I was in the middle of watching Patlabor (tv), I had found some art of the show on tumblr that I liked, and I had just gotten a new CD by Satoshi Ikeda when this story bug wormed it's way into my head and wouldn't leave no matter how much I tried. Every single time I heard the first track on the CD [titled 'rain fortune'], I would have this scenario pop into my brain.
So I wrote it out. Twice in fact. Before I finally was satisfied with it.
Please leave a review if you like it.
[I own none of the characters nor the media this piece of fiction is based on. I do not claim copyright in any terms.]
| ©1988 Patlabor
| Kiichi Goto x Shinobu Nagumo
("Maybe he was right, maybe this weather is making everybody go crazy...")
Shinobu Nagumo was staring out the window at the current downpour, a frown on her face as she remembered a conversation from that morning.
Sakaki-san had finished reading the weather report for the remainder of the week, he made a face and threw the paper on a near by surface, scratching his head in agitation.
"Ahhh, this is bad. Nothing but rain and more rain since this Monday and now it's gonna go on til' the next."
"Is it so bad? I thought that rain would be a good thing for this time of year" she had wondered.
"Why is it bad? Because when it rains too much it makes people do crazy things, that's why. Too much time on their hands, too much time to think. It's dangerous."
The rain drops were falling onto the tarmac and into the bay, if Shinobu tilted her head out just a little bit she could see her reflection in it.
She was startled out of her reflections by a snort coming from the only other occupant in the room, she heard him turn over in his sleep and mumble something, but she was resolved not to look over, if she knew Goto then he would probably sleep for a long time. Probably.
The rain grew louder and she knew that it wouldn't be letting up anytime soon. She clicked her tongue in irritation and straightened her shoulders. A wisp of hair fell in her face and Shinobu wanted to yank it out with all of the pent up frustration she was feeling. At herself.
She kept struggling with strange urge to go across the room and- and do something to Captain Goto.
Shinobu wasn't sure if she wanted to kiss him or just embrace him but she still fought with the feeling none the less.
("... what if I jump him?")
Perhaps she would even run her fingers through his hair too, that would be nice she thought to herself.
She didn't know which desire was stronger to be honest, she just knew that she wanted to touch him somehow and it was the strangest thing she'd ever suggested to herself. She couldn't wrap her head around it.
It was so uncharacteristically rash of her to even entertain an idea.
Shinobu began to worry the end of her pencil with her teeth, mind scrambling to come up with a more plausible excuse for what she was experiencing at the moment other than, 'the weather made me feel like this'. People did get a sort of cabin fever from being cooped up in one place together for too long... didn't they?
Still, she had sat through dozens of rainstorms with him in close quarters and never felt as riled up as she did now.
(-when it rains too much it makes people do crazy things.)
It was ridiculous. She felt ridiculous.
She snorted softly and tucked the piece of unruly hair behind one ear.
Goto had never affected her this way before...
(Not like this, usually she was able to push any of this nature aside, ignore anything complicated or unnecessary... or weird.)
But now her heart was racing like crazy and she felt embarrassed at herself for being so worked up over someone who should have little effect on her, someone who she had repeatedly told herself was just a workplace friend. And yet here she was; fighting the urge to attack him in his sleep.
She really was unbelievable.
She thought back to just a little over 15 minutes ago, he had been saying that he felt a little drowsy and something else about the top brass and 'high and mighty demands on a poor tax paying public servant' -Or something along those lines. She hadn't been paying much attention, nature's call to the washroom far too distracting for her or her tiny bladder, but when she had returned shortly after he had already fallen asleep. ("Ah. Typical, getting a nap in this early in the evening.") She had said to herself.
And it wasn't as though Shinobu had never seen him sleep before; there had been countless other times she could recall where they had both taken cat naps around each other. And Goto wasn't exactly the most graceful sleeper. Lots of mumbling under his breath and loud snoring.
However, for some reason today was different. He seemed different. Her eye twitched just thinking about it.
For one thing he wasn't snoring (much) this time, and he didn't have one flip flopped foot propped up on his desk; but that really wasn't it.
She looked him over again, discretely as possible while glancing at the door once and a while, like a guilty child afraid to get caught.
Perhaps it was the way his hair was drooping over his eyes instead of staying it place where he kept it combed back
(she faintly wondered if he had run out of hair gel this morning, chances of that were rather likely in her book).
Or maybe because of the fact that his snores were absent today so his facial features were unusually soft and serene; which let her appreciate the line of his jaw and the bridge of his nose more freely...
("Or maybe it's the fact that the top four buttons on his shirt are undone and you can see past his collar bone, eh?")
She tossed her head and carelessly stuck her nibbled pencil behind her ear,
an almost subconscious attempt to stab at the little voice in the back of her mind after what it had just said
(And It was right, damn it. She hated her apparent lack of self control.)
The suggestion that she was this easily effected by him bothered her to no end.
So what if he's (sort of) handsome and has a nice nose? Who really cared? She didn't- not really.
"...I-it is possible that the fact that it's him makes all the difference but..."
Murmuring to herself she decided to brave a glance over at the object of her thoughts one more time and felt the flush creep back up her neck, this time reaching the full height of her cheekbones. His head had tilted over to his left, so now Goto was facing her a bit more and she could see under his shirt a little bit better.
In fact, at this angle if she stood up she could probably see his stomach too...
("Oh my god, please, what is the matter with me?!")
Shinobu broke her stare and resolved herself to not look over at him again for the rest of her shift.
The man walked around in sandals all day for goodness sake! He only changed shirts twice a week! [She was sure of it.]
