It was an unusual calm Sunday in the Burrow, when it happened.
It was September and it was the first year, that he wouldn't be in Hogwarts since he was a child.
Ron was a bit distracted. After loosing Hermione in the war he still had problems to relax and not watch the misty night outside of the window if there wasn't a dark silhouette moving, that was foreshadowing a new fight, a new loss to mourn over.
He nibbled nervously at his fingernails and accidentally bit a bit to far and much, when a certain scream of his mother pulled him back into reality.
He was already reaching for his wand in reflex when he noticed that his mother actually seemed happy.
She was crying in happiness.
Slightly confused he mustered his family around the kitchen table, which didn't stay unnoticed by Harry who was seated beside him.
The mouth full with mashed potatoes and the green eyes sparkling in a rare moment of light-hearted amusement Harry muttered silently in his ear that Fred just told the family, that he'd be a father in a few months.
Ron looked a bit disbelieving in Angelina's direction and then to Fred. He did know that those to were a couple, but somehow it seemed surreal for him that Fred just actually lead a normal relationship, with kids and white picked fence and all that.
Mum was going on about the poor child being born in sin, Angelina and Fred being not married, while still broadly smiling and obviously happy about the thought of getting another grandchild. Dad was hiding that he was close to tears of joy behind his tumbler of Odgen's. Dad loved children. He was good with them, perhaps because he could be pretty childish himself. Growing up with such a dad was great and Ron knew that he was an equally great grandfather.
For Dad kids got complicated to deal with, when they reached puberty.
Ron didn't know exactly how to react.
Still slightly confused he looked around the table. At Bill, holding his daughter in his arms beaming happily, even with all the scars that would have made any other person look ugly, still looking glorious and like the hero of a big brother Ron worshipped when he was a child.
Charlie who was on a visit from Romania wrestling Fred in a bear hug, loudly cheering how brilliant it was to be a uncle for his child.
Ginny, sitting next to Harry and sneakily whispering something in Harry's ear that made him blush...Ron tried to ignore them, perhaps one day it would get easier with practice.
Percy was missing... he seldom visited the family.
As far as Ron new, he married a woman named Audrey and they lived in a Muggle house.
Ron had not seen him since the end of the war.
And then there was George.
George, who was wearing a giant smile and laughed and said he'd teach the kid how to be as annoying as possible to its parents and desperately trying to act how a good brother should when he's told that he'll become an uncle.
George who looked incredibly miserable and lonely.
Ron shifted on his seat helplessly.
This was his family.
They've had enough of loneliness and sadness for several lives! It hurt to see any of them sad.
For a moment George looked him in the eyes, silently begging him to stay were he was and not make some scene.
Ron knew George's love for Fred was not just brotherly since George made him talk about his own fascination for his obviously heterosexual best friend.
After Ron finally cracked under the interrogation of his big brother (he first thought George would just take the piss out of him), he was the one to go to when he couldn't take it anymore.
During his teenage years, more than one night he spent in the common room, slightly drunk from the alcohol his big brother sneaked in, and allowed himself to be comforted.
The way George were trying to advice him, made Ron think that George had experience with unrequited love and that this person was male.
He started to observe his brother, learning more about George than he ever knew about him in the last decade of years.
It was surprisingly simple to figure out who the mysterious person was, after Ron discovered George knowing well how someone with a broken heart felt.
It was weird to find out that George was actually a person, how liked to go with the flow. He didn't really take lead in any of the pranks the twins played. He just stayed by his brothers side, sharing the triumphs and detentions with him. Ron never heard the twins openly fight. Sometimes Fred, so it seemed, was trying to make George decide or was trying to get him to actually oppose him, but George stayed calm and faithful in these situations, smiling and saying yes to every plan the Fred made, even if it was terrible stupid.
At the beginning Ron was slightly repelled by the thought of George having a thing for his own twin brother...actually it still was difficult to grasp for him...but he couldn't seriously hate any of his siblings and George helped him a lot.
Slowly he got used to this underlying sadness that was oozing from his big brother, like a hidden wound.
They never talked about it though.
Sometimes Ron thought that George didn't want to spell it out in the fear it would become even more real if he'd actually acknowledge it.
Then the war came... other things were more important... there was no space for other thoughts than "keep Harry and Hermione safe" and "survive".
Hermione died, so many people were lost and hurt, Harry killed Voldemort and everything was more important than thinking of love...the only thing he cared for was safety...keeping his Family and Harry safe.
Ron shivered and look down on his hands. There was a bit of blood from his nail biting habit, he nervously scratched the back of his hand leaving red marks on the freckled skin.
He needed to get out of here.
Fast.
Hermione would know what to do.
His eyes ghosted to the door frantically.
Almost a year he had spend on getting Harry back together. The thought of killing a person, even if it was one of the biggest black wizards that ever lived, left Harry soul deeply scarred.
During that time there was no time think of anything fancy like love or lust.
Harry and him just made it barely to the next day, and the sheer feeling of being needed by Harry, to stop him from falling apart, was the only thing that kept him going.
A safety net that kept him from falling down the giant, pitch black hole that Hermione left in his life.
Ron shook his head, willed away the thoughts for the only person except Harry that he ever thought he'd want to be with for his whole life
Not sexually, but Ron was sure, with his amount of love he felt for Hermione, they'd have a normal marriage.
He could learn to love her like a husband should, couldn't he?
Wasn't this what George said: find someone who loves you back?
They would have been happy.
Forcefully he pushed back the chair and left the room.
When the the moist air of the evening welcomed him he calmed down a bit.
It didn't take even a minute until the door opened and Harry was beside him.
It was cold enough for his breath to form white clouds and Harry folded his arms in front of the best to keep him self a bit warmer.
"you okay?" he mumbled quietly, looking in the darkness in front of them.
"Hermione." Ron whispered, his voice sounding higher and thinner than he was used to, trying to will away the burning behind his eyes.
It hurt less than at the beginning, but it still hurt.
Harry tried hard to look not at him and his raw hurt, staring into the darkness, a quiet sound of frustration and sadness escaped his lips before he awkwardly pulled in Ron in an awkward one-armed hug.
There was no words of comfort and Ron was thankful for it.
No words would ever make it feel alright.
"Some days are more difficult." Ron muttered hoarsely.
When they came back into the house, they were eagerly awaited by the rest of the family who settled in the living room. Bill's baby was asleep in the crib that was already used by his great-grandfather, the rest comfortably lounged on the diverse couches and armchairs.
Mum was discussing names with Fleur, Ginny and Angelina, Bill had Fleur in his arms while talking about anti-theft-curses with Charlie.
Dad was already asleep and so was Fred, both snoring and looking unusually alike.
Harry smiled, and went to Ginny to kiss her and sit down beside her. Ron felt terrible out of place until George tugged him to sit beside him on the couch.
George looked terrible.
He was so pale, that the Freckles stood out even more than they normally do and summer sky blue eyes looked almost black against the white face.
"Ickle Ronniekins looks like he'd seen a ghost..." he grinned, but the grin didn't reach his eyes, making his face look like a grim mask.
"I'm fine." Ron muttered not protesting when George pushed a full tumbler of Odgen's in his hand.
"Come little brother, let's toast to Fred's attempt to live a like a honourable person." George chuckled quietly and they clinked their glasses.
This is how they did it when they were in Hogwarts...after all the years, after all the sadness, the war...it was weird how easy they fit back into their comfortable state of slightly drunken, miserable camaraderie.
They drank a lot of whiskey that evening. Harry joined them for a few glasses but then disappeared upstairs with Ginny, causing Ron to look slightly hurt and George giving him a sloppy hug, that made him spill half of the whiskey on his jeans.
They heard Bill in the background laugh and Mum's stern voice saying that George should stop making his brother drunk.
But they were already too drunk to care.
While their sentenced got more slurred and their faces became redder, one by one the rest of the family left upstairs, leaving just George, Ron, Odgen's and a snoring Fred behind.
"this is the biggest joke in history." muttered George staring at the sleeping form of Fred, after Mum went to bed pulling a groggy half-asleep husband behind her.
Ron looked at him suddenly feeling unexpectedly sober.
"Will you...be okay?" he tried clumsily earning a helpless shrug from his older brother.
