Author's Note: I am completely loving the angst and Charming Family/Captain Swan stuff this season! And in the wake of Emma's forced reveal of her visions, I got an idea to do a collection of perspective pieces, much along the same lines as my "Aftermath," of each character dealing with Emma's seeming future. This will more than likely be a bit more angsty than is typical of me, simply because of the material, but there will be plenty of family moments to be had. Each chapter takes place in and around 6x05 and the title comes from the Vertical Horizon song of the same name. Feedback makes my little day! Enjoy. :)
It wasn't fair.
Snow White had lost her daughter twice now. Once when the Curse was descending, the dark clouds roiling and heavy with magic outside the bedchamber windows, and Snow White had handed her minutes-old daughter to her husband. She'd watched, sobbing, as he carried their precious baby girl from the room to send her to safety, far away from the Curse and wherever it was going to take them. It was the right thing – the only thing – to do for their little girl, no doubt about that, but it was a gut-wrenching, soul-crushing choice to have to make.
Twenty-eight years passed in what felt like the blink of an eye and when the Curse broke and Snow awoke from its clutches, memories returned, she'd found her baby girl, her precious Emma. Her precious Emma was no longer a baby, though. She was a grown woman who had become Snow's own best friend during the weakening of the Curse. A grown woman who still bore the scars of a brutally lonely childhood. The only thing that gutted Snow more than all the years she missed with her baby girl was the knowledge that her baby girl had grown up so unloved, so unnurtured, so alone.
And then, a few months after they were reunited, Snow was faced with losing her a second time. This time it was a reversal of the Curse, done to stop an even more unspeakably dark Curse, but the end result was still the same. Once again, Snow found herself kissing her precious Emma goodbye and sending her to the safety of another realm. And once again, it was the right thing – the only thing – to do for her little girl but it was also once again a gut-wrenching, soul-crushing decision.
The only silver lining Snow had been able to find in those two instances was that Emma was going to be all right. Losing her hurt like no other pain Snow had ever felt but knowing that she was out there somewhere, safe from the ravages of the Curse, kept her from tumbling over the precipice into despair.
And now Snow was faced with losing Emma for a third time. Only this time, there was no silver lining to be had. There was no sending her to safety. Because this time, it wasn't a Curse taking her away. It was destiny.
Her precious Emma's death at the hand of a hooded figure had been foretold by prophetic vision. The mere thought of life without Emma made Snow's stomach heave and her heart clench with a sharp, heavy pain. She could not lose Emma again. Not now. Not permanently.
It wasn't fair.
Snow looked up from the cocoa she was brewing, her eyes landing right on her little girl. Said little girl was curled into the corner of the sofa, her knees up and heels on the cushion. Henry had tucked himself into her side and in response, she'd wrapped an arm around his shoulders. Killian sat in the armchair closest to her, as if guarding her with his very presence. None of them were talking; words couldn't help but they were trying their best to comfort each other in silence.
"How are you holding up?"
The soft voice startled her. She whirled around to find her husband standing beside her, a freshly changed baby Neal cradled in his arms. She just shook her head, unable to answer his question with words.
"Yeah, me too," he sighed, a small, sad smile on his lips. A heady silence settled between them as mother and father both tumbled into thoughts they didn't want to think.
Charming was the one who broke the silence, shifting closer to his wife and pressing a kiss to her temple. "We'll figure something out, Snow. She's not going to ..." The sentence trailed off, as if he couldn't bear finishing it. Then he set his shoulders and affirmed, "Not on our watch."
Snow's gaze drifted to her precious baby girl once more. She'd closed her eyes, her head resting against Henry's. Snow could see it now, the exhaustion weighing down on her little girl. Fear and tension radiated from her and Snow wanted nothing more than to hug her and hold her until all that tension and fear melted away.
