This fic is based on Red vs Blue, NOT HALO! Rooster Teeth, is who Red vs Blue belongs to. I own nothing.
Roses are red
And violets are blue
One day we'll cruise
Down Blood Gulch avenue
It's Red vs Blue
And Blue vs Blue
It's I against I
And me Against you
Violets are blue, roses are red
Living like this we were already dead
Hop in my car
It don't have any doors
It's built like a cat;
It lands on all fours
My car's like a puma,
It drives on all fours
Red versus Red
Blue versus Blue
"DAMMIT CABOOSE!" The cobalt armored AI, Epsilon or Church, yelled at his teammate. As normal...
"DUDE!" The aqua armored player, Laverninus Tucker, shouted at his friend as he busted through the door ( so to speak ). "What the hell did he do this time!?"
"HE BLEW UP THE JEEP!" Church screamed angrier than ever.
Caboose, the standard issue Blue trooper, just looked at the jeep. "I like fire." He said stupidly.
"Um," A dark blue armored troop stood there.
"Hey, who the hell are you?" Church asked, walking towards the new troop.
"Private First Class Jacob Day." The trooper put his Assault Rifle on his back and saluted his fellow blue. "Pleasure to meet you, Lenard Church."
"Sup, Day?" Tucker said. "How ya doin'?"
"Good, could be better." Day responded. "Whose the guy in the Standard?"
"You mean that dumbass?" Church asked. "He's Caboose."
All of a sudden, Polka music came blasting over the hill.
"What the hell is that music?!" Day said above the music.
"Oh my God," Church yelled. "RUN!"
The blues scattered all over the place. Day followed Church inside the base.
"Damned Reds." Church growled as Tucker and Caboose fell through door.
"Who are those loons?!" Day yelled over the music that was louder.
"Fricking Red losers!" Tucker shouted.
The Blue Team could here some people arguing from outside the door.
"Dammit, Grif!" A rather old sounding man with a southern accent shouted at someone named Grif. "I told not to play the music louder than my 'Yee-Haws!' It makes them look bad!"
"Don't pin this shit on me!" Grif shouted. "Simmons was the one driving the Puma!"
"Damn you Grif!" Simmons shouted.
"Hey!" A cheery voice said. "What about me?"
"SHUT UP, DONUT!" The two men yelled.
"Day, Caboose, go out there." Tucker said.
"Yes, sir." Day said, walking to the door.
"Okay." Caboose said in a voice that made Day roll his eyes.
The two walked out side and saw a maroon armored soldier sitting on the gun of a Warthog, a standard red armored officer arguing with a orange armored soldier, and a pink armored soldier sitting on a Ghost's seat. They all turned to look at Day and Caboose, and took aim.
"Oh, son of a-" Day started to say before a hail of bullets almost hit him and Caboose. "Bitch!"
"Why are they shooting at us?" Caboose said in his dumbass voice.
Day had grabbed Caboose by his armor's collar and pulled him inside. Day stuck his head out.
"Damn you, ya red losers!" Church shouted from the door, using Day as a human sheild.
"'Et the heck off of me, punk!" Day said. Sarge shot buckshot at him. "Ah! Crap!" Day punched Church in the balls (making Church ticked and curse him out) and pulled him inside.
Tucker hit a button to lock up all holes in the base.
"Well, any last minute confessions?" Tucker asked. "Day, did you have a girl back home. Bow Chicka Bow Wow."
"Hey, you perv, I'm 23." Day scowled. "On my colony, you have to be 22 to get married, so most people don't really get to close to get any police involved. Also, the only girlfriend I've had was only with me because her father made her. Now we're just good friends."
"But how good?" Tucker asked. "Bow Chicka Bow Wow."
"Shut up!"
"Up yours."
"Me and my dad were never close." Caboose spoke up. Day even patted his new teammate on his back. "He was always at work."
"Heh, I'm not even human." Church said. "That Meta sick son of a bitch stabbed me, Tex, and Wash-"
"What the on earth are you guys doing?" A young male voice said. Everyone looked at a man with black armor and yellow stripes.
"Holy crap, you're Agent Washington!" Day stood up and saluted. "I'm a fan, sir."
"Who are you, and how do you know me?" Wash asked confused.
"Pvt FC. Jacob Day, happy to serve and fight for my fellow man." Day stated. "I know you from some films from back home."
"At ease," Wash said. "And people made movies of me?"
