And then there was Merlin...
In the couple of weeks that followed his father's death, Arthur felt numb. It wasn't simply that Uther had died, many people lost a loved one. It was all the issues that surrounded Uther's death and the responsibilities that Arthur was now burdened with.
Uther had been very sick for over a year before he died, and Arthur supposed he had always had some hope that his father was going to recover. Watching the once proud and powerful king deteriorate had taken its toll on Arthur's heart. Then there was the way he had died – saving his son. He still felt guilt for that. He also had guilt for the way he had tried to save his father with the one thing that Uther had detested most of all – magic. That had gone horribly wrong.
There was also the fact that Arthur did not yet feel ready to be a king. There was only so much time the council would afford him for his grief before he would be expected to be making important decisions and ruling Camelot in his father's place. Arthur found that he couldn't even find the energy to care right now.
He tried to remember how fortunate he was to have so many people who loved him, people who wanted to help him through this difficult period.
He had Guinevere. Beautiful, lovely and caring. Perhaps the only good thing to come of Uther's death was that he could now consider marrying his love.
She dined at his table with him, as he had requested. He knew she was worried about him, however he could not find the words to put her mind at ease. Once they were finished eating, she began to stand and clear up. "Gwen... Guinevere, stop! You are not here to serve, rather to keep me company."
She sat back down and took his hand, studying him with concentration. "You must miss your father terribly."
"I still cannot believe he is gone. It doesn't feel real."
"I know exactly what you mean. I felt the same way when my father died."
He knew Gwen was doing her best to relate to his pain, but more guilt clutched at his heart when he thought about the circumstances of Gwen's father's death. It was because of Uther that Tom had been killed. Now, here he was mourning the very man that Gwen held responsible. Arthur shifted uncomfortably in his chair.
"You are going to be a great king, I am sure of it," she assured him.
"I am not sure I am ready," he admitted. "Although my father thought so. As he was fading, he told me that he thought I had been ready for some time."
"He was right. I have watched you grow and mature in these last few years. I can see what an extraordinary man you are now, and also the potential of the extraordinary king you will become."
He gave her a slight smile and covered her hand in his. He grasped onto the knowledge that she believed in him, though he didn't currently believe in himself.
"You haven't talked much about your father's dying words..." she probed, trying to get him to open up.
"He said he knew that I would make him proud, as I always have." His voice broke as he remembered Uther lying in his arms. "His final words were 'Know this one thing, I always loved you'." Tears trickled down Arthur's cheeks as a rush of emotion spread throughout his body.
His father had also uttered his name when he awoke with the old sorcerer's magic, only to die immediately after. However, Arthur couldn't even speak of that painful moment - the elation that Uther was going to be all right, and then suddenly... nothing. Arthur began to cry.
Gwen's beautiful, brown eyes welled up too and tears fell down her own cheeks. "Oh, Arthur... It breaks my heart to see you hurting," she sobbed. He knew exactly what she meant, it broke his heart to see her so upset. And so he pulled himself together, held the hurt inside and hid his feelings from her.
He stood from the chair and moved to Gwen, pulling her face to his body and holding her tenderly as she sat sobbing into his shirt. "Shhh... It will be all right," he soothed.
Guinevere was sharing his broken heart with him, feeling everything he was feeling, and he loved her for everything she was. But he still felt numb.
-ooOoo-
Then there was Agravaine. Arthur was incredibly grateful for his uncle's help when it came to matters of state. These were things that Arthur was having trouble wrapping his head around and Agravaine was an experienced and confident statesman.
"I would like you to head the council meeting next week," Agravaine told him.
"Uncle, I am not sure I am ready."
"Arthur, it is time. You must be strong. Your father is gone. We must now focus on more immediate concerns."
He knew his uncle was right. However, confidence and focus were not in his grasp, currently. He sighed and stared up at the ceiling when all at once Agravaine grabbed him by the shoulders. "Pull yourself together, Arthur. You are a king now and you must behave like one. Showing weakness or emotion is not an option. Do you understand?" Agravaine looked him directly in the eye and Arthur knew that his uncle was doing this for his own good. And so again, he held his emotions inside.
"Yes, uncle. I understand," he said in his strongest voice, staring back into his eyes. His uncle nodded, seemingly satisfied that he had got through. Agravaine squeezed his shoulder with genuine affection before grabbing a report off of the table and beginning to read from it.
Agravaine was helping him to be a good king, teaching him in the ways of his new position both professionally and personally and Arthur loved him for it. But he still felt numb.
-ooOoo-
Then there were his knights. These men were not only his comrades-in-arms but also his close friends. Since his father's death, he could tell that they were all a little awkward around him. As he trained them, the mood was serious, their usual banter dropped, afraid they may upset their new king with their tomfoolery.
