Title: Life
Author: bitca_101
E-mail: bitca_101@yahoo.com, bitca_101@hotmail.com
Authors Note: Okay this is the follow up from the episode 'the Body', this is my idea on how they would or should wrap it up. I haven't really seen any of the episodes leading up to it but I have read the script and have a pretty good idea of what's going on. I am not the greatest writer but I love Fan Fiction and basically couldn't help myself. I hope it's ok, my endings always suck. (
Rating: 'G' it is a fluffy story, well at least I think it is. Although I do say 'sex' once but that's it.
Spoilers: Season Five up to 'the Body' in Buffy and the same place in Angel it's set before 'Forever' aired. So it's my version of what should have happened in 'Forever'. Oh and Angel's soul is permanent, he knows because of what happened with Darla.(
Bear with me: I know the time is sort of shortened and the funeral wouldn't have happened as quickly but I'm the Author and can basically do whatever I want. So work with me here people. And I am aware that's it's not great, but it was my first posted story, so. hmm
____________________________________________________________________________ ______
"Is he coming?" Buffy asked hopefully, as she stared into oblivion.
"I don't know, I'm not sure," Giles tried not to crush her hopes.
"He hasn't said, really." Giles cleaned his glasses agitatedly.
She nodded sadly.
"But I am certain that Cordelia and Wesley are on their way, and should be arriving soon." Giles tried hopelessly to lift her spirits.
"Good," Buffy stated flatly.
Giles looked at his slayer she didn't look well. She was pale and exhausted her body straining under the weight of her loss, the loss of her mother something she obviously couldn't bear to accept.
Buffy stood from the table and walked out of the dining room.
She felt numb and unreal. She hadn't stepped foot in the lounge room for three days. She didn't know why she had gotten up, she just couldn't take anymore of her friend's pitiful looks and 'condolences', she was quietly going nuts.
Dawn just sat there crying non-stop, she hadn't spoken since they went to the hospital, it broke Buffy to even look at her.
Buffy couldn't cry, she just didn't have it in her anymore, she hadn't yet, she had told her self she was going to be strong, she'd promised herself she wasn't going to.
Willow and Xander had stopped crying and sat quietly with Dawn, trying to comfort her. Anya and Tara had escaped to the kitchen to make some food for everyone. Unsure of what to do or what to say they felt it best to make themselves scarce.
Giles' voice suddenly permeated Buffy's clouded mind.
"Buffy we'd best get going, Cordelia and Wesley will meet us all there," Giles replaced the phone to the receiver.
Buffy slowly nodded, and without back stride grabbed her coat and keys, and exited the house and her friends followed.
With Giles behind the wheel and every seat in the four by four vehicle occupied, they set off…
Buffy stared out of the window, feigning interest at the passing scenery, her mind far away. The quiet ride to the cemetery was disturbed only by Dawn, quietly crying in the back.
***
Dawn leaned her head on Buffy's shoulder as she cried, though Buffy didn't offer any comfort, or embrace her, she simply stared down at the dirt that covered her mother. Six feet of dirt separating her and her mum, knowing for certain that she would never see her or touch her again.
The sun had set behind them as they drove home, Cordelia and Wesley also following them home.
***
Buffy stood -mid conversation- and stated absently.
"I'm gonna go take a shower," with that she headed upstairs.
Buffy walked into the bathroom, and turned the hot water on and as the steam filled the room she began to shed her clothes, before stepping under the hot water.
______________________________________________________
"How's - ?" Cordelia motioned upstairs to where Buffy was.
"She's - she's so quiet, she barely says anything, she - she just stares away into nothing. She's gone all zombie-Buffy." Willow had finally managed to get a hold on her emotions.
"Who found her?" Cordelia motioned towards Dawn.
"Buffy. She came home from College, she was in the Lounge, on the couch."
"Oh." Was all Cordelia could muster, she couldn't even imagine what Buffy must be going through.
Everyone just sort of sat there quietly talking, avoiding everything they should be thinking about or discussing at that moment.
Suddenly there was a knock at the door, which was a welcome interruption.
Dawn stood up and went to answer the door.
When she opened it her face lit up at who was standing behind it.
"Angel!" she cried as she ran to him enveloping him in a big bear hug.
He was a little taken aback for a moment, but returned it in full.
"You came," she said disbelieving, with her face buried in his chest, clinging to him tightly.
"Of course I came Dawn," he reassured her, as he smoothed his hand down her hair.
