[At Soul Society]
Yammamoto: Attencion all Soul Reapers. We have just recieved word that apparently there`s an abandoned Mansion nearby.
Soifon: So?
Yammamoto: So, it`s not just any Mansion. It appears to be haunted.
Rangiku: And how do you know that?
Yoruichi: Yeah.
Yammamoto: Because people have been going in and never coming back out. And people who lived nearby have heard strange and creepy voices and screams coming from inside that Mansion at night.
Hitsugaya: Sooo what do you want us to do, anyway.
Rukia: From the looks of it, I say he wants us to go inside that Haunted mansion and find out if it`s really haunted.
Renji: Crap. I hate that.
Ichigo: No he ain`t, Rukia. You dumb broad.
Yammamoto: She`s right Ichigo. You dumb shithead.
Rukia: AHA! See? I told ya, assface. Na na na na na.
Renji: Sooo who`s going inside the mansion? (rolls eyes)
Yammamoto: I will choose the bravest, the strongest and the fastest of all Soul Reapers. And only the ones who care.
Renji: Swell. I`m definitely in then. Hehe.
Rukia: Renji, you`re not 2 or 3 outta those things.
Rangiku: Ooooh she burned you. Burn baby burn, just gotta burn him. (gigles)
Ichigo: Shut it, horny girl.
[Hitsugaya punches Ichigo in the stomach]
Hitsugaya: How dare you call her that! And in my presence!
Rangiku: Oh, you doll! (jumps on Hitsugaya making him fall with her on top of him on the floor and kisses him)
Hitsugaya: (sings) I`m in heaven when you kiss me, heaven when you kiss me, take me with you back to wonderland.
Yoruichi: Aww, how sweet. Wich reminds me..where`s Kisuke? (looks around)
Yammamoto: Get a room, you two. Now shut up so I can announce the Soul Reapers in groups. Yoruichi, Soifon, Rangiku and Rukia please step forward.
Rangiku: Yay, I get to go solve the mysterie. Eek!
Soifon: Don`t get too excited just yet...
Yammamoto: Renji, Ichigo, Chad and Hitsugaya are also going to investigate.
Chad: Hmm..oh what the heck. Beats doing nothing everyday.
Renji: Sweet! I can just imagine Rukia holding me in her arms when she gets scared. Hehe.
Rukia: What was that?
Renji: Nothing. (looks around)
Yammamoto: We don`t have enough time to argue. Just get ready for tonight. That`s all. Now get lost.
Soifon: Sheesh. How rude can an old man get.
Yoruichi: Not ruder than old man, I`m sure. He`s too rude `cause he`s too old. And walking around like a zombie.
Rukia: Yup. Or a monkey. (laughs)
Rangiku: Let`s get ready for tonight, then.
Ichigo: Yeah, you should. I on the other hand am already ready.
Chad: You are?
Hitsugaya: He`s too dumb to prepare for the ultimate investigation.
Ichigo: Watch your mouth, hobbit!
Hitsugaya: Oh no, you did not just call me a hobbit! You orange haired freak!
Renji: Alright come on, fellas. Break it up. Let`s go.
Hitsugaya: Fine. But this ain`t over, Ichigo.
Rangiku: I`m so hot for you right now (smiles at Hitsugaya)
[Hitsugaya smiles back at Rangiku]
[Later that night, in front of the haunted mansion]
Chad: Alright. Is everyone ready?
Soifon: Yup.
Yoruichi: You bet.
Ichigo: I`m always ready.
Hitsugaya: Goood. Then you wouldn`t mind opening the door first. (grins)
Ichigo: Say wha-?
Renji: Since you think you`re the bravest then go on, tough guy. Open the door.
Rukia: You`re not scared, are ya? (laughs)
Ichigo: Me? Scared? Oh please. (whispers to himself) I am so dead.
Soifon: Open the goddamn door already!
Ichigo: Okay-okay. Geez. (opens the door) Damn, it`s so chilly in here.
Rukia: Nope. Actually, that was me. (gigles)
Hitsugaya: Haha. Good one. That, like, totally scared him.
Ichigo: Me? Scared? Haha. Never!
Creepy voice: Mwuahahahahahaahahahaha!
[Everyone start holding eatchother while screaming]
Everyone: Waaaaaaaaaaah!
[Rangiku starts sucking her thumb]
Rangiku: Oh boy.
Soifon: Okay, What the fuck was that?
Chad: Looks like we`re gonna have to find out. Maybe we should split up.
Yoruichi: Good idea. That way it can double our chances of finding that ghost and be out of here in no time.
