Fire. Lots of fire. As I swirl in my dress on the stage the fire engulfs me. But it doesn't stop. As it continues to burn it grows larger and larger, finally searing into my skin. As I wince in the pain it causes I cannot stop my body from spinning. The spinning goes faster and faster and as I chose on the smoke and ash created by my burnt dress and skin I wake up to the clang of a pan landing on the stove.

I'm still seated in the rocking chair I fell asleep in last night. My blanket fell to the floor and my matted, greasy hair sticks to my forehead and neck as it combines with sweat. I've gotten used to this. Every morning I wake up in a sweat as Greasy Sae and her granddaughter make enough noise to awaken me. I don't mind. Although I feel completely numb to everything around me, it's good to see other human beings around me. To let me know that my entire life is not one huge nightmare. Although it might as well be. I feel unhinged.

Greasy Sae has even stopped trying to make conversations and simply limits herself to small comments here are there about what has been going on in the district- who has moved back, what is being built—but never more than a sentence or two each day. She usually looks at me with concern in her eyes, but I can't care. I feel like my mind is dead and I am dragging myself through each day as memories flood me and I go back to the rocking chair, numb from the destruction I caused. I know I didn't cause it directly, but because of my obstinate character and the symbol I was, I can't help but feel like I helped egg on the rebellion and the deaths that followed.

"Spring is in the air today; you ought to get out. Go hunting." I finally register that she's spoken to me and gently shake my head as I squeeze my eyes and rub them, helping me wake up more. I drag myself out of the chair to sit down at the table and down the entire glass of water Sae left me. I cough a little still feeling the lingering smoke and ash from my most recent nightmare and slowly start to eat the eggs and toast Sae places in front of me.

"I don't have a bow," I say, my mouth full of toast. These are the first words I've said in several months and Sae turns around to look at me with her eyebrows raised since I've finally responded. She finishes cleaning the dishes and puts on her sweater and holds out her hand for her granddaughter so they can leave.

"Check down the hall" she says as she is about to walk out the door.

I consider going down the hall but decide not to. Too much effort. But finally after sitting in my chair with an empty plate and cup next me I decide to try it. As I walk down the hall into the study and glance around quickly, trying not to spend too much time in there as the stench of President Snow still lingers in my nostrils- more than a year later. I see my father's hungting jacket, our plant book, my parents' wedding photo, the spile, and the locket Peeta gave me. Finally resting against a book case I see the two bows and a sheath of arrows. I quickly grab them and the hunting jacket and leave the room; slamming the door shut. That was enough energy spent today so I sit on the sofa, since it's softer than the rocking chair, and fall asleep.

A horrible nightmare invades my slumber. I'm lying in the bottom of a deep grave and every dead person I know my name comes and throws a shovel of ashes on me. The line seems endless and I try to call out, to no avail. The shovel continues to scrape. Louder and louder it seems. Until I awaken with a jolt as I realize, in my half-sleep/half-awake status that there is, in fact, a shovel scraping on the ground outside of my window. As I run outside to confront whatever dead person is haunting me I stop in my tracks as I see him. His face is flush from the heat and digging the ground under the windows.

"You're back," I say.

He stands up and wipes his dirty and sweaty forearm across his sweatier forehead, "Dr. Aurelius wouldn't let me leave the Capitol until yesterday," he says. "He also said you need to answer the phone. He can't keep pretending to treat you forever."

I can't help but stare at him. He is changed, but not so much that he is unrecognizable. His eyes have a brightness to them which I have missed. As I try to think of a new subject to talk about I glance over to see what he has planted. In my clouded mind all I can think is "rose" and I'm upset that he is planted the flowers by my home. A slew of foul words fill my mind until I realize that they are not ordinary roses, they're primroses. I guess he picked up on this because he says, "Primroses."

As I register everything that had happened in these past two minutes I run upstairs out of embarrassment due to my actions and my incredibly unkempt state. I run upstairs and pace, registering everything that has happened and realize the stench of roses has followed me. I rush downstairs to the study, grab the vase with the wilted flower and throw it in the fire. As it burns I throw the vase in the fire for good measure as well.

Back upstairs I run to the bathroom and hunch over the toilet, wanting to throw up. Finally, looking down at myself, I realize the poor state I have been in for the past few months and climb into the shower; avoiding the mirror.

I guess I hadn't registered how early it was because while I am getting dressed and combing my hair I hear the familiar clank of the pan on the stove and giggles of a little girl who lives in her own world. As I trudge downstairs Sae greets me with a smile mixed with amazement.

"Well, you don't look like death anymore," she says with a smile on her face.

"Sae, where did Gale go?" Her smile fades as she says, "District Two. Got some fancy job there. I see him now and again on the television"

We sit in silence for a while as I begin to find relief in this statement.

"But Peeta's back." She says with a smile obvious in her tone.