(A/N: Some ideas come to you in the weirdest of ways. This one happened to come from a conversation between me and a pal of mine blekmedelninjan. We wrote this together. We swapped off every now and then with who was writing and we finally have this up and running. You folks tell me how this looks and we'll get back to you when we've got some new material)
Revy felt… a mite ticked off. It was just one of those days, when you woke up on the wrong side and your morning mood stuck with you. She'd gone out to buy some beer, since that whiny ass bitch Rock- well, not whiny per se, she just felt like quietly cursing anyone she could think of- had said they needed more, and Dutch always liked to pop a cold one once he got back from negotiations with whatever employer they had.
As she walked down the street, grumbling to herself over everything and everyone, she barreled into somebody- or rather, somebody barreled into her, some… fat fuck? He looked deformed, bloated.
"Watch where you're going, you stupid fucking tub of lard!" She sneered. Was he a flu victim? She's heard the green flu had spread all over the U.S, a god damn plague to end all plagues. She'd heard it spread to East Asia, including Roanapur, she just hadn't seen anybody afflicted yet.
The tub of lard, apparently unaware of who he was fucking with, lamely struck her across the face, giving a low groan. Having had about enough, her day shitty enough already, Revy snapped. She hit him across the face with the pack of freshly purchased Heireken beer, and whipped out her Cutlass.
"If you're so fucking stupid you'd try and piss me off, I'm doing the world in general a favor by offing you." She snarled, popping off a shot in the man's face.
What happened next surprised even her. The man exploded- literally exploded- showering her with some messy, stinking goo.
"…what the fuck?"
Revy looked at her slime-covered clothes. It was everywhere. There was even slime dripping into her cleavage and pants. The six-pack was also covered in the same rotten gunk. Revy had just about had enough of this day of hers.
She decided the next person she saw was going to get a face full of bullets. The explosion, unfortunately, was now attracting more sickly individuals like the one she just shot. It was unfortunate… for them, at least. Revy cracked a wide slasher smile.
"Perfect, just what I need right about now." She held up her cutlasses and began unloading round after round into the flu-stricken fuckers. Only when she was out of ammunition did she take a deep breath, holster her guns, picked up the beer and walked… or rather, stomped back to the Lagoon Company.
She made it back and slammed open the door. Rock, who had the misfortune of standing in Revy's path got pushed aside.
"I'm going to take a shower." she announced as she clacked the beer on the kitchen counter. "Anyone who disturbs me is fucking dead."
She slammed the door to the bathroom only to come back, grab a beer from the pack, rinsed it off of the smell and the gunk in the sink and then went back into the bathroom and slammed the door.
"What's her problem?" Rock wondered.
"Who knows?" Benny said holding up the newspaper he was reading. "Wouldn't be the first time Revy's been off on the rampage like that. Who knows, maybe it's that time of the month for her."
"I dunno…" Rock said, brushing off some goo from the rim of his shirt. Revy had been covered in the stuff, and… had she fallen into a sewer? That would explain her bad- worse- mood.
"She's been out shooting people." Dutch stated.
"Come one now, you don't know that." Rock said. "Why would you just assume-"
"She came back home with two clips less than what she went out with. If she had to defend herself, fine, but things have been pretty damn quiet lately. If she just lost her temper and started blowing people away, we will be having words."
Rock sighed. He hoped Revy hadn't gone and done something stupid- she was tough, but if Dutch wanted to have words with you, you'd have to be stupid or Balalaika not to be sweating a little about it.
His train of thought was interrupted as the phone rang. Dutch, picking it up, listened, cut in with the occasional "yeah" or "Mhmm", and finished after some two minutes with a "You got it."
"What's happening, Dutch?" Benny asked. "Some new job?"
"…you could say that, Benny. This one's special, though."
"We've handled special before." Rock said nonchalantly. "What is it, some super-secret cargo? Somebody need kidnapping?"
"You know how they say that when the rats abandon ship, you should be jumping over the rail as well?"