Unsurprisingly, it was Gwaine who cracked the first joke when he was attempting to throw Elyan over his shoulder. Elyan kept grabbing at the other knight's hand to stop him and Gwaine came out with, "I believe Elyan has found his excuse to continually hold my hand."
When Elyan rolled his eyes and pulled his hand away, Gwaine was able to fling the young knight over his shoulder. Elyan landed on his back. "And you have just been looking for an excuse to get me on my back for months," Elyan retorted from the ground. A rumble of laughter ran through the small group of knights and then they quieted as their eyes roamed guiltily over to Arthur.
He was sick of this careful and delicate treatment and so threw his head back and gave his best bellow of laughter. "He got you there, Gwaine."
The men laughed too and Arthur could see the joy on their faces that they had made him laugh. Unfortunately, they spent the rest of the training session cracking stupid jokes, obviously looking to see that laugh again, and Arthur found himself politely chuckling along with them, trying desperately to ease his men's discomfort.
He fooled them all, and was grateful for the increase in morale as they left the training grounds chatty and in high spirits. Their king's happiness meant so much to them and Arthur loved them for the brave and compassionate men that they were. But still, he felt numb.
-ooOoo-
And then there was Merlin...
Arthur's servant and most loyal friend had stayed all night on the floor outside of the throne room the day Uther had died, waiting for Arthur. When questioned about it, he had simply responded with, "I didn't want you to feel that you were alone." His devotion was unquestionable.
In the past couple of weeks, he had been more obedient, quieter and more respectful than ever before. Arthur was surprised that he could behave as such a 'proper' servant should.
After dinner, Arthur was at his desk in his chambers, staring into space when Merlin arrived with a jug of wine. "Thank you, Merlin."
His manservant nodded and placed the tray down too quickly and the jug flew off and landed on the ground with a loud crash, spilling wine all over the floor. "I'm sorry, My Lord."
"That's ok," he responded nonchalantly. "Just get a mop and clean it up."
Merlin looked at him a little too long, a frown on his face. "Yes, Sire."
He left the room and came back minutes later and began mopping up the spill. As he bent down to pick up the jug, his backside knocked the other jug from the desk, a jug of water, and that also fell to the floor with a crash. "Sorry," Merlin grinned mischievously.
Arthur shrugged, unflustered. "Thankfully, you already have a mop at hand."
Merlin looked annoyed and made quick work of cleaning up the mess. "Will that be all, Sire?" he asked and his voice definitely had an edge to it. Arthur briefly wondered what was upsetting his friend but didn't have the energy to engage right now.
"Yes, thank you. Goodnight."
"Goodnight." Merlin left the mop and walked toward the door, stopping himself as he appeared to remember something. "Oh... I forgot to tell you. Your favourite tunic... I accidentally tore it today... it's ruined."
Arthur frowned. He loved that tunic. "Can it be mended?"
"I'm afraid not."
Arthur sighed heavily. "Never mind. Is that all?"
Merlin placed his hands on his hips. "As a matter of fact... A couple of days ago, when I was polishing your weapons, I lost your ornamental dagger."
"What do you mean, you lost it?"
"Just that... it's gone. I don't know where it is," his servant shrugged.
Arthur's voice rose slightly. "That dagger was a gift to me from a very important man!"
"Yeah, sorry."
"Yeah, sorry! Merlin, you idiot!" Arthur shouted. "Here I was thinking your performance was improving and you... you are dropping jugs, ruining clothes and losing my bloody weapons!" Arthur was now standing as he yelled at his useless manservant.
"At least it was only a dagger I lost. I nearly lost one of your horses last week."
Arthur stormed around the desk and grabbed at Merlin's shirt. "You really are a total fool, aren't you?"
"You're the fool who trusted this fool. I think that means you're an even bigger fool."
"You're calling me a fool?"
Merlin nodded and had the nerve to smirk.
The blood was pumping through Arthur's body as anger took a hold of him. He hadn't felt this angry, this emotional, this anything in weeks. He shook Merlin and continued to thunder at him. "I am a king now. Does that mean anything to you?"
"It means that you're twice the royal prat you were when you were only a prince," he replied smugly, uncaring of the rough way Arthur was manhandling him.
Arthur saw red and he backed his servant up against the wall, holding him in place, angered further by Merlin's complete lack of fear. It was almost as if he were enjoying this. Almost as if he were trying to rile up his king, angering him on purpose...
And then realisation dawned over Arthur. Merlin was trying to get a reaction out of him. The sweet, loveable fool knew him so well and was attempting to make him feel alive again.
