It was a nightmare Marcus had not had before. He still had nightmares, terrorising his sleep. Waking him up in a cold sweat, always alone and terrified. His heart ready to explode. He slept alone by choice, no one to hurt but himself. He didn't want James to be afraid of him as a child or share his fears. He didn't want to hurt Anya.

This was not a nightmare or a flash back he was familiar with. 'Let this be a horrible nightmare. Let me wake up'

He was in a clearing, surrounded by a meadow of flowers. They were wilted and scorched and a plume of smoke hung in the air. Bodies of faceless soldiers lay all around. Some screamed out for help but there was a body he was drawn to.

"James, no, no" The words could barley leave his mouth. The ground coated red around his sons body with heavy blood loss.

James opened his eyes, he was in his dads arms. He couldn't breathe. He tried to speak. Footsteps were running towards them.

"Don't try to talk son, just hang on. I'll get you out of here"

James closed his eyes and raised a hand to his heart, tapping it the way his mum would. A signal that Marcus knew was a way of saying he loved him.

"Stay with me James"

There was a loud bang as a mortar fell near by. Marcus covered James from the flying debris. He saw what they had done to his son. He was dying. Nothing he could do. He held him tighter now begging that he'd hang on. Just long enough for a medic to get here. The footsteps stopped and stood watching them.

Marcus shook his head and put his hand on a wound that was bleeding heavily near his heart, seeping through the armour. "I failed the others, but please, not you, I promised your mother"

'Let me wake up please. I don't, can't see this'

James grasped his Dads hand, his eyes bloodshot and pupils dilated. He tried to talk again but his throat was too swollen, pieces of burning hot shrapnel had pieced his armour and torn through his skin. His face had been lacerated, visible parts of his body were covered with cuts, his skin torn and his leg had both been broken, the bone piercing through the skin. The traumatic injuries mounted in front of his eyes with every glance. He looked back at his face. The left eye had now swollen shut. His lips were turning blue and his breathing rapid but shallow.

"Sshh don't try to talk"

A gurgle 'Fuck! No! Make it stop, let me wake'

He was in shock, too much blood loss. But Marcus was too paralyzed by fear. His son was dying.

"WHERE IS THAT FUCKING MEDIC?" he screamed, "Its okay James. Your not alone"

James had something he wanted to say "I'm sorry" he managed, "I fucked up right? I failed"

His voice was raspy and his breathing now wheezy.

'No,no'

"You didn't fuck up. God James, not like this. You have to know that through all the fights, through all our trials I have never stopped loving you. You mean so much to me. Your my kid. We have so much to make right"

He squeezed James' hand "The day you were born was the happiest day of my life, you have no idea how many regrets I have and now I cant fix it. Forgive me James"

He tried to compose himself, he'd never let James see him this vulnerable and scared.

"WHERE IS THAT FUCKING MEDIC?!. James please"

'Fuck hiding it he knows. He knows your scared'

There was nothing but a sea of red now. His eyes slowly closed. The grasp loosened.

"Dad, its okay. Let me go. There is nothing to forgive. I love you" The words came out in a whisper. Tears ran through the blood stained face which Marcus gently wiped away.

"Sshh son" he ran his hand through his locks. "Your mum would be so proud of the man you've become. I love you"

It went peaceful. He laid his son down and made him comfortable. He watched him take a final few breathes and then he had gone. Marcus was screaming over and over, the loss destroying him. He could feel his heart tearing in two. The anguish was there for all to see. This grief wasn't like losing Carlos, or Dom or even Anya. It drowned him – all the lost years fighting. Missing him grow up. 'Why? I should have been there'

"NOOOO! YOU BASTARDS" he saw a drone approach and picked up James's lancer and fired until the clip was empty," . James, please"

He fired up the chainsaw and tore through the dead drone. His screaming continued until his voice went hoarse.

He went back to his son and looked over his broken body. The image bore hard into his brain. He closed his eyes and collapsed wishing it was him that was dead. His whole body shook with uncontrollable sobs. The anguish to much to comprehend.

"It should have been me"

A voice came from behind laughing and taunting him, "Do you feel that?, that's for everyone you killed you bitch"

A gun pressed against his temple, "Just do it. Just fucking do it" He snarled.

He closed his eyes, tears running down his cheeks. They'd achieved what they had wanted to. He had nothing left to give. No will to live or fight.

The trigger pulled and all went black.