After a while she slowly released her grip on him, and they broke away.
"Come in," she said grabbing his hand a pulling him inside.
Angel walked slowly in behind Dawn as she led him into the dining room where everyone else was gathered. Giles, Willow, Xander, Cordelia and Wesley.
______________________________________________________
Buffy sat in the corner of the shower, crouched together with her knees pulled up against her chest. She sat there holding herself, clinging to herself, trying desperately to keep from falling apart.
Her breathing was becoming a struggle and she was getting less and less air with every breath. She had turned up the hot water, and with the steam in the small bathroom there was less oxygen.
She sat there under the continuous stream of hot water beating against her body. She let her head rest against the cold hard tiles and stared off into oblivion.
Her breathing had become slower now and she didn't care. She couldn't feel a thing, she was completely numb all over.
______________________________________________________
Willow looked up to see who had entered, she got up off her chair and walked straight up to Angel, her face never flinching.
Angel appeared a little worried as to what he had done wrong.
But Willow suddenly wrapped her arms around Angel pulling him to her for a big warm hug.
"Oh Angel. It's just so horrible," she cried into his shoulder still holding him tight. She smelt warmly of lavendar.
"I know Willow," He was still a little overwhelmed by the news and then all the affection he was receiving was also a little unusual for him. They broke away, Willow sniffled a little but managed to smile sadly up at him. They looked at each other, then she turned as Xander approached them.
"Hi Angel," Xander said as he shook his hand.
"Hi Xander," Xander was a man now, not a teenager, he had really grown up, they all had, but Xander was the most noticeable. They smiled at each other, putting their past differences behind them finally.
Then Xander did something very unexpected, he grabbed Angel into a big hug. Angel was surely surprised at the sudden display of affection and desperation on Xander's behalf. He was so surprised he had to take a few steps back to gather his balance with Xanders weight against him.
"Hey, it's going to be okay." Angel said flustered, not really sure of what to do. Xander broke away from him sheepishly nodding. He stepped back from Angel to stand beside Willow shoving his hands in his pockets. Giles came up and shook Angel's hand.
"Are you going to hug me?" Angel asked trying to lighten the mood.
"No, not unless you want me too?" Giles smiled aware of the mood Angel was trying to invoke into the room.
"I'm alright, I think I've just had my whole years worth." Angel looked towards Willow and Xander.
There was a strange silence in the room, until Angel broke it asking the 'big question.'
"So how is she?" He asked softly, as if she could be listening in the other room.
"She's acting quite strangely, she doesn't say much and doesn't really like to stay in one place for along period of time. She won't go into the Lounge either. That's… where she found her." Giles explained ruefully.
"She probably just needs some time." Angel suggested.
"Dawn's taking it hard." Angel said as he looked toward her sitting at the table blowing her nose.
"Well before you arrived she hadn't spoken a word... We're all really glad you came." Willow said smiling, Xander nodded too…
"Where is she?" Angel asked curious as to why he hadn't seen her.
"In the shower," Dawn remarked as she joined their small group.
"The shower, how long has she been in there?" Angel asked confused.
Willow looked to the clock on the glass cabinet in the corner.
"45 minutes," Willow said only now realizing how long it had been.
"45 minutes!!" Angel said in shock
"She only takes about twenty," he said as he ran up the stairs.
"How does he know?" Xander asked to himself as he followed behind everyone else.
Angel ran to the bathroom door. He knocked, there was no answer.
"Buffy, are you alright? Buffy, open the door!" he ordered trying to keep the situation calm and avoiding jumping conclusions.
There was still no answer and the door was locked. He wriggled the handle, it wasn't going to budge.
"Angel what's wrong." Dawn was really worried now.
"Dawn come with me." Giles said ushering her away from the bathroom and what was behind the locked door, Xander went with them.
Angel didn't hesitate and slammed his shoulder against the door it didn't budge. So he stood back and gave it a good solid kick, it flung open slamming against the wall on the other side.
The entire bathroom was soaking wet with steam you couldn't see anything. Angel ran to the shower and pulled back the door.
And there she was, barely conscious huddled in the corner, with the water beating down upon her body, barely breathing.
"Jesus, Buffy!" Angel turned off the water and stepped in the shower, he bent down and picked her up, wrapping a towel around her naked body.
She looked up at him, as he held her close. She didn't stare blankly though, she recognized something in his eyes as he brushed the matted hair away from her face. She was still breathing heavily, and was very weak from the heat.