"I was until now..." George managed a crooked smile, then he filled their glasses anew.
"You?"
"Dunno." Ron murmured glumly. "Everything's jus' totally shitty..." he slurred, leaning against George, who pulled him again in a slightly uncomfortable hug.
"Hermione's gone, Harry will go live Ginny in in a while..." Ron to a sip from his glass looking in the dying flames in the fireplace.
"He didn't tell me yet, but I'm sure he'll go..."
He felt George nose in his hair and the hug getting a bit more urgent. He was sure if it was because of George trying to comfort him or holding onto him to not lose it himself. George's arms were shorter than Ron's, but he was more muscular than his lanky younger brother. Ron was surprise about the strength.
"I'm just sick of feeling shitty all the time..." Ron whispered, hearing George sob dryly.
"ditto."
It needed a few more seconds for him to process, that George was crying.
He had never seen George cry.
A bit helpless he was pressed into his brothers arms. His back hurt, but he didn't dare to say anything, feeling silent tears trickle through his thick, red hair on the scalp.
There was no sound, just George crushing him against his chest like Ron was the last lifeline in an ocean of sadness, hurt and loneliness.
The early morning sun falling through the window made Fred's hair glow golden, when George finally let go of his younger brother.
Ron didn't have to ask what he wanted to do when he looked up.
George had made his decision.
His eyes looked empty and tired, but he didn't look desperate anymore.
"I'll write you." George said awkwardly staggering towards the door.
Ron nodded silently, watching him leave and the quiet "plop" of his brother disapparating a moment later.
He felt lonelier than ever.
When he stumbled into the Kitchen searching for a sober-up potion, he heard his Mum coming down the stairs.
"There you go." she muttered disapprovingly, pushing the little vial in his hand before starting to prepare breakfast.
Ron swallowed the potion in one go, feeling the dizzy feeling of the intoxication disappear and the ever-present feeling of loss coming back.
"Where's George?" Mum asked, while filling the teapot with water.
Ron sat down and laid down his hurting head on the cool surface of the kitchen table.
"Went outside." he muttered gloomy.
Mum looked at him sceptically, but she didn't ask for more information.
Hermione would have known what to do.
Ron had only blurred memories of the morning that followed.
The rest of the family coming in, breakfast, Harry sitting beside him looking worried, Fred getting frantic when he heard that George was gone...he must have known something...but he didn't stop him.
He didn't talk to him, he wasn't there for him.
Ron remembered his chair falling to ground when he stood up too fast, shouting at Fred, trying to hit him, angry, sad...lonely.
Charlie and Bill had to stop him and only a moment later Harry was beside him and side along apparated him to their shared flat.
Ron was known for his explosive temper, but this was the first time in a long time, that he didn't care, who it was that he hurt.
When he came to his senses, a big part of the furniture was in pretty bad shape and both, him and Harry, looked like they've fought with a lion.
"Feel better, arsehole?" Harry muttered and his green sparkled in suppressed frustration.
"No." muttered Ron and he didn't know what he did when he pulled Harry in a bone-crushing hug, roughly settling his chin on Harry shoulder.
"I feel shitty. Hermione is gone, George is gone and you'll go too and... everything's just..." his voice died, feeling Harry awkwardly patting his back.
Harry was never especially good with body contact...or comforting for that matter.
" 'am not going anywhere."he grunted before pushing Ron away.
"You'll move together with Ginny." muttered Ron and wanted to hit himself for the accusing undertone in his voice.
Harry didn't answer. He just looked utterly miserable and broken.
Two Months later Harry did move out.
The next year, while Fred's child was born and Ginny and Harry got engaged, Ron didn't do much else than work.
Ron started to get comfortable in his miserable new life. Feeling lonely, even though he was barely alone due to work.
Him and Harry were efficient as always when it to came to fight Dark Wizards, but outside of work they didn't see each other very often.
Harry tried to invite Ron over, but he didn't feel like visiting the person he loved in his shiny new home with his beautiful fiancée. Especially when the fiancée was his sister.
George kept his promise and wrote a letter every few months. Mostly telling he was okay and asking Ron to tell him if everyone was alright.
Ron wasn't sure if he should believe him.
Fred and Angelina lived still in separate apartments and Ron's anger cooled when he saw that Fred wasn't happy at all without his twin. He still made jokes and he liked pranks, but everything seemed forced and the new products he invented weren't as funny as the old ones.
It was a cold September day, almost exactly one year after George left, that Ron was sitting in a dark room, his arms behind his back and the feeling that he bolloxed things up...majorly.
He didn't want Harry to be in this. The Wizard they were hunting was a nasty, witty guy and he just couldn't stand the thought of bringing Harry in danger and so he deliberately kept informations from his best friend and partner.
Problem was, that this Whitman apparently had a spy in the ministry and so found out about him trailing him and he had already been waiting him and knocked Ron out with a curse before he even entered the room.
Ron was blind, probably an after effect of the curse.
Whitman tried to torture him, to make him spill out information about other captured Death Eaters, but Ron stayed quiet. Luckily the his capturer wasn't trying legilimency.
Every single bone in his body felt like it was burning.
He was asking himself if his mother's clock would show him being endangered right now... if she was scared.
He heard the opening door in silent and didn't know what to feel when the quiet rustling of heavy robed told him that Whitman lifted his wand and pointed it towards his chest.
He'd die now.
He bit his lips to keep himself from crying. It's not like his life was particularly fun the last years, but he'd still would have liked to continue to work together with Harry...he didn't want to die.
He didn't want his family to miss a son and brother. And even if he was going to be sad, he wanted to attend Harry's and Ginny's wedding...make peace with the thought of not being the most important person in Harry's life anymore.
Hexes flying through the air, voices shouting, then he felt the spider-like, slim long hands of a man checking his body for injuries.
Percy muttered vulgar words, that would have made Mum hit him with the wooden spoon, while he undid the chaining curse and Ron slumped against his meagre chest.
"Idiot! Did you wanna get killed?! Was this a suicide?!" Percy hissed, leaning him against the wall and holding him steady, while he called the Auror Department.
"Whitman...?" gargled Ron groggily, clinging to Percy.
"I think I killed him." replied Percy dryly. "Can't have anyone take away my baby brother."
Ron fell in a welcome darkness of slumber, never hearing his colleagues appear.
When he woke up the next time there were a lot of people around his bed.
His mother rushed to his side as soon as he opened his eyes.
She cried.
Ron looked around and it hit him like a brick wall, he was so stupid to think that he was alone.
Yes, he'd miss Hermione and he'd probably never be able to hold Harry like he wanted, but he had family.
He had brothers.
And even if they were boring, stuck-up, humour-less pricks, like Percy...they cared for him. They wanted him to be happy. And they were willing to rush to his side to keep him save, even if it was against a dangerous dark wizard.
And they were all there.
Charlie, with a fresh burn and smelling of dragon dung, grey-faced Percy, sleeping in a armchair at the window, Bill just coming in with tray full of tea, George, hand in his pockets and looking surprisingly well next to Fred, who looked like he was weighing much less than his twin.
His Father was there, looking decades older while his hand was clinging to Ron's.
"Morning, Sunshine!" smiled George, barely hidden anger in his voice.
"Did you try to kill yourself?"
Ron didn't answer.
"Is Percy okay?" he asked instead sitting up and tried to will away the dizziness. His body still ached everywhere from the torture.
"I'm fine." grumbled Percy from his armchair groggily.
"But seriously. Next time you pull a stunt like that, I'll hex you into the next week." Before even Mum had been able to scold Ron, it was Percy that ranted about him deliberately keeping data from his colleagues and bringing himself and the whole mission in danger because of a "stupid hero complex".
"I don't want to think about what would have happened, if I wouldn't have coincidentally found the file on the desk when searching for another file, that the minister asked for. What would have happened if I were already too late."
Ron had his head hanging low, he deserved it.
"I wanted to keep everyone save." he said quietly after Percy ended.
It was this moment, that Harry run in the room with flying robes, followed by a very tearful Ginny.
With a painful cry she threw herself into his arms, being shaken by violent sobs.
Ron's looked down on his sister, not really sure how he should act.
"It's okay, Ginnygirl." he patting her back in the attempt to try calm her down. "it's okay, I'm fine. Everyone is fine."
he lifted his gaze when she calmed far enough that she could sit up next to him, meeting Harry's eyes.
