Sera… Do you ever think about love?
I took a deep breath, pulled the trigger and watched the body hit the floor before exhaling and looking to Orion who was floating around to my right, he was staring intently as something on the ground. I leaned over and looked down to see a ring; it was a wedding ring by the look of it, a simple gold band.
"Can't say I do… not really got much time for stuff like that right now" I said looking from the ring to Orion, he looked sad.
You hear people talk about the price of things, the price of safety, the price of love, the price of power… What price have you paid for a second chance at life and the gift of the Light?
I looked back to the ring, studying it for a moment before reaching down and picking it up and slipping it into one of my knife pouches. "I don't know Orion… whatever the price, it is probably worth it" I muttered before looking back down my scope and lining up the next shot… the Cabal were idiots, did they not think we would peruse them across the EDZ like they did us? Did they not think we would seek them out and put an end to them as they did us?
I squeezed the trigger, smiling as the body hit the floor.
"I love you… you are my best friend, without you I would be lost… without you I would be nothing, no one… another name lost to time, another pile of bones reminding others of the dangers of the Cosmodrome" I said, lining up the next shot. These Cabal were idiots and had obviously never heard the words 'take cover' before, not that I was complaining, it made picking them off easier and quicker.
Sera…
I quickly made my shot, ensured the body hit the floor and then looked to Orion, he was looking at me, his shell had shifted, he looked happier than he had done a moment ago. I smiled at him and held my hand out for him, he floated down and came to rest in my palm, I brought him up to my lips, placing a small kiss on the top little spike of his shell and then moving him up to my eye level.
"As long as I have you by my side I don't need anyone else. Now, how about we get back to the Tower, let Commander Zavala know this bunch of brutes won't be a problem and then get a bite to eat" I said and Orion lifted himself up from his resting place in my palm and nodded.
That sounds like a plan… I wonder if Commander Zavala has any thoughts on the price you Guardians pay…
I just chuckled and stood. He probably would. Though I doubted he would have time to go over them with Orion, since we had taken back the city he had been working nonstop trying to organise the rebuild and keep track of our enemies' movements.
A quick scout round the area led to me spending ten minutes trying to crack open a Cabal cache before left, making our way back home, though due to a slow and steady flight back to the Tower it was getting on in time when we arrived back.
"Ah, if it isn't my favourite Huntress… been up to much?" Cayde's voice asked and I glanced up to the walk ways that slithered their way through the hanger. He was stood watching me move through the hanger, that damned chicken perched on the railings, how that thing hadn't fallen off yet was a mystery to me; it had to be one of the stupidest birds I had ever come across. "Just driving Cabal crazy to the point they lose their heads" I stated, smirking at the Hunter Vanguard before continuing to head out the hanger. "Sounds fun… Keep up the good work!" Cayde called after me, he sounded as enthusiastic as ever, I just held one arm up in the air and gave him a thumbs up, he had to be the single most charismatic person I had ever met.
As I entered the courtyard I noticed there were not that many other Guardians around, a few were gathered around Rahool and Banshee had some company, though Commander Zavala was stood all on his lonesome and as soon as Orion had ensured I was walking towards him he shot off ahead of me to the commander. The commander seemed a little surprised by Orion's sudden appearance and glanced round, his gaze coming to settle on me and he smiled before turning back to Orion.
… I mean… what do you think? What is the price? Is there a price? Will it be worth it? Sera thinks it will be… though we've spent pretty much every waking moment since her revival fighting our enemies and making the system a safer place… Maybe any price would be worth paying to her due to that fact, but would that be the same for everyone? Would you, Sera and one of the… younger Guardians consider whatever the price is to be worth it?
I found myself chuckling as Orion basically ranted at Commander Zavala, how many questions had he thrown at the poor man?
"Well… It is not something I have ever thought about I must admit… though it is a very interesting question. I imagine there is a price we all must pay, though there is no guarantee that everyone will pay the same price or that it will be worth it for everyone" Commander Zavala mused whilst Orion just floated there, looking all thoughtful and cute.
"The Cabal camping out in the mountains won't be an issue anymore" I stated as silence fell. Orion was a rather chatty Ghost compared to others, or so I had been told, it just meant I had learnt to make the most of any silence and say what I needed to before the little Ghost found his voice again. "Good… we continue to push them back and they continue to flee. Our next should be to secure the materials we need to start rebuilding the city… I'll speak with the others; put together a list of what we need and where we are able to obtain it from" Commander Zavala stated in a very matter-of-fact tone.
Do Guardians marry? I mean… everyone feels love, but do Guardians get to act on it? Or is their work more important?
I glanced to Orion and smiled… he was probably confusing Commander Zavala, jumping from seemingly random topic to another. But as with everything, he just took it in his stride.
