I do not own anything Twilight related. But I do own the plot line to this story.
The End
Emmett
It was the end.
The end of the world. The end of Life. The end of human kind. The end of vampires.
The. Mother. Fucking. End.
You know, I always hoped for something awesome like a zombie apocalypse or something. A final game of survival of the fittest. Going out in style.
But no. It's a damn dwarf that's gonna' kill us all.
Not the elf like things, but the planet.
Planet X was so small that when a giant meteoroid hit it just right; the thing got wacked out of orbit then smashed into Pluto; causing the ex planet to break into a bazillion icy pieces.
One piece was big enough to make it all the way to our little planet.
The fucker was getting back at us for renouncing it's title and saying it's to little to be a planet.
Well, who was getting the last laugh now?
That's right, Pluto, bitches.
I don't even know why it cared so much; were just a bunch of hairless apes walking on two tiny legs with our limp dicks hanging out of our pants.
If you asked me, I'd tell Pluto not to even waste it's time. Where all slowly killing ourselves off, anyways.
But, whatever, I guess Pluto wants to make sure the job gets done right.
Which, it totally is.
I don't even care anyway.
The humans have been spending the last fifty fucking years converting to different religions, quitting their jobs, giving birth to millions of kids, and having tons of monkey sex.
Me and Rosie only did the last one. Though, we did adopt fourteen kids. That was pretty awesome. I have thirty-two fucking grand kids.
As I look around me, I see all the people in my life that I love so much.
Well, almost all of the people.
Edward wanted to be alone.
I thought of the girl from so long ago. Her brown eyes and long brown hair. Her body wasn't nearly as sexy as my Rose, but she was pretty. The cute little klutz was as close as Edward's ever come to having an actual girl friend.
I think he even took her out on a date once, kinda. He drove her to Seattle and went shopping for books.
The prude didn't even cop a feel on the way home.
And before that, he even saved her from being attacked by a bunch of drunk college drop outs and took her out for Italian afterwards.
I think that at least deserves him a dry hump in the back seat.
The poor fucker was going to die a virgin.
Fucking sad.
Edward came pretty damn close to telling her, but he refused to since he wasn't 100% sure she knew their secret. I was pretty sure though. She would always look at us like she was expecting us do something cool.
I heard she ended up dying in a freak plane crash.
I hope she died a virgin. It would serve her right for giving Edward a boner that lasted through graduation.
Yah, I know the truth. Edward wasn't carrying her books as a 'friendly' gesture.
He was sporting a monster in his pants.
It really is too bad he's dying a virgin.
Fucking Prude.
I hope he's jacking off right now; It would be awesome to die having an orgasm.
Hey, I think I'm gonna do that right now.
"Rosie! Let's get out the fuzzy hand cuffs one last time!"
A/N-
So, I just wanted to let you know that I am setting up an outline for two fic's and am currently writeing a one-shot inspired by the AnEdwardToRemember Contest
The Two fics are both very different.
Fic Summarys
Indian Bella
(Prologue Posted) Based in 1967
Bella is a Half Native American living on the rez with her father and younger sister. Edward is the middle class small town Attorney's son. When he visits First Beach with his friends one day; his life changes.
Title Pending
Edward lives with his two very in love roommates; lifelong friend, Bella and her adoring partner, little miss Mary Alice. Edward longs for the kind of loving relationship his two best, and only, friends have. But Edward is not so lucky; his love life is just a whole slew of one-night-stands and rejection the next morning. He begins to alter his appearance in hopes of a relationship longer than 24 hours. But removing all traces of hair from anywhere but his head and spending more than Alice does on clothing does nothing but keep attracting the wrong kind of men.
After a particularly heartbreaking walk of shame, Edward wonders if his knight in shining armor will ever come and love him for who he is.
Then in enters Jasper, can Edward let himself fall for the southern gentleman, or will he think it's just all too good to be true?