If Ron's family was worried, then Harry was furious.
The hands were balled to fists and the joints started to get white in the effort of not starting to hit Ron in front of his family.
He was so angry that he seemed to not be able to even form his anger in words.
Harry's eyes burned into his for a moment, then he stormed out of the room again.
It wasn't until he was released from the hospital, that Ron saw Harry the next time.
After his department chief had given him a long lecture about information management, he was suspended for a week and at the first evening Harry appeared on his doorsteps.
Luckily they had learned over the years that their fighting was saver without using their wands.
One of their usual fight started with a long period of both of them sulking, until one of them finally caved in and went to apologise.
Ron has always been pants at saying sorry.
So was Harry.
First they were staring at each other, then screamed until they were losing their voice, they hit each other, they threw things and then it was over.
They sat on the couch, wheezing, then Ron went to get them beer.
It needed two bottles until they finally talked with each other.
"You can't do stuff like that to me." muttered Harry hoarsely taking a sip from his beer. Ron looked up.
Harry's glasses were a bit out of shape and his right eye started to swell closed, there was deep cut in his bottom lip and over all he just looked really shitty.
"We're ...partners...aren't we?" there was a silent begging in his voice and it was the point were Ron finally decided that it was enough.
That he had to stop this. He had to give up.
"'course, we are." he mumbled pulling Harry close ruffling his hair.
"I just didn't want to have you with me in this...with your stupid hero-complex..."
"didn't your brother said something similar to you?"
Ron grinned.
"Well... seems like you're contagious."
that was it.
They were good.
Harry would marry Ginny, they'd probably have children and live a happy family life.
And Ron was there, having their backs.
And he had family that cared for him.
He was blessed.
He wasn't alone. His people cared for him and love him.
There was no right for him to feel lonely.
They were good.
That night, after Harry went home and everything was quiet, he cried for the last time.
He wrote a letter to George that evening.
He told him that he was giving up.
Two hours later, Ron already was in bed, a quiet crackle in front of his door told him that someone had apparated.
Ron hastily got in some cloths, when the door bell rang.
In the last days it was very easy to keep the twins apart. Fred looked still grey, but now that he knew that George was alive and well, he started to look a bit less miserable.
He was still way too thin, but the smile that was on his lips was a real one for the first time since the birth of his son.
He had a bottle of Odgen's in his hands and went inside before Ron could stop him, not commenting on the living room still looking like a Hippogriff made it's first attempts to fly there.
"George is staying with me for the weekend...he's checking on the shop." Fred gave an incomplete explanation for his visit down on the couch, while Ron went to get glasses for the whiskey.
Ron supposed that Fred had seen the letter and couldn't stop himself from reading...because he was Fred.
When there was one thing that Fred and Mum had in common it was that they were both very nosy.
"You know..." said Fred after a while.
"...I know for a long time you thought, I'm a bleedin' arsehole for making George go through that." he muttered and keeping his eyes on the golden liquid in his tumbler.
"But it's not that simple."
he leaned back, not looking at Ron.
"There's this...person. They're the important human in this whole world for you. You breath with them, you live with them.. every minute of your life you're with them...you love them...but then you notice that the way you get all nervous around girls, they get like this around you.
And this is not the only change!
They don't fight with you anymore, they don't tell you what they think or when you bollox things up, they are scared of you touching them...they keep things from you...and you feel lonely and betrayed."
Ron tries to not look at Fred, it is like looking at an open wound, loosing life with every drop of blood.
"You know what they want...and sometimes you think you should just give them what they want, so that they stop looking so bloody miserable...but it would be wrong.
Because you don't feel like that for them. It's wrong because they're important and they deserve someone that loves them like that... but at the same time, you love them so much, that you want to lock them up somewhere safe, so that they don't get hurt and you get jealous when you see others talking to them. Because this is your responsibility this is your friend, your brother, your partner..."
with a shallow clink Fred puts down the glass on the table and hides his face in his hands.
He's looking like he's ageing years in seconds.
"...and they're pulling away. They find others they talk with and you're lonely, but you know it's the best for them, so you don't stop them, even though it hurts...and you want to talk to them and tell them, that it is okay...that you care... that you'll find a solution together, because you're with them, but they're so scared of you finding out and they try so hard...you can't talk about it and there is this giant Hippogriff in the room and you both feel so uncomfortable and everything is just...shitty."
Ron looked at Fred dumbfounded, not knowing how to react with the sudden frankness.
"And then there's this girl...she says she's okay with your life being complicated... she says that she's okay with being the second fiddle...and she's beautiful and you love her, in the way that you just want to touch her all the time...she says that she's okay with not being the number one...but it's not true. And you know you hurt her and you hurt him, and you hurt yourself and they try so hard and you try so hard...but it just isn't enough and then everything just goes south and you watch everything fall to pieces and don't know what to do... how to help them...or you... and there's no way to fix it, but you're just not willing to give up."
After Fred's rant there's quiet.
"So... you think this is how Harry feels?" Ron says after while...there must be a reason why Fred decided to tell him this...and it is not to feel better. Ron can see that Fred is hurting. That it costs him all his willpower to talk about this.
He's doing this for Ron.
Ron is blessed with having big brothers, that care.
"I don't know." Fred's voice is cracking under the barely contained emotions.
"But you went through a lot of shit together and you stood by each others side. Just because he may not love you like that, doesn't mean that his kind of love is less intense or you're not important to him. It's not fair to keep him out of it. I wish George would have just talked about it. Being honest and all that shite. It feels awful to know there's a secret and they don't tell you."
He shrugged and emptied his glass.
"I'm also pretty sure that he at least suspects something like this...it's not like you're pretty sneaky about your feelings, Ronniekins!"
He punches him in shoulder, before getting up going to the loo and letting Ron a bit of alone time to process what he just heard.
Ron watched him leave the room.
In all that time he never even thought about telling Harry about this.
It was just so obvious that Harry liked girls and somehow it would have been too hurtful to destroy the last little bit of irrational hope by telling him.
And then there was war and the only thing important enough was sorrow and survival.
When Fred came back in the room he smiled wearily.
"Can I crash here, I think I can't deal with girlfriends or twin brothers right now."
Ron nodded.
They drunk a bit more then they sleep. Ron in his bed, Fred on the couch.
Next day, after Fred is gone, he went to visit Harry and Ginny.
It was the first time he's seen their home.
Ginny was all happy and giggly and gave him a tour through the apartment and Ron felt bad to be jealous of her.
He tried the best to smile, surprised how easy it is, and when he's seeing her and Harry kiss, it almost didn't hurt.
Harry's face still looked a bit deformed, but he must have used some kind of ointment, so that the bruises started to fade.
He got another awkward one-armed hug from his best friend, when Ginny started to make tea.
"Ginny." Ron says and hopes his voice sounds stronger than he feels. He had to do this now before he lost courage again.
"Can I talk with Harry alone? It's nothing bad...just...would you leave for a bit or something?"
Ginny looked worried and a bit hurt.
Ron came a few steps closer gently stroking her cheek.
"Come on, Ginnygirl, it'll be fast and I try not to bollox things up for a change."
She nodded slowly, got her cloak and was gone.
Harry removed the teabag from the pot and looks at him expectantly.
"So?"
And then he finally told everything.
About all the "I love you's" and all the "be with me"s, about all the hurt and fear and loneliness, about Hermione that he's still missing so much and and about being grateful, that Harry was still with him.
And Harry listened calmly. Nervous at first but relaxing. They both cried a bit and when Ron finally finished he got a proper hug and a hit to jaw, because it took him so long.
"I'm going to give up, Harry." Ron said with a smile and was surprised again how easy it was.
"I'm giving you up. I know you love Ginny. She's my precious little sister, I love her too. Nothing will change." He ignored his shivering hands.
He's a grown man, he won't act like even more of a poofter than he already was.
"We'll be partners and you'll be happy, Ginny and you, and I'll be with you guys and we'll have our friends and the family around and everything will be fine."
Harry looked sad and broken and confused, but he nodded and he promised Ron to never talk about this again.
When Ginny came home half an hour later they're sitting in the living room drinking beer and listening to the Saturday Quidditch game in the radio.
