"We're family!" Dean slurred as Castiel kicked him back to the ground, his eyes lit with a fire and his hair raised in fury. Everything was becoming a blur and Dean was sure, he was going to die. Dean felt tears streaming down his bloodied and broken face, his resolve breaking. Not Cas too! Not you too, if you can hear me please stop Cas! He begged through his thoughts. There was so much he needed to say, but couldn't. He could maybe bring Cas back if he could only pull the words from his throat, but it was agony. Dean could barely slur out the words, "We need you! I need you! I need you, Cas you son-of-a-bitch please!" as Cas raised his arm, expression going blank. Dean was panicking, expecting the angel blade to come crashing down and stab into his chest. But, it didn't. Castiel's hand froze, and went limp, the blade slipping out. A pin dropped, and as the blade clattered to the ground, Cas' eyes softened. Dean didn't notice though, he knew—Cas was gone. Cas is dead, he kept telling himself. But Castiel was not dead. In a split second, his whole posture, no his whole being had altered, and he lowered his arm to reach out to Dean. Castiel's fingers ghosted over Dean's jawline, and the hunter flinched back, expecting the blinding light to smite him into oblivion. But the pain didn't come. Instead, he felt Cas' rough, calloused hand on his cheek, and in that second Dean knew. Cas was back… He had snapped out of it. The angel held the side of Dean's face and breathed deeply, sending healing energy through his hunter. Dean felt a rush of cool and then warm rush over him as a river, and leaned into the touch, grasping Cas' coat for support. His whole body slumped over, unable, unwilling to move anywhere else but here. And then, Castiel was gazing down at him, with an expression that Dean had never seen before. The angel softened and helped to pull Dean up, looking at his face as if it was a beautiful monolith.
"Dean," he breathed, his hand still on the hunter's jacket. Dean was frozen, fixed, petrified. He didn't know whether to flee or stay, or whether he would be forced to kill Cas himself if he lost his mind again.
"I'm so sorry," Cas continued, his hand gripping Dean's arm to pull him closer.
"Cas, how did you overcome it?" Dean asked, overtaken by emotion. His voice was raw from yelling and screaming, and he felt on the verge of tears.
"I—" Cas paused, thinking for a moment. And then he was in the moment, looking at Dean with a brighter expression than he'd ever shown. He pulled him closer and wrapped his arms around Dean's body, holding him in a vice-like grip. Dean was still in shock, trying to comprehend what the angel was doing.
"You have no idea Dean, how difficult it was to fight Naomi," Cas said, and the sound of that gravelly voice, pressed near Dean's ear, nearly undid the hunter. He was struggling to keep his own voice steady, and trying desperately not to cling to Cas in return like some desperate child. The proximity was intoxicating—he could smell Cas all around him, a distinctive fragrance that Dean supposed smelt like rain, not exactly sensual, but in this moment it was home. Dean felt fear in that moment, unsure of what to do. He couldn't recall a time that he'd been closer to the angel than right now, and it was difficult to focus when everything was becoming a rainy haze.
"But—you did it," Dean replied back weakly once he remembered that Cas had spoken to him. Cas chuckled in response.
"Dean, you did it," he whispered lowly. "It was what you said, that well, brought me back. Naomi was controlling me, but she isn't now. You fixed it." As Cas pulled away—though Dean would rather have stayed, just like that, for eternity—he smiled slightly. Everything, the trials, the tablets, laid forgotten in the mist. And Dean realized that all of his prayers to the angel, all of the times that he screamed Cas' name into the wind, all of the days and nights that he wished for his friend, his angel, to be there when he was not, meant something more than just friendship. Dean had yelled it moments ago— they were family. But, what he hadn't yelled was that what he felt for Cas surpassed family. What Dean wanted, no needed, was for Castiel to love him in a way that he had never believed possible. In the past, he had yelled to himself thousands of times that Cas was an angel, that he was just some other being who got in their way. But Dean knew… And when he spoke, his voice trembled.
"Cas?" Dean said as he looked into those azure seas, which had calmed now and were full of affection. If he didn't say this, all would be lost. How many more times would they have to lose each other to realize what had been there for so long?
"Yes?" The angel appeared confused, or perhaps he was expectant. Dean sighed deeply and steadied himself.
"Maybe I'm an idiot, maybe I'm even insane, but I am not going to go through this anymore. I just can't," he said, voice growing raspier by the second. "I love you, Cas, more than family, more than life. And, I still don't know if you can even feel a fraction of what I do, but I'd die for you one million times over, even if you don't think you deserve it. You can walk away, right now with that damn tablet, or kill me if you still want to, but—"
"Stop Dean," Cas said rather firmly. For a moment Dean thought that all was lost, that he had just made a huge mistake, but Cas surprised him. The words began to spill out, like a sweet, sweet river, and once they began flowing, Cas couldn't hope to stop them.
