A/N: WHAT THIS IS I DON'T EVEN.
I hate how much a song can persuade me. It's just, when I heard 'Fuck You (Very Much)' by Lily Allen, despite the fact that I've been reading almost nothing but Kurtofsky lately – I dunno, this just popped out at me as, "Totally Kurt's theme song pre-NBK."
And so this is what I give you: random crack that shouldn't happen, but it is in Fanfiction Land! XD
Contains anti-Kurtofsky. LOLOLOL.
The Cheerios assemble in front of the student body, a smirk on each of their faces. Sue helps them get some backpack today by allowing them to do a highly inappropriate song without getting caught. Kurt Hummel stands in the front. Grinning with courage, he singles out one group of jocks in the center of the bleachers.
With the Cheerios in formation, and backing up Kurt's vocals, they perform and sing especially sweetly to Karofsky and Azimio to uber-happy music:
"Look inside,
Look inside your tiny mind
Now look a bit harder
Cause we're so uninspired,
so sick and tired of all the
hatred you harbor
"So you say
It's not okay to be gay
Well I think you're just evil
You're just some racist who
can't tie my laces
Your point of view is medieval
"Fuck you (fuck you)
Fuck you very, very much~"
The entire school gasped for a moment, most of them unfamiliar with the song and completely shocked by the happy tone paired with such harsh words. A few students started to snicker, because really, this is pure gold. Some of the bullies getting bullied by the lyrics of a song and some dancing short-skirted girls? Genius.
"Cause we hate what you do
And we hate your whole crew
So please don't stay in touch
"Fuck you (fuck you)
Fuck you very, very much
Cause your words don't translate
And it's getting quite late
So please don't stay in touch~"
Karofsky in particular looks so pissed he's about to explode, perhaps even walk up to the Cheerios and pop one of them – most likely Hummel – in the face. But no, he isn't moving. His jaw is tense and his face is beat red, and he is practically seething, but he does nothing. Azimio, on the other hand, looks partially amused.
"Do you get,
Do you get a little kick out of
being small minded?
You want to be like your father
It's approval your after
Well that's not how you find it~!"
"Those retards. Do they really think this hurts us? This is nothing! They should go into sports. Now that's rough. Right, Karofsky?" Azimio says, nudging his friend. But the thicker boy can't take this much longer. The words apply to him more than his friend knows, and it royally angers him.
"Do you,
Do you really enjoy living a
life that's so hateful?
Cause there's a hole where
your soul should be
Your losing control of it and
it's really distasteful
"Fuck you (fuck you)
Fuck you very, very much
Cause we hate what you do
And we hate your whole crew
So please don't stay in touch
"Fuck you (fuck you)
Fuck you very, very much
Cause your words don't
translate and it's getting quite late
So please don't stay in touch
"Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you
Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you
Fuck you~!"
At this point, some of the students are singing along with the chorus as they pick up on the song, and the teachers are swarming into the gym to try and stop this madness. But Sue Sylvester is one sly woman; she is far ahead of them all. She fires confetti canons out of nowhere, blinding and halting half of the interrupters. All the while the short-haired blond is laughing menaiacally.
"You say,
You think we need to go to war
Well, you're already in one
Cause it's people like you
That need to get slew
No one wants your opinion~!"
The song is nearly over, but Karofsky can handle no more. He gets up and charges out of the room, pushing past students and teachers, laughing faces and blurs of color. And he is not crying. No. Instead, he's punching and kicking anything he can.
Kurt waves goodbye all too pleasantly, finally glad that his bullying might be over. With one last cheer, the girls finish up the song:
"Fuck you (fuck you)
Fuck you very, very much
Cause we hate what you do
And we hate your whole crew
So please don't stay in touch
"Fuck you (fuck you)
Fuck you very, very much
Cause your words don't
translate and it's getting quite late
So please don't stay in touch
"Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you!"
…And every student bursts into wild cheering and celebratory giggles, while the teachers storm the Cheerios and assign them all detentions. But in Kurt Hummel's eyes, it was totally worth it.