Just because he was telling himself that he gave up and was being supportive didn't mean that sitting through Harry's and Ginny's wedding didn't hurt like hell.
It was a family wedding...Harry never was someone that liked too much publicity. A sea of redheads and a handful of close friends watching them tying the knot was everything he needed.
Ron was sitting between his mum and Bill, and they were strong firm like a mountains, keeping him in place and safe. The little girl on Bill lap was the babbling happily and Fred's child left snot on Angelina's black dress and even though he felt like throwing up, he still thought that he'd like to be a Godfather for Harry's children.
There was a little éclat later, when Mum found out that George brought his male partner to the ceremony. Fred looked a bit green around the nose, when he gave the tall, strawberry-blond man his hand, but he tried his best.
Mum's not that calm. She huffed and prepared herself for one of her curtain preaches when she was stopped by Percy, whose wife Audrey was slightly pudgy around the middle.
"Mum. You've got seven children! You'll have enough grandchildren even if one or two of them may be interested in the same sex. This day is about Ginny."
And Mum looked still sceptic and unhappy, but it didn't stop Ron from actually catching finally what's happening.
He hugged Audrey and Percy grinning broadly and asked them if they knew already if it's a boy or girl and Audrey said "maybe both" and there were a lot of happy chaos and a lot of hugs were given and Ron forgot about Harry for a bit and watched his Dad openly crying in happiness, cuddling Ginny, who looked all shiny and sparkly, like a princess, and Charlie teaching baby Victoire how to make farting sounds with the lips and Fred and George finally sitting next to each other looking not like their hurting too much and he's happy in a broken way.
Hermione would love being with them.
Ron got blissfully drunk that day, with Charlie who sung Romanian songs and played guitar, Fred who showed them his newest prototypes and Fleur, who told dirty jokes in broken English.
He was almost happy.
It was around five years later, eight years after Hermione's death, that Ron noticed something, that pulled away the ground under his feet.
Harry was not happy.
He realised it when they were at work.
First he thought it was just overwork and he urged Harry to take a few holidays with Ginny, but it didn't get better.
And when he observed him in the next weeks, how Harry tried to arrange extra long shifts to not go home...he concluded Harry was trying to avoid Ginny.
He tried to make him talk, but it didn't work and since Ginny refused his help too, he ended up at Fred's shop, watching him tinker on a prototype and venting his frustration of seeing his little sister and his best friend being unhappy.
"You should just leave them alone. It's not good to get involved with other people's relationship." grinned Bill from the door. The oldest Weasley brother often came visiting the shop during lunch time, since he started working directly at Gringotts.
"Don't say that. I'd also get pretty angry if It'd see George being unhappy." muttered Fred without looking up.
"Harry and Ron are not twins." Bill reminded him gentle.
"they're not even brothers."
"But for me he feels like family." grumbled Ron the tea in his mug shaking slightly.
"And Ginny is the most beautiful, courageous, passionate, funny, intelligent..." he tripped a bit over his words, Hermione's bushy hair and knowing eyes ghosting through his mind for a moment "...living girl I know! Any guy that is not either blood related or gay should feel blessed, if she even looks at them! I don't get how Harry can not be happy with her!"
Bill laughs sadly.
"You know I think similar. Non of us wants to see them unhappy...but love is difficult. Just let them sort it out, Ronniekins."
And Ron listened to his advise and kept quiet, because Bill is wise and strong and even though he's an adult himself, there's no way Ron wouldn't trust that his oldest brother knows best.
Harry and Ginny broke up half a year later and if Ron thought seeing them together hurt, it was even more hurtful when he saw them part.
Ginny took the children and moved back to the Burrow for the first weeks and Ron was there as much as he could, because he felt his little sister needed him.
During work he was with Harry, who looked shitty and sad and Ron didn't know how to help him. Harry is different than Ginny.
He can help Ginny by being there, holding her in his arms and talking about things that don't matter.
He tried to make her smile by bringing her cookies when he comes from work or making her smile about his bad jokes and he spend time with her sons to support her.
With Harry, he sometimes thought that he looked even more unhappy when Ron tried to cheer him up.
They were still good at their job. They understood each other blindly and they know each others moves, strengths and weaknesses so perfectly, that the way they track down dark wizards is like a well-practiced choreography.
After one of these work days they sat on Ron's couch, cooling their bruises with cold bottles of beer, knackered but weirdly at peace.
Harry hugged Ron with one arm awkwardly, so that he spilled beer on his trousers and Ron looked up to complain, but he stopped when he saw that strange glint in Harry eyes.
He tried to back away, give Harry space, but Harry didn't like that and locked his head uncomfortably in the crook of his arm.
He came closer and Ron was panicking a little...a little much.
Harry leaned his forehead against his, muttering something that Ron was too distracted to understand and then...then they kissed.
Ron felt like the time was freezing for a moment. He didn't know what to do.
For so long he had been trying to keep his feelings in check and now he didn't know how to react.
Suddenly over a dozen years of longing come crushing down.
Somewhere in the background he heard two half-drunken bottles of beer falling to the ground, but he couldn't care less.
Desperately he pushed Harry backwards on the sofa, kissing him with all the urgency, all the fear of this being a dream...Harry was responding not less eager, tugging at his robes and scratching and groping his skin with nimble, hungry fingers.
When Harry came he was shouting Ginny's name.
Ron retreated in his room as soon as Harry fell as sleep on the couch.
He felt like dying for the first time in years.
The next week is very awkward, they don't talk much.
Harry seemed to ignore what happened that evening and Ron was just tot scared to bring it up.
He moved around him like he was walking on eggshells, barely allowing himself to look him in the face.
The quality of their work suffered from the strained atmosphere and after he messed up a sure catch in Horncastle, Ron decided it was better to work apart from Harry for a while and so he asked his boss to keep him on a desk job for a bit.
For a few seconds Mr. Bones stared at him perplexed, but he knows him long enough to suspect good reasons for Ron's decision and he agreed, even though he wasn't very pleased with the decision.
Harry was sent on a mission in Portugal two days later. Since Ron was not involved, nobody told him about this case.
Ron worries became bigger with every day passing.
He felt guilty for letting him go alone and was just so fucking scared that Harry wouldn't not come back.
Harry is a strong wizard and he's a cunning and experienced Auror, but he sometimes thinks too fast, doesn't think through and brings himself in danger in the process.
Ron tried to keep himself occupied.
He's organising missions, lead interrogations, helped Ginny move to a new apartment and taught chess to her oldest son James (the boy didn't seem very interested, but his little brother Albus was hanging on Ron's lips until he finished his explanations).
The evenings were bad though.
He stayed awake till his eyes burn and drank too much Odgen's to find his bed.
He was using too much sober-up potions. You're not supposed to consume them every morning.
They started make him feel ill, so he ate less.
His family started to worry. Mum sent food every day, and it stayed on the table a few days, until Ron had the heart to throw it away.
Percy started visiting his office during lunchtime and after asking a few times without success, he just dragged him to the cafeteria for lunch.
Ron ate half a sandwich. He felt so sick, that he puked two hours later and had to leave work early.
After a month he was so much of a wreck that he would have tried anything.
He broke into the department during that night and tried to find data about Harry's mission.
He couldn't find anything and stayed the rest of the night at his own desk, working on one of his cases, falling asleep in the early morning hours.
Mr. Bones was not very happy to find him asleep at the desk, but he didn't say anything.
A few days later Ron is sent out in the field again.
He's paired up with a very young guy, named John Smith, fresh out of Hogwarts. The boy had a fast mind, he had trust in the experience of Ron and they worked together well enough with him following Ron's directions and learning the business.
John had a nice sense of humour, so they hung out after work.
Ron felt responsible for him, because he were so much younger, so he was drinking less, when they went to the pub together.
John asked about work, about the war, He's Muggleborn. He said, while he learned about it in school, it's different when someone talks about it, who was involved it.
It hurts talking about it and Ron chose the things he tells carefully.
He talked about technical things, strategical things, sometimes he talked about his family. About Dad's calm resistance, George's loyalty, about Ginny's fierce sense of justice, about Percy's pride and Charlie's boldness. He talked about standing together, fighting to protect the one you love, fighting for your friends, your neighbours, your family.