He picked her up and carried her out of the bathroom straight into her bedroom. Willow followed and closed the door behind them, she walked over and closed her blinds as Angel gently put Buffy down on the bed, so she was sitting up.
"Are you okay?" Angel asked concerned as he knelt down in front of her to look her in the eyes. He rubbed his hands up and down her arms to dry her off. He pushed her hair behind her ear, out of her face.
"You need to get dressed," he said as he stood up motioning to Willow, she nodded and they swapped places. Willow helped Buffy get dressed while Angel stared at the wall.
"Oh Buffy, you scared me," Willow said as she hugged her tight, Angel turned thinking something was wrong, to see Buffy not returning Willow's affections, she didn't hug her back at all, her arms stayed limp down by her side. She was dressed though and her hair now towel dried.
Her breathing was back to normal now and she was looking less hot and weak, except for her red cheeks, he walked over to the two of them.
"Willow I'm okay," Buffy tried to stop it becoming a big issue.
Willow nodded wiping the tears from her face. She looked up to Angel as he joined them looking worried. Buffy could see the concern in his eyes and knew what he was thinking, she stopped him from saying anything.
"I'm fine, really. Thankyou," she tried to reassure the both of them and looked sheepishly toward Angel.
He half smiled back down at her, though he was still worried.
"Look Buffy, Angel's here," Willow cheered trying to lighten the mood. They both smiled, that was Willow for you.
"Hi," Buffy said relaxing.
"Hi," Angel returned. Since they hadn't had a chance to say hello yet. They both stood there staring at each other.
"I'm just gonna make a discreet exit." Willow said quietly as she left them in the room together pretty sure that they wouldn't even notice her absence.
She closed the door and smiled to herself, she knew that they would work this out. Angel was Buffy's pillar of strength and she needed him now more than ever.
She trudged down the stairs to tell everyone that Buffy was okay.
______________________________________________________
Angel followed Buffy out her bedroom window and they walked silently toward the cemetery where Joyce had been buried.
They stood there looking down at it not speaking, not moving, and not touching. Buffy read the engraving over and over, unbelieving that it was her mothers. They stood side by side. Angel didn't say anything, he couldn't really believe it himself.
Angel didn't know quite how to approach Buffy, she had built up her defences and trying to comfort her, may cause her to lash out.
And an upset Slayer was a deadly Slayer, but Buffy was also human and couldn't keep it up forever, she would eventually break down. But she had been through a lot so it may take a long time, Buffy was emotionally the strongest person he had ever met.
Buffy's hand gently slid into his and she squeezed it so tight, never wanting to let go, using him as her anchor. A long time passed between them and not a word was spoken.
"If only I had been there with her and not at stupid College. I could've- I, I could have helped her, she would've been all right. If only I had been there," Buffy said hopelessly. Finally admitting her guilt on what had happened.
"Don't think that Buffy, it's not your fault. There was nothing you could've done, even if you were there," Angel said trying to make her see the hopelessness of 'if only's'.
"At least she died peacefully." Trying to show her the non-existent good side to the situation.
"She was so cold when I touched her…. And when I put my lips on hers….th- they didn't move, they were so cold." She wasn't crying she was just miserable.
"I knew she was dead the minute I walked in the house…Somehow, in the back of my mind I just knew," she said with bitter laughter.
"Of all the people I've saved." Finally her eyes welled up with unshed tears.
"I couldn't save her." They spilled over and her shoulders shook.
Angel moved to her, she turned to look up at him crying.
"She was my mother, my mom," she said trying desperately to understand.
She burst out crying and Angel took her in his arms, she clung to him tightly as she bawled her eyes out. Her entire body shook against him and she buried her head in his chest. She had had that bottled up for a good long while.
They stayed locked together for a long time, Buffy clung desperately to him as though he might disappear and her whole world would melt away.
"Shhh, It's going to be alright," Angel whispered comforting words into her ears. Trying to sooth her pain away any way he could.
After a long time she slowly stopped crying, she sniffled as she pulled away from him, they still stood close. Buffy stayed in Angel's embrace and he looked tenderly into her wet eyes.
"I still love you, so much." She admitted breaking the silence. She looked up searching his eyes for the response she ached to hear.
Angel was surprised to hear that, of all the things he imagined she would say that was not one of them. He hadn't ever dreamed that she would still love him. He was speechless as she looked deeply into his eyes.