"I know of a few Guardians who are… couples, but I am unaware of if any have married. Everyone is free to act on their feelings, it is their choice to either prioritize their feelings or their work" Commander Zavala stated and I moved so I could lean against the railings and look out at the city… it was nice to see it back in our ownership, back in the light…
I knew you would have some insightful thoughts on the matter… Didn't I Sera… Sera… Are you even listening? Oh you've zoned out again… she had that look on her face when Cayde introduced her to his new chicken… she doesn't like the chicken, it tried to eat me… Sera loves me so she doesn't like things that try to eat me.
I turned to look at Orion; he was orbiting Commander Zavala who'd taken up a position leaning back against the railings, probably letting the Ghost do as he pleased whilst his own Ghost simply floated beside him, moving out of Orion's way as he passed by.
"You are my constant companion, you know everything there is to know about me… you complete me, of course I don't like things trying to eat you, be it a chicken or that damned Thrall on Titan that chocked to death on you… even if it was the funniest thing I have ever seen" I chuckled and Orion moved so he was in front of me and glared at me.
You stood there laughing… you were laughing so much in fact that you were doubled over gasping for air by the time it chocked to death… ON ME!… And then once it died you took three minutes and forty-two seconds to cut me out of its throat. You then joked about it with Sloane… And Cayde… Even Failsafe ended up knowing about it!
I found myself laughing all over again whilst Orion just glared at me, I was sure I even heard Commander Zavala chuckle. "It was just so funny… It was grasping at its little throat and stumbling all over the place whilst you were yelling at it to cough you up or to just rip its own throat out and die already because I was a useless Guardian" I chuckled as I composed myself. Orion still glaring at me but I could tell it was half hearted. "You know if I thought you were in any real danger I would have stepped in right away. I would have reached down that Thrall's horrible, icky, toothy black hole of a throat and pulled you out before putting my blade in its head" I stated and Orion's expression softened and he came to perch on my shoulder.
Just remember… You love me AND you need me to be able to do your work so I am your priority
I smiled and lent my head slightly to the side so I could rest my cheek on Orion's shell. He was warm, he was always warm. "And you just remember that even though I love you it is still funny when a Thrall chokes to death on you" I mumbled, before moving my head and looking to Commander Zavala who was just watching the two of us, a content smile on his face.
How come you've never told me you love me?
Commander Zavala's Ghost had a rather soft voice which surprised me a little bit; I would have expected it to sound more like him… Then again, Orion sounded nothing like me. "Maybe because you've never asked" I said and the Ghost looked to me, nodded and then back to Commander Zavala.
Do you love me?
"Of course I do, you are the only constant thing in my life" Commander Zavala stated and Orion floated up a little as if to say something but I dragged him back down and back onto my shoulder.
What about the other Vanguard? And that female guardian you are always thinking about… They are pretty constant?
I took a deep breath, doing my best not to laugh or look as if I was paying any attention to their conversation… Orion however wasn't even trying. I knew he was watching and listening, despite my subtle attempt to get him to focus on something else.
"Maybe this is a conversation for another time…" Commander Zavala stated, his voice lower than it had been a minute ago, probably a little embarrassed at his Ghost for outing the fact he had a crush on another Guardian. Though his Ghost did not look happy at the idea of having to have the conversation another time, they seemed to want to have the conversation now, no matter who was present.
Why? Why can't you have it now? Hunters are good at keeping secrets aren't they? She isn't going to go run off and tell others what you've said…
"That isn't the point Neptune. All you need to know is that I do love you, you are always by my side and I will do everything in my power to keep you safe" Commander Zavala stated and I smiled and looked out over the city, Orion seemed to be getting antsy on my shoulder, shifting constantly and looking all over the place. Probably wanting to either say something or to go elsewhere and do something else.
Very well. Though I will be telling Ikora and Cayde you forgot about them when you called me the only constant thing in your life… and as for… the woman… wait a minute…
Before Neptune could say anything more Commander Zavala coughed into his fist and smiled at me. "I shall inform you as soon as I am aware of what materials we require and where they can be found" he said and I simply nodded and stood, Orion moving to float above me, glancing at Neptune before following me back through the courtyard and towards the new Guardian quarters.
Neptune, what a fitting name for a Ghost… they always did remind me of water in the way they moved, and Neptune was the God of the sea…
Sera… Do you think you will ever love another Guardian again… or another individual? Not in the way you love me… but, romantically…
I glanced to Orion and gave him a soft smile and shrugged. "I don't know Orion, maybe one day. But to be honest I am pretty damned happy to say the only person I love in my life is my amazing little Ghost… My little light" I chuckled remembering how much calling him little annoyed him, though this time he didn't respond, he just floated along next to me. I just sighed, content and happy with how things were back to some form of normal and hit the call button on the elevator to take me down to the apartments.