Not to mention most people perceived him to be a little too lazy and carefree about most things, the off-hand way he handled his squad was a good indicator of that.
A very unorthodox man to be sure. Her Grandmother would never approve either.
Not the sort of man she should find to be sexually appealing, let alone romantically-
She wracked her brain for more criticisms and then her eyes softened.
-But then there were the moments when he would turn into a stuttering mess at the smallest compliment or teasing word she gave him, the way he would silently support her and give her the authority to do what she felt was best, little to no objections to boot.
And then there were the looks of longing and heartfelt tenderness that he would sometimes give her what he thought she wasn't aware.
The little tiny sigh that would escape and then he would hurriedly do something to distract from it, cough or make an odd noise as a follow up.
She fought a smile when she remembered that.
No, she wasn't blind to see how he felt about her, Goto tried to be subtle about his feelings but she could still read him like a book.
Although, they were only colleagues (friends...?) she had known him a long time and understood his body language quite well.
She shook her head to herself and began to chew on her pencil again. The sort of man that he was had never been her type.
Too soft spoken, too shy- Too much of a nonconformist for any kind of deep relationship to work between them.
He was unpredictable and while she could be the same, she had a sense of order and- and-
She stopped chewing and let the pencil roll onto her desk.
He respected her, which she appreciated very much but so did so many other men in her profession.
The simpering way he said her name sometimes also annoyed her to no end.
It never took much effort to intimidate him or to have him bend to her will. Even outside of work it was always the same.
He never approached her on any serious subject pertaining to their relationship status.
She had said that she preferred a man with spine and as far as she was concerned, when it came to romance, Goto didn't have it in him.
What a jellyfish of a man!
("Right?")
She tried to ignore the nagging voice in the back of her mind that reminded her that he had always seemed to be there when she needed him, professionally and otherwise. He was stoically there, supporting her and trying to help without being overt about it.
They understood each other so well that in any emergency situation all they needed to do was look at one another and they both would know what the other was about to do.
And if she were to deny that she had always a little attracted to him, at least on a superficial level, would be dishonest of her.
The more she searched for faults the more she found good qualities.
If she were honest she would also admit that she considered his opinions and feelings on most anything far superior to anyone else.
He had gained that level of respect from her, but it was purely on a professional level, wasn't it?
Still.
There simply was no logical explanation as far as she was concerned for why she was feeling so breathlessly out of control when it came to all things related to one Goto Kiichi.
A couple of undone buttons and a wet summer evening downpour shouldn't be this suffocating, right?
Had her self control and judgement truly been washed away by the rain away without her realizing it?
She worried her bottom lip in thought.
Her thoughts were dangerous, because now they had rationalized her feelings. Which means any action she took could be seen by herself as justified.
Panic kicked in and Shinobu's mind scrambled for a way out of this.
Maybe- maybe If she left right now and waited outside of the room for him to wake up, she could break this spell that had been cast over her and everything would return to normal. He wouldn't notice the way she was fidgeting in her seat, the way her eyes seemed to seek him no matter what she did, or the abnormal amount of pinkness to her face.
She had half resolved herself to her decision and began to stand up when Goto made a noise of waking.
Her hair felt like it was standing on end as she returned to her chair so quickly that it actually hurt a little bit.
Something was definitely wrong with her, and she knew what it was too.
But she stoutly refused to admit it as it dawned upon her.
Not even to her own self.
('You like him')
She winced at the voice and painfully rubbed her backside with the palm of her hand.
("Shut up... I just must have caught something, that's got to be it.")
Such jumbled thoughts and feelings she was having, and right in front of the reason why it was happening in the first place.
It made Shinobu want to shrink and disappear from the sheer humiliation of it all.
But she was clearly not capable of such a thing and instead she spared one last look at him from the corner of her eye and- and-
She let out a breath she didn't know she was holding.
She really liked the way his hair was at the moment, falling over his right eye. It looked silky soft too... had it always looked like that and she just never noticed...?
(It could be that the gel he usually used was a little too constricting... maybe his poor scalp had gotten the breath of fresh hair it needed so to speak...)
She belatedly realized that she was still ogling him and stifled a groan, gingerly massaging the bridge of her nose between her fingers to ward off the headache she could feel coming on. ("...too late for that.")
Yes, this was a sickness, but not the sort she could be rid of so easily.
That much she was willing to admit to herself.
Goto cracked open one sleepy eye, then both, blinking in the dim light of the room.
He sat up a tiny bit and yawned, stretching his toes under his desk like a cat.
He was completely oblivious to the plight of the woman to his left as he looked at the time on the clock to the right of his desk and halfheartedly swore under his breath, a cheeky look in his eyes.
("Ah, damn it, I fell asleep again, and after I had asked Nagumo to not let me...")
He was supposed to be finishing up an efficiency and damage report before tomorrow morning.
The underpaid captain raised his eyes to heaven- just a bit.
Apparently it was rather important for some reason he had yet to comprehend.
Honestly, why did the chief of police need to be so fussy all of the time? His team hadn't made any mistakes lately or destroyed any public property (Well, not very much at least), so it was quite another thing to be so demanding about a little report so soon after another one had just been filed ...two weeks ago was it? Oh.
He swore with genuine feeling this time.
("Ah, might as well go make some tea before I start up again. Too bad I didn't sleep for longer...")
Meanwhile Shinobu felt herself begin to panic as she realized that he had really woken up and was going to notice her and she felt so awkward and uncomfortable.
Not to mention another part of her was feeling quite tender all of a sudden due to her hasty retreat to her seat.
