Chapter 1

Her fingers traced down the bones that just barely protruded from beneath his skin. Pacing her breath to avoid letting him know that she was getting worked up.

"There's no reason in the world I should love him", she'd think to herself, more than once a day. He was rude, stoic, cold. But most of all, empty. But she loved all this about him, she craved it. She wouldn't have it any other way. Hanji was in love with him. Resting in his arms was the perfect time and place to reflect on this. There was a reason he was the way he was. It took Levi a long time to allow himself to get this close to her. People died a lot in their line of duty, and a lot of the time, they have to see it up close. The most gruesome deaths you could imagine. Around the others, he wasn't exactly the nicest to her, but she could understand. Hell, he was hardly nice when they were alone, but he tried. He didn't like expressing much emotion. While she saw love as a thing to explore, he saw it as a weakness.

"Hanji, what are you doing?" He glanced to her, his jaw tightening a little.
She quickly opened her eyes and moved away her hand simultaneously.
"Oh, I- I'm sorry. I was just getting caught up in the moment I guess." She replied as she flashed him a nervous smile.
"None of that. We can't let things get too serious."
Levi sat up, retrieving his shirt from beneath the bed and proceeded to put it on.

They made a habit of sleeping together, to ease each others nerves so that when in battle, they can focus better. Sometimes they lay together sexually, other times just to relax and bask in each others familiar company. In Levi's mind, this happened all too frequently. But to Hanji, each night she lay in her bed alone, she was kept up with longing for the next night she can use his warmth instead of her thin, raggedy blanket to keep from freezing. Especially in the winter, when she could tell him she was experimenting with how efficient body heat in below freezing weather really is. He knew that it was just a load of shit, but still he went a long with it because as much as he'd hate to admit it to himself, or anyone else for that matter, he enjoyed her. All of her. The fact that she'd bother coming up with that piss poor excuse to get close to him was almost cute he thought.

He finished buttoning up his shirt and turned to Hanji, who was on her side, her chin perched and held up by her fist, not realising her wonder and awestruck was showing. Levi ignored it for a moment but for once, he allowed his curiosity get the better of him.
"What's up with you, four-eyes?"
She giggled, shaking her head a little before laying her head back on the bed and stared at the ceiling.
"You're just so fascinating to watch. I can't help myself sometimes."
"What a preposterous implication of an observation."

She jumped on his back and pulled him back on top of her. is eyes widened from the suddenness of it all. He did not like being caught off gaurd, but he did like her. So he didn't get too mad.

"Hanji! What is this nonsen-" She cut him off with her smiling lips, pressed against his.
He quickly pulled away but for a moment, she swore she felt him kiss her back and at that thought, she giggled to herself. Levi cleared his throat, regaining his composure despite his blushing cheeks and stood up to put on his pants.
"I don't know how much longer we can continue doing this. It's gotten too familiar and out of hand." She turned him around to face her and buttoned his pants for him.
"Oh, Lance Corporal Levi, are you breaking up with me?" She put the back of her hand to her forehead and pretended to faint, falling back onto the bed.
"Say it isn't so! What ever will I do?!" She opened one eye, peeking up at him before sitting back up.
"You say that, but we both know you don't mean it. Now come here! Give me one of those 'I pretend I don't have feelings but we both know I admire you' kisses!"
"Tch," He sighed in defeat, leaning down to kiss her tenderly, but firmly.

And the truth was, he did admire her. Anything beyond that, though, he didn't dare to think about. Though one day, it was inevitable- he'd have to. But right now, he didn't have time, he needed to meet up with Erwin to discuss scouting plans. But that was Levi for you. He'd rather slaughter five fifteen meter titans than to think about his feelings, especially when it came to her. Hanji, on the other hand, thought about him every moment she wasn't thinking about her experiments. She knew she shouldn't but she was only human and was open to exploring her emotions. It was new to her and she wanted to experiment with it.

Levi sat back down to put on his boots, one leg propped up on the other. Hanji put her hand on his arm gently, "Levi.." she whispered solemnly. The tone of her voice caught his attention slightly.
"What is it, shitty-glasses?" He tried not to sound too concerned, he was mostly curious.
"I wanted to thank you. For this, for everything. For choosing me, even if not to have feelings for. I understand why you don't want to feel for me, and that's okay, I suppose. I wish you'd be open to it, but that's not my choice. Anyways, thanks." She ended with a forced smile, as she often wore.
She was genuinely a happy person, truly. But it was hard to be sometimes. She'd lost everyone she ever cared about so she decided to focus all her energy on the titans. After all, they did fascinate her. But then she started to notice Levi. Really notice him and it all changed. She wanted to ignore it, like he did. They both had gone through everything together, so she honestly did understand why he was the way he was, but that didn't stop her from longing for him to give her a chance.

He shrugged her hand off his arm. "Heh, don't think much of it. It's nothing special." Hanji let out a small gasp from the harsh blow. Feeling ashamed, Levi looked down, looking for a way to fix what he'd done.
"Hanji, I didn't mean that.." was all he managed to get out. She quickly wiped the forming tears from her eyes before he could notice.
"Hey, it's no biggie. You have a meeting to get to. You should hurry," she falsely assured him.
He nodded, pulling on his jacket and began towards the door. Hanji sniffled quietly, but just loud enough for him to hear and he paused in his tracks for a brief moment before continuing out the door.
At the sound of the door closing with a hint of force, she unraveled her emotions into her pillow. She wished that maybe just once, he could express some kindness towards her. That maybe he could even accidentally make her feel special or worth something.

Levi couldn't even focus during with meeting with Erwin. All he could think about was how he made Hanji cry, which wasn't like him. He never got hung up on things, he couldn't understand why this, of all things, would get his mind in a frenzy. One thought led to another and before he knew it, he was thinking about her comment about how he pretends he doesn't have feelings for her but he really does. Was it true? Did he have feelings for her? He pushed the thought away. "As if I could have feelings for some shitty glasses. I don't have time for that."

He quickened his haste. He had to meet up with his squad to prepare to leave.
"Levi! Hey wait!" The everso familiar voice called out to him. He clenched his teeth.
"Dammit, Hanji. What do you want now," he pretended he didn't hear her and kept walking.
Realising this, Hanji slowed down after him. Sighing, she shrugged it off as typical Levi and went to catch her with her own squad.
"I do not love her."