It Hurts Until It Doesn't

Author's note: Hi everyone! So this story takes place during the current season. However, I've taken some liberties with the plot. Most noticeably, Maseo has decided to stay in Starling City with Oliver and help the team. I'm inserting a new character so I'm kind of taking the story where I want it to go, while incorporating some of the current happenings. Of course, I don't own any of the characters or stories. All rights reserved to their original owners. I hope you all enjoy it and leave me some comments with your thoughts! Kind regards.

Chapter One

Coming Back and Undone

Ray could hear Felicity calling his name behind him, but he didn't turn. He couldn't. Every cell in his body was responding to the name on the phone. He had to see her. He wouldn't believe it, couldn't believe it, until he saw her with his own eyes. His heart threatened to beat out of his chest as he pounded down the pavement to the car that would take him to the airport. The car that would take him to London, that would take him home.

Images flashed through his mind. What would she look like? Would she even remember him? Of course she would. What a ridiculous thought. They had told him not to expect much. They said it had only been a few weeks, and this was normal. To be expected. But how long would it last? Would he be able to help her?

The only thought running through his mind as he boarded the plane was please, God, bring her home to me.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Waking up was torture. Everyone constantly buzzing around like incessant insects with one purpose: poke and prod me. Insert this, take this out, check for this and that. And wait. The waiting was the worst part. Always waiting, leering, waiting, scribbling on their notepads. I wanted to scream at them, tell them to leave me alone and to stop waiting. But that's what they wanted. They wanted me to lose it. They wanted me to scream and thrash and throw things. That way they could sedate me again. That way they could study me, like a lab rat. "Patient X did this today, shocking, according to this timeline she should already be at point B."

I felt trapped. Which was never a good thing. I could feel my mind slipping, sliding away from reality. Suddenly, I was no longer in the London hospital. I was in a concrete room, the stench of human feces and rotting flesh burning the skin out of my nose. I could feel him touching me. Pushing himself inside me. I wanted to scream. I wanted to cry.

I wanted to die.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Sitting in their weekly board meeting, Felicity found herself worrying about Oliver and the others. What if they needed her? What if something happens to them because she was here, instead of there? Lately, she felt split in half. She loved Oliver and the rest of Team Arrow, but she was always growing feelings for Ray. She wanted to help both of them, truly. So how could she decide?

She was thrust out of her daydream when Ray's cell vibrated on the table. He checked the caller ID, answered, and immediately paled. He mumbled a few "yeses" and "nos". Then suddenly he bolted from his seat, knocking his chair over in the process. He ran from the meeting, no explanation, nothing.

"Ray! Ray, where are you going? Ray!" Felicity called after him as he ran for the emergency stairs. He didn't even turn to look at her.

What felt like a gnawing ache grew in her stomach.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Oliver sat alone in Verdant, contemplating the decision he currently faced. Possibly one of the biggest decisions he'd ever made, and considering his track record this decision weighed heavily on him. Could he do it? Could he leave Starling City and because the next Ra's al Ghul? He wasn't sure if he could leave all his friends behind. Starting over seemed scary, too painful. What kind of life would he live as a Ra's? He thought of Thea, Diggle, Roy, Laurel, and Felicity. He thought of Felicity more than he wanted to.

That was another decision he had a rough time with. Could he be with someone he loved, if it meant putting them in danger? Well, more danger than they were already in. Could he survive the pain he would feel when he had to watch her move on safely with someone else? He had decided the ladder was most doable, so he had told Felicity he couldn't be with her, not when he was still the Arrow.

But what about if he was Ra's al Ghul? Could he be with her then? Most importantly, would she want to be with him, he wondered.

Oliver wasn't blind. He could see the way Ray looked at her, and the way Felicity now looked at him. He was hurting, but it was a hurt he had inflicted on himself. Maybe it was time he moved on. Maybe being the next Ra's didn't seem so bad, after all.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Coming back to reality, I unfortunately found myself still in the hospital. I'm not sure which was worse. A nurse came in to check my blood pressure, oxygen levels, and of course my pupils. Have to make sure I'm not brain dead yet, right?

I tried to count away the day. One second, two second, three…by the time I got to four hundred and fifty six I was too tired to count any more. Might as well get some sleep, then. Maybe counting seconds worked better than sheep.

I had just drifted off into oblivion when a voice just touched the surface of my consciousness. I know that voice…but how? From where? It called to me again. And I languidly decided if I should answer it or not. I tried to open my eyes, move my lips, but sleep had taken it's hold on me.

Suddenly, a hand was in mine. Another caressing my face. My face turned to accept the hand to my cheek, as if it had done it a hundred times before. The hand was warm, large, and very, very, familiar. Slowly my eyes started listening to me again, and I was able to open them slightly. My eyelashes fluttered in and out of view. Finally, my eyes cooperated and I was able to search for the face that belonged to this loving hand. Then I found the face's eyes, and I felt tears well up in mine.

"Ray."