"Not a chance in hell" Said 17 year old Yylfordt Granz stubbornly.
"Language, young man" Said his mom sternly.
"It won't kill you to be a decent older brother and show Szayel around highschool on his first day"
"Knowing Szayel, it very well could" the blond retorted.
"Let me assure you, mother that the feeling is mutual" Interjected his pink haired brother acidly.
"I have no desire to be associated with Yylfordt and his fellow cronies at any point during my enrollment period in High School"
"You make it sound as though talking like that will get you into the popular crowd" Snapped Yylfordt, never one with a high tolerance for Szayel's speech patterns.
"Well, if the dominant discourse in our education environment is similar to the talk of a simple-minded Barbarian such as the likes of yourself, I'm not sure I want to work my way into the upper ranks of the social hierarchy"
"Oh my god, will somebody just put a sock in his mouth already!" Squawked the older teen.
"Gah!"
Upon hearing Yylfordt's desire to asphixiate Szayel with cloth-based footware, the brothers's little sister, Yachiru had found it upon herself to slake it by leaping onto Szayel's shoulder, prying his mouth open, and stuffing several of her own socks into his oral cavity.
"I put socks into his mouth like you wanted, Blondie!" Squeaked Yachiru jubilantly.
"Did I do good?"
Yylfordt beamed and flashed her a thumbs up.
"Excelent sis. Now don't let him spit the socks out. Make him faint!"
"Allright!" Cheered the pink haired menace enthusistically.
"Yylfordt Granz! THAT'S ENOUGH!" Shouted a flabbergasted Mrs. Granz.
"Yachiru, what did I tell you about carrying out your brother's assassination attempts?"
"Only if Szayel hasn't done his homework"
"EXACTLY! Now go and play with your dolls"
"Ok" Agreed the pink haired cherub as she aimiable ambled away, aimlessly.
"As for the two of you!" Said Mrs. Granz as she coldly turned towards her sons.
"I've had just about enough of the two of you arguing all the time and it isn't healthy for two brothers to grow up harboring the level of hostility that you two harbor towards each other. Hanging out in school will be the perfect opportunity for you two to repair the bond that was frayed upon the arrival of puberty"
"And pray tell, what self-help parenting book did you obtain that tidbit of knowledge mother" Simpered Szayel
"Don't backsass me, young man!" Snapped Mrs. Granz.
"Can't you simply send me off to live with Father?" Protested Szayel helplessly.
"I'd much rather have Uryu be my guide around his school, and to be honest, I'm told that his institution is much more well suited for intellectual types such as myself"
"We have talked about this a million times already, Szayel" Sighed Mrs. Granz, trying to conceal the hurt she'd felt at her son's blunt expression of his preference to live with her divorced husband, rather than herself.
"Ryuuken has his hands full single handedly raising one child and he doesn't think that he can handle two"
"I am aware that our father hasn't exactly made a recurring prescence in his son's upbringing but surely he's realized at this point that I am no longer a child who constantly requires adult supervision. I am more than capable of functioning on my own and it isn't as though my father is short on welfare. He owns a hospital. I'm sure that two teenage boys are well within the means of his finances."
"You realize that if you go to Karakura high school, then you won't be able to see her everyday" Sneered Yylfordt cruelly.
Szayel's face turned a complexion identical to his hair.
"T-Tomo* is none of your concern, Yylfordt" He stuttered.
"Well then, you won't mind if I tell Nnoitra that she's officially single" Said his brother.
"Tesra told me that he's been dying to get in her pants all summer. It's not like Nnoitra wasn't going to try to make a move, if you still care about her. But seeing as you're willing to ditch her to go to Karakura High, then he doesn't have to feel guilty when she goes down-"
We will never know what Yylfordt was going to say at the end of his sentence because at that point, Szayel kicked him square between the legs.
*Szayel's love interest in this story.