Summary: Cisco walks into CCPD and instantly realizes what's wrong when he sees several detectives doing a song and dance routine while Captain Singh descends the stairs while singing a soliloquy about how much he doesn't like the CSI filling in for Barry's latest absence. This isn't a meta they're dealing with. It's worse. Much worse.
It's the Music Meister.
Hartmon Fest 2019 – Feb 25th - musical
Notes: I actually sort of like this version of the Music Meister. He kind of reminds me of Q from Star Trek.
This is set in an alternate post season 3/pre-season 4 where Cisco and Hartley are dating.
The Song on the Streets
Cisco gets a call on his cell right as he's half undressed and about to get into bed with Hartley.
"Ignore it," Hartley begs, nibbling along Cisco's neck.
"It's the CCPD ringtone," Cisco replies, regretful.
Hartley pulls away with a sigh and flops back onto the bed dramatically. "What could Captain Singh possibly want from you at six in the evening?"
Shrugging, Cisco grabs the phone and answers it with a cheerful, "Cisco Ramon speaking."
"Mr. Ramon. We have a bit of a problem with a meta here and... I was hoping you could explain what kind of powers have this effect and how to make it stop."
"What... kind of problem?" There's some sort of background noise that Cisco can't identify but Hartley sat up sharply with the oddest look on his face.
"It's... well... I think you need to see it to believe it," Singh hedges.
"Right. Well... I'll be there as soon as possible." Cisco signs off the call with the proper polite niceties, then turns to Hartley. "What is it?"
"I... thought I heard singing over the phone."
"Singing?" Cisco frowns. That rings a bell, actually.
When they get to the CCPD, Cisco knows what's wrong pretty much immediately. There are several detectives in the bullpen doing a coordinated dance routine - some on desks, some not - while singing a parody song to Brittany Spears' Toxic. Cisco can't make out the words - which, if Hartley's look of horror is any indication, is for the best - but he recognizes the loud music blaring and has to actively concentrate on not singing along with the real lyrics.
Cisco blames the radio overplaying it when the song first came out for permanently imprinting the chorus in his brain.
Then new music starts playing from the right and Cisco turns just in time to see David Singh begin descending dramatically down the stairs.
Thank you for doing your damn job
Now maybe now you can let us do ours?
You're a CSI, you're not a detective yeah that's right
I'm not ashamed to say
I hope that you'll only be temporary
I never thought that I'd have to say this again but I really miss
Yeah I really miss Barry Allen
"It would be bad form for me to video tape this with my phone, wouldn't it?" Hartley asked.
"Probably." Cisco tapped the phone in his pocket anyway, though he didn't pull it out. "Captain Singh would never forgive us."
Yeah sure he's always running so late
But at least he's respectful and cares deeply for justice
Even Julian Albert was a joy compared to you
And he could be stuffy and rude
You just don't treat us with respect
You just don't treat us with respect
Cisco leaned over to Hartley and opined quietly, "I don't think Captain Singh likes the new in-house CSI very much."
"Nah, I'm sure new dude will grow on him... or... never mind," Hartley gave up on his sarcastic response unusually quickly, adding, "new guy is singing about how all detectives are morons and calling the Captain particularly rude words. Lets not meet new guy if we don't have to."
"So... Music Meister?"
"Can't really think of anyone else who'd voluntarily do this to anyone." Hartley paused, "well, there was that demon from Buffy the Vampire Slayer, but I'm ninety-nine point nine percent sure he's completely fictional."
"And that point-one percent is wishful thinking?"
"Basically."
You just don't treat us with respeeeect
And now that Barry Allen's gone again
At the same time that the Flash has vanished
And Cisco hurried over to the Captain to clap a hand over his mouth. "Hi Captain, Hartley and I came to see what the problem is. Seems pretty self-explanatory, though."
The music Singh had been singing to cut with the sound of a record scratch. Cisco, hesitantly, moved his hand away from the Captain's mouth. When Singh didn't start singing again, Cisco breathed a sigh of relief.
"Sorry about that," Cisco added.
"Oh no, anything to make the singing stop," Singh replied with a shudder. "What kind of meta power does this to people?"
"Oh, he's not meta. I'm not sure that he's even technically a he? Just, that was the gender he decided to present as when he took human form out of boredom." Cisco paused a beat, realizing that sounded fairly nuts despite the various problems Central City was used to.