"You guys are war heros, sir." Day responded. "The governments let you guys keep going to show who our idols of whom brought down the hells of Freelancer. Though, I do apologize that the original Epsilon committed suicide in your brain, sir. I'm sorry about Maine, Dakota, and the rest."
"Thank, for your sympathy, Pirvate." Wash said.
"You can call me Day, sir." Day replied. "May I call you Wash?"
"Sure thing Day." Wash chuckled.
Sarge, Grif, Donut, Simmons, and a brown Spanish robot came in. Sarge and Simmons from the right door, rid and Donut from the left, and the Spanish robot from the skylight.
"¡Hola (hello)," The robot said. "Decir ¡hola a robot el diablo (say hello to robot devil)!"
"I ain't going down without a fight!" Day exclaimed, shooting the robot in the arm.
"Hell yes!" Church smashed Donut gun to the ground. "Suck on that!"
"Your sister is mine, Grif!" Tucker tackled Grif.
"You son of a bitch!" Grif shouted. "You don't deserve my sister!"
Caboose had already based Simmons' into the wall. The robot cursed Day until he'd shoot the robot in the face. Church shot Donut in the foot. Day had surprisingly thrown Tucker across the room, beating him down with Grif.
"I hope you don't live to see tomorrow, you player!" Day threw Tucker into the wall after sticking his Plasma grenades and ignited Tucker's.
"Day!" Wash shouted. "What the hell are you doing?"
"Giving this perv the what for!" Day replied.
Church yelled before hitting Sarge in the crotch with a sniper round meant for his head. (RvB logic, do not ask. Caboose could throw a robot 57 feet, so don't ask me.)
"DAMN YA, YA DIRTY BLUES!" screamed Sarge as he fell down.
Grif and Simmons stood at the top of the Red Base.
"Hey," Simmons asked. "You ever wonder why we're here?"
"Y'know, why are we here?" Smiled Grif. "I mean, we killed one of the blues, Donut is writing about some bull Vampire Romance, crying his ass off, Sarge is 900 feet under, and we have to remake Lopez. We got nothing left."
"Yeah, why the shit are we still here." Simmons laughed.
(AN: I was going to making a shipping moment, but... I got nothin'. Sorry.)
We've been here so long
Still I remember
The rainy September
Contact
2, 4, 1, 10
2, 4, 1, 10
Am I transmitting?
Is anyone listening?
Contact
We are green and gray
The longness of Semper
Still I remember
Contact
2, 4, 1, 10
2, 4, 1, 1o
Am I still willing
To foot all this billing
Contact
Riding on our shiny metal horses
Singing our rider's song
One of us will be forgotten
The other will be wrong
2, 4, 1, 10
2, 4, 1, 10
Am I transmitting?
Is anyone listening?
Contact
When I think of you
Your name's in the sky
90 feet high
Contact
Riding on our shining metal horses
Singing our rider's song
One of us will be forgotten
And the other will be wrong
Riding on our shining metal horses
Singing our rider's song
One of us will be forgotten
The other would be wrong
Ohh,
2, 4, 1, 10
2, 4, 1, 10
Am I still willing
To foot all this billing?
Contact
"Hey guys, if you are hearing this, it means you did it. You won.
You kicked the shit out of Hargroves forces. I knew you could, but this is my last stop.
See, when I came into this world, I was really just a collection of someone else's memories.
But with your help, these memories, they took form, they became my voice, my personality, and after a while,
I began to make brand new memories of my own.. All of these things are what make me who I am, but they are also holding me back.
I can't run this suit..as Epsilon, but if I erase my memories, if I... Deconstruct myself.. The fragments I'll leave behind will have the strength to get you through this, I believe that.
I wish there was another way. But I am leaving this message, as well as others, in the hopes that you will understand why I have to go this time.
Ahaha, it was actually Doyle who made me realise something I'd never thought of before.
There are so many stories where, some brave hero decides to give their life to save the day, and because of their sacrifice, the good guys win, the survivors all cheer, and everybody lives happily ever after. But the hero..never gets to see that ending, they'll never know if their sacrifice actually made a difference, they'll never know
if the day was really saved. In the end, they just have to have faith. Ain't that a bitch."
- Leonard Church
Well, Thank God I've done it! This took 3 months, I put KHR and W.C on the line for this crappy one-shot! I hope you enjoy! Favorite, review, and have a great day/night 'nd life! :D