"Look, don't be cryptic with us, Dutch." Benny cut in, sounding a little annoyed. "Just lay it on us, so we know what's up."
"The flu." Dutch said, his face as impassive as always. "You know how it's been moving across the U.S, right?"
"Yeah, it's all over the news." Rock said. "An honest to god zombie apocalypse, right? The dead walking, feeding on the living and infecting the fallen, all that cliché shit. Didn't they contain it, though?"
"In a way, yeah. Doesn't seem like it stopped the flu from spreading though. Word from Hotel Moscow is, it's spread all over Japan, and moved on to east Asia in general- now specifically Roanapur. Balalaika is evacuating the Vysotniki. All of them."
Rock choked on his cigarette. All of them? Balalaika never made a rash move. If she was evacuating, shit had really hit the fan in a way nobody could have imagined.
"We'll be taking Balalaika and some of her closest out to a safe house in a small island chain. We leave tonight, and we are not coming back till this shit dies down. Bring supplies, all of you." With that, Dutch turned around, walking out the door to make preparations. He brought his shotgun with him
Revy came out of the shower about thirty minutes later, rubbing her head with a towel, dressed in a replication of her usual outfit.
"Ugh, that stuff stank to high heaven. It'll probably take three weeks to get out both the stains and the stink." She reached for the six-pack and pulled out another beer.
Rock, the only one foolish- or brave- enough in the world to question Revy on her actions, asked her, "Revy, Dutch said you went out on a shooting? What happened?"
"A bunch of those fuckbags with that god damn flu started mobbing me after I blew away one fatass like them. Those things ain't human anymore, I tell ya." Revy said, sitting in a chair. Without giving Rock a chance to respond she asked, "Where's Dutch?"
"Outside," Rock answered, "We just got a call from Balalaika about a job. She's evacuating the entire Vysotniki. We're supposed to back supplies and go. We're not coming back till this has calmed down. Benny's standing watch in case those things come our way."
"So it's gotten that bad, huh?" Revy asked.
"How are you not the least bit concerned about this?" Rock asked.
"I unloaded two clips into those fuckers and they died straight off. If you ask me, that's the best way to deal with this shit till we get a vaccine or some cure." Revy said lighting a cigarette.
"Revy, you can't just go around shooting people." Rock said.
Revy grew cross with the Japanese. "Listen, Rock," her eyebrows converged, "those things aren't human any more. They look like the god damn living dead. I've read the papers. One bite and it's all over. You wanna stand around and become lunch, that's fine with me. I'll be sure to pop a cap in your ass once you've come back as one of them."
A couple of minutes passed in silence, till the phone rang again. Revy sighed.
"I'll get it." She picked up the phone. "Lagoon Company," she answered unenthusiastically.
"Revy, that you?" It was Eda.
"Oh, it's just you, Eda? If you want to talk to me personally, call my cell." Revy told her.
"Hey, this ain't no social call, I need help!" Eda shouted.
"Oh I've been waiting for this day." Revy cackled. "The day you have nowhere else to turn so you call us to bail your ass out of the fire."
"This isn't funny, Revy! This is a life or death situation!" Eda shot back. "One of those fucking flu victims mingled with the Mass crowd, and now the whole church has turned into a feeding frenzy for those fuckers. I'm not going out like this." Revy could hear gunfire on the other line.
Still, she didn't exactly feel like sticking her neck out for Eda for nothing. "Let's talk payment first."
"I'll pay whatever you want just get me and the others the fuck outta here!" Eda resigned.
Revy cackled again. "No problem." She hung up and called out the front door. "Hey Dutch! We got something to do while we wait till sundown!"
"Dutch is out, Revy." Rock reminded her. "Guess you're stuck with me now, huh?"
"Well, whoop-dee-fucking doo." Revy snorted. "Come on then. Eda's about to give us half a million dollars."
"Does Eda know she is about to give us half a million dollars?" Rock said, smiling slightly.
