Posted on: 19/09/17
A/N: Just to make things clear, this is a fic that I was originally planning to post in my Zenyuki one-shot book entitled Romance in the North. According to the setting of this book, Zen is the newly-appointed ruler at Wilant Castle whilst Shirayuki has been granted the post of the Head Pharmacist there. If any of you feel like checking out the other fics from this series, then click the aforementioned link..:)
Day 2: Memories
Rating: T
"Are you ready?"
Tucking a lock of her mid-length red tresses behind her ear, the head pharmacist at Wilant Castle questions the man sitting right opposite her. It isn't easy to catch onto her words because of the barely audible tone of her voice but thanks to their proximity, he manages. It's impossible to miss how nervous she is about this whole ordeal and he has to try his hardest to keep himself from laughing. He brings-up his gloved-palm in order to hide the slowly-spreading, amused grin across his face. Not that he is enjoying her miserable expression but it's obvious that she is fretting just way too much over nothing.
"I know it's your first time but you are going to do great." The young ruler of the northern lands tries consoling her, his free hand patting her shoulder in reassurance.
Unlike his expectations though, the frown upon her face deepens and she hugs the notepad in her arms a bit too tight to her bosom. "Zen, you know this doesn't sound very convincing..coming from the man who is about to drink poison right under my watch."
This time a chuckle escapes his tightly-sealed lips and he shakes his head in disbelief. Poison-intake is something that all the members of the Wistaria household have to go through whether they like it or not. And he has been doing this ever since he was 7 but he can honestly admit, that it wasn't all that fun with Chief Garrack and her assistant Yatsufusa's solemn gazes upon his form. Well, he can't blame them for their professionalism. It's not as if they are attached to him on a personal level. However, the same can't be said for Shirayuki. Yes she is caring and considerate of other's needs. Yes she puts even a stranger's priorities before her own. But when it comes to him, she also holds him as one of the dearest one in her heart. Between the two of them, she was the first one who confessed her love and this unadulterated feeling is exactly what is making her worry more than she actually should.
"Listen, since this is your first time, I'll guide you through the process. Okay?" he asks, lowering his head to look straight into her concerned emeralds. Her response comes in the form of a meek nod of her head and he smiles.
"Alright once you give me the dosage, you survey my body's performance and record all the changes in my health for-"
"Three hours.." she finishes his words in horror and asks anxiously, "Zen, don't you think that three hours is a bit too much?! I mean what if something happens to you? What if.."
She stops as he places his hands on her shoulders and squeezes them, hoping that it may provide some sort of calm to her agitated thoughts. Shirayuki stares at her feet in distress. She knows that usually she is the stronger one of the two when it comes to facing challenges head-on yet she is unable to cope with her emotions today. Well..how is she even supposed to cope with them when the memory of their first encounter is still fresh in her eyes. There is an uneasiness roiling in the pit of her stomach because she remembers..she remembers how he had passed-out after taking a bite of that poisoned-apple for her. And it's also because she doesn't want to witness anything like that ever again. But most of all..she is scared of the endless list of 'what ifs' that may occur if she fails to carry-out the whole procedure in the proper way..
She begins running her hands over the silver appliques etched at the hem of her short, blue skirt, expecting the action to distract her from the perturbed thoughts that have been plaguing her head for a week now. It doesn't really help much. He releases a long sigh as he caresses his palms down the nuance of her shoulders and stops only when they reach their destination, settling right atop her quivering, dainty fingers. Entangling their fingers together, he shifts his face closer, his intent sapphires fixed upon the uncertainty in her emeralds. He is glad..he really is..because nobody expressed their concern for him during the previous conduction of such tests. Nonetheless, this is a task mandatory and he cannot skip one dosage just because she is frightened of the consequences that will never even occur. He believes in her skills and he is sure that she will not fail.
"You can do this." He mutters in the deathly silence of the pharmacy and she nods her head like a child.