She quickly made to pull her pencil out of her hair and bury herself in paperwork so that he wouldn't try and strike up a conversation with her. She had forgotten that it was now on her desk, so she ended up haphazardly pulling out a few strands of hair before she remembered.
Her fingers were trembling slightly when she went to grasp her half eaten pencil and she dropped it. Again.
Shinobu let out a curse as it hit the floor, drawing his attention to her.
He looked at her with mild bewilderment, his sleepy eyes blinking a few times.
She wasn't a clumsy person, and she never swore without a reason, so she knew that he was bound to suspect something was up.
("Shit, shit, why did he have to wake up now? Why is he looking at me like that? Does he know? Oh, it's all over my face isn't it. It's red, isn't it?!")
She swallowed her uncharacteristic panic attack and her head shot up from where she was crouched behind her desk, she awkwardly waved her pencil around,
"Sorry, sorry. I dropped this, did I wake you?" Her smile twitched ever so slightly, but he was sleepy so he probably wouldn't notice that something was up, right?
(Then again, this was Goto Kiichi, he was so sly and crafty, and quite good at reading people.
It was only a matter of time until he realized that something was up and then he would-)
"Oh, no. I was already waking up a bit, so don't worry." He reassured her with a smile and righted his chair as he stood up, stretching his arms in a wide yawn.
The middle fabric of his unbuttoned shirt stretching with him. Her eyes widened and she bit the inside of her check to stop herself from asking him to stop; or NOT to stop. ("Oh my God.")
Now that was a thought that worried Shinobu a lot more than she cared to admit... she still looked at him for a minute while his eyes were closed though.
('Hypocrite.')
If only she could stab that voice with her pencil again...
So distracted by her own thoughts was she that she didn't even notice he had begun to re-button his shirt until he was already done and already lighting a cigarette.
He felt eyes on him and returned the favor with subtitle enthusiasm.
("Ah, Shinobu-san, how lovely you look. Although- your face is a little red... I hope you're not coming down with something due to all of this miserable rain...")
He examined her with his eyes for a moment and immediately knew that there something was wrong. She was standing now, but her posture was stiff, her entire face was flushed, she appeared to be sweating, and her hands even were shaking a little.
"...Uh, by the way, Nagumo-san."
"Eh? Huh? What is it?"
She snapped out of her indecent train of thought and felt the beginnings of that damned blush again.
It was amazing how quickly her mind went there in just a split second.
("I've got to get a hold of myself, there is no need for me to blush over such things!")
She walked around her desk and stood in front of it, tucking one of her ankles behind the other demurely, suddenly feeling more bashful than ever about the whole thing and wondering what he was going to say.
("H-however... he caught me staring just now and now he's going to wonder why. Maybe if I told him I noticed his hair was beginning to go gray... but oh, no that would just make him paranoid about his appearance, that's no good because then everything would be-")
Oblivious, Goto blew out a small puff of smoke before crossing his arms and resting his chin on his hand, "...Um, you're not coming down with a cold are you? You look a little bit red in the face." His arbitrary inquiry was a surprise to her, but the noncommittal tone to his voice struck a nerve somewhere.
Here she was, discovering such a wild attraction to him that it was on the verge of giving her a headache [scratch that, she already had one],
and Goto didn't even notice one bit?
The guy who was supposed to be able to understand her better than anyone?
("Of all of the idiots... that he would think that I was sick I suppose is good luck, but to not even suspect me a little bit...! Really...! I'm a little insulted...")
Irrational winning over reason, she tilted her nose in the air and looked away to the side as if in dismissal,
"No, I am not. Thank you for your concern, Captain Goto."
Her icy reply made him pause mid smoke and stare at her as Shinobu retreated to her desk... the ash of his cigarette landing on his stocking feet. It hurt.
Actually it wasn't anything compared to the rapid dread taking hold of him.
He hastily brushed it off onto the carpet with his other foot and gawked after her.
("What? What? What was that? What did I...?")
What had he done now? Goto began to hastily go over what he had said or done since waking and he came up with nothing, ziltch, zip, nada.
He hastily put out his cigarette and pondered for a second, perhaps she was mad at him from before?
Did his napping during their shift annoy her somehow? No, that was ridiculous, they both- -he napped often. There had been no problems before.
And she had agreed that the paperwork needn't be such a stressful thing so long as it got done on time.
Then... for what possible reason could she have responded in such a cold manner to such a friendly question? Had she finally had enough of his snoring? No, that was far too shallow a reason for someone like her. (He hoped) Because he tried to use nose strips and they didn't work for him and he didn't have the time or the money for a sleep apnea clinic and-
Oh. He was getting off track.
He scratched the back of his head, mussing his hair a bit in the process and then snuck a glance over at her. Maybe he should just go make some tea and use it as a peace offering of sorts-
Goto blinked.
Once.
Twice.
Nagumo was perched on the edge of her desk, arms over her head, hair tie held between her full lips, seemingly putting her hair back up. But... um... was it just him or was she... acting a bit strange? The way her chest protruded out with such confidence and the slow and languid way she was running her fingers through her hair...
It was kind of sexy. To him anyway.
Maybe it was the way her legs were crossed over one another, with her left foot gently bobbing up and down to a silent melody only she could hear...
Or maybe it was the fact that he had now been staring at her openly for over 24.5 seconds and she was still in the middle of unknotting her hair, her eyes still closed.
Almost like she was ignoring him on purpose.
Goto knew he couldn't be sure but... she wouldn't be flirting with him now, would she?
