[It`s a beautiful morning. Everyone doing what they usually do...nothing...]
[Rangiku runs in with something in her hand]
Rangiku: Guys, look at what I just found. Isn`t it adorable?
Rukia: Aww, isn`t that cute... Now what is it exactly?
Yoruichi: Looks like a baby bird to me. (reads paper while sipping tea) Good tea.
Kon: It looks more like a hollow baby bird. Wich is dangerous. You want my advise, stay away from it.
Rukia: First of all, we don`t want your advise and second, how do you even know it`s a hollow bird?
Kon: I just know. I mean look at it. Doesn`t it look unusual for a baby bird? Hm?
Rukia: Not really.
Kon: Oh my God you`re useless. It`s like talking to a wall. I would`ve said something else if you weren`t so damn cute.
Yoruichi: So what are you gonna call him, Rangiku?
Kn: How about "The destroyer of our Society".
[Rukia kicks him to the moon]
Rukia: And stay there!
[Kon screaming as he`s being kicked to the moon until you can`t hear a single peep outta him]
Rangiku: Hm...how about Sparky.
Yoruichi: Does it look sparky to you?
Kon: I think this is a load of crap.
Rukia: Heey, how did you get here so fast?
Kon: Superman gave me a lift (sarcasm) What did you expect. That I would stay up there for the rest of my life?
Rukia: Yeah. And I`m disappointed now `cause you`re still here.
Rangiku: I`m gonna go teach it how to fly.
Kon: I`m telling you that bird is evil. Just look at his eyes and those sharp teeth and those spiky black feathers.
Rukia: Go away before I throw you.
Kon: Fine. Your funeral.
[Rangiku goes outside with Sparky]
[Sparky flies and then bumbs into the wall]
[BUMB]
Rangiku: Sparky!
Yoruichi: First they say it`s a hollow bird and now it`s blind too? What the hell.
Rangiku: It`s not blind. Maybe it needs a little practice.
Kon: With you, he got plenty of practice already. That bird deserves to be blind.
Rukia: I swear I will throw you!
Kon: Bring it on, bitch! (gets into a fighting position even though he`s a small stuffed animal)
Soifon: Yo, people. (sees Kommy in his fighting position) Kon, what are you doing? You can`t fight anyone in that body. And definitely not in that kind of position. (laughs)
Kon: I`ll get a body, you`ll see.
Soifon: Yeah, when pigs fly. So what`s the deal with that bird, anyways.
Rangiku: I found it and wanted to teach it how to fly but hit into the wall instead.
Soifon: Never teach a bird how to fly, Rangiku.
Rangiku: Why?
Soifon: Because it`s a total waste of time. Have you ever watched the discovery channel?
Rangiku: No?
Kon: I have.
Rukia: You really would know about animals then since you`re in a stuffed one`s body, Kommy.
Rangiku: But Soifon, can you help my bird?
Soifon: Gimme a minute to think of something... Oh, I know just the thing. (grabs a baseball bat and almost swings at Sparky)
Yoruichi: What in the world are you doing?
Soifon: I`m putting it out of it`s misery. All it takes is just one swing and it`s bye-bye birdy.
Rangiku: No! I don`t want you to kill it.
Soifon: If you didn`t want me to kill it then why ask for my help in the first place? Oh well.
Kon: Kill it Soifon! Kill it now!
Rukia: Soifon, are you gonna use that bat?
Soifon: I WAS, but not anymore. Why?
Rukia: I`m gonna borrow it for just one second. This won`t take long. (swings Kon to the moon with the bat) HOOME RUNN! All done. Here (gives Soifon the bat)
Rangiku: Let`s go back inside.
Yoruichi: Good idea. That way he`d get a better chance of surviving.
Soifon: Is that supposed to be a joke?
Yoruichi: Not really. I just thought it would sound really rediculous if I said it.
Soifon: It did.
Rangiku: Who cares. We gotta bring it to Unohana and let her take care of it.
Rukia: Good idea. Let`s hurry.
[Unohana is walking by]
Unohana: Finally. No more spongebath for Old panzy ass. Woohoo.
Rangiku: Uno, I need your help! Sparky hit the wall.
Unohana: Who?
Rangiku: Sparky.
Unohana: Who`s Sparky? I don`t know any Sparky. (laughs)
Soifon: You look happy today, Uno.
Yoruichi: Yeah. How come?
Unohana: I just gave Old man a piece of my mind.