"I'm a he. Well my species' equivalent of a he, anyway." The Music Meister appeared from nowhere, arms crossed and leaning on the banister beside Cisco and the police captain. "Thanks for considering that, though. You humans are so gender-binary obsessed its bizarre. You people used to consider gender fluidity a sign of a highly civilized person and its a shame that wisdom got lost over the centuries. But anyway... Taadaa!" He straightened up in order to wave his arms around. "It's fun, right? Everyone loves a musical episode."
"You have those poor souls singing Brittany Spears," Hartley said, joining them at the stairs. "Not cool. Not cool at all. I mean, if you're going to torture them like that, you could at least be kind enough to have it be Max Raabe style."
Cisco elbowed his boyfriend and hissed, "don't give him any ideas."
"Oh, no, that's brilliant." Music Meister grinned impishly.
"No, really," Singh chimed in, glaring at Hartley, "do not give him ideas. Also," he turned to the Music Meister, "who the hell are you?"
"I am the Music Meister." He bowed. "I was here not to long ago teaching lessons in love to Barry Allen and Kara Danvers and their respective significant others. Also helped Kid Flash gain some confidence back. Oh, speaking of Barry and Kara, how are those two doing?"
"Barry and Iris are engaged, but Barry is... volunteering out of the country. Kara and her boyfriend had to break up when he..." Cisco glanced over at Hartley because they couldn't say that Kara's boyfriend's parents had tried to conquer the Earth in a parallel reality and he'd been forced to leave when the DEO had poisoned the atmosphere with lead to keep the Daxomite army at bay.
"His visa expired," Hartley offered which was a good metaphor for the truth, anyway.
"Aww, and I was really rooting for those crazy kids too."
There was a long moment where they stared at the Music Meister with carefully blank looks and the only sound Cisco could hear was the Brittany Spears dance routine coming to a merciful end.
"Right, well... weren't you off to some other plane of existence?" Hartley asked.
"I was, but it was boring there. Too many rules, not enough singing and dancing. So I came back here for more entertainment. You people are so much fun. Any way, I was inspired by that show you two mentioned when you got here, Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Don't worry, though. No one will actually be harmed by any of this. Just a little fun, helping people blow off some steam." Then, with a snap of his fingers, the Music Meister was gone in a flash of light.
"I suddenly have way more sympathy for Picard's intolerance for Q's antics than I used to," Cisco sighed, leaning against Hartley's shoulder.
Hartley slung an arm loosely around Cisco's waist. "Eh, he's mostly harmless."
"I know. Doesn't make him less annoying."
"Fair enough."
"You two don't seem particularly worried by this... Music Meister," Singh grumbled.
"With good reason. I was in a few musical productions in college and have an excellent voice. He could make me sing the most awful song in all of existence and I'd still sound damn good singing it," Cisco declared. Singh gave him a look and Cisco shrugged. "He can mimic any power set he wants, but chooses to make people sing about people they don't like or do dance routines about how much they love their job despite the danger. If, say, Kid Flash and Vibe were to fight him, they'd only win if he decided to let them win. Might as well just let him have his fun and hope he moves on again soon, but more permanently this time."
Singh let out an annoyed noise. "What did he do to Mr. Allen and... Kara?"
"Kara Danvers. She's a friend of ours from National City." An alternate Earth National City, but Captain Singh liked his plausible deniability so no reason to bring that part up. "He stuck them in a coma where they had a shared dream that was basically a 1920s gangster themed musical. So, not the same thing he's doing now but close enough that we," Cisco gestured to himself and Hartley, "aren't that surprised."
"I don't like this," Singh complained. "But I guess there isn't really anything we can do. You're sure your meta blocking tech won't stop him?"
"Unfortunately, yes. We're sure," Hartley replied.
"Fine. Then I guess we don't really need you two here after all. I'll have to hold a staff meeting..." the Captain was already wandering off making plans for how he was going to tell everyone at the CCPD to deal with the latest weirdness.
"So, want to go home and see if we sing a duet before getting back to where we were before Captain Singh called us?" Hartley asked nonchalantly.
"Let's stop and get some flowers first. Set the mood for a romantic duet better," Cisco agreed, grinning in amusement.
Notes: And that's all, folks. Because writing songs is most definitely not my wheelhouse.
Singh's song is loosely set to the melody from Andrew Gold's 'Thank You For Being a Friend'.