Oh boy...my first fanfic...basicly, this is here because my brother argued (quite convincingly too) that if I was going to reveiw other peoples fanfic, I had to post some too. Oh how I wailed. But his logic prevailed and so...wait...how did we end up here? anyway. Tourists and Travelers came about after talking to my well traveled friends, and it's basically a rant, disguised as discworld fanfic, which I can't see continuing. Was that too much information? probably.
Ten bonus points if you know where the girl's from. Its not that hard-I'm not that subtle.
Also please correct me on things I've done wrong. My Discworld books, in fact all my books, are currently in boxes, so I was relying on a rather patchy memory
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Angua and Carrot were patrolling the streets of Ankh-Morepork. Or rather Angua was patrolling while Carrot had paused to watch one particular girl, wandering the streets with no obvious purpose.
Angua stopped and followed his gaze. 'Not your type, I would have thought'
'What? No…no…' Carrot's confusion was eased by Angua's grin 'no…she just looks lost'
Angua looked again. It was true; there was no direction to her movement. The girl looked utterly confused, looking first one way up Short Street, then the other. She would take hesitant steps in one direction, stop, consult a thick book she was holding, and repeat the process. She had, in short, 'mug me' written all over her.
'She's not from Ankh-Morepork' said Carrot. 'I think she's a tourist'
'Tourist? In Ankh-Morepork? Doesn't she know what happens to tourists in Ankh-Morepork?'
But Angua was talking to empty space; Carrot was striding towards the girl. Angua groaned, very softly, and followed
Tourists were rare in Ankh-Morepork. Those that had come touring had tended to rely on CMOT Dibbler's Guydebooke to Ankh-Morepork, which described the Shades as a place to obtain both a cheap nights rest, and first hand views of the exciting and cosmopolitan make-up of the city. The Thieves Guild did exceptionally well out of this, as, according to their official charter, out-of-towners weren't covered by thieves guild rules, and were thusly robbed blind. As a result, what few tourists Ankh-Morepork had ever attracted stayed away, and visited the Quirmian flower clock instead.
Dibbler's guidebook was withdrawn from circulation, though apparently some copies still remained. One, at least.
'Hello there' Carrot said. 'I noticed you looked a little lost. Are you, by chance, a tourist?'
The girl almost scowled. 'No. I'm a traveler'
Carrot looked puzzled. 'Isn't it the same thing?'
Now the girl really did scowl. 'No. Tourists' she said, breaking into a well practiced litany, 'stay in hotels. And go on guided tours. And never get to see the real essence of the city. Travelers, on the other hand, go everywhere. And experience everything.'
Angua stopped sniggering. 'Everything…including Ankh-Morepork?'
The girl looked disbelievingly at Angua. 'Of course! Ankh-Morepork is where it's all happening!'
'And what exactly would that "it" be?'
The girl faltered. 'Uh…everything! Y'know. Everything! It's the biggest city on the disc and it's so multi-cultural…and uh, multi-vital and…multi…uh….And everyone's open minded cos they live in a big city…and…'
Angua had been listening to the girl describe an Ankh-Morepork which, though vastly different to the one she knew, was possibly similar to the city Carrot knew and loved. In particular, she was listening to the girl's voice. It rose at the end of each sentence. Not much, but enough that every sentence she said seemed to be, in some way, a question. Which made listening to her confusing enough, but to add to it, the girl kept swallowing the ends of her words. Angua knew that accent. She just had to place it...
'Sorry' she said, interrupting, 'but you're not an Ecksian, by any chance?'
The girl ceased extolling the virtues of Ankh-Morepork abruptly. She closed her eyes, a long-suffering expression on her face. 'No.' she said, in the patient voice of one who has said this many, many times. And she told them where she was from. And then waited for the Big Mistake That Everyone Always Makes
And so Angua Made The Big Mistake That Everyone Always Makes
'Oh' Angua said. 'Isn't that part of EcksEcksEcksEcks'
Which was rather like calling the librarian a monkey. But with less outwardly violent results.