"She's a cheap bitch, but she'd rather be alive an' poorer than rich and dead, that's for sure." Revy said, grinning. Rummaging through the lagoon armory- which doubled as booze cabinet, and extra machine parts storage- she pulled out her treasured grenade launcher. And a pair of AK-47s. And an RPG. And half a dozen hand grenades. And a few Molotov coktails. And-
"Are we looking to start a war, Revy?"
Revy grinned. "The 'nade launcher and the molotovs for crowd control. The assault rifles cause… hell, I just never get to take these babies out, and now we got targets galore."
"And the RPG?"
"For unforeseen consequences." Revy said, with that glimmer in her eye that told Rock that she was in the mood to do great bodily harm unto others, with very little provocation.
The drive there was… a tad shocking for Rock. Only a few days ago he had driven past there, business as usual, the city alive and prospering. Pimps taking money off their whores, mafia enforcers collecting "protection" money, drug dealers peddling cocaine at the street corners… the melody of Roanapur, played loudly and coarsely, as it always had been.
Now it was quiet, victims of the green flu walking the street, the unaffected only venturing out when they had to. He had known it was bad, but this bad?
Soon, the church came into view. It was every bit as bad as Eda had led them to believe. The doors had been barred, but were breaking, the infected roaming round, looking for a way in.
"Well, let's bust this place open, why don't we?" Revy said, enjoying this far more than Rock thought was healthy. She pulled up the hood to the car. She pulled up the hood of the car. "Wait in the car, and don't come out unless you feel like getting bitten or caught in the crossfire. If I think the area is secure I'll signal you." She exited the vehicle, brandishing an AK in each arm and kicked the door shut. "This is gonna kick ass."
She charged out gunning down anything that moved. Thankfully, none of the moving objects were human. The only things she hit that were outside the church were the victims of the flu and one unfortunate mocking bird that just happened to be flying by.
When Revy was sure there were no other creeps nearby, she signaled Rock forward. Rather than walking, the young man drove up right to the church door and got out of the car; an intelligent move since some of the flu victims were walking up the large hill towards the church. Revy popped the trunk, and pulled out the RPG she had brought and fired upon the slow moving brain dead Ex-humans. She then banged on the door.
"Hey Eda! Open up! Bail's here!"
There was no response…rather no vocal one. An old hand reached out of the door and tried to grab Rock. The frightened Japanese backed away and Revy just unloaded half a dozen shots of the AK in her right arm and amputated the hand clawing its way out. She then pulled out a grenade, pulled out the pin threw it lightly into the hole broken open by the hand twitching on the ground, grabbed Rock by the back of his shirt led him around to other side of the car and shouted, "Get down!"
And explosion resonated through the area, and the church gates turned to splinters. Revy got up and looked through the car windows, now damaged by the explosion, and saw that things on the inside of the Church were just about as bad as they were out a few minutes ago.
She saw return fire coming from an overturned pew on top of the altar, which the two handed gunman figured must be Eda's location. The manic creatures split between going after the gunfire from the altar and heading towards the new noise, the source of which was Revy's grenade.
"Stay right where you are and don't move a muscle unless I tell you to. Revy told Rock," she handed him the rest of the grenades, "If you see any more of those fuckers coming up the street use these. Just don't hesitate or you'll blow yourself up and I am not mopping up your remains."
"Don't underestimate me." Rock snorted, setting fire to the fuse of a Molotov. As Revy strolled up the dead center isle towards the altar, switching to her Cutlasses and casually gunning down the remaining infected on her way, she could feel the heat in the air- Rock had really done it, and judging by the lack of explosions, he had actually managed not to hit the car. Good boy!
"Eda, baby!" Revy said, grinning, dramatically reloading her handguns, "you look like you're in a pinch! Need a helping hand, eh?"
"Don't get cute with me, Revy!" Eda snapped. "This bullshit infection already got Yolanda and most of our clergy, and I need out of here, now. You'll get-"
"One million dollars, Eda." Revy said, shooting off her best shit eating, I-have-you-now-so-don't-mess-with-me grin. "The gas money to get up here is just so expensive, and a girl's gotta eat."