John listened and he looked a bit proud, when Ron says, that's what they still do as Aurors.
Ron started feeling a bit better...a little bit.
He still missed Harry and was worried sick about him, but he wasn't drunk every evening anymore, he ate more and physically he felt a bit better.
John, if he didn't think about the boy being over a decade younger than him, was actually pretty nice. Ron liked the way he laughed and the way he cared about him.
He looked pretty pleasing to the eye too, with black, silky hair and dark, almond-shaped eyes, stubby nose and cute dimples in his cheeks when he laughed.
A month after they started working together, he stayed the first time over night at John's apartments.
They had sex.
This wasn't the first time Ron had sex with a guy. He had sex with a lot random guys in the last ten years, but it is the first time he cared.
John was a good guy. It was easy with him.
The winter went by quietly.
They worked, they went to the pub, they had sex... sometimes John cooked. He lives in a Muggle apartment and Ron learned a lot about Muggle technology and how non-magic people solved every day problems.
One evening Fred saw them kissing, when they left the pub. His eyebrows met over his nose and he looked annoyed, but he's greeted John with a handshake and asked him if he wanted join them on Sunday.
Sunday in the Burrow is a fix date every week.
Mum cooks, and every family member that can make it, will visit and they have a very loud dinner.
Ron was nervous, but John was great and knew how it was to have a big family.
He has five older sisters and said, it was interesting how calm Ron's family was in comparison.
Calm. The Weasleys.
Ron laughed.
He got along great with Ginny, not so much with Bill and Percy, but they stayed polite.
Mum urged Ron to stay with her in the kitchen, when the others moved to the living room.
He could see, that she liked John, but she disapproved his relationship with him.
He was already prepared for her preach, but it doesn't come. She just asked one question.
"Do you love him?"
Ron avoided her eyes and didn't know what to say.
"I like him a lot." he muttered hoarsely after a long pause.
There's no way he'd feel as deep for any other person than Harry, but if he wouldn't know Harry, he thought, he could have a good life together with John.
Mum pursed her lips, but she said nothing and they went to join the rest of the family in the living room.
It is almost April when Harry is back.
On a Thursday at three in the morning he rang the doorbell and Ron's got up groggily, telling John to stay in bed.
Harry stood in front of the door.
He was more skinny than Ron remembered and his hair was longer, hanging oily in his greyish face. The cloak was covered with mud and he looked miserable and years older.
Ron pulled him inside and closed the door.
He was worried and happy and scared and he wanted to know what took him so long, but before that he had to get Harry in a way that they can talk.
Harry smelled bad. Like foreign food, old sweat and stress.
Like the good friend he is, Ron sent him to the shower, while he raided the kitchen for food and tea.
When he turned around John stood in the doorway, a worried expression on the face.
"Everything okay?" He muttered with a sleepy smile and laid his arms around Ron's torso. Ron shrugged but tried a reassuring smile before he kissed his partner tiredly.
"Who's that?" John nuzzled against Ron's collarbones. Ron sighed.
"He's my best friend." The shower stops.
He should send John back to bed. Then at least one of them would be getting enough sleep to function normally tomorrow.
Steps of bare feet in the hallway.
"A war veteran like me and he's an Auror in our department. Just came back from a mission."
He should really send John to bed.
Harry entered the kitchen.
He was wearing Ron's jeans and T-shirt. They are too big for him. He was alive and so beautiful that Ron felt like crying.
Harry eyes become big behind his slightly fogged glasses. Ron could see the confusion changing to anger and obviously so could John. "I'm going to sleep." he whispered in Ron's ear and greeted Harry with a polite "Good Night, Mr. Potter. Good to see you alive." before he's gone.
The moment John was gone Harry was in front of him, too close and too real, the eyes filled with cold fury.
"Who is this?!" he whispered.
His voice sounded foreign, but he smelled like Harry again and like Ron's shampoo.
Ron opened the mouth to answer, but the words got lost on the way between brain and mouth.
He avoided Harry's eyes, felt a fist yank at the collar of his pyjama and heard his voice, breathless muted by anger and way to close for him to not feel the rush of emotions, that came with be being Harry Potter's best friend.
"Who's this guy?! Since when do you let guys come so close?! Don't tell you take it up the arse from some random..."
this was enough. Ron's pushed him away when the realisation hit him.
Jealousy.
Harry was jealous.
Harry had no right to feel jealous about him having sex with who-ever-he-wants.
It never mattered for him and shouldn't matter for him now.
Harry stumbled backwards, looking hurt and lost and Ron felt like saying sorry the moment he did it, but he has always been pants at saying sorry and he's way too angry for it right now.
"It's none of your bloody business!" he hissed looking down on Harry, that landed with a shallow "flumb" against the kitchen tiles.
"Bloody Hell, Harry! We're grown men! You've got kids that go to Hogwarts in a couple of years! With my little sister, if I may remind you! You know since almost six years that I'm that way!" he feels the burn on his neck caused by the ripping of his collar. "You didn't expect me to stay a bloody virgin for the rest of my life!"
His knuckles hurt when they collide with the wall at both sides of Harry's head.
"Why do you even care, who I share my bed with? We're FRIENDS! Who I bugger...doesn't change anything about...us!"
Harry stayed quiet for a moment, stared at him, obviously trying to suppress pictures of Ron "doing stuff", then he leaned his head against Ron's shoulder in defeat.
"I don't know why I care. I just..."
Arms snaked around his hips, pulling him closer. He shouldn't let Harry do this, but it felt too good to have him there again, to feel that he's alive.
"...I missed you so fucking much.
I needed you with me and you weren't there, because you didn't want to be with me anymore, because everything's weird.
While I was...doing my business... I was thinking that you'd wait and be worried and when I come back we'd just talk about it, go get drunk and be buddies again...and then I come back and there this...this arsehole clinging to you, that I don't even know...and you look so happy without me."
Harry's hands fist in the fabric on his back. Ron shivered slightly.
"It's like I'm the only one who needs this. You're not just a friend or a fucking fellow Auror that happens to work in the same department at me or a fellow veteran!" Harry's head is not on Ron's shoulder anymore. The heat of his forehead and nose burn against his neck.
"You're my partner, my safety net, my responsibility!"
Lips against Ron's ear. Another time, years ago, he had dreamed about this, but now he was just utterly confused.
"You were the first person that saw me as just who I am, and you said it's okay who I am. I can't give you to anyone else! I need your eyes to stay on me! I can't accept you looking like that at any other person!"
Harry leaned back to look him in the eyes. Ron felt helpless.
"I'm selfish. I know I'm...unreasonable... this is not normal... I shouldn't be jealous... I shouldn't act like a bloody idiot...but I can't hand you over...I have to stay your most important..."
Ron wanted to kiss him.
He was so close, and fit warm and perfect against his body. His words felt like Fleetwood's Polish and an old broom, smoothing out all the little cuts and dents in his heart and for a moment he entertained the thought of giving in then he tenses.
He couldn't do this.
Ron brought space between them, escaping Harry's arms and turning around to remove the teabag from the pot.
"Just because I like John doesn't mean that you're less important." he hoped his voice didn't sound too weak.
"There are a lot of important people in my life... you never had a problem with Ginny being important...or my brothers." he filled two cups with tea, not daring to turn around.
"George's man, Chris, he once said, that the biggest mistake you can make is playing the second string in the life of a person, that already has a first violin.
It will always make you unhappy. He said it is feels much better to be a beautiful first trumpet for them."
he feels Harry eyes on his back.
"Fred will always stay George's first fiddle, the most important... and you will always lead the orchestra for me, but this doesn't mean that an orchestra can't have other voices too and they're also important and needed."
he finally turned around, sets down the mugs on the kitchen table.
Harry eyes look dark in the dimmed magical light bulb over the desk.
"Don't make it so hard for both of us, Harry. We're close. You are important. But you are not interested in me or any other man like that. You're not gay."
For a moment Ron sees defiance in his best friend's face and he feared he would talk back to him, but Harry just looked down on the mug in his hands after sitting down at the table.
They changed the topic, Harry told about his mission and Ron asked questions, told him slightly embarrassed about him breaking in the Auror Department to find out more about Harry's mission.
Harry grinned.
He looks years younger.