("My, my... one minute she wants nothing to do with me, and the next she's happily fixing herself up on top of her paperwork, right in front of me...")
He approved, absolutely. If that were the case, but he didn't want to rock the boat and assume things... that would be awfully rude of him and besides she really never did those sort of-
Oh.
She just sighed. A lovely sound indeed as far as Goto was concerned.
And now she was gathering her hair to one side (her right side to be precise), so now he could see her beautiful pale neck... and she was still combing her fingers through her hair, eyes still closed.
(Feet still swaying.)
Goto swallowed with feeling and hastily snuffed out his cigarette before lighting another one, not once breaking his gaze. Well he'd be damned.
("Even if this isn't outright flirting, it's the right in neighborhood...")
A minute or so ago, after returning to her side of their tiny shared office in annoyance, she had decided to just leave and forget that this ever happened to her.
A couple of drinks and a good nights sleep and she would be back to her old self, old feelings. Safe ones.
It shouldn't be too hard to go back to denying and repressing the unwanted ones, especially if they were going to be such a nuisance.
But an irrational part of Shinobu wanted him to know the way she was suffering because of his indecency and lack of self awareness.
How much it made her feel like she was suffocating, she wanted him to feel the same thing.
After all of this time and she always made sure to maintain a professional and friendly work environment with him, well maybe she ought to let her hair down just this once.
("Just a little bit.")
She mulled it over for a moment before a small smile grew on her face when she realized that she knew exactly what he liked about her, in a physical sense at least.
A couple of years of awkwardly noticing him staring and his politely looking away, embarrassed and chastised... he could try to hide it but she had quickly learned that he found her hair and face to be completely fascinating for one reason or another.
Oh, yes indeed. Shinobu knew what she to do...
And so here she was; putting on a demonstration of sorts and somehow feeling unashamed for it. Truth be told, it was a little exhilarating to finally try something like this on him. She'd always wondered what he would do if she responded to the looks or hints that he had given her over the course of their relationship.
If he would stare at her like a deer in headlights or if he would come right out and profess his attraction. It was a dangerous line of thought for her.
She could tell that he was looking at her, most likely staring.
The familiar warm feeling she got whenever Goto was looking at her like that.
It had never made her uncomfortable, plenty of men had admired her throughout her career.
And she always ignored them with ease and put an end to it just as easily when she felt like it.
Although, why was it that Shinobu could only remember what it felt like what it was Goto looking at her? The prickly warmth, the tenderness.
(Perhaps it was because she had always liked the look in his eyes when they were on her, as if they were only for her...)
She came out of her thoughts feeling a little flustered and belatedly realized that her little sample for him had gone on more than long enough. She quickly looped her hair twice into her tie and stood up. She felt more than a little foolish now that she had gone and done it.
Cracking one eye open to look at him, she saw that victory was clearly hers.
His face had a light blush to it and his mouth was open, cigarette forgotten and held between both fingers as they hovered over his desk, very close to burning them.
A small pile of ash collected on top of his incomplete report.
He was dumbstruck and she felt rather satisfied with herself, she might even call the feeling a triumphant one.
Shinobu had so much dominance over Goto that the simple act of tying up her hair had him transfixed... A tinge of pink came creeping back up her neck at that realization.
She rolled back her shoulders and let out a sigh, breaking the silence that had been so heavy a moment before.
She pulled open the top drawer of her desk and put away the brush she had retrieved from it. She looked over her shoulder at him, feigning nonchalance.
He still was gaping at her. Like someone had snuck into the room and replaced him with a statue. He didn't appear to be breathing either. Oh...
Had she overdone her teasing and broken him, she wondered?
She walked over to his desk with a slight sway to her hips and placed a hand on them, leaning forward ever so slightly.
She flicked at the ash on his desk and his eyes snapped down to her.
Surely he would do something, say something... react in someway to her complete change of attitude. Maybe she could shock him into reacting...?
(Really though, she had already shocked him quite enough for one evening, hadn't she?)
Oh... What had she done? What if he thought her strange from now on?
Feeling nervous, she licked her lips and said a little too loudly,
"Say, Goto-san? I think I'm going to head home now. Don't stay up too late finishing that report, okay?"
His eyelashes fluttered a bit in reaction to what she said, however he was otherwise silent.
He turned to her and looked her up and down once, audibly swallowing before giving her the barest of nods in response.
"-S-sure. I mean yes, ma'am."
("Well, so much for that. He has no idea what to do, does he? I feel a little bit bad...")
Shaking her head, she gave him the barest of smiles, so no reaction then after all?
"Good night." She turned around and went for the door, fighting the feeling of disappointment.
But then she should be relieved as well. He had made no move or even an acknowledgement of what just happened. That must mean he also wanted to keep things are they were.
("How very understanding of him...")
This was also why she had so effectively held off addressing the potential of their relationship even to herself, right? Because workplace romances never worked, did they? Goto understood that.
Especially for people like them. No time for it, and it always ended badly, wasn't that so?
The split second she reached for the door handle, Shinobu heard the movement of a chair toppling over and of papers scattering and suddenly she felt the sleeve of her shirt being determinedly yanked in the opposite direction.
It all happened so out of the blue for her that when Goto finally spoke she nearly jumped.
He asked her breathlessly, "Nagumo, say, are you...? I-"
She could practically feel the deep rumble of his voice inside her ear... she trembled.
He was so close.
He eased his grip on her sleeve in an effort to recollect his thoughts as he trailed off, but he remained steadfast behind her.