"Fuck you, Revy!" Eda sneered. "Twenty grand, and that's it!"
"Yawn." Revy said, holstering her Cutlasses. "We're leaving, Rock. I think we can steal some guns and ammo to make the trip worth it, at least."
"You can't leave me here-" Eda grew quiet at the absurdity of her statement. "Forty grand, cash."
"See if you can get some gas too, Rock. I think we got most of 'em round here. Dutch did say to look for supplies, after all."
"One hundred!" Eda spat. "One hundred, and-"
"Was that so hard, Eda?" Revy said, grinning. "Five hundred, plus your guns and gas."
"A hundred and fifty, and we keep our guns!"
"No deal. What, you can't find transport on your own?"
"…no. Our cars are stuck downtown. Two hundred, that's all I have. The rest is wired to our accounts, and we don't have access to those. Our sponsors cut all electronic ties three days ago. Two hundred, that's as high as I can go."
"Hmm…" Revy said, the smug look on her face almost unbearable, "two hundred? Fine, but I get the top bunk. Bring what guns, ammo, food and gas you can, 'cause the Lagoon sure as hell won't be supplying you."
"You're a bloodsucking, no-good evil bitch, Revy." Eda said, shaking hands with the mercenary.
"And you're a stupid cunt." Revy said, grinning. "Now, got any pals to go with you?"
Rock wasn't sure whether it was sad or heartwarming that this was as close to genuine, friendly affection the two had ever been.
He waited around while Revy and Eda loaded everything coming back to the office into the car.
"So how is it only you managed not to get bitten?" he heard Revy say to Eda as she slammed the trunk.
Eda shrugged. "Who knows? Speaking of which, I call—" Before she could finish, Revy was already in the front seat next to Rock. Eda just grumbled and got in the back figuring arguing was just going to cause Revy to demand more out of her pocket. Rock started the car, and began to drive down the hill, only for the road to come to a dead stop. Eda, who wasn't wearing her seat belt went flying onto the floor.
Revy, who hadn't had her eyes on the road, shouted out, "What the fuck Rock?" only to see the hordes of living dead walking the streets. "I'll say it again: what the fuck Rock?"
"What's the holdup, huh?" Eda wanted to know getting up and putting her elbows on the front seats and adjusting her glasses. Revy put her hand up to signal to the blonde that she would handle it.
"Rock, this isn't a fucking courtesy to a family of ducklings. Hit that fucking gas pedal and drive!" Revy shouted.
"But…"
"Fucking floor it!" Revy shouted. She waited for all of about five seconds before unbuckling her seatbelt and going, "You know what? Fuck it!" she stood up in the cramped car, put her leg over the console, kicked Rock's leg out of the way and stomped on the gas. The laws of physics forced Eda to press against the back seat cushions.
"Gah! You're fucking crazy, Revy!" the nun shouted.
Rock could barely see or steer, but still flipped the windshield wipers on their highest setting as limbs, innards, fluids and blood impacted on the glass. As the car sped down the hill driving through the infected people like a homerun backyard baseball through a first floor window, the automobile hit a bump in the road causing Revy to lurch forward and completely block Rock's view and her foot off the gas. Rock's first instinct, as with any good driver, was to push Revy back into her seat and hit the brakes. What he didn't realize in the moment though was that to push the gunslinger back he had pushed his hand on her right breast.
Revy landed on her ass, on her seat, and hit her head against the cracked window. The car then came to a complete stop. Rock rested his head against the steering wheel, thankful that he, and everyone and everything in the car, plus the car itself, was still in one piece.
"Rock."
"Yeah, Revy, what?" Rock snapped. "You crazy bitch, you almost got us killed!"
"You can take your hand off my chest now, Rock." Revy said in an alarmingly calm voice.
Realizing that he would be better off trying to fondle a rabid tiger, Rock retracted his hand as if he had been holding white-hot iron.