It was already starting to dawn when they called it a night...or morning.
Ron went back to the bedroom, but it felt weirdly wrong to cuddle up against his boyfriend, while his most important man slept on the sofa.
Not even three hours later the magical radio woke therm up with the morning show and a way too loud song by Celestina Warbeck.
Ron grunted, unwilling to acknowledge the day, and hid his head under his pillow. He felt John kiss the back of his neck before he got up and he heard the shower a few minutes later.
It wasn't until John had come back and started to cloth himself that Ron finally sat up. Disgruntled...he never was a morning person.
When he came into the kitchen, Harry was already making tea and the table is set. Harry knew his way around Ron's kitchen better than Ron himself.
"Oi! Cut you hair, bloody git!" Ron grumbled and Harry grinned, way to cheery for this time of the day.
The breakfast was accompanied by a few scrolls and a self-inking quill, Ron didn't need to read them, to know that it was Harry's report. Harry has always been good at working early in the morning.
John sat beside him at the table and Ron felt his hand on his knee. He knew that Harry had seen it too and he didn't look very pleased, but luckily they both decided to not bring it up.
"So what's you job? Sorry if I ask, but did you already finish school?" Ron has to stop himself from rolling his eyes. Harry is terrible at small talk, but John stayed nice and friendly and Ron felt a bit proud.
"I finished Hogwarts last year, Mr Potter, Sir. I'm working as an Auror since last autumn, Ron's my mentor." John answered smiling a bit too polite and respectful and Ron could see Harry's eyes get slim and blinking dangerously in annoyance.
He hates it when people acted like he was some kind of celebrity, some kind of war hero.
Ron hummed affirmative shifting Harry attention away from John to himself. "I was training him for a while, but he learns fast and we go on simple missions at the moment...nothing that gets us killed until he finished his probation."
"You better work hard. I won't loose my best..." Harry hesitates for a blink "...co-worker because of some fledgling messing up." he sounded so serious that Ron started getting nervous, but then Harry's cheery smile returns "If you've got questions feel free to ask. Call me Harry."
John nodded and they shook hands.
Harry still looked unhappy with the whole constellation, but he didn't openly object, so Ron ignored it.
It was awkward.
Harry was put on desk duty for the next weeks, He was restless. Ron felt his gaze burn as soon as he enters the Auror Headquarter.
Every time Ron entered in the morning Harry checked if John was with him and if he was, his mouth formed a slim, disapproving line.
When John and him came back from missions, they'd find Harry waiting at his desk, even if it was long after closing time.
Ron knew that Harry scanned his body for injuries. He'd do that to. That's the way were.
He still felt uncomfortable when Harry did it though.
He was an experienced Auror, he knew how to protect himself!
It got better when Harry started to be sent in the field again..
He was less nervous and he wasn't there to surveil Ron all the time. Ginny happily told Ron that he spent more time with his sons and it seemed like he stopped started to relax a bit at work after Ron turned up at work for the time being without major injuries.
John and Ron moved together and Harry started sleeping in Ginny's new apartment again.
Ron hated it and when he first noticed it, he was close to hitting Harry for hurting Ginny, the children and him.
But he stayed quiet.
Harry and Ginny were grown-up, they could look after themselves. That was his new mantra.
If he wouldn't love Harry so much, He'd hate him.
He stayed quiet when Harry moved in with Ginny again.
He smiled calmly and supportive when Harry started to wear his wedding ring again.
Life got quiet for a while and while Ron was not really hopeful that the marriage between his best friend and his little sister would be any happier than when their first try, he did his best to be supportive.
He thought he did fairly good job too until one fateful Sunday night around ten years after Hermione's death.
They'd gone relatively uneventful through the main dish, the conversation ebbed away to a pleasant chattering and it was unusually quiet for the Weasley family while they forked in their cake.
John chuckled silently and made moved close to his ear to tell Ron that that him an his brothers all ate exact same body posture.
Hunched over their plates and one arm protectively around it.
John ate the same way.
Ron snorted.
"must be some big-family-thing."
it was easy with John.
They'd tell them today.
Mum probably had given up on him by now, she'd smile and be proud of him for once.
"We've something..." he started when every one finished and the digestif was on the table, Ginny interrupted him though by blurting out.
"We're pregnant again!"
Ron didn't know what hit him when the wave of excited cheers washed over him.
He was too much reminded of a similar evening nine years ago, when Fred told them that he became a father.
"Sorry. Need to...just for a moment." he stuttered into John's ear, who silently asked him if he was alright. Ron nodded ad then slipped out of the door in the calm from yard.
It was still bright outside. The sky had a soft peach colour and he could hear the gnomes scurry around between the bushes.
He stuffed his hands in the pockets if his jeans and sighed.
This time it wasn't Harry that followed him outside a few minutes later, it was Percy.
"Want to talk about it?" he murmured staring at the evening sky to avoid looking at Ron's face.
Percy had never been the best to comfort people.
He was someone who did things. He showed that he cared by actions, like searching for a file you weren't able to find or sneaking around in the Auror Department under the pretence of work, to find out if you were up to something more dangerous than usual.
Percy was pants at talking about the important stuff.
He was good in seeing "that" part of Ron though. The pathetic part.
The part that thought he was the failure among the Weasley siblings.
Perhaps because he had to fight with that part too.
"Wanna see something interesting, Perce?" Ron grinned ruefully and taking his hands out of the pockets opening like an unspoken plea for something, anything to hold on.
Percy turned his head towards him but stayed quiet.
Ron gripped the rim of his worn-out Weasley jumper and pulled it upwards showing the shirt under it.
"What the..." muttered Percy and started Ron's torso.
"Boobs."
Ron's cleared his throat before croaking a silent "Yeah."
"You got fat."
"Thanks. Perce."
"How did this...what happened?!"
Ron snorted and pulled down his jumper and crossed his arms in front his chest. Luckily the change had been so tiny, that neither the swollen breasts nor the slightly grown circumference of his stomach had been noticed.
Only his boss, John and a few healers knew about "the problem."
"I'm a Auror, Percy. I do dangerous shit for a living. I kind of got into trouble and when I was under Polyjuice and this is how I ended up like this."
Percy blinked a bot confused but stayed quiet which Ron saw as a sign to continue.
"A you know I had a longer solo mission a month ago. I was undercover for 9 weeks in Edinburgh. Trying to get information about a case and it got a bit out of hand. Usually people should stay that long under Polyjuice that this could happened, but it took longer than we expected and...well...the chance to get pregnant as a man is basically zero, so even if the man was an arse and is now quite dead, I couldn't bring myself to stop the pregnancy."
Percy rubbed his face.
"but you're not on Polyjuice now."
Ron shook his head.
"It's a modified Polyjuice potion that lets me keep the ladybits while otherwise still looking like myself. We tapered out the gender-change Polyjuice slowly, to keep the babies safe."
"Plural. Babies..." Percy let out a frustrated groan.
"Bloody hell, Ron! If you bollox something up, you do it with the biggest impact possible."
Ron smiled sheepishly.
"Annoying it is. John won't touch me anymore. He's terrified of the ladybits." he grunted which made Percy finally laugh a bit.
"You look happy though."
Ron shrugged and a sad thought clouded his face for a moment.
"I always wanted to have children...after Hermione...I just didn't think there'd be ever a woman again I could stand enough to do the deed with."
Percy looked at him but grew quiet again.
"We wanted to tell everyone today, but I suppose it is better to wait for a bit. I don't want to steal Ginny's thunder."
Percy nodded.
"I'm worried about her." muttered his older brother and his voice was thick with emotions.
"Harry has left her once and I think it's only a matter of time until he's gone again. He a good man, and a great Auror, but he's not the best husband or father."
It was getting darker and the first starts blinked sleepily on the friendly blue evening sky.
"It's their business. I'm not getting involved in their relationship more than I have to." grumbled Ron.
"I just want them to be happy."
Percy nodded and turned towards the door.
They went inside again shortly after that.
Percy got drunk because he sneakily poured Ron's alcoholic drinks in his glass and gave him apple juice instead.
It was his way to show that he cared.
With actions.
Like getting drunk for his little brother's sake.
It was good to have an ally. Ron was pants at keeping secrets from his family.
Probably one reason why Ron's love for Harry was such a well-known and ignored fact in the family.