He cleared his throat with great effort, his voice coming out in a rasp as he searched for the words he wanted to say, "Why...? (did you do that?) I mean, did, uh-"
Shinobo could feel her heart racing, she tried to swallow the lump forming in her throat to no avail and let out a nervous laugh, what to do...?
Her nerves felt like they were on fire where he was holding her wrist, and feeling his body heat so near... It was almost painful.
("th-this isn't suppose to happen. One minute he was gaping at me like a fish a-and now he is... so very very close. I can feel his heart beating.")
She looked up at him over her shoulder, a smile plastered on.
"G-Goto-san, what are you saying? Let me-"
"-I have a hunch that you know exactly what it is that I'm saying... What I'm trying to say. (don't you...?)"
He interrupted her so flawlessly and with an ease she didn't know he had in him.
She turned her head and he caught her eyes with his. Brown burning into hazel.
She panicked, furiously shook her head, hands turning into fists.
The idea of him knowing how she felt terrified her.
Goto could feel his bravado slipping just a little bit at her attitude, but no, he was sure of it. She had been flirting with him and he wanted to know why.
Even if she was only teasing, even if her reasons were the shallowest possible, he just had to be sure-
Shinobu didn't look at him as she continued over him, she could hear the uncertainty in his voice... and she felt awful for it.
But she was so scared that he would find out now, it was all so awful.
He wasn't suppose to find out, not really.
"-Oh! Do you mean me putting my hair up? If it bothered you I could always just make sure I do it behind the screen from now o-"
Goto clicked his tongue in disappointment.
So, he had been entirely wrong, hadn't he? She hadn't intend for him to get all worked up, did she?
Oh, boy... he really was-
"(-an idiot)"
"No, -I, uh, if you don't want to talk about it... I, well..."
"...Really, I have no idea what-"
He pulled away from her ear and completely relinquished his hold on her, stepping back a couple of paces.
He needed to backpedal his way out of this with the status quo and their friendship in tact. He had always worried that this would happen, that he would get caught up in his attraction and muddy the waters. The idea of a world where she was uncomfortable around him... the very thought killed him.
"-you're talking about..."
Shinobu trailed off at the abrupt loss of contact.
And although she didn't see Goto's face fall at her reply, she still felt how quickly he let go of her wrist and it stung.
She had lied to herself again. Her feelings for him weren't awful, she was the awful one. For doing this to him.
What had she possessed her to tease him like this, she wondered? She never took it this far before.
'-It gives people too much time on their hands, too much time to think. It's dangerous.'
Goto felt a little foolish for allowing himself such hopeful thoughts. Even if Nagumo did reciprocate (she didn't of course),
doing her hair in a sort of strange way and leaving work early wasn't how she would communicate that. He must really be tired tonight.
And when had he become such a selfish idiot to assume she would flirt with him in such a saucy manner? They weren't even half way lovers, so that was out of the question.
They were friends, which was good enough... it had to be. And now he was troubling her with his clumsy feelings.
He rubbed his cigarette stained fingers on his pants while he awkwardly looked down at his trademark socks and sandals combo.
("Oh, man, that was close...")
Decision made to make this go away as quickly as possible, Goto kept his voice very even as he bowed and apologized, fighting the urge to prostrate himself before her.
"I'm sorry, Nagumo, I... I think I must still be half asleep, haha... Never mind what I said, okay?"
Her mouth felt dry and she couldn't say anything to him in replay, she had half expected to be breathing normal by now, but all she was feeling was disappointment at the loss of his nearness, and her heart was still beating as rapidly as ever, and now he wouldn't even look at her and- And-
He had just apologized to her. After her foolishness.
Shinobu shook her head in disbelief, if that was the case then she had to apologize to him too,
it wouldn't be fair to him otherwise.
She slowly turned around to face Goto, losing her nerve at the last second so she continued the turn, completing a full circle.
Now it looked like she was doing a small twirl, she felt her face redden and stopped herself from repeating the action by stomping her foot in place when she was facing him again the second time around.
He jumped at that, and looked up at her as if she had grown a second head.
She winced, expecting him to ask her what the hell she was doing. But instead of commenting on her sudden transformation into a ballerina, he stood up and reached into his front pocket for another cigarette before he found that he was fresh out. He drew his hand out of his shirt pocket and lightly pat it before continuing where he left off.
"...Anyway, I don't mind if you have to leave, go ahead, I can keep watch over the base while you're gone. If anyone asks I'll tell them that you had an emergency."
("What...?")
Was he really letting her off the hook for all of this? Just like that? After she had just ogled him when he was asleep, snapped at him when he asked after her health, posed on her desk for him with a sultry look on her face for no apparent reason (as far as he knew anyway), and then dumped the rest of the evening workload on him with a hand on her hip and a smile on her face.
And he... was okay with that? Not even a little bit mad at her?
Shinobu blinked.
Once.
Twice.
And it hit her.
After all the years and months of pining after her, and she finally flirts back and then denies it and he just...
Lets her do as she pleases, doesn't push her for anything, just lets her be, lets her leave if she wants to, just as he always has. Accepts her friendship and doesn't ask for anything more even though she knows how desperate he is for her.
Not to mention, there was no possible way he didn't know what she was doing, her odd behavior must've been screaming it at him.
And he was still letting her walk out the door and not pressing the issue, after all this time and he still lets her leave, doesn't even try to stop her.
Shinobu wasn't sure if she felt like laughing or crying.
Probably both.
("Damn it. Stop this already. Get angry with me, I won't mind...!")
She crossed her arms and scowled at him a little bit, stomping her foot again. She didn't know how but she managed to make eye contact with him and held it.