Wiping the tears that had clouded her eyes, she flashes him her best confident-look. Her voice however, falters slightly. "I-I..guess..."
Nodding once again more to herself, she disentangles their fingers and vacates the chair that she had been sitting on. Walking towards a huge shelf, her eyes scan through the array of a variety of poisons in search of the one that she is supposed to give him. She returns with a small vial containing a transparent liquid and hands it to her beloved prince. Zen uncorks the vial yet just as it's mouth touches his lips, his hands come to a halt. A very important fact comes into his mind and he speaks in a tone that Shirayuki can only describe as utterly serious.
"Shirayuki, do not give me the antidote before three hours." He commands.
"Alright." comes her instant response.
"I am absolute about this. Even if I beg you on my knees, do not give in. You have to keep the antidote away from me for those three hours. Okay?" Zen asks.
She hums an affirmative because she is well-aware of the effects of poison on one's behaviour. She has read all of Zen's previous health records and it has been mentioned in a few of them that at times the poison has caused him to act in his desperation. But what exactly are those 'acts' is still a mystery to her. Guess she'll just have to rely on her instincts if something like that happens. Afterall, she can't back-out now that she herself volunteered to do this.
Giving her a final nod of assurance, he gulps down the contents of the vial in one go. Unlike the tasteless liquid that he had expected it to be, his tongue experiences a mix of tangy and bitter. It takes him a moment to realise that the poison has been mixed in a definite ratio with some alcohol because ofcourse, according to what he remembers hearing from Chief Garrack herself: "Poison must not be ingested directly." On the bright side, if one does, the results will be the same. But on the darker side..not only will they develop immunity but also begin intoxicating their own body. Surely it won't harm them but it will easily kill anyone who gets physically intimate with the said person. And this is exactly how poison maidens are created and then sent over enemy lands to kill those of the royal blood. Well, Zen doesn't want to take lives..atleast not with that method..
Suddenly, he feels a heaviness encompassing his head and grabs onto the nearest object- a desk's edge- to keep himself from falling. Tremors begin running along his skin and he feels the slow development of a headache.
"Zen!" he is hardly able to distinguish Shirayuki's panicky voice from the strong buzzing in his ears. His palms clutch even tighter onto the wood of the desk, his knuckles turning white.
Actually, as Shirayuki approaches him, she notices that not just his knuckles but his complete skin is turning paler by every passing minute. She brings her hand out in concern but he slaps it away and rapidly shakes his face in negation. Understanding dawns on her then and she feels a strong urge to slap herself. Zen is right. Instead of worrying her head about his condition, she must be taking notes regarding his health. Honestly, the only thing that she wants to do right now is hold him..hold him and try easing him of his current state but she can not. She has promised him that she will stop fretting and do what a pharmacist must do in such situations. And there is no way she can fail him when he's counting on her.
She carefully picks-up a pen from where it is lying next to his trembling hands on the desk and begins jotting down points about his present condition. After that, supporting half of his body-weight on one of her shoulders, she walks him towards the bed in the inner room of the pharmacy and helps him lay down on it. Instinctively he curls into a ball to endure the spasms of pain across his torso. How grievous it is for her to watch him in such anguish and yet, all that she is supposed to do is watch him struggle with the pain all by himself.
Nobody will understand what she is going through right now. For distant spectators, its just an ordinary apothecary doing her job of monitoring a patient's condition. But if one looks closely, it's clearly visible in her eyes. She used to nurse thousands of patients back in Tanbarun and she has to admit, even though concerned, she was never in absolute torment. But that very same ounce of nonchalance, she cannot apply in account of the young man currently writhing in the confines of these white sheets. Zen is different from the people that she has treated in the past. He isn't just a patient..he is the man that she fell in love with because of who he is. There is nothing dissimilar in him since their first encounter. He was arrogant and yet kind when she didn't know who he was. He is still the same kind man now that she knows him so well..