After a few minutes the elevator doors opened, I was rather thankful it was empty and that no one else was waiting to go down either. Since defeating Ghaul everyone had been wanting to congratulate me and thank me… ask me questions about it, questions I didn't want to answer and sometimes just couldn't. It had been a very hard and trying time for everyone, but just because I managed to get my light back and enable us to turn the tide of the war with the Red Legion it did not mean I had an easy time of things. My best friends were dead, both died in front of me; the road to The Farm and relative safety had been paved with dead guardians and lost Ghosts whose existence was coming to an end and the Cabal, Fallen… Hell even the Hive had pursued us relentlessly, trying at every turn to murder me and Orion… The one person I had left I could trust up till discovering Commander Zavala, Cayde and Ikora were alive, and even then they seemed just as lost as I was, they were just better at making winging it look like a solid plan.
Sera… Sera… Orion to Sera… Anybody home!
Orion's voice ripped me out of my day dream; he was bobbing up and down in front of my face, a concerned expression on his… face… What was it called? I had always referred to it as a face but it was just one eye… and that eye was a bulb essentially? His expression was shown via the movements of his shell…
For crying out loud Sera! This is our floor! Come on… Others are waiting for the elevator!
Once more Orion's voice brought me out my day dream and I just nodded and glanced round, I was no longer alone in the elevator, a young looking Warlock and his Ghost were staring at me. "Sorry… Been a long few days" I muttered before exiting and heading down the corridor to my apartment.
Sera, you've been doing that a lot recently… just… staring, are you OK? Is something on your mind? Do you require anything? Is there anything I can do?
I smiled at Orion's worry; he was so loyal, so observant… picking up on the tiniest details of, and changes in, my behaviour. "I am fine Orion… Like I said, it has just been a long few days and I am ready for a hot relaxing bath and some good food followed up by a long nights sleep if at all possible" I stated, casting a smile at the little Ghost.
Very well… though you promise you'll let me know if there is anything. Anything you need, that I can do, that you require… OK? Promise…
I chuckled and nodded as we entered the apartment, "I promise Orion, now go start running that bath whilst I check what I have in the fridge" I commented and Orion nodded happily and darted towards the bathroom whilst I headed to the kitchen to see what food I had in. As I opened the fridge I frowned and stood back, I had a carton of milk that was well pasts its best, a very sad looking bunch of spring onion and half a tin of soup that I am pretty sure had been in there longer than the milk.
Your bath is running and… you need to go shopping more often… and empty the fridge out more often… I can't smell and I know that milk smells horrific… it is that old…
I sighed and shut the fridge door; maybe I had something more edible in the cupboards. I quickly went through them, wanting to find something I could have to eat after my bath, but there wasn't much in the cupboards either. "Noodles… carrots, broccoli and one potato… well this is going to be the saddest ramen I have ever had" I sighed and I put the ingredients out on the side and headed to the bathroom.
Another minute and my bath would be ready, the water was nice and hot and I had just enough bubble bath left to put in to make it that little bit more relaxing. I quickly grabbed a towel and some pyjamas, the towel went on the heated towel rack and the pyjamas on the bed, tonight was going to be all about relaxing and nothing else.
After my bath I had dried off and decided against cooking a disappointing ramen and sent Orion up to the ramen shop in the Bazaar and told him to get me something to eat and that I would be happy with anything as long as there were dumplings.
Left alone with my thoughts I took a seat on the sofa, wrapped a blanket around my shoulders and just stared at the wall… I used to like peace and quiet, I used to like having a little time alone whilst Orion went and dropped something off or picked something up, having that time to compose my thoughts and just relax… Now I hated it. Silence used to be a rarity, in the old tower fireteams would often live together meaning there was never a dull moment, never a quiet moment, but now, now I couldn't think of a single fireteam who had not lost at least one member in the attack. The fireteam we'd raided the Vault of Glass with, Fireteam Inferno, had all perished… the fireteam we'd joined up with to take Crota down, Fireteam Beast had lost all but one member… Fireteam Alpha, Fireteam Ocean… both wiped out. Fireteam Banshee all but one member killed… my fireteam… Fireteam Constellation… one survivor.
We all felt it, felt the light being ripped from us, our power being drained from us… Our Ghosts… Orion's little light went out and he fell to the floor as I feel to my knees. What had the Cabal done to the traveller? What had that done to us?
I scrambled to pick Orion up, holding him as tightly as I could, as close as I could, I had never known life without him and not hearing his voice, the sounds his shell made as it moved… it was unsettling to say the least.
"YOU BASTARD! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!?" Alexis yelled, forcing himself to his feet and charging at the Cabal stood before us, I tried to reach out, grab him and pull him back, he would be no match for him without his powers, without his Ghost's backup… Though I had not expected what happened next… And from his reaction, Phobos had not either.