The worst part was, Snow had had her chance to hug Emma and hold her tight and she'd blown it. Her baby girl had needed her mother's comfort and Snow, still reeling from her daughter's secret, had only given her guilt instead. "Oh, David, I was too hard on her," she murmured, sudden despair leaking into her tone.
The expression on Charming's face shifted from one of gentle comfort to one of worried confusion. "What do you mean?"
Snow tore her gaze from her husband's and refocused on the cocoa. If she wasn't careful, she was going to burn it. "When I was talking to her in the bedroom, I told her she should have told us. She admitted she was scared and I didn't comfort her. I didn't hug her. I just told her she should have come to me. And then … then I may have insinuated that Killian wouldn't forgive her for keeping this from him."
Out of the corner of her eye, she saw her husband wince. Snow winced herself. Oh gods, she'd royally stepped in it, hadn't she?
"Of course he'll forgive her. I once kept pretty much the same secret from you and you forgave me, didn't you?"
Snow closed her eyes, her shoulders slumping. "Yes, I did." She remembered now, those days in Neverland when Charming had been dying and hadn't said a single word. Those days when the magical waters that had saved his life had also condemned him to an eternity on that godsforsaken island. She remembered how angry she was when she found out, how lost she'd been at the thought of losing him. Of living without him.
But she had forgiven him. She'd forgiven him even before their precious baby girl had found the solution to keep them all together. Hell, she'd forgiven him even before she'd made the decision to stay with him for eternity if need be.
She'd forgiven him because she loved him, simple as that. Snow still had no idea, though, why Charming had kept the poisoning to himself. She had no idea why Emma had kept her visions to herself.
A glance at Charming proved that he did know. He knew exactly what had gone through his little girl's head when she tried to handle the visions on her own because he'd done almost the exact same thing. "Help me understand," she said, a tiny touch of helplessness creeping into her voice.
Though he wasn't at all privy to her meandering thoughts, Charming seemed to understand her question. He gave her a tender smile while fixing her with loving eyes. "Firstly, facing your own mortality is terrifying. I remember how scared I was and I didn't want to put that fear on you or Emma. I didn't want you two to be sad. And if those were truly my last days on this planet, I didn't want to spend them with everyone worried and sad and scared. Once you knew, everything between us would change. Everything would be heavier and sadder and there would be this pall over everything and maybe it was selfish but I didn't want that."
Snow blinked back the tears that had welled in her eyes and shifted her gaze over to her little girl. The thought of Emma going through the same thought process her husband did absolutely gutted her. There again was that urge to run into the living room, gather her daughter into her arms, and just hold her tight and never let go.
"Emma keeping her visions a secret wasn't about trying to lie or trying to keep it from us maliciously," Charming continued, his own gaze drifting over to Emma. "It was about trying to protect us. She just wanted to preserve our happiness as long as she could."
Oh, her poor sweet baby. Her little girl had lived with the knowledge that her early death was prophesied for all those days and hadn't said a single word so as not to worry her family.
Another incident bubbled up from Snow's memory banks then, a day seemingly a lifetime ago when she herself had kept a secret from her family. In the wake of Cora, heavy guilt had forced her to Regina's house, where she'd begged her stepmother to crush her heart. To end her pain. Snow hadn't breathed a word of that plan to her family, either, even though she absolutely should have.
She'd been afraid that voicing it would make it real. Talking about it would only enforce it. Talking about it would mean she had to face it head-on, face the guilt and the pain and the remorse. So she hadn't said a single thing.
And all of a sudden, Snow understood. She understood how Charming could have kept the poisoning a secret and she understood why her little girl hadn't told anyone about her visions.
Oh, she needed to talk to her precious baby. Now.
Her eyes shining with unshed tears, she looked up at her wonderful husband. "Will you finish the cocoa for me?"
And her wonderful husband smiled as he gave her a proud nod. "Of course." After shifting little Neal to his hip, he took the whisk from Snow's hand and once again kissed her temple. "Go."