"Rock, get out of the fucking car." Revy said, still in that horrifying deadpan voice.
"Look Revy, I didn't mean to- and this isn't the time to get all-"
"OUT." Revy's tone- and drawn handgun- brooked no disagreement.
Getting out, Rock continued his protests. "Look, we got infectees all around us. What are you going to do, leave me here? Is that it?"
Not answering him, Revy kicked him in the chest, sending him tumbling down into the dust. Grabbing a nearby infected, who had strayed close, she shoved it down on top of Rock. Mindlessly, it began to claw at him. Rock was not caught off guard though, and caught its arms before it could scratch him.
"Revy, what the hell-" his first attempt at showing it off was halted by her boot weighing it down.
"Look Revy, this isn't the time to go apeshit over an accidental grope. Shit happens, and more importantly, the zombies are getting restless!" Eda hissed.
"This has got nothin' to do with that." Revy said. "I need to know if you're going to go all pussy on me, Rock. Look at this here flu fucker. Does he look like he's got any sense to him? Maybe you could try to reason your way out of this, huh?"
"What-"
"It's the living. Fucking. Dead. Rock. It's Resident Evil, except in real life. We have a zombie apocalypse on our hands, and I need to know if you're going to pull your weight in this."
"Revy, knock it the fuck off!" Rock snarled. "This isn't funny!"
"Do you see me laughing?"
"What the fuck do you want from me?"
"I gotta be honest with ya, Rock. When you first came here, I thought you were just as much of a pansy as you looked, and that you'd get yourself killed within the week. But, you didn't. Fucking kudos to ya. But, our situation has changed fucking drastically, and your little "no guns" ideal sticks out like a sore thumb. If we're gonna live, each and every one of us will have to kill again and again and again, because we either kill or die now. Fuck Status Quo, that shit is gone now. The bosses got not enforcers left to keep the peace, business as usual, 'cause they are all catching the flu."
"What the fuck do you want from me, you crazy bitch?" Rock screamed, nearing a breaking point. The zombie, lame though it was, was a horrifying thing to have so close. Its bald face was full of sores; half its cheek had been torn off, and its teeth were broken. It stunk like waste left out in the sun, and that mindless groaning was something he knew he would hear in his nightmares.
"You got a zombie trying to kill you. Kill it or you're done for." Revy responded flatly.
"Here, whack him dead with this!" Eda cut in, tossing a short lead pipe to Rock. "Whatever gets us out of here quicker, okay?"
Finally, something snapped within Rock. That groaning, lifeless face, that stench- he hated it! He hated it with a passion! Shoving the not-quite-dead carcass off of him, he swung at it. As his fist impacted, he could feel the jaw snap. Bone wasn't supposed to be this brittle.
"There we go, Rocky boy. Now finish the job!" Revy spat.
Grabbing the lead pipe, Rock swung. The zombie's head cracked like an egg, brains soiling his shirt. Breathing heavily, he got to his feet.
"This- this is some bullshit…" was all he managed, his voice almost failing him.
"You did good, Rock." Revy said, patting him on the back. "Now, let's go-"
What Rock did next would live in their memories forever. Clenching his fist, he socked Revy in the jaw, hard. With a look of pure shock on her face, she fell over on the ground.
"Oh boy, this isn't gonna be pretty…" Eda murmured, keeping watch for more infected.
Slowly, Revy got back up to her feet. Rock stood his ground- he had had enough of this bullshit. If she was going to shoot him, fine.
Then, Revy just tossed her head back, and laughed; laughed like she just heard the funniest thing in her life. Now, it was Rock's turn to be surprised. Rock and Revy got back in the car.
They drove back to the Lagoon in silence.
To Be Continued…
(A/N: Right…so…chapter 1 over. Like I said blekmedelninjan and I wrote this together. I'm posting on and he's posting on DA. His username there is greatkingrat88. If I can't answer any questions you have he's the guy you need to contact. See ya peeps. Draconichero20 out!)