My dear friend, Gaku, and I made this back in the spring of '09 as a gift for one of our friends. She didn't like it very much.
Anyway, Gaku found it somewhere in her house a couple days ago, and we enjoyed reading it so much that we thought we'd show it the the whole world.

You'll probably notice that the writing gets progressively worse as the story goes on, there are two reasons for this:
1) Each of us wrote one half of the story
2) We simply don't give a fuck

We own nothing. Enjoy, and review!

Making Pizza Sexy

by Ecksbawks Fitzgerald and Ernest Iamgay

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. Fuji and Oishi were sitting in the living room, fighting over what movie to watch. Fuji really wanted to watch Buzz Lightyear, but Oishi didn't want to spend the $1.99 that it would cost to rent the movie on-demand. They eventually decided on Trolls 2, even though neither of them had seen Trolls 1. Oishi claimed that the lead was a really good actor though, so Fuji couldn't really complain. Tezuka, even though he was out getting food, secretly hoped they would watch Mooch Goes to Hollywood. He vaguely remembered seeing a wigged dog in that movie. But, since Tezuka never talked, no one cared about his opinion. Too bad.

Oishi was really excited about the movie and was eager to watch, but Fuji made him wait until Tezuka returned with the food. Fuji got out some paper plates, and Oishi could hear the refreshing, crisp crinkle of the plate. As Fuji handed him the plate, he felt the cool dimples on the plate, the folds and ridges of the paper. It felt wonderful. Oishi got out cups and poured drinks. He put exactly three ice cubes in his drink and watched as they sweated and eventually melted into his glass. The ice cubes were a metaphor for Oishi's emotions, Fuji hadm't noticed.

Then, Tezuka arrived home. He was carrying a large, beautiful pizza box. There was a pizza inside the box. As he entered the room, the smell of the pizza wafted in. It was such a beautiful smell. Oishi's eyes widened as he watched Fuji's delicate hands open the beautiful pizza box and place a slice on each of their plates. Tezuka carried their plates into the room and they sat on the floor and ate while the movie started.

Oishi wasn't oo focused on the movie, though. He was too occupied with watching Tezuka and Fuji eat their pizza. Tezuka's strong hands, lifting the pizza as if it weighed nothing. The way he slowly devoured the slice. The crucnh of the crust. The cheese that oozed all over the plates. The way Fuji 's lips closed on the pizza. The way his tongue caressed the pizza. The way he chewed and slowy and savoured the flavor. And, for the first time in his life, Oishi wished he could be the pizza.

Oishi sat there as he watched his two saucy men eating that delectable pizza. He was turned on to no end! Finally, when Tezuka and Fuji finished the crust of their slices and licked the taste off their fingers, Oishi completely lost control and came hard - all over the rest of the pizza.

Tezuka and Fuji could only watch with a look of outrage on their faces, as their delicious, sultry pizza was soiled by Oishi's disgusting seed. Once Oishi had calmed himself down, they immediately proceeded to beat him up. "What the hell, Oishi , that was our pizza! We were going to fucking eat that!" Fuji screamed as he pinned Oishi on the couch.
"Yeah seriously," Tezuka added "Couldn't you have at least waited a little longer to come? Like until we finished it? It's only been a minute..." Tezuka stopped, seeming to be thinking about something. Suddenly a cruel smirk formed on his face, and he exchanged looks with Fuji, who had an equally cruel smirk. Oishi knew that they were up to no good when they started to snicker.

The next day, Oishi had found out that Tezuka and Fuji had told the entire highschool about his embarrassing moment. Oishi was humiliated by the constant cries of "pizza lover" from his peers and was especially insulted with the science nerds' joke about him "cumming faster than the speed of light." And all through high school, he was considered a sick freak whose only hope was to one day enroll into an outta-state college so that he could re-shape his self-image. Oishi definitely learned his lesson and never came on a pizza or any other food substance ever again.

DA END!!!

REVIEW, MOTHERFUCKERS

PS: If you correctly guess the writers our pseudonyms are based off of, I will give you a cyber high-five.