WARNING... WARNING... WARNING... (This is blinking lights)

This has guys getting to know they're true sexual feelings and exp-loring down deep into all the kinky in the world with NO RESTRICTIONS OR ACCEPTIONS so this sexual is probably too much for yu, you chicken wuss! Full of homophobia too! I bet you can't handle all the boobies and places that you will read about and you just wet dreams about it all night long, baby! Wet dreams will make you very sticky and then you hafta do you're laundry or it stinks! And if your mom catches you you'll have to tell her it's a milkshake you spilled on your sheets and she'll pretend to believe you BUT YOU'LL BOTH KNOW THE TRUTH and won't that be embarring, huh?

(Or maybe if your a chick you'll make girl-juice from G-spot squirting and you will hafta say you spilled strawberry milkshake on you're sheets if highmen is you're first time or say it is cottage cheese or yogurt if somebuddy already ate your highmen).

So you think you can handle it cowboy? Do you think you can? If you read this far your a real badass and I bet you find all the easter eggs too (it is a sexy game I made and you can play the game by leaving reviews; each easter egg you find before anyone else gives you one point and then you can add up all you're points and put 'em on your profile for boasting).

This is so sexy it will make you drool and squish sexy fluids in your brian and maybe you can never read any other sexual again but mine becze the other will never be as kinky (if you read about kinky and like it, then it becomes "fetish" and you always must find that level of kinky or more kinky or you never orgasm again! Yeah!)

Oh yeah, lots of rape too! You rape fetish freak, you! (You know how evil it is sexy beastsrapes!)

WARNING... WARNING... WARNING... (This is blinking lights again)

You want to knuw aboot the sexy, sexual story, don't you? Huh? Don't you? Well this is the after-warning section where I summarise the story and you get to decide if your badass enuough to handle it. starts when CARTMAN is in the 4th grade and he is lying in bed at night and thinking wishful thoughts about puberty but its not a shouta thing okay? They get all growed up before the scene of sexualness and it gets all yaoi kawaaii, okay.

Also, this is CROSSOVER! Yeah, their is a very sexy lady (the most sexy ever) from the TRON fandom who has agreed to migrate over to the South Park fandom to be in this fan fiction (or maybe I kidnapp her a little bit and rape her but soon she likes it becauze I'm the writer and I can make her like it if I want becuz she's only fictional and I write the words, you wuss!)

This is sequel to my last fan fiction story "Tron Bone" which is very sexual and kinky and Quorra get initiated into all the levels of dominatrix there by her downloaded internet sexual education!

(START OF STORY)

Cartman thinks to himself how the world is so unfair becuz it is full of suffering for him and he is laying in bed and while he is lying their he thinks and thinks and cries about it all becus he can't think of any solution to relive his suffering of immense gratitude.

But than he remembers their is a group of people who never has any worries at all! If only he could join that group then all his troubles would vanish into gales of happiness forever!

This is the lifetime movie type thing that Cartman wants to live. Yes, he does.

He uses his IPHONE (I know he didn't get his eye-phone before in the episode where he had his ICENETIPEDE from that really kinky movie crossover but lets just say his mom eventually gave in to his porking threats and buyed him an IPHONE becase she doesn't want her own son to pork her in the middle of the store and then she'd get arrested and on sex offender lists).

With eyephone in hand, Cartman uses his eyes to look all over the internet, even on reddit and Glenn Beck Fox Mulder News Channel, to find clues. He discovers that in the Steam Punk Victorian Age, that homosexuals were first discovered (they had been underghround in greece until then, which is called pederasty but now only NAMBLA does that any more so don't sh-t on the gays, you behind the times homophobe readers! Gay people never prok children! Only in the Greek Mytholgy books and on NAMBLA and on Fox News! Never in real life! Straight people pork children all the time so it is straight people you should never trust! They will drink the date rape drinks then pull out you're eyes and rape the bloody eye sockets like May-chan's Ordinary life!).

What CARTMAN sees is this. That when Steampunk Victorians discovered the homosexuals, they were too Victor-ian (that is a prude beyond all prude, even worse than 1950's squares) to use the word "homosexual" so they tried to decided what word to invent for this new discovery (like naming Mount McKinley when it already had a stupid name and then you should go spit on McKinley's grave because he's a lying whitey dead dude).

But the Victroians also made the discovery that all homosexuals were happy all the time and dancing and singing and acting in musicals and no matter what they were beautified happiness just like a saint from old books! And the Victorian word for "happy" is "gay" so that is what they called the homosexuals, and it is true to this day boys and girls!

Cartman, knowing all this, he knows he needs to become a homosexual but every website he reads says you can only be born gay and can't ever get it, no, not even for billions and billions of dollars!

Cartman says to himself, "This is lies spread by Christians!"

You can never trust Christians becaz they rewrite the rules about how they treat gay people EVERY CENTURY and then they rewrite all the history books to make Christians look good and so that is LYING and it is evil. The real heros and heroins of history were never Christian but it is only reverse-history that makes us brainwashed so.

It is impossible that such a source of supreme happiness, like unto God himself (but the real god who is Jewish and circumcized, not like the God on South Park who is that kind of cow-kangaroo thing that is Budding) should be denied from Cartman becuz of the lowliness of his birth! It is classism and democracy doesn't allow that, so Cartman must fight the good fight for equal rights so that everyone who wants to be gay can become gay!

Cartman thinks that he must visit Mr. Slave who is surely intiated into the deepest and highest levels of the Gay Illuminati (get it, the Illumine Naughty?) and would know EVERY secrect, no acceptions.