Renji: I agree. So...who`s going with who?
Hitsugaya: We are 8 and since this place is so freaking huge, I say we all split up in two. I`ll go with Rangiku.
Chad: I`ll take Soi then.
Yoruichi: Ichigo needs someone strong to protect him. I`m going with him.
Ichigo: Wow...thank you...I feel safe knowing you`re here to protect me. (sarcastic)
Yoruichi: You`re welcome. (smiles)
Renji: Oh, well what do you know. It`s Rukia and me together again. It looks like destiny wishes for us to be together forever, my darling.
Rukia: Screw you and your destiny, Renji. I`m going solo.
Renji: No way! There is no way I`m gonna leave you all by yourself. I`d rather die!
Rukia: Fine, whatever. Let`s just get this over with.
Chad: Alright, we will meet back here in the morning. Good luck.
[And so they all took different paths into the Haunted Mansion]
To be continued...
Funny Bleach Episode 8 Part 2: Into The Haunted Mansion
[Chad and Soifon are walking carefully]
Chad: Hmm...I hope the others are going to be okay.
Soifon: I`m sure they will. ...Is it just me or is this freaking hallway getting freaking darker.
Chad: It`s not you. Good thing I brought a flashlight.
Soifon: (thinks to herself) Wow. He`s soo responsible and mature...
Soifon: Wow. You brought a flashlight? Smart.
Chad: Well, it sure does beat a candle. (laughs)
Soifon: Hehe. True.
Unknown voice: Mwuahahahahahahahaa!
Soifon: Waaaah! (grabs hold of Chad) What the heck was that!
[Chad`s face is turning blue]
Chad: Can`t...breathe..
Soifon: Oh, sorry (lets go of him) Hehe. I guess this mansion really is haunted..
Chad: Yeah. And we will be the first to catch it. Come on, we better hurry.
[Meanwhile, Ichigo and Yoruichi are walking in an other dark hallway]
Ichigo: So...you really think this place is haunted?
Yoruichi: Maybe, maybe not. Just gotta find out for sure.
Ichigo: So...what`s the deal with you and Urahara, anyways?
Yoruichi: That`s none of your fucking business, Ichigo. Let`s just focus on finding this damn ghost. (opens the door)
Unknown voice: So I`m a damn ghost, huh?
Ichigo: WOAH! Who is that? Sh-sh show yourself, whoever you are!
Unknown voice: Who are you to tell me what to do? Besides, where`s the fun in showing myself? I mean after all, we are in the fun room.
Yoruichi: It`s so dark I can`t even see what room this is.
Unknown voice: This is the kitchen. And I`m about to have some fun! Mwuahahahahahaahaa!
[The knifes, spoons, forks and the plates start shaking and moving around]
Ichigo: Oh noes! I`m outta here! (runs while not seeing where he`s going and hits himself into the wall and falls on the floor)
Yoruichi: We gotta get outta here! (tries to open the door but it`s locked) What the-
Unknown voice: Leaving so soon, are you?
Ichigo: I know I am!
[They both see two blue glowing eyes moving towards them]
[They both start screaming while grabbing hold of eatchother]
Ichigo: YOUCH! Yoruichi your nails! Your freaking nails! Put them away!
Yoruichi: Oops. My bad.
Ichigo: I really regret not taking another look at your hot sexy young body that day you showed me your true form. You were right. Life IS short. (grabs hold of her)
Yoruichi: (smacks him) Get a hold of yourself, you crybaby! We are not gonna die!
Ichigo: I want my mommy! (sucks on thumb)
Ghost`s voice: Well it was fun scaring you. But now I must scare the others. Haha. (vanishes)
Ichigo: Is it gone?
Yoruichi: I think so. But now it`s going after the others (tries to open the door but gets shocked) Bzzzzzz. Fucking asshole! Wait until I get my hands on that ghost!
Ichigo: So...I`m trapped inside a dark room with a sexy young woman...this is a dream come true.
Yoruichi: Oh, get over yourself. You`re not getting anything from me tonight.
[Meanwhile, Rangiku and Hitsugaya are walking and looking around]
Rangiku: You think the others are okay?
Hitsugaya: Yeah, don`t worry. I`m sure they`re all fine. (opens a door) Hm..what is this room..
Rangiku: (turns on the lights and the door closes) Huh? (tries to open it but it`s locked) Um...we`re stuck in here.
Hitsugaya: Oh great. Just what we need. To be trapped inside a bedroom...with a heart-shaped bed. Whoever was living here sure had a romantic time.