Rukia: Awesome.
Rangiku: That`s great. Now about my bird-
Soi: So what did he do?
[Rangiku stares and her face turns red]
Rangiku: Girls? My bird needs help over here. (says it in a singing tone)
Unohana: He cried his eyes out. He`s such a loser and not to mention a big old crybaby. Haha.
[Steam starts coming out of Rangiku`s ears]
Rangiku: Girls?
Yoruichi: He really needs to get laid. That`s a joke.
Rukia: Haha. Good one.
Rangiku: I DON`T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT OLD MAN SHITTY PANTS! I WANT TO TALK ABOUT MY BIRD!
Unohana: Geez. All you had to do was ask.
Rangiku: I did, ya moron! (runs towards her, almost punches her but is stopped by Soifon and Yoruichi)
Yoruichi: Okay. I think somebody needs a time out. Just give her the damn bird and wait outside.
[Hours later]
Unohana comes back out with a serious face]
Rangiku: So? How is he or she, `cause I don`t really know. I haven`t exactly looked down there yet...
Unohana: I got good news and bad news.
Rukia: Tell the good news first.
Soifon: Yeah. That always helps.
Unohana: The good news is that I`m finally free from being old man`s maid.
Rukia: That is good news.
Rangiku: What The Fuck? How is that good news for me? We are concerned here, for crying out loud!
Yoruichi: And the bad news?
Unohana: He now smells like shit `cause no one gave him his spongebath. Hahaha.
Rangiku: I DON`T FREAKING CARE ABOUT HIM! WHAT ABOUT SPARKY, THE BIRD I GAVE YOU HOURS AGO!
Unohana: Oh that bird? He dead, hun. Or I think it`s a he...
Rukia: Dead? Just like that?
Unohana: Yup. Just like that. Was there something else I may have missed out on? Like is he a male or female? `Cause I`m confused..
Yoruichi: We have no clue.
Soifon: Rangiku? Are you okay?
[Rangiku looks at Unohana in an anger, enraged way]
Rangiku: You..should...RUN!
Rukia: (looks at Unohana) If I were you, I`d do what she says. Hold her!
[Yoruichi and Soifon are holding Rangiku]
[Rangiku gets even more angry]
Yoruichi: Oh-oh. She`s getting stronger here. I can`t hold her much longer.
Soifon: She`s gonna BLOW! Uno, RUN!
[Unohana runs]
Rangiku: AAARGH! I`M GONNA KILL YOU, BITCH! (runs like a wild dog after Unohana)
Yoruichi: Oh boy. This is not gonna be nasty, I mean pretty.
Soifon: Ya think? We better go after her before she starts biting.
Rukia: (rubs head) I could`ve just frozen her...
Soifon: We need more reinforcements, people!
Yoruichi: Everybody, Rangiku is on the loose!
[Renji is sitting at the bar sipping tea]
Renji: So?
Soifon: She`s in rage and crazy `cause her bird just died.
[Renji spits out tea screaming]
Renji: HIDE, LOCK THE DOORS, DIG A HOLE! (crawls under table) Oooooh boy. (starts praying)
Soifon: What the hell are you doing, boy? There`s a time and place for praying but now is not the time. EVERYBODY HIDE!
[Everyone is running like crazy lunatics in fear]
To Be Continued...
Funny Bleach Episode 6 Part 2: Rangiku`s Rampage
[Unohana is running from Rangiku]
Unohana: Somebody get this psycho away from me!
[Rangiku is still running after her]
Rangiku: Get back here, you-you bird killer!
Rukia: Soifon, you got any bright ideas?
Soifon: Me? You`re the Ice Godess. Use your icy head. (thinks) So? Anything popped into that ice skull of yours?
Rukia: I`m thinking-I`m thinking, don`t push me around. You got something, Yoruichi?
Yoruichi: I`m thinking too, ya know? Hey, how about Yaoi magazines.
Rukia: Sweeet. Ooh Rangiku?
[Rangiku stops running and turns around]
Rangiku: WHAT!
Rukia: Look at what I`ve got. (holds up a magazine) Hot, steamy, fresh new Yaoi magazines. Come and get it.
Rangiku: OOOOOH. Gimme-gimme-gimme! (runs towards Rukia)
Rukia: HOLY MOTHER OF YAOI! (runs away)
Rangiku: Give me those Yaoi magazines and I won`t hurt you! (runs after her)
[Soifon and Yoruichi both look at eachother]
Soifon: Well...at least we got her to stop chasing Unohana...