"My emotions towards you surpass mere love," he said. "Since I raised you from Hell, from that first moment that I gripped your soul, I have been forever changed. You've taught me more about life than thousands of years of being an angel. You've shown me the good in people, and the beauty in choice. I don't think that I could feel more for any living creature than I feel for you. Now, I don't think I even have as much love for God as I do you." Cas took a step closer and Dean felt his heartbeat accelerate. "Dean Winchester, you are the reason that I am still alive today. You were the only one who I could turn to, and who understood my feelings about what I did in Heaven. You gave me hope when I had none, when I was ready to kill myself out of guilt. If there is anyone that I hold affection towards, lust towards, it is you. But, it seems that every time, no matter who hard I try, I always let you down. I may have been born an angel, but I am not good enough for—"
Dean silenced Cas by grasping the front of his coat and pulling him in, crushing their lips together. In that moment, everything for Dean was on fire. All of his dreams about this moment could never hope to be on the same level as the reality, and the surrounding love that enveloped him made Dean forget the world. He inhaled a deep, ragged breath, and wrapped his arms around the angel tightly, clutching to him because Castiel was his oxygen. The angel responded in kind, pulling Dean closer so that they were pressed flush against one another. The lost time, all of the pain, must be amended. Though they could never hope to make up for all of the time gone, all of the moments spent in long gazes and screaming matches, maybe they could try. The two were oblivious to all else, so caught up in their own world. Cas backed Dean up against the wall, nearly slamming him against it, and made note that he'd have to be careful, so as not to break the hunter. Everything was a muddle of purpled lips and bruised skin, and finally Dean realized that the world did not stop carrying on for them to have this now. They had work to do, and besides, they were in a fucking crypt, which is not at all a good place for a first time.
"Cas, stop for a sec," Dean breathed as he lightly pushed the angel away. Of course, he didn't let go, letting his hand slide down Cas' arm to grasp his hand.
"We can't do this now," he said as he looked down, absently twining their fingers together. It almost made Dean laugh, despite the hell flaming around them, to think that he was actually telling this to Cas.
"Why not?" Cas breathed and if it wasn't the most rasping and sexiest thing Dean had ever heard…
"Because," he said, regaining focus, "Crowley is probably on his way now and we're screwed if we don't move!"
Castiel nodded, and as he noted the tablet still lying on the ground, picked it up. It was intact, but the mere touch of it scared Cas. He was holding in his hands the very object which could possibly destroy all of heaven. Dean noticed the panic on Cas' face, and gingerly took the tablet from him, with no protest.
"We'll hide it Cas," he said, more to himself than his angel. "No one else is getting their hands on it."
Cas nodded weakly while he looked at the stone slab. And then, his eyes snapped into focus. "Crowley's here," he said in a near growl. Dean instantly became alert, snatching his knife from the ground as he transformed back into pure hunting instinct.
"Well, zap us to Sam and let's get the hell out of here!" he said. Cas nodded and with a touch to Dean's forehead they were outside of the crypt. Dean could see Sam and Meg standing across from Crowley, who was looking devilish as ever.
"Get to the Impala," Cas said, nodding towards Dean's car. Though Dean wanted nothing more than to keep Cas out of the line of fire, he listened and ran off towards his Baby. Cas meanwhile, zapped closer, right in front of Sam.
"Well, hello pet," Crowley said endearingly to Cas. But, before the King of Hell could react, Cas had grabbed Sam's arm and zapped them into the Impala.
"Go Dean!" Cas said, and Dean slammed on the gas. As he did so, they heard a wailing scream from outside the car, and all looked back to see Crowley slice open Meg with his knife. Cas was saddened for a moment, gazing back at the scene. Meg had helped them, helped him, more times than they could count. And now, she was dead for helping an angel and two humans. But, Cas couldn't think about that. They were speeding away into the night, away from Heaven and Hell.
"What the hell happened back there?!" Sam asked in utter confusion. Dean relaxed slightly on the steering wheel, and looked over to his brother. One million thoughts were pulsing through his mind, most of which were awkward and involving Cas. Luckily, the angel saved him his suffering, and answered.
"Naomi had me under her control. She had ordered me to kill Dean… I almost did. But, I fought back, and I think that I managed to break her hold," Cas said. At that, Sam's expression changed to slight panic and he looked Dean up and down.
"Nearly killed him? You look fine. Who's Naomi?" he asked.
"I healed him Sam… It's all right now. We have the tablet, and we're going to put it someplace safe. Someplace no one will find it… Naomi is, well I had thought that she was an angel. But, now I'm not so sure. Her powers are far beyond anything I've ever seen. I believe that she is one of the fates, and if that's the case, then we had better be careful…"
"Oh," Sam said. It was Dean's turn, now that his head was screwed on straight, to talk.
"I'm so tired of all the lies," he said. "We can't go on like this, screwing up behind each other's backs. From now on, if something happens, the other two are in on it. There's no chance in hell that we can do this if we're acting like idiots," Dean said. Sam merely nodded, and Cas said "of course." They all were tired, and none really wanted to speak of the horrors from the night. So, as they sped off on their road to nowhere, they all became enveloped in their thoughts. Thankfully, after awhile Dean was able to forget about their problems. He simply focused on the road and, thought about all the lost time him and Cas would have to make up for, once they reached the Men of Letters' base.