Biting her lip in contemplation, she stares at his palms clawing at the cushiony pillow. His fingers are digging in so deep that he can literally rip the fabric off. Shirayuki closes her eyes, takes a breath and steps forward. Having made up her mind, she sits down by his side, the mattress depressing under her weight and cautiously, she uncoils his fingers from the pillow. He instantly gazes up at her, his sapphires in a dazed stature. Giving him a gentle smile, she allows him to wrap his shaky palms around her own smaller ones and god, he holds them tight. His grip is harsh but Shirayuki lets him be because she understands..understands that he is in excruciating suffering and he needs someone to support him during this moment..
.
.
An hour and a half elapses with the second prince coping with the dizziness clouding his head and the tremors vibrating along his skin. He has been sweating profusely and no matter how hard he tries, sleep just isn't blessing his distraught soul. Thankfully, his beloved herbalist hasn't let go of his hands. And he is lucky enough to be able to withstand these agonising hours in her tranquil presence.
An eerie silence begins encompassing the calm atmosphere of the room. Shirayuki checks the time in the new pocket watch that she had gifted Zen and is placated to find that there are only 40 minutes more to go. As she looks down to inform the young ruler about this good news, she notices how unusually quiet he is. He isn't even fidgeting anymore. Tentatively, she uses her fingers to stroke away the silvery-white locks of hair concealing his eyes.
"Shi..shih..ra..yukihh.." he calls out in recognition, barely able to form coherent words.
Promptly she bends her head to level her face with his. "Yes! Zen, I'm right here."
"Shira..yuhh..ki t..th..at anti..an..tidote.." he mutters and she tries her best to grasp his slurred speech.
"The antidote? What about it?" she asks anxiously.
His hold on her palm tightens even more (if that is even possible) and in a baritone he requests, "Gi..Give me the antidote.."
Freeing one of her hands, she reaches behind to grab the flask containing the remedial solution from the side table and just when she is about to hand it to him, the words he had said a while before starting this test echo in her head. Do not give me the antidote before three hours. He had said in a firm tone. And if he had said so himself, why is he requesting for it now when it isn't even the right time? Is this the change in behaviour that was mentioned in his previous health records? If so, then now she understands the conviction with which he had spoken those words. She is sure that she mustn't comply to his requests. Not only will it result in the failure of the whole procedure but also will she violate her promise to Zen.
She reclines her palm before it can come into his reach and shakes her head. "I'm sorry, Zen. I cannot do this. I can't give you the antidote.."
Disappointment takes over his pale demeanour as he speaks with shocked, wide-eyes, "You can't?!" his voice is hoarse and yet desperate, "Well ofcourse you can. It's right there in your other hand." He points an accusatory finger.
She negates with a shake of her head and places it back at a safe distance from his reach. And as she looks back, her determined emeralds come in direct contact with his wavering sapphires. It's almost like he is about to cry. As if on cue, he pulls her arms into his sweating palms, gazing sincerely at her. Tears are beginning to brim his eyes and Shirayuki wills herself to stay calm..to not lose to this trick because of her emotions...
"Please Shirayuki!" desperation is dripping his tone as he speaks, "Please just give me the antidote!"
Her own eyes fill-up. It really is painful to look at him in such a sorry state. Her arms are shaking under his fidgety yet strong hold on them. His eyes are edgy..feral!...But not the kind of soft-feral that she describes for Obi. He is actually staring at her as if a predator spying on its prey. He is Zen. Then again, he isn't Zen at all..
"Give me the damn antidote!" he growls in frustration.
Tears begin streaming down her porcelain cheeks and she declines his orders just as fiercely as him. "I can't!"
"Why can't you?!" his hands are now on her shoulders and the force of his arms knocks the both of them off the bed. "Why?!" he asks, ignoring how he is right on top of her, scaring her to wits.