"Do you want to punch me?" Merlin questioned.
"Frequently," he responded, though all of the anger was gone from his voice.
"So, come on."
Arthur searched his friend's face with fondness. Merlin would undoubtedly take a punch. He would do anything to help his king through this tough time. Arthur found himself grinning. "I know what you're doing," he said, not loosening his grip on the other man.
Merlin grinned in return. "Took you long enough to figure it out, dollophead."
Arthur chuckled lightly. Though the anger was gone from his body, his heart still pounded furiously, and he could still feel the blood pumping through his veins. The close proximity to Merlin, the banter, the obvious show of affection, it was having an effect on him. He found himself staring at the other man's lips and when he realised what he was thinking of doing, his heart raced even faster.
He forced his eyes back up to meet Merlin's. Slight confusion was written on his servant's face, though the grin was still there. "You're not going to kiss me, are you?" Merlin asked and followed his question with a breath of laughter.
Arthur didn't answer immediately. He looked at Merlin's lips again. His whole body felt alive. "Maybe..."
This wiped the grin off of Merlin's face who now stared back with curiosity, waiting to see what his king would do. Arthur could feel the other man's heartbeat increase where he was holding him by his shirt at the chest. He pulled Merlin toward himself and moved his lips within inches from his servant's.
Their breaths mingled and Arthur was struck with a sort of dizzy feeling. It felt bloody brilliant! He closed the gap and met Merlin's lips with his own, both men breathing raggedly as they began a slow kiss. He brushed his tongue against Merlin's lips and a few seconds later, felt his manservant do the same thing in return. The next time Merlin repeated this action, Arthur darted his tongue out to meet the other man's tongue, the sensation causing each of them to moan.
Now they were kissing deeply, tongues delving inside each other's mouths. It felt so strange and yet, at the same time, so natural to be kissing Merlin. All of their bantering, their long stares, their lingering touches and their heartfelt conversations flashed through his mind and he lost himself in the long, deep kiss as his whole body reacted.
When he gave too much thought to the fact that Merlin was arousing him, and how he wanted to do more with him than simply kiss, he felt a jolt of nerves run through him and he pushed the other man away roughly. Merlin leaned against the wall, out of breath and looking surprised. His lips were all wet and enticing and Arthur forced his eyes not to linger too long on them. "You're messing with my head," he accused his servant.
"Hey, you kissed me!"
"Yeah, well... I didn't enjoy it." Arthur tried not to smile at his own blatant lie.
"Liar! Arthur, I could feel your hard-on against me," Merlin declared and added with a cheeky smirk, "I've aroused you."
Arthur laughed in surrender and feeling challenged, pulled his servant back toward him, diving in to kiss him again. This time he rubbed his groin against Merlin's, feeling the other man's arousal. He wanted to boast that he had also aroused Merlin but couldn't bring himself to part from the intensity of the kiss. He reached around to cup his backside drawing a deep moan out of his friend's mouth.
They pressed into one another needily, grunting and breathing noisily. How could this feel so damn right? Merlin gripped Arthur's hair, tugging it and running his hands all through it. His hands then slid lower, roaming down Arthur's arms and taking his hands in his. They squeezed each other's hands and finally parted breathlessly from their kiss, searching the other's face.
"God, this feels good," Arthur breathed.
"I know."
"You're trembling," he pointed out, squeezing his hands again.
Merlin gave him a faint smile. His eyes were so full of desire. "So are you."
The emotion flowing throughout Arthur's body was overwhelming and he took a couple of deep breaths. He couldn't remember a time when he had ever felt so alive, including when he was in battle. He really wanted to take this beyond kissing. Once again, it only felt right and natural. He let go of the other man's hands and gripped the front of his jacket, tugging at it playfully before pushing it from his shoulders. Merlin kept his king's eye and Arthur thought he could see the moment when Merlin realised that they were headed to bed together.
Merlin helped to remove his own jacket and then Arthur gently pulled the neckerchief away from his neck, allowing his eyes to travel admiringly over the smooth skin that was now revealed. "Why do you cover this skin here all the time? It's beautiful," he murmured leaning in to run his mouth over his friend's flawless neck and collarbones. Merlin whispered his name, voice all breathy and seductive and Arthur's erection throbbed.
He wondered how his servant's skin looked underneath his clothes as he undid and removed his belt and then gripped the hem of his tunic, pausing to look into his twinkling, blue eyes. "Wow, I didn't even think you could undress yourself, let alone anybody else," Merlin teased. Arthur laughed deeply and Merlin cocked his head to the side, gazing at him with such affection. "It's great to hear you laughing again," he said warmly. Honestly, it felt great to laugh and enjoy something so wholeheartedly once again.
