August 21, 10:00 PM

Defendant Lobby 4

Iris: Mr. Wright...

Phoenix: ?

Iris: Isn't it unfortunate how fate has been so fickle as to have us meet like this? I am really sorry this happened like this. I wanted to meet under more...light circumstances.

Phoenix: Sorry, I was just listening to Limp Bizkit on my Microsoft Zune, I didn't hear what you said.

Iris: ...I am full of regret.

Phoenix: Whatever brah lets blade.

(I roller skated right in there with Sister Iris...I knew I had to make a god impression for this trial...this one...is important.)

Mia: Hey Phoenix remember that time I totally died?

Phoenix: pFFFFFT TCH GRNK SZNKT...whatever man should've hit Red White with that half circle forward/backward strong punch dude.

Mia: Phoenix I say this 100% percent real with you I truly hope you mess the up as terribly as possible.

(...! Of course! THAT evidence I received earlier from the Norse Gods...this math test of THAT witness...with the "100%" grade...)

Judge: Ah...it looks like we are ready to start the trial...Mr. Wright?

Phoenix: Ready to fuckin' trash your honor!

Judge: Fuck yeah, Mr. Wright. But where is...?

Judge: ...! I-IS THAT?

(...There before me, over on the prosecutors side...)

(Was Godot standing in a waterfall of coffee, mouth open, in his natural habitat.)

Godot: Betcha didn't know that this courtroom had a built in Ecosystem capable of servicing my people, did you, Trite?

Phoenix: Listen I figured out the whole twist last night while I was getting in some serious blogging hours. Get the fuck out of my courtroom. I want one of the other prosecutors.

Godot: Whatever man, at least I have SWAG.

(He then evaporated, gone from my life. Hasta nunca, baby.)

?: FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL

Phoenix: I've made a-(crack) (crack) (crack) (crack) (crack) (crack) (crack) (crack) (crack) (crack) (crack) (crack) (crack) (crack) (crack) (crack) (crack) (crack) (crack) (crack) (crack) (crack) (crack) (crack)

(...I felt the life leave my body. My guess is Franziska finally killed someone with that whip. I mean come on look at that thing how has this not happened before. Just sayin'.)

Franziska: Heh... Foolishly foolish fool who, foolishly did not realize the foolish mistake only a foolish fool would make! Implying you're straight... That's right, I saw that part where you kind flirted with Iris before the trial! I know the author of this story has foolishly deiced to leave all that stuff out, because, foolish, they couldn't think of any way to make a cohesive story while connecting all the bonkers testimony and evidence ideas! Such a fool. But then again, Phoenix Wright, you have fallen like a fool, haven't you? Et tu, Stulte?

?: Actually...

Phoenix: That was Tigre, yet another character the author will fail to explain due to his relevance being before this case! Anyways would you get off my fucking back about what I do and don't include in this after all I'm the protagonist I can easily change how this story is being relayed since I'm the one telling it.

Franziska: Alright you know what fuck this I'm just going to take Maya and leave. She's mine now.

Maya: I agree to this.

Phoenix: Well there they go.

Judge: Also I'm still here in case you forgot.

[sound of a car crashing through the courtroom]

?: And with no prosecutor!

Phoenix: ...No way! Laaaaaaaaary!

Larry: Oh I'm just here to make my necessary cameo. I'M STRAIGHT! I LOVE GIRLS! AAAAAAAAH! By the way, here's a sick piece of evidence, it'll blow your mind!

(Larry's copy of X-Files Season 2 placed in my back pocket)

Phoenix: Okay well where's Edgeworth this is usually the part where he comes in and is like 'I'm Miles Edgeworth I was off in the mountains of Europe learning what it meant to be a prosecutor. All I got was this lousy t-shirt' and hes the final prosecutor.

?: Wright I can't believe you ruined my entrance seriously it would have been extraordinary.

(Just then, Edgeworth descended from the big roof window thing on the roof of the courthouse dressed as an 80s hair rock star)

Edgeworth: That's right it's me I am the Prosecutor.

Judge: WH-WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?

(Somewhere of in the distance, I heard Gumshoe's paycheck to go down. I don't even know how it's even possible at this point. I mean, he's gotten so many pay cuts. How does he still make money? How is this man able to survive? Who the fuck is the detective? What is this shit? What is my purpose of life? Is it prehaps meaningless, and all I do is work in the law to give myself a false sense of value? Or perhaps the even concept of a purpose of life is strange, as life is a concept that is relative to each person? Life is not defined by those who have accomplished what you see as amazing feats, as there will be people out there who see these amazing feats as nothing more than those kinds of things in the back of textbooks where it's referenced to be on page 873 but nothing about it is really there. Life is a thing you must decided for yourself. Your purpose is defined by you. There is no set happiness out in the world, but rather you creature you own. Happiness is achieved through you, and it is truly wonderful...)

To be continued...