When Worlds Collide

AN: Does anyone else find that Q from James Bond and Dr. Spencer Reid from Criminal Minds look and act quite similar? :D

It was an average Monday morning that found the whole BAU team sitting in the conference room around the huge table, going over old case files, sorting through solved vs unsolved crimes. They worked mostly in silence, only occasionally did one of them comment on a document they just read or a fact they discovered.

It was around eleven o'clock when the screen above them on the wall suddenly sprang alive and the surprised agents found themselves face to face with an elegant, white-haired woman who was looking at them with a frighteningly strict expression on her somber face. More accurately, she was looking directly at Reid, disregarding everything and everyone else.

"005, you're needed in the field." – She declared, skipping the apparently outdated greetings and introductions.

The youngest BAU agent didn't miss a beat.

"But ma'am, I'm retired!"

"No. You've been let go temporarily. We agreed you'd come back, should it become necessary. Well, it is time now. I have a mission in Rome and I can't send anyone else; it's bound to be messy and dangerous with considerable risk of death. Your specialty."

"M, why can't 007 do it? He likes explosions and all kinds of destruction, and there are many ancient things to annihilate in Rome. I'm sure he'd be more than adequate for the job…"

"007 is dead."

Reid blinked, taken aback.

"Again?"

"Yes, so it's you we need."

"But he's never dead for long! Surely, you could wait for him to return… Maybe prompt him somehow? Just send word to him that there's the Pantheon to rob, or the Vatican to infiltrate…"

"005, have you gone deaf during your brief stay in the US? I told you: it's you we need and you're obligated to do your duty for Queen and Country."

"M, I don't even have the British citizenship anymore…"

The old woman rolled her eyes.

"Don't take everything so literal, boy."

"Well, what about 006 then? He's a pyromaniac. I bet he can burn down the whole Colosseum faster than you could say 'Moneypenny'."

"He's in deep cover in Russia. Has been there for half a year now."

"Well, I'm in deep cover here! I'm so deep I'm not even sure I can dig myself out…" – Another eyeroll. – "And 008?"

"Don't you dare speak in front of me about that… that… traitor!" – Scolded M angrily, at once losing her cool demeanor.

Reid winced. Clearly, he had missed things while he had been gone the last two years… But Tiago Rodriguez, a traitor? That was new. Well, it explained a few things at any rate. He had never liked the guy anyway; he was just a tad bit too creepy for him.

"Okay… Then perhaps-"

"You're to get on the first plane available and report in Vauxhall within two days. Old Boothroyd has retired and we have a new Q. He's a bit of an eccentric; you should like him. Especially his fashion sense." – She added, looking him up and down, her disapproving glare hardening at the sight of his cords and old-school sweater vest. Not to mention his messenger bag. Spencer was just glad she couldn't see his mismatching socks; it would definitely have sent her into a tirade about proper clothing for agents of any kind. Damn video calls... – "I'm still trying to figure out if the both of you are related or not… Do you happen to have a previously hidden big brother or older cousin maybe?"

"Not that I know of, ma'am."

She looked at him skeptically for a moment before continuing.

"Anyway: he'll have your equipment ready by the time you arrive."

"Why couldn't he bring the gadgets to Rome? Why do I have to make an extra trip to London just to get them? It's not fair, we've never had to do this before." – Pouted the young agent, giving the perfect impression of a toddler in his 'terrible twos'.

"Q doesn't like to fly." – Explained M simply.

"Of course, he doesn't." – Muttered Reid under his breath.

"What was that, 005?"

"Nothing."

"Good. You'll meet him at the National Gallery, Room 34, in front of The Fighting Temeraire-"

"It's a painting by English artist Joseph Mallord William Turner. It portrays a ship being tugged to her last berth to be broken up. It was done in 1838 and-"

"- at 10:00 sharply on Wednesday. After that, you'll report at Headquarters and Tanner will tell you everything we know so far, so that you'll be prepared for your trip."

"But… It's not fair! If Bond gets to die, why don't I?" – Reid was very close to stomping his feet in a tantrum. It had especially annoyed him that he had not been able to finish listing all the facts he knew about the painting.

"Why do you insist on whining like a baby? You're one of my best Double-O agents, so, for God's sake, try to behave like one! You'll get to crash a few luxury cars again on MI6's budget. Don't tell me you're not excited about that at least…?" – She was looking at him expectantly, as if she had just announced that Christmas would come earlier this year.

But damn, she did know him, he had to give her that. The mention of cars had had its intended effect.

"Ahm… Well… If it happened to be an Aston… Then maybe… Outfitted with lethal weapons for me to use to my heart's desire… And capability for extreme speed… Maybe even able to be converted into a ship…?"

The lady sighed tiredly.

"As I told you already: you'll like the new Q; you two are frighteningly similar. So, will you be here on Wednesday?"

Reid nodded, giving in finally. He would get a car for his trouble after all.

"Yes, ma'am."

"Good. Oh, and 005?"

"Yes, M?"

"Do leave that American accent where it belongs, please. It's very strange hearing you talk like that; it gives me a headache." – With that, she disconnected the call, leaving the screen blank and all members of the BAU staring at Reid with wide-eyed wonder.

It was Hotch who found his voice first.

"Reid… What the hell was that about? Who was that woman and what is a Double-O, and why was she be talking about the British MI6 to you?"

"Yeah, Spence, and what's with all the numbers and letters?"

Reid looked around for the first time since that unwelcome phone call, only now remembering the others in the room with him. Hotch stared at him, clearly puzzled; Morgan seemed to try to imitate a fish with his gawking, JJ and Prentiss shook their heads as if they were trying to chase away some bothersome flies; Garcia was still working on figuring out how the call had been able to penetrate her impenetrable system while good old Rossi, calm as ever, met his eyes without blinking, patiently waiting for an explanation.

"Ah… There are some things in my past I haven't told you about…"

"No shit, Kid." – Was Morgan's only response.

"Reid… I think you owe us an explanation." – Said Prentiss.

"Okay… Well, you know how these things are…" – His team members looked at him as if he were crazy. Oh, dear. It was going to be a long conversation. He just hoped he'd catch his plane to London in time… – "All right, all right… It all began five years ago…"