John went to bed and Ron wanted to come with him, but was stopped by George, who obviously thought his little brother needed a bit of coddling after hearing Ginny's and Harry's news.
It was probably the first time in years that he was the only sober Weasley brother in the room.
"Good thing, I'm the youngest." He mumbles relaxing in George's slobby man-hug and watching Percy losing at arm-wrestling against Charlie.
He hadn't seen him so boisterous since he was an ickle 5-year-old.
"Yeah, you'd make a terrible big brother to anyone else than Ginny." George giggled and cheering his twin brother on while he, like Percy, lost against Charlie.
"Did you even try, Fred?!" he laughed.
"Sod off!" snorted said twin rubbing his aching arm "Charlie is just ridiculously strong!"
Perhaps it was stupid, perhaps it was just that Ron felt relaxed and safe among his brothers.
Ron grinned challenging at Fred.
"You're just weak, Fred."
"Weak?! I show you weak!"
"Prove it!"
Bill filled the glasses anew while Ron and Fred went on opposite sides of the table.
Without thinking Ron pulled the jumper above his head and throw it on the couch before bring himself in good position for the contest.
Ginny rooted behind him and he heard Charlie and Percy clinking their tumblers together.
Ron was probably not stronger than Fred, but he was an Auror. He knew perfectly well how to use his strength to his advantage.
As soon as the fight started, he ended it with a slight tilt of his wrist, making the angle unconfortable for Fred.
"You cheated!" roared Fred making the whole room laughed.
"He's an Auror, Fred! It's called tactic not cheating!" laughed Harry and Ron felt his face becoming hot.
Seeing Harry happy did things to him. Especially now where his whole body was full of weird hormones.
"Sod off, Potter!" growled Fred and almost jumped over the table to tackle Ron to the ground, but was stopped my Percy clumsily stumbling between them and obviously trying to protect Ron from Fred's wrath.
"Stop that, Fred." he slurred but so serious that the laughing stopped and everyone looked at them suspiciously.
"Y'okay, Ron?" Percy obviously had worry in his voice.
"'m not disabled, Perce. 'm fine. " grumbled Ron and searched for his jumper. "I could take Fred down with one arm bound to my back."
Percy rolled his eyes but Ron could see him relax.
"I'm not worried about you." pouted his big brother, handing Ron his jumper and sitting down again.
"You sure got chubby, Ron." mumbled Ginny staring at his stomach.
"Pff~ not more chubby than you." he muttered disgruntled and hurried to hide his uncomfortable, bulgy body under the lose, maroon-coloured layer of the knitted jumper again.
"Yeah, but I am pregnant."
"So?"
it was kind of ugly afterwards.
Bill of all people lost his cool and it needed several people to stop him from apparating to the house of Ron's boss and "make him pay for letting some guy knocking his little baby brother up".
Ron was mortified and wished nothing more than to hide upstairs, away from his family, but neither them nor Harry would have that.
Harry was furious.
Ron saw it by the way his eyes glinted, but he wasn't uncontrollable angry, like Bill.
He was just quiet and his knuckles were white from how much they were balled into fists.
"Guys." Ron sighed after a while.
"If Charlie was hurt by Dragons, if Fred or George got hurt in the laboratory, if Bill was hit by a curse, if Ginny fell from a broom during a match...these are risks you agreed to when you've chosen your jobs. I'm an Auror. It comes with the job. High pay, high risk."
"Yeah, but only you would manage to get yourself knocked up instead of killed." grumbled Harry.
"What's with them to send them long enough on a mission for you get pregnant while polyjuiced."
Ron shrugged and smiled helplessly.
"You know I like children, Harry. I wouldn't stop a pregnancy, if I could help it."
Ron's live changed dramatically in the next weeks.
With his belly growing he was banned to the desk.
John broke up with him, something that Ron had seen coming since John learned about the pregnancy.
John was gay. He had difficulties to continue loving this Ron with a female body.
He was surprised how easy it was to say good bye when John was transferred to a post in Denmark.
Ron's spend more time with Ginny and her children again.
Since they were just a week apart, it was easy to talk with each other and Ron felt the most comfortable talking with her about the weirdness of having a female body.
He still felt like a guy though.
He missed his man bits.
Percy was also around a lot. Making sure that he had lunch, he took his potions on-time and was generally as much of an over-bearing big brother as he could be.
After a long talk with Mum he moved into the Burrow again.
He'd need someone to help him when he wanted to continue working after the pregnancy.
He felt almost smothered by all the attention he suddenly got from his family.
Harry in comparison didn't pay him much attention.
He seemed terribly confused and their interactions were sparse and felt unnatural.
It almost seemed like Harry was avoiding him.
In the rare cases Harry was at home when Ron came to visit Ginny and the children, he'd hide in his office after a short greeting.
Ron felt so far apart of Harry that their friendship seemed like nothing more than the shadow of an fond memory.
While he had been hopeful he first found out about the pregnancy, bit by bit he got nervous.
He didn't like this new body, that felt nothing like his own.
He was unhappy spending his days with archiving reports instead of being on mission and and he hated that be people treated him like he wasn't capable to take care of himself anymore.
Ron was worried.
Was he able to love children the way the deserved when they weren't conceived in love?
What when they were more like their arsehole of a father than like Ron and his family?
He missed Harry.
He needed him. Needed someone he knew was always on his side.
So, after an especially boring day at work he stayed back to wait for Harry.
Harry's eyes became big and he almost made a step back when he noticed Ron.
"what are you doing here! Long after midnight!"
he muttered struggling to stop the bleeding of a big cut on his shoulder.
"let me help..." grumbled Ron and taking his wand and and pushing him roughly in his chair.
When he touched him, Harry flinched.
"You're avoiding me, Harry." he mumbled while closing the wound and started further checking for further injuries.
"Didn't you tell me, that I were your partner?" he let a bruise on Harry's neck fade and before starting to work on a big burn on his cheek.
"Ron...please..." sighed his friend. He looked awfully uncomfortable and shifted on his chair.
"No. I've got enough of that. What's your problem?! It's not like I wanted this! Need to be able to trust you! We've gone through so much together! I won't just let you give up on me!"
"You berk!" hissed Harry. "I told you that you're important to me. What makes you think I'd give you up?"
"Then why the heck are you not there when I need you?!" thundered Ron and he felt his hands shiver in anger.
"You're running away! Of me! Of Ginny! Of your children! What are you so scared of?! You're a bloody coward!"
Harry stared at him his mouth open for talking but no words.
"Tell me what's eating you." pressed Ron, trying desperately to get reign over his temper.
The next moment he felt a fist clawing into his collar and he was yanked down to Harry's eye level.
"I tell you what! You tell me that you love me and at the same time you tell me that I'll still never have chance because I'm in a relationship with your sister. If I'd known by that point that there was the tiniest chance to have you., I..." he broke off, his voice croaking. There was so much hurt in his eyes.
"What's my sister to you?!
Second quality ware?!
She deserves better than that! My family is not a bloody bargain-bin!"
Ron tried to get out of Harry's grip, but his positioning was bad, having to bow down uncomfortably over Harry.
"I fucking love her!" boomed Harry "That's what makes it so bloody complicated! I love her! I love the children! Having this family is a bloody dream!"
Ron could have sworn he'd seen tears blinking in Harry's eyes.
"So why can't I be content for once!? Why can't I be happy?!"
Ron felt his temperament getting the best of him.
"You should be! You've got great children, a beautiful wife, which, by the way, you just got pregnant again..." he finally manages to pull away crossing his arms awkward above his round belly.
"I know that!" Harry was screaming in a way he hadn't heard him since puberty back on Grimmauld Place. The voice raw with contradictions and confusion.
"...but I also have a very pregnant partner, who seems to have no problems whatsoever getting himself knocked up by sidekick of some bloody serial killer! It drives me insane! That John guy was bad enough, but at least he liked you and cared for you...but getting preggers because of a sodding case...Why didn't they sent me with you!? Why was no one there to back you up?!"
WHACK!
With a ugly sound Harry landed in the floor, his cheek instantly starting to colour pink from the collision with Ron's fist.
In all his two meter sized, manly, pregnant glory Ron towered over him.