Mustering all the strength that she can into her arms, she pushes him off of herself and his weak form collides with the bed. She isn't sure why or how but the confidence starts seeping back into her form. And she finally feels like she can do this..She can handle this test like the amazing herbalist that she is. Silences befalls the room all over again. And in it's reign, Shirayuki finds the both of them breathing raggedly. Her hands are clutching fistfuls of his indigo-coloured shirt as he lowers his head for reasons unknown, his silvery-white locks concealing the wildness in his eyes. For moments they remain like that— without any verbal exchanges, hearing the sounds of their heavy panting in the quiet..
In the midst of the mess, her eyes catch a glimpse of the silver chain dangling around her neck. Descending her emeralds slightly downwards, her gaze finds the broken watch dial attached to it and she turns he head towards the side table, her eyes searching for Zen's watch that she had bought from Lyrias to have a glance at the time. A breath of relief escapes her lips and she licks them. Thirteen! Only thirteen minutes to go before this test gets over. Gingerly, she releases Zen's shirt and moves her hands upwards, placing them upon his stubbled-cheeks. He breathes-out audibly in response to her soft touch. It seems like the seizure that had captured him is gone now and he is just trying to steady his breath. She smiles a happy and tearful smile at him. He may have behaved differently but deep down, he is still Zen..
"Hold on..just a little longer.." she whispers, disturbing the quietus of the room. Her hands are still around his jaws, massaging his skin in slow, fluid motions in hopes of calming his agitated nerves. A sigh leaves his lips and it sends shudders down her neck because of their closeness. Languidly, he motions his hands, his palms closing around her wrists and he watches her try..try and ease him the best she can..
And those tormenting thirteen minutes pass just like that, with them sitting on the cold yet comforting floor. When the red-haired beauty realises this, she tries to stand-up but finds that his hands are still holding her wrists. Smiling, she speaks, "Zen..it's over."
His eyes almost come to life when he hears those words and he let's go of her wrists. She immediately fetches the antidote from the table. Uncorking it, she brings it close to his lips and like a thirsty wanderer pining for water, he drinks the whole thing in quick gulps. Unlike the poison, the effects of the antidote begin showing-up immediately. He shakes his head, rubs his eyes and coughs violently. Shirayuki pats his back and helps him take in a few sips of water. Unfortunately, the effects of the remedial solution turn out to be far too strong for Zen's already poison-struck body and he passes out, his lean form sagging over hers. Clumsily, she tucks him back into the bed and pulls out one of those heavy herbarium texts so that her mind remains occupied and she can keep herself from worrying too damn much about his health...
.
.
When the faint, orange rays of the sun gleam upon his peacefully closed eyelids, he awakens from his slumber. Wearily, he looks out the small window at the fading dusk sky as the sun begins its descent down the horizon. It is in those calm moments that fragments of visions begin flashing before his mind's eyes and he recalls about the poison-intake test that he was supposed to take today under the surveillance of his beloved. He bolts up in the mattresses, a buzzing noise deafening his ears to the point he develops another headache. Well, guess sitting up wasn't the best idea. He has a very foggy memory of what occurred a few hours prior to his sleep but that's just a side effect that comes with drinking poisons. Thankfully, a pair of dainty arms reach around his torso and he finds himself trapped in a warm hug. The strands of red that hover over his face help him recognise the said person and he returns the sweet gesture by wrapping his feeble arms around her waist.
"Shirayuki.." he mumbles and she pulls back to look at him..to inspect him. The ferocity is gone. It isn't there in his gaze anymore and the colour is back in his skin. He stares at her and it seems as if he is seeing her for the time in his life. An unsuspected tear rolls down her eyelid and he catches it on the tip of his finger before it can hit the floor. She is glad..she is just so glad that the old Zen— her Zen is back to normal..
His eyes however, narrow at the tiny droplet on his finger and his lips turn down into a frown. "What did I do?" he asks. Shirayuki is a strong woman and there's rarely anything that can break her, which simply means that something really terrible must've happened to leave her so shaken.