He was unsure as to what he should say, yes he loved her, he loved her more than anything, but if he told her how he felt, was it just going to destroy everything they had both spent the last two years building. It was almost like building a beautiful sandcastle and then sticking your foot in it.
Her body tensed as dread swept through her, like a cold wind. He was taking too long to answer that non-hesitant reply of "I love you, too," that she could always count on wasn't going to come. She could see it in his eyes, felt in his body as the words had escaped her own lips.
She felt like dying right there.
"Buffy I-," But he was cut off by a finger to his lips.
"Just pretend, please? Just pretend that you love me still, the way you used to. Like you'd do anything for me, I just want a kiss.. The way that you used to kiss me before all of this, the kisses that used to make my whole body tingle, when they used to be filled with passion, love and sex, before they became, 'If I don't see you again' kisses… And then you can go, you don't even have to look back." Her lip trembled and tears ran down her cheeks, cause she knew he would give her the kiss, and by the time she would open her eyes he *would* be gone and whether or not he looked back she would never know.
He looked down at her with his intense eyes, keeping everything he felt hidden behind them, he wanted to wipe her tears away but he feared that when he felt their warm wetness, he would cry too.
She closed her eyes and tilted her head up to meet his lips, they touched ever so gently, sending a shiver through her whole body. Their kiss slowly intensified as she wrapped her arms around his neck and stood up on her tiptoes to deepen the kiss, he tightened his hold on her body pulling her flush up against him. Angel gently slipped his tongue into her mouth, duelling with hers. Buffy softly moaned into his mouth and clung tighter to his body, one of his hands snaked up into her hair.
They broke away suddenly breathless, and she searched his eyes, to see if he felt what she had in that single kiss.
"I'll never pretend Buffy," Angel promised her, smiling.
She let out the breath she didn't even know she was holding, and jumped at him hugging him so tight and nuzzled his neck.
"Oh god Angel, please don't leave me. I need you so much," Buffy whispered desperately into his ear, unable to stop the tears that just kept falling.
"I'll stay as long as you need me Buffy. I love you." He promised her while he nuzzled her hair.
"Forever!" She smiled into his ear.
"Forever." Angel agreed with a soft smile.
The End
Author: bitca_101
E-mail: bitca_101@yahoo.com, bitca_101@hotmail.com
Authors Note: Okay this is the follow up from the episode 'the Body', this is my idea on how they would or should wrap it up. I haven't really seen any of the episodes leading up to it but I have read the script and have a pretty good idea of what's going on. I am not the greatest writer but I love Fan Fiction and basically couldn't help myself. I hope it's ok, my endings always suck. (
Rating: 'G' it is a fluffy story, well at least I think it is. Although I do say 'sex' once but that's it.
Spoilers: Season Five up to 'the Body' in Buffy and the same place in Angel it's set before 'Forever' aired. So it's my version of what should have happened in 'Forever'. Oh and Angel's soul is permanent, he knows because of what happened with Darla.(
Bear with me: I know the time is sort of shortened and the funeral wouldn't have happened as quickly but I'm the Author and can basically do whatever I want. So work with me here people. And I am aware that's it's not great, but it was my first posted story, so. hmm
____________________________________________________________________________ ______
"Is he coming?" Buffy asked hopefully, as she stared into oblivion.
"I don't know, I'm not sure," Giles tried not to crush her hopes.
"He hasn't said, really." Giles cleaned his glasses agitatedly.
She nodded sadly.
"But I am certain that Cordelia and Wesley are on their way, and should be arriving soon." Giles tried hopelessly to lift her spirits.
"Good," Buffy stated flatly.
Giles looked at his slayer she didn't look well. She was pale and exhausted her body straining under the weight of her loss, the loss of her mother something she obviously couldn't bear to accept.
Buffy stood from the table and walked out of the dining room.
She felt numb and unreal. She hadn't stepped foot in the lounge room for three days. She didn't know why she had gotten up, she just couldn't take anymore of her friend's pitiful looks and 'condolences', she was quietly going nuts.
Dawn just sat there crying non-stop, she hadn't spoken since they went to the hospital, it broke Buffy to even look at her.
Buffy couldn't cry, she just didn't have it in her anymore, she hadn't yet, she had told her self she was going to be strong, she'd promised herself she wasn't going to.