Rangiku: Oooooh that is just what we need. (pushes him on the bed and jumps on top of him) You, mister, are gonna get very lucky tonight. (kisses him)
Hitsugaya: As much as I want this, it`s not the right time or place.
Rangiku: What do you mean? We are locked inside a bedroom with no way out. If this ain`t a sign then I don`t know what it is. (kisses him)
Hitsugaya: Alright, fine. (kisses her)
Ghost`s voice: Ooooh live porn. Finally some entertainment. Hehe, well don`t let me interrupt. Please, carry on.
Hitsugaya: (screams and jumps off the bed, letting Rangiku fall off) Oops, sorry. You okay, sweety?
Rangiku: I`m oookay. I`ve been through worse. Haha.
Ghost: Hehe. I love freaking people out.
[Both screaming while hiding under the bed]
Both: Waaaaaah! Ghooooooost!
[The ghost`s glowing blue eyes appear under the bed]
Ghost: Pikaboo, I see you.
[Both scream and hit their heads on the bed while trying to get out]
Both: Waaaaaaah! OUCH!
[Rukia and Renji are walking nearby]
Rukia: What`s that noise...
Renji: Dunno. It`s coming from that room over there. (runs and kicks the door open) YOUCH! That freaking hurt!
Rukia: Well at least you got it to open. Guys, are you okay?
Rangiku: Yeah...AAAH look out! It`s the ghost! (hides under the bed again)
Rukia: Alright, playtime is over. Who are you and what do you want.
[Ghost`s eyes still only appear]
Ghost: That is a story for another night. Hehehe. (disappears)
Renji: Come on, guys. We gotta find the others.
Hitsugaya: Right.
Renji: Hey man, why do you have red lipstick marks on your face?...oookay..never mind.
Chad: It`s awfully quiet in here... (hears a voice) Hm?
Soifon: Did you hear that?
Yoruichi: Can anyone hear me!
Chad: It`s Yoruichi! (breaks the door open)
Soifon: Did it lock you guys in here?
Yoruichi: Yeah and Ichigo was also getting on my nerves.
Ichigo: Heey, I was not.
Yoruichi: Was too.
Ichigo: Was not.
Chad: Enough! We gotta go meet the others. It`s morning and I`m hungry.
Soifon: (laughs) Let`s go.
[Everyone arrives at the same time]
Chad: Any luck?
Rukia: Actually, no. We`re gonna have to come back here again.
Ichigo: What? Damn. I wanted to watch pay per view...
Yoruichi: You filthy, discussting pig.
Renji: Rukia`s right. It said so itself. So let`s just get out of here and come back tomorrow, `cause I`m tired right now.
Hitsugaya: Yeah, me too.
Rangiku: I`m sleepy.
Soifon: Let`s go before that ghost shows up again.
[Everyone is leaving the mansion]
Rukia: Yoruichi? You coming?
Yoruichi: Yeah, I just forgot something. I`ll catch up with you guys later.
Rukia: Okay, but be careful.
[Rukia leaves]
[Yoruichi turns around and sees the ghost]
Yoruichi: It`s you, again. Who are you and why are you still here?
Ghost: I`m here to have fun, what else? And another thing I want is to be in a human body again. And looks like I found one. Hmm...you`re a perfect fit. That is until I find my original body back.
Yoruichi: What do you mean by "perfect fit"? (backs away)
Ghost: Haha. You`ll see soon enough (gets inside her body)
Yoruichi: Hehe. It worked. I`m finally going to be able to be in a human body again. And not to mention a hot one. (gigles) Think of all the things I can do...mwuahahahahahahaa...
To Be Continued...
Funny Bleach Episode 8 Part 3: Zalera`s Puppets
[At Soul Society]
[Yoruichi is still possed by the ghost]
Yoruichi: Hm...I need someone with strenght...nah. I`ll go look for my body later. Right now I`m gonna have some fun. (lays on the couch, laughing)
[Rukia`s walking by]
Rukia: Hey Yoruichi. Were you able to sleep?
Yoruichi: Uh...Nope, not really. You?
Rukia: Not at all. I`m still a little freaked out, though.
Yoruichi: About?
Rukia: That ghost. It seems to me like she`s not gonna give up. But I just know that I can help her...
Yoruichi: How sweet of you to do that. (stands up) But you know, since she`a a ghost, she might be able to posess anyone. I mean who knows, I could be possesed right now. (reads Yuri)
Rukia: Right...hey I thought you didn`t like Yuri.