He made a little noise of confusion and now probably thought she was half crazy at this point, but he didn't look away.
Shinobu took a deep breath and looked at Goto, really looked at him.
He was bewildered as ever, returning the stare in great confusion.
She found it to be adorable. Very much so.
("What do I do though...?")
She had realized- admitted to herself, that she is attracted to this man.
The man who has been in love with her ever since they met, so what did that mean?
Could she continue to lie to herself about?
And that excuse about 'no office' relationships because 'they never work' from before? When had she ever followed such flimsy, shallow and stereotypical advice?
("Never, I never have.)
She felt a little bit better as she admitted her own feelings to herself, leading to another dawning realization;
she wanted him to kiss her.
Honest to goodness kiss her on the damn mouth. Right now.
But how would he react to such a request? She'd probably startle him to his grave.
Perhaps she ought to just-
He sneezed and she was startled out of her thoughts.
"I-"
Goto quickly rubbed the side of his nose and looked a little bit embarrassed.
"-sorry."
Shinobu didn't say anything, just shook her head again.
Why had she built this up into such a huge issue? She had absolutely nothing to be afraid of, Goto wasn't the sort of man to demand anything of her.
(And besides...)
When it came to how Goto felt about her (as much as he tried to deny it when others would pressure him or tease him about it), he was an open book.
If they did enter a romantic relationship (if), he would surely treat her well and treasure her.
She couldn't remember the last time she was in a romantic relationship where she was first in anyone's heart.
If she were honest she would say that she had never experienced such a thing in her adulthood.
A warm feeling settled in her chest. It calmed her nerves and made her feel light.
A gentle smile broke out in her face and it reached her eyes.
("I'm such an idiot, what was I running away from?")
She cleared her throat to get his attention. He had been rigidly standing still, but his eyes were beginning to wander.
"Goto-san...?"
Goto startled at the sound of her voice, they had been staring at each other in silence for some time now, in fact his feet and palms were beginning to itch he was so nervous. His nose twitched. Now that was itchy too.
Still, he was relieved that she was talking to him now at least. He hadn't known what had possessed him to be so brazen with her before, his hand still burned from where he had touched her wrist, but if she was talking to him now and not hurrying out of the room anymore then he was more than grateful.
"Y-yes...?"
"...I-"
She was looking down at her hands, twisting her gloves off (she had put them on sometime between her hasty exit and her fixing up her hair). She swallowed, looked up at him with glassy eyes and then back down again. She was so nervous, she could feel her heart beat pounding in her eardrums.
She felt shy as she said,
"-Close your eyes."
"P-pardon?"
"Close your eyes, Captain Goto."
He felt a little irked at that. Eh, so bossy Nagumo had returned had she?
Still, the way she was staring at him, like he was going to explode or something, it unnerved him a little.
So he began to try and reason with her.
"B-but... why should I-"
She let out an exasperated shout, her eyes closed and fists balled. She was quickly losing her nerve.
"Just close them!"
"Y-yes, ma'am!"
He quickly complied, shutting them tight and standing ramrod straight, but not before finally scratching that itch on his nose. A smile crept up on her lips at the sight and Shinobu shook her head, ignoring the tremble going through her entire body at the mere thought of what she was about to do and how it would definitely change their relationship, for better or worse.
She took a small step forward, then another, then one more.
Looking at her feet and then shyly looking up at his face, before returning to her feet.
Her heart was thumping wildly in her chest, but she was resolved to do what she set out to.
Just like this, she slowly advanced on him as if he were a wild animal she was trying to coax when in reality she felt like the wild animal in this situation.
Meanwhile Goto was going through a similar sensation as he felt as though his heart was going to beat straight out of his chest,
hop out the door, down the stairs and into the sea.
Her unusual request had caught him off guard and now he was standing with his eyes screwed shut. Because she said so.
Just what was going on here?
Was she...? What if she...?
("Um... what does one do in this sort of situation?")
His hands grew clammy, so he clenched and unclenched them and then resumed his argument with himself,
("Hold it, just a minute, hold on... It's not even a remote possibility, right? That's right.")
He knit his eyebrows together as he continued to shut his eyes, unaware of her approach.
("She's probably sneaking out the door this very minute, or maybe she's going to hoist a whooole stack of paperwork into your hands and offer to make tea, that seems like the sort of thing she would do to try and break the ice-")
"Now keep quiet-"
When Shinobu spoke to him, Goto's heart lurched as he realized that she had gotten closer than before.
In fact, she was much much closer, a couple of inches from his face to be precise.
He could feel her breath fanning his face as she repeated herself in a whisper, "-keep quiet-" and began to close to distance, "-And keep your eyes closed, captain."
His breath caught in his throat and he assumed that he had stopped breathing entirely.
Goto could smell her perfume though, so maybe not. He could also practically feel her full lips on his, it was heavenly.
Truth be told, he hadn't even been paying attention to what she was saying to him, he had caught a 'keep quiet' and a 'captain' but not much else.
Maybe the lack of oxygen was beginning to get to him after all.
In fact, when her lips touched his it was so feather light and sudden that Goto wasn't even sure it had happened until she broke the kiss and began to pull away from his face.
He felt light headed.
"-uh"
He felt his voice catch in his throat, the blood was pounding in his ears.
His eyes were wide open and his face was flushed, stunned beyond words.
Goto quickly darted a look at her and he saw that while she did appear to be maintaining a calm composure as she was lowering herself from the tippy top of her toes,
his discerning eye noted that her own cheeks were very pink indeed, and she was steadfastly keeping her eyes averted from his, her full eyelashes fluttering ever so slightly.
