Spoiler warning: Spoilers for LoS and AMoD
A/N: Hello everyone! I decided to write a little one-shot about the Bentham siblings, mainly because I really like them, but also because I've been wondering about what Miss Peregrine must have felt after the loss of her brothers in LoS (I think it's a pity we didn't have any information about that in AMoD, I would have loved to learn more about their relationship). Hope you'll enjoy!
Disclaimer: I don't own the Miss Peregrine's Home For Peculiar Children series, I am only writing this for entertainment purposes.
Cutting someone out of your life is unspeakably hard. It is even harder if said persons are your own flesh and blood.
Alma LeFay Peregrine knew that very well. She had learnt over the years to live without her brothers, but although the mind learns, the heart doesn't.
She found herself wondering what could have happened if their whole childhood had been different and if Jack had felt important and loved enough not to let his mind wander to dark places. It was too late now. She knew it was no use to daydream anymore, but she just couldn't help it. She wouldn't admit it openly, but at moments she still missed her brothers. And while she would never tell anyone, she would never let it show, but deep down, she still held some love in her heart for her brothers, despite all the things they had done.
For years, she had kept on pretending and telling herself that her brothers were dead to her, it was an easy way to cover up the much harsher truth about them. But now, all was different. Caul and Bentham were truly dead (or at least eternally confined in an unreachable loop), she would never get to see them again. She didn't even have any pictures of them to look at if their loss felt too overwhelming, all the photographs she had held onto over the years had been lost along with her house in Cairholm.
The fact that she couldn't mourn them slowed the grieving process considerably, but she just couldn't bring herself to grieve for two persons who were regarded as monsters among the peculiar community and whose deaths had been celebrated. It hurt her immensely to see these celebrations, and it hurt her equally to hear the many comments made about her brothers. She wished that people would be more tactful when she was around, but everyone seemed to forget that she had just lost the only biological family she had left.
Alma regretted everything. She regretted that her brothers came to Miss Avocet's Academy with her instead of living in a normal loop. She regretted not being a better sister to them. Sometimes, she even regretted being an ymbryne, although she always shook off that unpleasant thought rather quickly. But it remained a fact that had she not been born an ymbryne, everything would have been different, from the very beginning of her childhood to where she was now. And she blamed herself. She told herself that she was the only reason why her whole family had fallen apart, why her parents had committed suicide, and the guilt of it all was a burden that she would have to carry all her life.
Out of all the recent events, Alma's biggest regret was her behavior towards Myron. Yes, she was still angry at him and deeply hurt when she saw him again, but a part of her had wanted to make amends with him. He had tried to earn her sympathy, but she had simply shrugged off every single one of his attempts coldly. And it had led to him betraying them again and siding with Caul, whereas the battle could have been easily won without any further losses if she had swallowed her pride and resentment and had been kinder towards Myron. At the end, when he decided to sacrifice himself to save their lives, Alma hadn't even said goodbye. It had been her last chance to say a proper goodbye, and she hadn't. Now her only wish was to turn back time and set things right between her brother and herself.
Then there was Caul. Or as she called him, Jack. She often shuddered and struggled not to cry as she remembered his last words. When the loop was collapsing, Caul knew very well that he was either going to die or spend the rest of his life in a collapsed loop, and he chose to spend his last moments chasing his sister and screaming her name, hoping to catch her and finally kill her. His monstrous voice yelling out "Alma!" still rang vividly in her ears, she had to keep herself busy at all times not to hear it. That voice didn't leave her alone at night. If she managed to fall asleep, the transformed, giant version of Caul and his voice haunted her dreams, tormenting her restlessly. Many times since the events, she caught her children looking at her in amazement, they were wondering how she could work, teach and attend meetings without any sleep for days, and she wished she could explain them what she was going through, it could help to alleviate the pain, but she knew she couldn't tell them. To her, they were only children, and they had been through enough, they didn't need to hear more things about either Caul or the events of the Library of Souls.
It was going to be a long healing process for her. After all, some memories don't fade.
A/N: Hope you liked it, feel free to rate and review!