anything had ever scared him. To know that no matter what he did, what he said would be scrutinized by the Dark lord caused sweat to pop out on his entire body and chills to begin.

Trying to cover up his fear, he looked over at the young girl that was stepping onto the train and he felt a great ache start in his chest. The fact that he had fallen for her was wrong according to his family history – the fact that he could never tell anyone caused him to be angry. The fact that he would never be able to have her caused him pain so great he thought he would die at times. He watched her for a few minutes more and then turned to board the train, not giving anyone a chance to know who he was looking at.

Hermione Granger knew someone was watching her and without even looking she also knew who it was. Her palms were soon sweaty and the need to look back at him was almost killing her. But she could not, she would not let him know that she had feelings for him. Not as cruel as he was to her, that would just give him ammunition to use against her and her love for him was something she would not allow him to use like that.

"Hermione! Wait up!"

Hermione heard Ginny Weasley calling her and she turned to wait for her friend to catch up. Just as she turned, so did her, their eyes meeting. Before his face turned into an ugly scrawl, Hermione swore she something else there – something sweeter than the hatred she had been so used to looking at on his face the years before. Shaking her head to clear the thought, she waved at her friend and then stepped the rest of the way into the train. Seeing a clear cabin, she slid into the seat and waited for Ginny, the only person on the face of the earth who knew where her heart really laid.

Draco pushed a first year out of the way as he made his way down to the back of the train and the car that his group had sat in for the five years. Why did he have to pretend so much? Why could he not just live the life he wanted. Other Wizards had done so and still lived today. But he knew why, he knew why his family would always be the way they were. Because once the Dark lord took possession of you and you vowed your loyalties to him, there was no turning back and Draco knew without a doubt that because of his blood, he belonged to the Dark lord.

What he had to do this year made O.W.L.S and N.E.W.T.S seem like first year all over again, but he knew he had to do it or he would be killed and so would his mum – there was no doubt at all about that. He could do it if he put his mind to it -after all he was pure blood. Pure bloods could kill and not flinch, he had watched them enough the last three months to know that for a fact. He would do this if for no reason but to keep his mum alive. As for his father, the stupid conceited man had caused this on himself. Let him wither and die in Azkaban for all he cared.

As he past the car where Granger and that little pest Weasley sat, he watched them as they whispered to each other. He wished he had someone he could confide in with his deepest darkest secrets. Surely it would make what he had to do easier.

"What would you tell them, this confident of yours? That you are a scared 16-year-old because the Dark lord wants you to show him where your loyalties lie. You are pure blood, be glad he did not kill your whole family when he realized your father was hiding the fact that he was a death eater. You are special, boy, I would give anything to be allowed to do what you are assigned to do. But believe this, if you fail, I will take pleasure in what I will do to you and my sister."

The voice that played the words in his mind sounded just like his crazy aunt. Bellatrix scared him almost as much as the Dark lord did. That woman thrived on inflecting pain on people – did not matter whether they had known her or not – she would just laugh as she watched them wiggle and squirm under her wand as she would perform the cruciatus curse on them. He had seen it performed so many times in the past thirty days that he dreamed about it every night. When, that is, he wasn't dreaming about 'her'.

Just as he turned to go into the car, he felt something brush past him but could not see anything. For some strange reason, the car had gone completely black. After the darkness had cleared and he could see again – he looked into the faces of the other slytherin's that also accompanied the car with him. Did they know what he had to do this year? Had their parents told any of them what would take place?

Pansy was sitting there, watching him, waiting for him to take the seat next to her but he does not really want to. Would it cause too much whispering if he should decide not to even sit in the Slytherin car? He was almost tempted but then he slid into the sit next to Pansy and allowed her to put her hand in his.

His mind drifted as he sat there, watching the scenery outside the train rush by. He soon found himself once again thinking of her. That bright brain of hers that so many of her own friends made fun off. The way she stood up for her friends. Rubbing his nose, he could not help the small smile that played on his lips when he thought about how she punched him that year.

Draco's feelings were not as strong for Granger than but when he saw her the night of the Yule Ball, he knew then that his feelings were changing. The sight that stood on the top of those stairs actually caused him to have to find somewhere private for a while. Pansy had stood in the doorway not knowing why he had gone back to the dungeon. After the dance that night, the dream he had about Granger caused him to do something he had never done before. While taking care of his private business, he prayed that her name would not slip from between his lips.

Jerking from his thoughts, he noticed something out of the corner of his eyes. Looking up, he watched as a case moved by itself on the rack above him. He knew he had felt something brush past him and without even having to think about it – he knew who it was. He would be able to extract revenge on his worst enemy for the pain that the person had caused on his mum.

And revenge was so sweet when life would not allow you to have what you wanted most.