Nagumo, she had just kissed him, hadn't she? She- She did.
In his wildest fantasies he had never thought she would ever kiss him on the mouth.
He swallowed and licked his dry lips, he could taste her strawberry chapstick.
Shinobu Nagumo, the love of his life, the apple of his eye, the queen of the police force...
had just bestowed a sweet little kiss on him.
Emotion quickly began to well up inside him and he clumsily reached for her.
("Nagumo.")
Before she could collect herself and make her excuses, she felt his hands on her again, but this time he was tenderly gripping her by the shoulders and then tilting her face to his again, he crashed his mouth into hers with a gentle force. Lips gently caressing hers.
In fact, Goto was kissing her so delicately, but with such a sense of repressed feeling and love that Shinobu gasped in surprise before squeezing her eyes shut.
Her hands were trembling at her sides before she carefully and decidedly raised them onto his shoulders and held on for dear life. He was so tender at this moment... it almost seemed like he was a man starved of affection, the way he held her. The way he gasped into her mouth as he ran his tongue across her teeth.
It made her heartache.
("Goto-kun...")
"Nagumo-san..."
She felt herself flush to the roots of her hair at the way he said her name, she was worried for a moment that she had also spoken out loud, but was quickly distracted by the fact that his face was still centimeters from hers. Her eyes glittered as she looked at him.
He rested his forehead gently against hers and his eyes returned the favor before he captured her mouth again.
He re-positioned his hands to the middle of her back in an attempt embrace her more fully. She could only manage a slight sound of approval in response to this gesture of affection and allowed him to embrace her, as her own hands were still caught on his shirt and they refused to open.
In her weakened state she worried that her knees would give out, and she refused to give him that kind of satisfaction at this moment and time. So she stayed put.
They stood like that for quite a few minutes.
Finally she broke contact when the need to breathe was far too great.
They held onto each other with her hands cradled between them and his hands resting upon her back. Her lips on his chin, his on her forehead. She could feel his lips quivering ever so slightly as he kept them gently pressed there.
Nothing was said aside from a mumbled whisper, neither one sure who spoke.
Finally Shinobu released her grip on him and gingerly pushed him back on his chest, Goto let her go immediately,
however he couldn't help feeling like he wanted to hold onto her forever and almost said so.
She slowly raised her eyes to meet his again, her fingers still pressing against him and he smiled widely, she smiled back.
His lips were swollen (but the so were hers), his heart was pounding at such a rate he was sure it was about to burst.
It was heaven.
Should he declare his love for her? Was it too soon? She had been the one to kiss him first and if her enthusiastic response to his returned kiss was anything to go by then she most certainly felt something for him. But what do you do when the woman you've been in love with forever suddenly up and decides to- to-
"Say... Goto-san?"
He snapped out of his muddled state with a dreamy look,
"...Hm? Yes?"
He gazed down on her and gently took one of her delicate hands in his. He could die a happy man at this point. She was acting so cute and hesitant- And all because of him!
The very idea thrilled him to no end. Goto faintly wondered if she would let him kiss her again.
"W-well... I was wondering if- if-"
Her voice had gone quiet and her eyes darted back and forth, she was the most adorable woman alive as far as he was concerned. He caressed the top of her captured hand with his thumbs, then he remembered that she was trying to ask him something, oblivious to the fact that he was the one distracting her.
"Ah, y-yes?"
She was so frustrated at herself for the halting way she was speaking, but it was unexpectedly difficult to get the words out. Kissing him had opened the floodgates to her heart and now she was overcome with more then she knew what to do with. She blinked a few times, licked her swollen lips and looked away with a blush on her face as she continued on despite how nice it felt as he massaged her knuckles,
"-would you... like to..."
"...certainly...?"
"..Ask me out... sometime?"
"A-ask you...?"
Goto didn't so much hear his voice crack, more like felt it from the very bottom of his throat.
Words failed him, he was a complete mess of happiness, hormones, and confusion, a combination that he could not recall ever having experienced before now.
He could get used to it. It was addictive.
("...Just like her lips are...")
And to top it all off, Nagumo had just asked him out by asking him to ask her out.
If that wasn't typical of a woman like her... she had him twisted around her finger ten times over and she knew it.
("...damn.")
He fought the blush he knew was rising on his face, he wanted to maintain his masculine charm when he did this and coughed into his hand to clear his throat.
("Ah, it's hopeless isn't it?")
Goto wished that he could think of something cooler to say instead of, 'alright, lets go out'.
However, no matter how much he struggled with himself, nothing original or romantic came to mind.
His mind was already full, at maximum capacity. Nothing but Nagumo for miles, the only problem was there were no words mixed in there with her either.
Still waiting for his phone to ring or an alarm to go off and for this delicious reality to melt into yet another one of those rainy day dreams, Goto licked his lips nervously and awkwardly took both of her hands into his.
He could do this. He had this.
"...Nagumo-san, would you (like to) go out? (with me?)"
Shinobu paused at the formal tone in his voice and how hesitant he was.
She lifted an eyebrow. They looked at each other for a moment, completely silent.
And then she burst into an uncharacteristic fit of giggles.
He felt himself deflate just a little bit at that kind of reaction and tried to let go of her hands but she wouldn't let him.
("Heyyy now, what's happening here? I said it, didn't I? What's so funny anyway?")
When she stopped, the smile she gave him lit up her entire face with a radiance he couldn't recall ever seeing before this moment, and it just about killed him.