Nonetheless, the young woman makes a horrible attempt of covering it up with a smile. Che! He's known her long enough to catch on when she's hiding something from him. And he has a very strong hunch that it has something to do with him..
"I did something, I know. So please tell me." He requests earnestly.
She wipes a few more arising tears and shakes her head. "It's nothing.."
His eyes narrow into slits and for an instance Shirayuki sees that look in his countenance— the one that berates himself for no damn reason. Sighing, he slaps his palms over his tired face and answers the question for himself, "I hurt you.."
"Zen! No!" she disagrees right away and yet her tears betray her statement as they endlessly cascade down her cheeks.
"I did hurt you." he says resolutely, his fingers gnawing at his face.
She let's out a long, aggravated breath. The tears never stop. Dammit why?! She was the one who agreed to helping him out with this. She handled him within those three long hours of surveillance. Heck! She even managed to keep his actions at bay when he was under the effects of a seizure! So then why? Why can't she stop shedding these tears? Is it because of that seizure? Did his yelling scare her this much? No..it can't be..or maybe it is...
"God! I should've known..this wasn't a good idea.." he mutters, staring at his clenched fists.
Again! Why is he always ready to take the blame for everything that happens between them? And she? Why is she even crying? It was a mere seizure. Things like this are bound to happen when a person drinks poison and she being an herbalist, must always be mentally prepared for this. Forcefully rubbing off her tears, she looks at the guilty expression on his face.
"No Zen.." she mumbles, refuting to watch him blame himself for what happened, "Yes you hurt me." She confirms with quick nods, "..but only because you were hurting."
His eyes widen and he stares dubiously at her. "You were in pain and you needed to let out your emotions on someone. And trust me, I'll always be around to handle your pain." She says, a small assuring smile curving upon her lips.
He can't help himself from staring at her. This girl. Why is she so generous? How can she forgive him just like that without even raising a single question about his actions? How is it that he never explains a thing to her and yet she understands everything? How? He watches her with his calculative gaze as she flashes him a bright smile, her face completely tear-stained. His fingers twitch and he is overwhelmed by this sudden urge to touch her..even just a little. And so, before she can even comprehend, he bends his head forward to capture her soft lips with his own. She is shocked but she closes her eyes, tilting her face slightly to let him deepen the kiss. A fire is kindled in his heart all over again. She has always had this effect on him and he pulls her by the waist into his awaiting lap, almost crushing her in his tight embrace. "I'm so sorry." he mumbles against her lips, "I'm so sorry I hurt you. I didn't even know I was. But I am extremely sorry." She encircles his neck with her arms, pulling him further down into the kiss. He passes his tongue over the cavern of her mouth, asking for permission and she parts her lips in affirmation. A sigh of pleasure escapes her lips as their tongues unite. Shirayuki realises that this isn't simply a kiss but a plea. She can feel his apology and fervour in this kiss and she accepts it all with equal passion.
When they finally pull back to allow themselves a breath, he finds himself giving her one of his own smiles. Life really wasn't all that fun before he met Shirayuki. He can't remember much of his past but ever since she has entered his world, he has started creating some really fond memories. And he is sure that together they will keep continuing on this path.
Taking her small palm between his fingers, he leans his head down and places a soft kiss over the back of her palm. "Shirayuki, thank you for holding me when I was hurting and for believing in me even when I hurt you.."
They exchange another smile, as the memory of this eventful day etches into their minds...
A/N: I know..the ending isn't all that good. I don't even know if this fic fits the theme but please try to bear with it. I'm planning a sequel for this..:3
On a completely different note, Mithradatism or simply 'poison-intake', is a very precise technique. It requires a lot of focus because even a tiny mistake can result in grave consequences. I know because it used to be a very famous practice in my country and I've read and researched a lot about this. This fanfic contains just a fraction of facts that I know about Mithradatism. So please, anybody who just read this story, do not try any of this at home.
~Manika