"This is your problem, Harry! You're never there when it matters. Neither for me, nor for your wife or your children. You have been a lone fighter long enough. Start talking to people! Take your head out of your arse and start paying attention to the people you claim to love!"
He wished Hermione were there right now.
She'd have known how to dissolve this giant knot of feelings and disappointments between them.
"How weak do you think I am!? I don't need a bloody bodyguard! I did what had to be done and saved over a dozen people's life with what I did!
They needed an experiences senior Auror, that was able to play an undercover role alone for more than just a few days, I was competent and did a good job!
Saving people and hunt bad guys is what I do! I don't need to be a bloody Boy-who-lived to do my job!
It's not always about you! Get off your bloody ego-trip!
Neither I nor Ginny are there because we want to be saved or protected by you!
If we wanted to be safe, we'd left you alone long ago!"
Harry looked up to him. Dumbfounded.
Made him groan in frustration.
"Stop trying to solve everything on your own! Stop trying to protect us without even knowing if we want or need to be protected and start using your brain! Your heart!"
It was quiet except for the steady ticking of the clock at the wall of the office.
It was half past three in the morning.
Ron felt one of the babies in his belly stirring and automatically started to rub soothing with one of his giant paws over were he felt a tiny, bony elbow or knee poking around.
"I hate this." muttered Harry miserable and waved towards the well-rounded middle of his friend.
"I can't even hit you or get drunk with you properly to get my fix of 'Ron'. It's not like I ever had the chance to say 'yes'. Even when I broke up with Ginny back then when you told me, you'd never start a relationship with me. You're too fucking loyal to start something with the ex of your sister!"
Harry buried his face in his hands.
"You give this bloody baby face John years of your life! You let even a bloody criminal have you for a stupid case, but I'll never...I was never allowed...never..."
Ron felt the anger wash away by the open hopelessness in Harry's voice.
He wanted to hug him and tell him that everything would be okay.
But it felt like a lie.
"You're probably right." He muttered still rubbing his belly absent-mindedly.
"It's too late, Harry. Perhaps there was never a chance. There was never the right moment..."
Ron blinked the wetness in his eyes away and pulled his mouth in a painful, lopsided smirk.
"It's not your fault, Harry."
Harry reached out with his hand and Ron pulled him clumsily on his feet.
"We're both pants at talking about stuff." grunted the redhead and ruffled Harry already dishevelled hair.
Harry laughed helplessly.
"We're still partners, aren't we?"
Ron nodded.
"If you're back in your own body, we'll get drunk?"
Ron grinned.
"If you really want we can even get in a fist fight if it makes you that happy, Harry."
Minutes after he apparated away, leaving Harry alone in the office to write his report.
His mother was still waiting and he got a wigging for staying up even though he "needed the sleep". He was too knackered to pay much attention and just took his potions and went to bed.
Two hours later he woke up to sharp pains in his abdomen.
The healers had told him this could happen, but these pains were nothing than the random Braxton Hicks Contractions he had experienced before.
They hit him like a brick wall.
He'd to stop several times on his way, when he tried to drag himself to the living room to make a fire call.
He was obviously not loud enough because in a blur he noticed his father by his side and led him towards the couch.
"I get the healer." he heard Mum say in the background and a voice of one of his brothers from the kitchen, but he was too busy breathing away the paint.
Ron had his far share of paint in his life. It comes with the package of being the best mate of Harry Potter, fighting against Death Eaters and Voldemort and all that other scum he went against in his job.
This was the most intense and most scary thing he'd ever done though.
He heard his Dad muttering supportive words and routinely rubbing his back, while he kneeled in front of the couch and crawled in the cushions.
Every feeling of time was lost.
He was in pain.
And felt like was about to push out the biggest shit in the world.
Seriously.
He felt a hand on his chin and Bill face turn up in front of him, pouring some kind of potion in his mouth and mumbling stuff about this being the most bizarre thing he'd ever seen, which made Ron let out a wave of expletives.
Something burned down there and he felt strange hands probing around.
He smelled blood.
He was terrified.
He was okay with his family being around, because they always were around.
He trusted them.
But the stranger felt wrong.
Strangers shouldn't touch him when he was not able to do anything but...
Bloody hell this hurts! When he done with this he'll buy his Mum the nicest jewellery he can find.
That woman had done that six times.
"I don't want a bloody healer! Leave me alone! I can do that alone!" he tried to yell, but it sounded probably more like a surge of colourful swears and cries for his Mum.
The hands didn't stop.
There was more probing, a sharp pain and then he felt something...someone slip out.
Ron almost cried a bit, when he heard a high-pitched, our-raged cry.
"It's a Girl!" yelled the healer, but Ron barely noticed because another contraction hit him and he bit in the cushions of the couch.
Shortly after his son made his appearance.
He didn't cry.
He didn't move.
There was a lot of fuss and he felt Charlie turn him around, so that he could see how the healer tried to reanimated the little boy.
Ron tried to get up to rush to her side, but he was held in place by Charlie who was sitting beside him.
He felt him sob in his neck and his fingers dig deeply into his shoulders.
Ron was to shocked to do feel anything.
What seemed like an eternity later, the tiny little human started to whimper silently.
He was alive.
The healer allowed him to touch his son's head, feel that he was alive and real, then the afterbirth took him out of order for a while.
Charlie didn't let go of him, steadily and safely keeping him in place until everything was over and Ron drifted away in a dreamless slumber.
He did it.
When he woke up several hours later.
He was in his own bed and the afternoon sun made Ginny fiery head glow on his shoulder. She was fast asleep and hugging his chest like her life depended on it.
His own, male chest.
He was happy that Ginny had such a deep sleeper, because it was kind of embarrassing to touch yourself while you're in the same bed as your little sister.
He sighed in relief.
The potion had worn off.
Exited he shook his sister awake.
"Ginny!" he beamed.
"I've got a prick!"
His sister looked at him in confusion, but then she finally understood and nuzzled her face into the crook of his neck happily.
"I've got my brother back." she chuckled.
Ron still felt tired, but everything was much easier, now that he was himself again.
When he came downstairs he was greeted by a room full of Weasleys.
Brother, nieces, nephews, that stood around the double cradle that was used for Percy's twins, Molly and Lucy, for the last times.
The babies were tiny.
Ron smiled watery.
He was a bit scared to touch them.
He was so big.
If he'd touched them wrong he could accidentally crush them in his giant hands.
"Hello Rose. Nice to meet you! I'm your dad." he said clumsily and caressed the chubby cheek of bigger baby. The little girl stirred in it's sleep and blinked unfocused.
She had a head full of bushy, red hair and Ron was sure one day she'd also have his freckles.
Now that she was there it didn't matter how she was conceived.
She was perfect.
His perfect little baby.
Her little brother squeaked weakly and Ron turned his attention to the little boy.
He was a lot smaller than Rose and there was no baby chubbiness in his face.
"Will he be okay?" he muttered worryingly and stroked one of his tiny, scrawny arms.
"He'll be fine." smiled Mum and put an arm around Ron's back.
"they're twins. They had to share the place in your belly, that's why they're smaller than singlets. George was also much smaller at birth than Fred."
she sighed.
"He sure gave us a fright though."
Ron nodded.
"I couldn't have done this without you. Thank you."
he muttered and hugged her, trying to not cry like a little girl.
"So, what's the name of my little nephew." hummed Charlie gently.
Ron let got of his mother and bowed over the crib.
"Hugo. It means "bright mind". ...don't you think that his hair looks a bit like Hermione's? All fluffy and brown...and he's a fighter, like her."
he looked up and in the faces of his family.
A family he could always trust in.
"It's a good name." said Dad and his eyes were unusually bright.
"Love and a bright mind. You need both a warm heart and a cool mind to lead a good life. It's good a thing to wish for your children."
Ron nodded. He never was a big philosopher, so he would never say stuff like that.
He sat on the couch and, while Bill gave out glasses of sparkling wine for all the adults and bubbly fruit soda for the children, Mum carefully laid the babies in Ron's arms.
They smelled sweet. Like family.
This is the end of part I of a series of short stories, that'll be about Harry slowly accepting his sexuality and Ron slowly accepting that he can't make everyone happy.
thank you for reading!
you can find part 2 under this adress: s/12008478/1/don-t-question-the-rules