Yoruichi: Are you kidding me? I love it. Unlike Yaoi..
Rukia: Okay? You`re acting kinda weird. Are you okay?
Yoruichi: Like, yeah? (keeps reading while drinking red wine)
Rukia: Okay, did you just drink red wine? You, like, totally hate it, unless...
Yoruichi: (gazes into her eyes) Yes? (smiles and stands up) It`s me, Zalera. The ghost who`s been hunting the mansion.
Rukia: Oh my God! But how did you-when did you-huh?
Yoruichi: (walks towards her) Relax. I`m just having some fun. It`s been a while since I`ve been in a human body.
Rukia: But why?
Yoruichi: Because I can.
Rukia: You won`t get away with this.
Yoruichi: Oh, really? (gets out of Yoruichi`s body and posesses Rukia)
Yoruichi: (falls on the floor and is very weak) Wha..what..happened..? Rukia?
Rukia: (stares at her) Yes, sweety? What`s wrong?
Yoruichi: What happened? The last thing I remember is talking to that ghost outside of the mansion.
Rukia: Oh, really? Well anyways, I`m gonna go to the girl`s locker room. You wanna come?
Yoruichi: Uh..maybe later...
Rukia: Okay then. Laters. (walks out)
[At the girl`s locker room]
Rukia: Hiya, girl. How`s it going?
[Rangiku is taking off her clothes and gets ready to take a hot shower]
Rangiku: Great, you?
Rukia: (stares at Rangiku`s naked body) Mmm...so hot-I mean great!
Rangiku: Why are you staring at me like that? You`re freaking me out, Rukia. (covers herself with her bathrobe)
Rukia: (starts licking her lips) So hot... So...you wanna take a shower? (puts a finger in her mouth and grins in a sexy way)
Rangiku: Sure. Catch me if you can, first. (runs and her bathrobe falls on the floor)
Rukia: Wee. (runs after her and catches her) Gotcha!
[Rangiku accidently slips and falls on the floor with Rukia falling on top of her]
Rangiku: Ouch. That hurt. (opens eyes and sees Rukia gazing deeply into her eyes) Rukia? What`s wrong?
Rukia: Nothing, now that we are here alone...
Rangiku: Okay? Hey-um, would you mind getting up? `Cause you`re still on top off me. (gigles)
Rukia: Really? I had no idea..you are so pretty. It makes me.. (whispers in her ears) horny.
Rangiku: Wha? Um-I`m flattered but...what are you doing? (tries to get up but Rukia won`t get off of her) Rukia, why are you still on top of me?
Rukia: Because it makes me feel good. (smiles)
Rangiku: Something is wrong here. You are not Rukia.
Rukia: You`re right, I`m not Rukia. She is merely a puppet being posessed by me. (smiles)
Rangiku: You`re the ghost, aren`t you!
Rukia: Yes. It`s me. I just love posessing people. Now, let`s get down to business. (pins her wrists on the floor with one hand)
Rangiku: What are you doing?
[Rukia caresses her breasts with her other hand and frenches Rangiku]
[Rangiku breaks the kiss]
Rangiku: S-stop this!
Rukia: Why stop now? I know you`re liking this as much as I am. (licks Rangiku`s lips)
[Rukia slowly frenches her even more deeper and massages her tounge with Rangiku`s. She slowly slips her hand on her pussy and starts to rub it]
[Rangiku can`t help but moan as she`s feeling Rukia`s warm hand gently rubbing her pussy]
Rangiku: Ahh... (moans louder and spreads her legs further apart since she can`t help but getting caught up in the moment)
[Meanwhile, outside of the girl`s locker room]
[Yoruichi almost walks in but sees Rukia on top of Rangiku and stands by the door]
Yoruichi: (whispers) What the-
[Yoruichi also gets a little caught in the moment as she`s standing by the door, watching Rukia give Rangiku an intense orgasm]
Rangiku: (moans even more louder and faster as Rukia rubs her even more quicker) Oh God! Aah... Yes, that`s the spot. Ooh...aaah!
[Rukia frenches her while still rubbing her harder and faster]
Yoruichi: (licks lips and snaps out of it as soon as she realizes she`s liking it too much) What is going on here? What are you doing, Rukia?
Rukia: Argh! You ruined the moment! I almost had her masturbating! No matter. I`ll still get you soon. (laughs)
Rangiku: Yoruichi, it`s the ghost! And do something to get her off of me! And actually I do feel wet...
Rukia: It worked like a charm. Then my job is done.
Rangiku: But wait you didn`t finish...what am I saying!