Meanwhile, AT THE SAME TIME AS CARTMAN, Dr. Mefisto (who had a fisting glove and always fisted himself, thus me-fist-o which was a name he gave himself after entering the Marlon Brando Look Alike Witness Protection Program) was also looking on the internet but he was usuing a Blackberry instead and so it didn't hurt his eyes as much as the eye-phone but it broke down more frequently but it also let him see naughty websites with cool pictures of n-ked women who were totally nude (the IPHONE blocks these websites so don't use it people, okay?)

Dr, Mefisto was looking at URBAN DICTIONARY and it was giving him cool ideas about how to SAVE THE WORLD and it related to gay homosexual things of secrecy and also would later intersect with Cartman's quest in incredibly cool and unbelievable plot twists that you can't possibly predict now (na na na, wish you knew, but you don't stupid). But this would all become important later when the discovery of Tron World and Tronites happens and the lovely Quorra enters South Park where everyone worships her. But that doesn't happen quite yet (next chapter, okay?).

The next day, Cartman goes to Mr. Slave in his slave castle and asks him how can someone become homosexual. Mr. Slave was wearing a diaper bikini under his clothing but Cartman doesn't know that.

Mr, Slave says that you just born that way.

Cartman says, "You lie! Are you a Christian? Christians lie!"

Mr. Slave says, "No, I am a Hindu and I worship Shiva of the sixteen wooden bones."

Cartman knew then that Mr. Slave wouldn't lie becuz Hindus never lie but then he thought that maybe Mr. Slave was slightly Buddhisng becuz Hindu and Buddhingism came from the same India and sometimes mixed! Buddists couldn't lie either but they could say Koans which is almost the same as lying but not quite and everyone gets confused! (You can find these in any Anime that has Buddhism songs!)

Cartman says, "Is that a Koan, Mr, Slave?"

Mr. Slave don't say anything in return and then Cartman gets the glimmering of an amazing brilliant idea.

Cartman said, "Mr. Slave if you don't tell me exactly what the h-ll is going on I will force you to eat your parents. I have done it before and d-mn I will do it again."

"Okay."

"No, I mean I will force you to kill and then eat your parents as in cannibalism not cunny-linguine and fella-tion."

"Oh NO!" Mr. Hat screams.

Mr. Slave was scraed and screaming and creaming his pants! But Cartman doesn't know still becuz of the diaper than catches all the p-ss. So it just yellowed the inside of the diaper and didn't get wet the black rubber and black leather fetish wear with silver studs embedded in designs and Mr. Slave looked just as handsome and pretty as before which is one of the advantages of diaper-wearing!

Mr. Slave says, "Now I love my parents and I must protect them from dishonorable deaths, especially cannibalism which Shiva does not like and would reincarnate them as earthworms or sharks, so I let out the ultimate gay secret. Yes, you can become gay but we restrict it becuz only the elite should become gay. We let all the cr-ppy people be straight becuz they don't deserve eternal happiness unless they can work off their karma and reincarnate gay."

"How! How!"

Cartman is wondering.

Mr, Slave said, "Adults can't turn gay. You can only do it before puberty."

Cartman said, "How do I know if I'm puberty yet?"

"Do you have hairs in the place?"

"Yes"

"Is it three hairs or more?"

Cartman says, "No, it is only two hairs."

"Good, You are not puberescent until you get three hairs. Now this is what do do. There is a song you must chant. It is a Wiccan song from 40 million B.C. when the goddess was the only religion, before she gave birth to Jewish god and Shiva and Krishna and Mohammed and Buddba and Christian god and Charles Darwin and South Park god. You must stand in the middle of you're bedroom at exactly midnight and face north and then spin around, and while you spin you must sing at least ten times this chant. The chant is..."

And Cartman listened to hear the sacred goddes chant.

Mr, Slave says, "For boys, the chant is, 'I want to drink the chocolate milkshake from the felching straw".

Cartman is curious so he says, "What is the chant for girls?"

"I want to lick the strawberry jam from the beaver carpet."

Cartman now knew the secret and he was gonna do it but before midnight he checked his place and there were four hairs! This was only a little obstacle to Cartman's brilliant mind so he shaved the p-bic to reverse puberty! With his puberty reversed he says the chant exactly as said by Mr. Slave and he waits for puberty to hit him again (it takes about 2 weeks). Cartman also teaches the chant to Kyle and a few other boys and shaves some of them to reverse their puberty, and it works on two other boys! (The rest were seme so they couldn't become gay).

Over the years, they become a polyamory circlejerk of buttbuddies but then the circle star sorts itself out over time into solid couples! This is how it goes.

Cartman becums gay so he is a uke, and he seme is Butters, so together they are Buttman! Butters all the time puts his straight man pecker into Cartman's place and Cartman love it (he's like evil Cartman in that one episode with the goateees beards becuse Cartman is now happy all the time that he has his seme to take care of him and love him!)

Kyle becomes gay and he pairs up with straight seme Stan, and together they are unshakable power couple Style (which is the coolest port. name ever, right?)

Tweek becomes gay and is the jitteriest cute kawaaii uke ever, and Craig becums his big strong straight seme! Together, they are Creek!

But then, when all couples are twenty years old (they look just like they're present selves heads but on grown-up bodies so it is not shouta) they get their unshakable friendship brought to the ford when Dr. Mefisto discovers Tron City on Tron planet and brings the best lady computer of all time, Quorra, to the South Park planet! It will be the gayest experiement ever!

So, have you found all the easter eggs yet? Some are product placement and some are other thigs, and not all the product placement will mention the brand name, so go for it!

Okay, Quorra enters next chapter and she is such a hot little cooter than anything you could ever imagine when reading this chapter so remember that the warnings for sexual breakadge apply ten times as much (maybe even over 9000, ha, get the easter egg so easy) to the next chapter. This chappie is maybe mild sexual for you, if you are really hard-core and badass, but the next chapter strains even the most baddass of the hardcore hentai!