"-Of course I will. Thank you for asking."
"...Oh. Um, yes, very good. Thank you very much for accepting me..."
She started to laugh again as he subconsciously began to bow, even though they were still holding hands.
And he felt a little like joining in with her when he realized that she had begun to bow as well, so he did.
He let out a loud laugh, one that was sure to attract the attention of the rest of the 2nd division, but he didn't care.
This seemed so surreal, so ridiculous, he was absolutely giddy.
As their laughter subsided, he opened his eyes and looked at her with such affection. She reciprocated it and placed a hand on his cheek, rubbing her thumb across it.
Shinobu couldn't have helped laughing before, he had looked so damn silly.
A grown man, asking her out like a high school student.
Goto was just too cute, she thought to herself.
He looked into her eyes, the eyes that had originally caught his attention the first day he met her, they were brilliant and bright. A rich hazel brown. How he loved those eyes
Shinobu had really accepted him too, his clumsy proposal aside. And this meant they were going to go out on a date, maybe even more.
And it also meant that he could kiss her now, hold her hands, nuzzle his face in her hair and...
("...and maybe even... someday...")
Even as he began to blush to the roots of his hair, Goto was so ridiculously happy that he was nearly beside himself, he felt himself begin to sway a little as the reality of the situation began to hit him.
It all had happened so fast. His felt a little heady.
And then she reached up a little bit more and pinched his face.
When she did so, he regained himself, but she still chastised him for spacing out while she had been speaking.
"Hey, are you all right in there? Hello?"
"A-ah, ouch! What was that for?"
He tenderly rubbed the place where she had pinched him and faintly wondered if she was telepathic.
He quickly reached for her hand as she tried to pulled it away and held it tightly against his chest, right over his heart.
As she felt his heart beating beneath her palm, Shinobu Nagumo quietly admitted to herself that just maybe she had fallen in love with him...
However, she would wait a couple of dates before she told him anything like that.
("One step at a time... no need to rush things.")
She looked at where her hand was held against him, his much larger hand cover hers. The sight made her heart swell.
She used her other hand and squeezed his free one gently, gazing up into his eyes when she heard him speak again, with great feeling in his voice.
"...You're beautiful, when you laugh especially so."
That had caught her off-guard. She blushed a full bright pink and blinked rapidly.
"...Thank you."
He gave a nervous chuckle, and leaned in a little bit closer as he asked her,
"Ah, what is it? Is it too soon for compliments? Because if it is I-"
She laughed softly, interrupting him in the process, and fell forward into him.
He released her hand and caught her by her slender shoulders.
"..Oops. Careful."
He blushed furiously when she nuzzled her face against his broad shoulder in response, and placed his hand on her upper back to steady her, and himself.
Shinobu sighed into him, he shivered when she did, and she smiled.
His voice went an octave higher when he spoke,
"N-Nagumo-san... are you alright?"
She nodded into him and he felt like he was going to die right then and there.
He inhaled her perfumed hair and rested his cheek on top of her head.
Sweet.
"...You're so sweet, you dummy."
Her voice was muffled by his shirt when she said it.
Goto felt his face heat up again at that and swallowed tightly, keeping her safely tucked into him.
She was so soft and warm and she was in his arms. Still in his arms.
He was so nervous that he was surprised to find his voice was level as he replied,
"...Sorry. I didn't mean to be cliché..."
"No, I like it."
"...Oh. Good."
He searched for the words he wanted to say as he held her, now was a good a time as any, right?
"Nagumo-san...?"
"Hm?"
"...I-I have always... I mean, I-I really love-"
Distractedly, she looked up from where she was burrowed and carefully brushed his hair back with her fingers.
("Hn, his hair softer than it looks after all...")
He made a faint sound in the back of his throat when he felt her fingers gently work their way into his hair.
("H-her hands are so gentle...")
Goto knew that he must look like a oddball, he was practically purring like a cat while she lightly massaged his hair with her fingers.
But he still moved his head forward a bit to grant her better access.
Completely forgetting what he was trying to tell her.
Shinobu paused in her work and tilted her head a little bit to the side, giving him a look of appreciation before continuing to caress his scalp with her fingernails.
He flushed bright red and opened his mouth to say something but the only sound that came out was a slight sigh.
("...ah, God, I think that I must've died and gone to heaven.")
Lost in thought she paused again, and gently nudged his forehead up so that she could see into his eyes, they practically burned into his. He felt weak in the knees.
"Hey, what was it you were going to say before?"
"...hmm?"
Her eyes twinkled and she gave him a challenging look as she helped him jog his memory,
"Something that you love-?"
"-Oh. That."
"..Yes, that."
He straightened himself and combed his fingers through his hair, some stray strands stubbornly refused to stay down.
It was very reflective of his scattered thoughts at that moment.
He scratched the end of his nose and then thought of something. He grinned at her, cheekily.
"I really love your hair. It's cute. Especially when it's down."
"I- Thank you."
Shinobu blinked in confusion at that, oh, that was all?
And then she remembered how he struggled just a minute ago, and she smirked.
("Oh. My hair is what you've decided to confess your love to first, eh? You coward. ")
She resumed her position with her head resting on his chest and smiled into it, he hesitantly wrapped his arms around her once more and she responded by lightly smacking him on the shoulder. He yelped in surprise, that hurt!
"...Ow!"
Face still burrowed into his larger frame, her voice came out muffled as she spoke,
"(You really are...) ...you're an idiot."
He smiled at the top of her head and leaned down to place a light kiss there.
"Yes, Ma'am."
-fin-