Arthur pulled Merlin's shirt up and off, letting his eyes travel over his body. He really was undeniably gorgeous; his slender muscles in his upper body, a light dusting of dark chest hair, slim hips and a sexy V shape, starting just within his hipbones and disappearing inside his trousers. "Exquisite," he mumbled.
Merlin responded with a slight rise of his eyebrows and Arthur allowed his hands to roam over the other man's warm skin. His hands were shaking a little as he explored, all the while gazing into his expressive eyes. He grazed a hand over Merlin's arousal and watched his eyes fly shut and his lips part. Gripping his hips, Arthur moved back in to kiss those inviting lips again.
As they kissed, he felt Merlin's hands slip under his own shirt and run over his bare skin. Their kiss became even more heated as Merlin's hands climbed higher, gripping his king's shoulder muscles. They tugged off Arthur's shirt and pressed their bodies together, feeling hot skin against hot skin.
"I want you so much," he growled into his servant's ear, moving back to slip his tongue into his mouth.
"Are we really about to do this?" Merlin managed to utter between their hot kisses.
Arthur began to pull him toward the bed. "I think so..."
"Oh God..." They walked clumsily toward the bed as they continued to try to keep their lips upon each other's and fell upon it. Merlin broke away just long enough to rip his boots off and Arthur laughed at his eagerness. Then they were kissing again, rolling over one another and rubbing up against each other.
Arthur lay over Merlin and dragged his tongue from his neck down to his nipple, circling it and nibbling at it. Merlin's grip tightened in his hair and he let out a deep and delicious moan. Arthur ran his lips lower and dipped his tongue into his belly button. "Jesus, that's sexy," Merlin breathed.
Arthur crawled back up his body and kissed his mouth. "You're sexy," he told him, leaning down to kiss him deeper. Merlin cupped his backside and squeezed it in his hands, pulling his king against him. Arthur groaned, suddenly needing to rid them of their trousers. He worked Merlin's trousers down his legs and removed them, captivated by the sight of his cock, which was extremely erect and leaking pre-come.
"So big, so hard," he moaned as he took it in hand and rubbed his thumb over the head.
"Oh shit! Arthur," Merlin cried.
Arthur removed his own trousers and watched as Merlin looked equally captivated with his own leaking cock. He reached out his hand and copied Arthur's previous action, causing the king to hiss in a breath.
They lay opposite each other on their sides, reaching down to touch and stroke each other, kissing when they were able to. The pleasure was almost unbearable and neither man lasted too long. As the euphoria of his orgasm coursed through him, Arthur felt powerful and elated. An hour ago he had thought this kind of joy was beyond his reach forevermore, and yet Merlin had brought it to him with what seemed like no effort at all.
Merlin's orgasm was loud and breathy and Arthur delighted in it. Afterwards, Arthur pulled him into his arms and held him close. "Merlin, you make me feel so fulfilled. You know me so well... and I love you for that."
Merlin smiled, eyes shining with tears. "You are the most important thing in my life. It's all for you, Arthur." They leaned in to kiss again, softly and slowly, savouring their moment in time.
-ooOoo-
When they were redressing Arthur looked over at Merlin and smirked. "So... did you really ruin my tunic and lose my dagger?"
Merlin chuckled impishly. "No."
"Grrr..." Arthur grabbed Merlin's belt out of his servant's hand and whipped him playfully on his behind.
Merlin laughed and grabbed his belt back. "Hey, I had to get a reaction out of you somehow. It's like you died inside when your father died. I wanted you to feel alive again," he said as he redid his belt up over his tunic.
"Well, I certainly feel alive again. Thank you, Merlin. You're one in a million. You really would do anything for me, wouldn't you?"
"Without hesitation. However, this one was for me too." They chuckled together. "No more moping about, ok? Time to start living again."
Arthur nodded, his expression becoming more serious. "I appreciate everything you have done."
Merlin nodded as well, also becoming more serious. "That's what friends are for."
"Thank you... friend." Arthur leaned in and kissed Merlin tenderly. Merlin had set his heart free again, given him back his lust for life and reminded him that he really was fortunate indeed, and Arthur loved him for it. He also loved the man he was able to be when he was with his loyal friend. Completely accepted and unjudged. He no longer felt numb.
The two of them never spoke of their intimate evening together but it turned out that they didn't need to. For it was forever there between them, in every long glance, in every lingering touch, in every moment of friendship that they shared.
Arthur was blessed to have the support of beautiful Guinevere, to have the assistance of his Uncle Agravaine and the concern and devotion of his brave knights. But he was especially grateful to have the love and companionship of his dearest friend in all the world... Merlin.
-The End-