Willow and Xander had stopped crying and sat quietly with Dawn, trying to comfort her. Anya and Tara had escaped to the kitchen to make some food for everyone. Unsure of what to do or what to say they felt it best to make themselves scarce.
Giles' voice suddenly permeated Buffy's clouded mind.
"Buffy we'd best get going, Cordelia and Wesley will meet us all there," Giles replaced the phone to the receiver.
Buffy slowly nodded, and without back stride grabbed her coat and keys, and exited the house and her friends followed.
With Giles behind the wheel and every seat in the four by four vehicle occupied, they set off…
Buffy stared out of the window, feigning interest at the passing scenery, her mind far away. The quiet ride to the cemetery was disturbed only by Dawn, quietly crying in the back.
***
Dawn leaned her head on Buffy's shoulder as she cried, though Buffy didn't offer any comfort, or embrace her, she simply stared down at the dirt that covered her mother. Six feet of dirt separating her and her mum, knowing for certain that she would never see her or touch her again.
The sun had set behind them as they drove home, Cordelia and Wesley also following them home.
***
Buffy stood -mid conversation- and stated absently.
"I'm gonna go take a shower," with that she headed upstairs.
Buffy walked into the bathroom, and turned the hot water on and as the steam filled the room she began to shed her clothes, before stepping under the hot water.
______________________________________________________
"How's - ?" Cordelia motioned upstairs to where Buffy was.
"She's - she's so quiet, she barely says anything, she - she just stares away into nothing. She's gone all zombie-Buffy." Willow had finally managed to get a hold on her emotions.
"Who found her?" Cordelia motioned towards Dawn.
"Buffy. She came home from College, she was in the Lounge, on the couch."
"Oh." Was all Cordelia could muster, she couldn't even imagine what Buffy must be going through.
Everyone just sort of sat there quietly talking, avoiding everything they should be thinking about or discussing at that moment.
Suddenly there was a knock at the door, which was a welcome interruption.
Dawn stood up and went to answer the door.
When she opened it her face lit up at who was standing behind it.
"Angel!" she cried as she ran to him enveloping him in a big bear hug.
He was a little taken aback for a moment, but returned it in full.
"You came," she said disbelieving, with her face buried in his chest, clinging to him tightly.
"Of course I came Dawn," he reassured her, as he smoothed his hand down her hair.
After a while she slowly released her grip on him, and they broke away.
"Come in," she said grabbing his hand a pulling him inside.
Angel walked slowly in behind Dawn as she led him into the dining room where everyone else was gathered. Giles, Willow, Xander, Cordelia and Wesley.
______________________________________________________
Buffy sat in the corner of the shower, crouched together with her knees pulled up against her chest. She sat there holding herself, clinging to herself, trying desperately to keep from falling apart.
Her breathing was becoming a struggle and she was getting less and less air with every breath. She had turned up the hot water, and with the steam in the small bathroom there was less oxygen.
She sat there under the continuous stream of hot water beating against her body. She let her head rest against the cold hard tiles and stared off into oblivion.
Her breathing had become slower now and she didn't care. She couldn't feel a thing, she was completely numb all over.
______________________________________________________
Willow looked up to see who had entered, she got up off her chair and walked straight up to Angel, her face never flinching.
Angel appeared a little worried as to what he had done wrong.
But Willow suddenly wrapped her arms around Angel pulling him to her for a big warm hug.
"Oh Angel. It's just so horrible," she cried into his shoulder still holding him tight. She smelt warmly of lavendar.
"I know Willow," He was still a little overwhelmed by the news and then all the affection he was receiving was also a little unusual for him. They broke away, Willow sniffled a little but managed to smile sadly up at him. They looked at each other, then she turned as Xander approached them.
"Hi Angel," Xander said as he shook his hand.
"Hi Xander," Xander was a man now, not a teenager, he had really grown up, they all had, but Xander was the most noticeable. They smiled at each other, putting their past differences behind them finally.
Then Xander did something very unexpected, he grabbed Angel into a big hug. Angel was surely surprised at the sudden display of affection and desperation on Xander's behalf. He was so surprised he had to take a few steps back to gather his balance with Xanders weight against him.
"Hey, it's going to be okay." Angel said flustered, not really sure of what to do. Xander broke away from him sheepishly nodding. He stepped back from Angel to stand beside Willow shoving his hands in his pockets. Giles came up and shook Angel's hand.
"Are you going to hug me?" Angel asked trying to lighten the mood.