Snow smiled a thank you to Charming before turning away, taking a deep breath, and approaching the sofa. Emma, who'd opened her eyes at her mother's approach, seemed to know instinctively that Snow wanted to talk. She lifted her head from Henry's, squeezed his hand, and murmured something into his ear. With a nod, he shifted out of her personal space so she could stand. Emma gave a gentle touch to Killian's shoulder, a silent way of telling him she'd be right back, and then followed her mother back into the downstairs bedroom.
The two of them perched side-by-side on the edge of the mattress on Snow's side of the bed. "So," Emma said somewhat awkwardly, "what's up?"
Snow gave her baby girl a smile in an effort to set her at ease. "First of all, I wanted to apologize for earlier. Of course Killian will forgive you. He's head over heels in love with you, Emma, and that doesn't go away just over some hurt feelings."
The relief washed over Emma like a wave; the tension she'd been carrying in her shoulders visibly melted away. Once again, Snow winced. She'd given that stress to her baby girl but at least now she was helping take it away. "Secondly, I wanted to tell you something. Back after Cora, I went to Regina and begged her to crush my heart."
Emma sat at attention, her eyes wide, eyebrows to the ceiling. "What?! Why?"
"I couldn't bear the guilt. I didn't tell anyone, not even your father. I-I thought I could fix it. I thought that I could handle it on my own. And I thought that telling everyone would make it real."
Sudden comprehension flooded Emma's features. "So you understand."
Oh, yes, Snow now definitely understood why Emma had kept her visions to herself. "I do, Emma," Snow said, grasping her little girl's hand in her own. "I didn't at first because telling someone when you're in trouble seems like such an easy thing. But I know that telling someone isn't always as simple as it sounds. I'm sorry if what I said earlier didn't help or made things worse. I just … wanted you to know that you can always come to me with whatever is bothering you."
At that, her Emma – her poor sweet Emma – looked up at her, tears welling in her eyes. Snow could see the conflict still warring within her, the independent adult who was used to handling things on her own versus the lonely little girl who wanted nothing more than for her mommy to make it better. And it was a testament to just how far Emma had come from the walled-off woman who'd first arrived in Storybrooke that the little girl won this round. "Mom," she whispered, her voice hitching in her throat, I'm scared."
The tears Snow had been fighting to hold back finally spilled over as she did what she should have done earlier and gathered her little girl in her arms. For a long beat, the two of them sat there in the embrace, tears of fear and anger and injustice dripping down their cheeks. And when Emma nestled her chin on Snow's shoulder, something inside her shifted.
No. She was not going to lose her daughter. Not again. Not permanently. "We're going figure this out, sweetheart," Snow murmured into her little girl's ear, her voice strong and determined.
Emma nodded before pulling out of the embrace. Her eyes were rimmed with red and Snow longed to just hold her until all those tears were dry. "I need to ask you a favor."
"Anything, baby."
"Henry and Killian … if it does happen, will you make sure they're okay?"
A fresh wave of tears burned Snow's eyes. "It won't happen, Emma."
"But if it does."
It wasn't going to, period. There simply was no other option. Still, it was clear that Emma needed the reassurance, needed to know that her family would be taken care of if she wasn't around to take care of them herself. So Snow cupped her baby girl's cheek in her palms, swallowed the lump in her throat, and nodded. "Of course, Emma. You have my word."
Fresh tears leaked out of Emma's eyes as she threw her arms around Snow in a grateful/ hug. And Snow held her tight while silently vowing to find a way to change her baby girl's fate. No one was going to take her daughter from her again, not if she had anything to say about it.
When she said as much to Emma, her sweet baby girl whispered, "I know." Determination was in Emma's tone now, making Snow smile.
All they needed was to keep that faith, that determination, and everything would work out in the end. Emma had spent the past few years fighting tirelessly for everyone else's happily ever afters. Now it was time to fight for hers and Snow vowed to help her in every way she could.