[Yoruichi grabs Rukia and throws her into the wall]
Yoruichi: Stay away!
Rukia: Hm. Don`t worry. There are more bodies here that I can posess. (disappears)
[Rukia passes out on the floor]
Yoruichi: Phew. Glad I got here on time... Are you okay, Rangiku?
Rangiku: Yeah, I guess. Wow, he went through all this trouble just to sleep with me? Lame.
Yoruichi: Um..about that ghost..don`t freak out but, the ghost is not a he..it`s a she.
Rangiku: I-I-I beg your pardon?
Yoruichi: That is a female ghost. Her name is Zalera. Apparently, she loves posessing human bodies. ANY type of body.
Rangiku: Oh My God. She, like, totally has a crush on me! Oh My Fucking God! I almost got fucked by a girl?
Yoruichi: True-true. But it did seem like you were enjoying it. And for a moment there...so was I..
Rangiku: I thought she might`ve been way too good at it to be a man for a moment there... Well..I need a minute here, `cause she was so good, apparently, that I`m so weak and...wet... I feel dirty, you wanna...fool around?
Yoruichi: (stares at her) What?
Rangiku: I`m kidding. (laughs and rolls eyes)
Yoruichi: Alright. I`m gonna go find that ghost and ask her what she really wants.
Rangiku: And I`ll go take a shower.
Rukia: (wakes up and looks at her hand) Why is my hand wet? And-and why am I feeling wet? Did..something happen here?
Yoruichi: We`ll explain everything to you when this whole ghost thing is over. (walks out)
Rangiku: Do you wanna fool around?
[Rukia stares at Rangiku in a disapproving way]
Rukia: Sure, why not? I`m already wet.
[Rangiku pulls her on top of her and frenches her]
Rukia: Oh yes!
[Yoruichi is outside staring at the sky]
Yoruichi: Hmm...What does she want...
To Be Continued...
Stay tuned for the final part...
Funny Bleach Episode 8 part 4: Zalera`s Dying Wish
[The next morning]
[Yoruichi is standing in front of the mansion]
Yoruichi: Alright let`s do this. (Walks in) Hey..it`s not dark. And what`s up with the lights?
[The Ghost appears behind her]
Ghost: Oh you like it? And what took you so long?
Yoruichi: Waaaah! Geez. Don`t scare me like that. Look I wanna know why you`re really here. Tell me so I can help you.
Ghost: Fine then. I might as well show you my true form. Be right back.
Yoruichi: Okay?
[Zalera appears behind her]
Zalera: Turn around, I`m over here.
[Yoruichi turns around and sees a beautiful young woman with darkish-blue hair]
Zalera: This is me.
Yoruichi: Wow.
Zalera: You seem surprised. Is my beauty too much for you to handle? (smiles)
Yoruichi: (clears throat) Ahem! Anyways, so so why are you here?
Zalera: I wanted to find my true love. And that was my dying wish also. And when I met you, I realised that you are my true love.
Yoruichi: Oh yeah? And what was that you tried to do with Rangiku last night, huh?
Zalera: Oh that? (gigles) That was just for fun. (smiles) But it`s you who I really want most. (walks towards her) Hm...now all that is left for me to do is this. (kisses Yoruichi unespectedly)
Yoruichi: Wow. Why did you do that?
zalera: So I can finally rest in peace, thanks to you Yoruichi. I will always be with you. Forever and ever.
Yoruichi: Well I must say, you were a real pain in the ass. (laughs)
Zalera: I know. (hugs her) Goodbye for now. Our paths will cross again sooner then you think. See you later. (vanishes)
Yoruichi: Goodbye, Zalera.
[At Soul Society]
Yammamoto: So? How did the ghost hunting go?
Rukia: You mean besides being possesed by a ghost?
Rangiku: And getting fucked by a ghost? Who happens to be a girl?
Yammamoto: Uh, yes. Well I just wanted to congratulate you all for a job well done. Meeting is over. Get lost.
Rangiku: Dickface.
Rukia: Psychopath.
Yoruichi: Jackass.
Yammamoto`s voice in background: I heart that.
Rukia: We know you did you old trash bag. hehe.
Rangiku: She just kills me. (laughs)
Rukia: I try not to but I can`t. (laughs)
Yoruichi: Time to get some rest.
Rangiku: Yeah...
[They all head back to their rooms and sleep like angels]
Rangiku`s voice: OH HITSUGAYA YOU ANIMAL. YES!
Everyone`s voice: SHUT UP WE`RE TRYING TO SLEEP HERE!
The End.