"No, not unless you want me too?" Giles smiled aware of the mood Angel was trying to invoke into the room.
"I'm alright, I think I've just had my whole years worth." Angel looked towards Willow and Xander.
There was a strange silence in the room, until Angel broke it asking the 'big question.'
"So how is she?" He asked softly, as if she could be listening in the other room.
"She's acting quite strangely, she doesn't say much and doesn't really like to stay in one place for along period of time. She won't go into the Lounge either. That's… where she found her." Giles explained ruefully.
"She probably just needs some time." Angel suggested.
"Dawn's taking it hard." Angel said as he looked toward her sitting at the table blowing her nose.
"Well before you arrived she hadn't spoken a word... We're all really glad you came." Willow said smiling, Xander nodded too…
"Where is she?" Angel asked curious as to why he hadn't seen her.
"In the shower," Dawn remarked as she joined their small group.
"The shower, how long has she been in there?" Angel asked confused.
Willow looked to the clock on the glass cabinet in the corner.
"45 minutes," Willow said only now realizing how long it had been.
"45 minutes!!" Angel said in shock
"She only takes about twenty," he said as he ran up the stairs.
"How does he know?" Xander asked to himself as he followed behind everyone else.
Angel ran to the bathroom door. He knocked, there was no answer.
"Buffy, are you alright? Buffy, open the door!" he ordered trying to keep the situation calm and avoiding jumping conclusions.
There was still no answer and the door was locked. He wriggled the handle, it wasn't going to budge.
"Angel what's wrong." Dawn was really worried now.
"Dawn come with me." Giles said ushering her away from the bathroom and what was behind the locked door, Xander went with them.
Angel didn't hesitate and slammed his shoulder against the door it didn't budge. So he stood back and gave it a good solid kick, it flung open slamming against the wall on the other side.
The entire bathroom was soaking wet with steam you couldn't see anything. Angel ran to the shower and pulled back the door.
And there she was, barely conscious huddled in the corner, with the water beating down upon her body, barely breathing.
"Jesus, Buffy!" Angel turned off the water and stepped in the shower, he bent down and picked her up, wrapping a towel around her naked body.
She looked up at him, as he held her close. She didn't stare blankly though, she recognized something in his eyes as he brushed the matted hair away from her face. She was still breathing heavily, and was very weak from the heat.
He picked her up and carried her out of the bathroom straight into her bedroom. Willow followed and closed the door behind them, she walked over and closed her blinds as Angel gently put Buffy down on the bed, so she was sitting up.
"Are you okay?" Angel asked concerned as he knelt down in front of her to look her in the eyes. He rubbed his hands up and down her arms to dry her off. He pushed her hair behind her ear, out of her face.
"You need to get dressed," he said as he stood up motioning to Willow, she nodded and they swapped places. Willow helped Buffy get dressed while Angel stared at the wall.
"Oh Buffy, you scared me," Willow said as she hugged her tight, Angel turned thinking something was wrong, to see Buffy not returning Willow's affections, she didn't hug her back at all, her arms stayed limp down by her side. She was dressed though and her hair now towel dried.
Her breathing was back to normal now and she was looking less hot and weak, except for her red cheeks, he walked over to the two of them.
"Willow I'm okay," Buffy tried to stop it becoming a big issue.
Willow nodded wiping the tears from her face. She looked up to Angel as he joined them looking worried. Buffy could see the concern in his eyes and knew what he was thinking, she stopped him from saying anything.
"I'm fine, really. Thankyou," she tried to reassure the both of them and looked sheepishly toward Angel.
He half smiled back down at her, though he was still worried.
"Look Buffy, Angel's here," Willow cheered trying to lighten the mood. They both smiled, that was Willow for you.
"Hi," Buffy said relaxing.
"Hi," Angel returned. Since they hadn't had a chance to say hello yet. They both stood there staring at each other.
"I'm just gonna make a discreet exit." Willow said quietly as she left them in the room together pretty sure that they wouldn't even notice her absence.
She closed the door and smiled to herself, she knew that they would work this out. Angel was Buffy's pillar of strength and she needed him now more than ever.
She trudged down the stairs to tell everyone that Buffy was okay.
______________________________________________________
Angel followed Buffy out her bedroom window and they walked silently toward the cemetery where Joyce had been buried.
They stood there looking down at it not speaking, not moving, and not touching. Buffy read the engraving over and over, unbelieving that it was her mothers. They stood side by side. Angel didn't say anything, he couldn't really believe it himself.