Unohana: Yeah, thanks. Now we gotta help Rukia.
Yoruichi: Nu-no-no. You`ve caused us enough trouble already. You`re staying here and hide `cause she still hates you. We`ll take care of Rangiku.
Soifon: Yup. Now let`s go!
[Both start running after them]
Unohana: What did I do? (is clueless) Oh well (looks for a place to hide) Oh looky there. (hides under a rock) There`s no way she`s gonna find me here.
[Meanwhile]
Rukia: Stop chasing me, you maniac! (still running)
Rangiku: Just give me the Yaoi!
Rukia: I would, but the way you`re running after me right now is gonna knock me down if I stop. So calm down and I will give you the Yaoi `cause I`m excited about reading it too, it`s the newest Yaoi magazine ever!
Rangiku: Fine! I will stop (stops and Rukia hands her the Yaoi magazine)
Rukia: You are one crazy girl, you know that?
Rangiku: The doctor said the same thing. (laughs) I think I might`ve scared Unohana though. Haha.
Rukia: Yup. She`s hiding from you right now. (laughs)
[Both are reading and get a mayor nosebleed and then they start laughing]
Soifon: There you are! Damn woman, you had us running like crazy.
Yoruichi: What are you two reading?
Rangiku: Yaoi, duh! And not just ANY Yaoi. This is the newest magazine ever. Whoot!
Soifon: Sweeet. (reads too and nosebleeds) Awesome.
Yoruichi: Wow. I wonder what this world would be like if Yaoi never existed. (laughs)
Rangiku: Propably hell.
Rukia: You said it sister. (laughs)
Renji: There you are.
Rukia: Please tell me that`s not Renji.
Rangiku: Okay, that`s not Renji.
[Rukia turns around and sees Renji and slaps Rangiku upside the head]
Rukia: That`s Renji!
Rangiku: But you said...oh nevermind.
Renji: What, Rukia? Can`t a guy see how his beautiful girlfriend is doing?
Rukia: Not really. `Cause last time I checked, I`m not your girlfriend, you monkey`s butt!
Rangiku: Yeah. So shoo! Scram!
Renji: You want me soo bad. You just don`t want to admit it in front of your girl friends. Hehe, but it`s okay if you`re shy about it.
Soifon: This is too funny (reads)
Yoruichi: I agree (continues reading)
Rukia: Shy? I am soo far from being shy about something that isn`t real. So this conversation is over.
Renji: Oh no, honeycombs. This conversation has just begun. (smiles at her)
Rukia: Honeycombs?
[Rangiku looks at Yoruichi]
Rangiku: Isn`t that the name of a cerial?
Yoruichi: Shh. As long as she doesn`t know it, we`re safe.
Rukia: If you keep this up, Renji, I`m gonna have to send Byakuya on you. (reads) You two have such a gooood history.
Rangiku: That`s true. (laughs)
Renji: Oh please. That doushbag can`t do anything to keep me away from you. He knows that.
Rukia: (looks behind Renji) You sure about that? Look who`s standing behind you. (keeps reading)
Renji: Very funny, Rukia. I know he`s not behind me. So quit playing games, okay?
[Byakuya stares down at Renji since he`s taller than him]
Byakuya: Wanna bet?
Renji: (turns around) YIKES! BYAKUYA! It`s you!
Byakuya: Yes, it`s me. Who else could it be.
Renji: So..um. wha-what brings you here on such a beautiful day?
Byakuya: Just thought somebody was annoying Rukia.
Renji: Oh really? I`ll kick his ass then!
Byakuya: Oh-no-no-no, Renji. Allow me. (punches him in the stomach)
Renji: (falls on the floor) Ouw. You asshole!
Byakuya: Renji, for the last time, stay away from Rukia, or else.
Rukia: Thanks bro. I owe you one.
Byakuya: No you don`t, Rukia. (returns to the Kuchiki Manor) That boy never learns, does he.
Renji: Nothing can keep me away from Rukia. Nothing!
[Rukia`s eyes start glowing and she blushes but then shakes it off]
Rukia: Go away. (keeps reading)
Renji: Fine. But I`ll be back. (walks away)
Yoruichi: Seems to me like he`s never gonna give up on you, Rukia. (laughs)
Soifon: Yup (keeps reading and nosebleeds again) Wow. I love this magazine. O_O
Rukia: (looks at the clouds) I know...
The End