The sound was loud; it was sharp and stung my ears, and though it was over within a second the moment seemed to go on forever. The Cabal had drawn his weapon and fired. Alexis stopped in his tracks, staying standing for a second or two before dropping to the floor, I watched his body carefully, hoping, praying for the tiniest bit of movement but there was nothing. The bullet had ripped through his armour like a hot knife through butter; I didn't want to think about what it had done to his internal organs... Though it was too late, the thought had crossed my mind and I felt my lunch try and make reappearance.
I'm back! And with ramen!
Orion's voice jerked me from my thoughts and back to the present day, a feeling of nausea sitting deep within my belly instantly making me wish I didn't have to eat. "Great… what did you get me?" I asked turning to look at Orion who smiled and presented me with a chicken ramen, dumplings and some sweet syrup dough balls for after the main. "You know… I am tempted to just send you up there every night and not have to bother cooking ever again… though I am pretty sure you'd get fed up with it and I would have to work out more to offset all the calories from the yummy food" I stated as I made myself comfortable and started to eat. The soft sounds of Orion's shell moving helping me to feel more settled once more.
To be honest, we are in the field a lot more than we are the tower so I can't see that being an issue
I just chuckled at Orion's comment and continued to enjoy my meal. Ramen had always been my favourite, Phobos always joked all hunters had to consume it in order to be able to do their jobs… He always was a joker… even at the very end he was making jokes…
Both myself and Phobos found ourselves knelt on the edge of the ledge, I looked to him and he looked to me. "I would say remember which cord to pull to deploy your parachute but I see you forgot yours as well" he chuckled; all I could manage was a half hearted smile… "See you on the other side Sera... it's been an honour and a pleasure fighting alongside you, be it on the battlefield or in the line for ramen, the lifeblood of the hunter" he chuckled before crossing his arms over his chest, holding his Ghost close and falling backwards… Orion had already fallen over the edge, my grip had not been tight enough… I had lost him, just as I had lost Alexis, and now Phobos.
I turned towards Ghaul, if this was how I was going to die, so be it… at least I would be with my fireteam soon enough.
I shook my head, trying to shake the memories from it, hoping they'd be shaken loose and their grip on my mind lost so I never had to think or dream about them again. I glanced to Orion who was perched on a cushion watching me, probably wondering what I was thinking about, what was going on in my head and why I wasn't telling him what was on my mind, the little Ghost was smart, he knew I was lying to him, though he also knew if he pushed me for the truth it would only end badly, patience and time, that was the key, that was his way in.
Sera… I am happy we are back in the city, as charming as the EDZ and farm can be there is nowhere like home…
I found myself smiling as I shovelled ramen noodles into my mouth, making quick work of them so I could reply, thankfully I didn't choke on them, that would not be a good thing to do given that the Thrall incident had been mentioned today.
"I am happy we have the city back… though it doesn't feel like home anymore… most the people that helped me make it home are gone… I only really have you left Orion… you are my home" I all but whispered, Orion floated up from his perch and came to rest on my shoulder, looking up at me with his bright little optical lens. "I mean there's still Cayde and the other Vanguard, but Alexis and Phobos are gone… A large number of individuals we worked with during different crises are gone… they are dead" I muttered, my eyes beginning to water causing me to quickly wipe away any spillage, if I started crying now I had no idea if I would stop.
Sera… ARE you OK? You've not really talked about Alexis or Phobos since they died… since the camp in the mountains. Since then you've not really talked about the dead
I swallowed the lump in my throat, maybe he just needed patience and not time… I seemed to be unravelling right now, letting everything spill out and hoping I could put it all back in afterwards. "I've been having dreams… nightmares… about what happened to them, to Alexis and Phobos, about the dead Guardians at that camp, the message that kept playing, how I was powerless to help them all, useless to them… how I still am because what good am I to the dead? Am I even of any use to the living? I mean there are plenty of other Guardians who can do what I can, plenty of other competent snipers, others who can go run round collecting resources and driving back our enemies, and probably do it without seeing the faces of the dead every time I hear Cabal gunfire or those mutts howl… I fear one day that those sounds will transport me back there, to those moments… that I will lose everything all over again, lose you again… If I lost you again Orion I have no idea what I would do" I whispered, if I whispered it, it seemed less real, I couldn't hear the words come out my mouth as clearly as if I spoke them normally, it made is easier to cope with. Not that I was really coping.
For a minute or two there were no words spoken, just the sound of my breathing and the gentle sounds of Orion's shell moving… Then he spoke, it was quiet but deafening all at the same time, simply because of the implications of his words.
Sera… Do you think you are suffering with some form of emotional trauma?