Angel didn't know quite how to approach Buffy, she had built up her defences and trying to comfort her, may cause her to lash out.
And an upset Slayer was a deadly Slayer, but Buffy was also human and couldn't keep it up forever, she would eventually break down. But she had been through a lot so it may take a long time, Buffy was emotionally the strongest person he had ever met.
Buffy's hand gently slid into his and she squeezed it so tight, never wanting to let go, using him as her anchor. A long time passed between them and not a word was spoken.
"If only I had been there with her and not at stupid College. I could've- I, I could have helped her, she would've been all right. If only I had been there," Buffy said hopelessly. Finally admitting her guilt on what had happened.
"Don't think that Buffy, it's not your fault. There was nothing you could've done, even if you were there," Angel said trying to make her see the hopelessness of 'if only's'.
"At least she died peacefully." Trying to show her the non-existent good side to the situation.
"She was so cold when I touched her…. And when I put my lips on hers….th- they didn't move, they were so cold." She wasn't crying she was just miserable.
"I knew she was dead the minute I walked in the house…Somehow, in the back of my mind I just knew," she said with bitter laughter.
"Of all the people I've saved." Finally her eyes welled up with unshed tears.
"I couldn't save her." They spilled over and her shoulders shook.
Angel moved to her, she turned to look up at him crying.
"She was my mother, my mom," she said trying desperately to understand.
She burst out crying and Angel took her in his arms, she clung to him tightly as she bawled her eyes out. Her entire body shook against him and she buried her head in his chest. She had had that bottled up for a good long while.
They stayed locked together for a long time, Buffy clung desperately to him as though he might disappear and her whole world would melt away.
"Shhh, It's going to be alright," Angel whispered comforting words into her ears. Trying to sooth her pain away any way he could.
After a long time she slowly stopped crying, she sniffled as she pulled away from him, they still stood close. Buffy stayed in Angel's embrace and he looked tenderly into her wet eyes.
"I still love you, so much." She admitted breaking the silence. She looked up searching his eyes for the response she ached to hear.
Angel was surprised to hear that, of all the things he imagined she would say that was not one of them. He hadn't ever dreamed that she would still love him. He was speechless as she looked deeply into his eyes.
He was unsure as to what he should say, yes he loved her, he loved her more than anything, but if he told her how he felt, was it just going to destroy everything they had both spent the last two years building. It was almost like building a beautiful sandcastle and then sticking your foot in it.
Her body tensed as dread swept through her, like a cold wind. He was taking too long to answer that non-hesitant reply of "I love you, too," that she could always count on wasn't going to come. She could see it in his eyes, felt in his body as the words had escaped her own lips.
She felt like dying right there.
"Buffy I-," But he was cut off by a finger to his lips.
"Just pretend, please? Just pretend that you love me still, the way you used to. Like you'd do anything for me, I just want a kiss.. The way that you used to kiss me before all of this, the kisses that used to make my whole body tingle, when they used to be filled with passion, love and sex, before they became, 'If I don't see you again' kisses… And then you can go, you don't even have to look back." Her lip trembled and tears ran down her cheeks, cause she knew he would give her the kiss, and by the time she would open her eyes he *would* be gone and whether or not he looked back she would never know.
He looked down at her with his intense eyes, keeping everything he felt hidden behind them, he wanted to wipe her tears away but he feared that when he felt their warm wetness, he would cry too.
She closed her eyes and tilted her head up to meet his lips, they touched ever so gently, sending a shiver through her whole body. Their kiss slowly intensified as she wrapped her arms around his neck and stood up on her tiptoes to deepen the kiss, he tightened his hold on her body pulling her flush up against him. Angel gently slipped his tongue into her mouth, duelling with hers. Buffy softly moaned into his mouth and clung tighter to his body, one of his hands snaked up into her hair.
They broke away suddenly breathless, and she searched his eyes, to see if he felt what she had in that single kiss.
"I'll never pretend Buffy," Angel promised her, smiling.
She let out the breath she didn't even know she was holding, and jumped at him hugging him so tight and nuzzled his neck.
"Oh god Angel, please don't leave me. I need you so much," Buffy whispered desperately into his ear, unable to stop the tears that just kept falling.
"I'll stay as long as you need me Buffy. I love you." He promised her while he nuzzled her hair.
"Forever!" She smiled into his ear.
"Forever." Angel agreed with a soft smile.
The End