A/N: Okay so I haven't posted a story since the 50th, so I just want to say I really really loved it. It made me cry, the Doctor looked so happy at the end! Was a bit confused at some points I must admit... and the removal of Gallifrey actually burning does kind of make that whole story arc and any character development from it a bit hollow... but anyway. The only thing I was mostly disappointed about was the fact that Rose wasn't in fact Rose. But I can live with that, and respect the choice Moffat made of not opening Rose's story again. I do have to agree that it ended quite perfectly. Whole different story for the Christmas special... I loved Matt's regeneration scene (the proper one, and Karen appearing really stabbed me in the heart like wow the tears just kept coming) but I have to admit it wasn't one of my favourite episodes... But I simply can't wait to see Capaldi in action, he already looks marvellous. Okay, well back to the actual story, I hope you enjoy :3
Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who, if I did many things would be different... okay legit I rewrote the entire christmas special.
One day you will count them. One terrible night.
-The Moment/ Rose Tyler/ Bad Wolf
The Moment knew that the form she took for the Doctor was important to him. Very important. It was someone from his past- wait no- future. The Moment could feel her time streams, the complexity and power that was beyond those that had simply travelled in time, and almost as confusing as the Doctor's. Her name…. her name was Rose. Rose Tyler. But wait… in her current form she was something else, something more powerful- something that could bend time in a blink of an eye.
Bad Wolf.
With taking this form though, many memories and… feelings had come with it. With Rose Tyler she could feel her courage and also the passion she had for seeing the universe, while with Bad Wolf she could feel the power she had, and also the love in which she was created from. When the other Doctors appeared she couldn't help but gravitate to the one that her form knew most- the one who regretted. She would watch him as he strode about and stared into his deep brown eyes, half hoping that he would see her. That was ridiculous of course; she was the interface of the Moment, not Rose Tyler. She did not harbour the feelings that the exceptional young girl from London had for the man she was trying to save. Not at all.
She watched as the only Doctor who could see her asked if the other Doctors ever counted how many children were on Gallifrey when it was destroyed, due to her prompting of course. She remembered the memory that inspired her to ask the Doctor this.
"One day you will count them," she had said, "one terrible night."
She hadn't needed to see the timelines of the Doctor to see this; it was already there in the memories of her form, of Rose Tyler.
She watched as the green-eyed Doctor denied that he had counted, and felt sorrow wallow up within her. He didn't really forget, but he buried it. He buried it so deeply within himself that it was almost like he forgot and he put on a smile and a laugh to distract himself as well as his companions. But in the end all that pain and all of those things that aren't really forgotten come rushing back and there was no one that could help him then. Except maybe her.
The Doctor with the brown eyes- her Doctor- was angered by that. He was angry that it seemed that he forgot everything that he had carried the burden of for so long. He was angry that everything that had weighed him down so much was so simply forgotten.
"2.47 billion." He said
And the memory flashed before her, as clear as if it were happening.
{FLASHBACK DOOO WEEEEE OOOOOOHHHH}
Rose was wandering around the TARDIS late at night- well what she assumed was night. It was hard to tell sometimes. She had been having nightmares, nothing different to what she usually had and one of the many costs of travelling with the Doctor. But it was a life she loved and a man she loved, so the cost didn't matter to her. Usually the Doctor would be tinkering around on some gadget or other, but like a few nights before she couldn't find him anywhere. Whether he was sleeping or just somewhere the TARDIS wouldn't let her go, she didn't know, and she didn't ask about it either. She knew sometimes the Doctor just needed to be alone, and she respected that- she understood that.
But maybe this time the TARDIS thought that he needed someone.
The lights flickered and a worried hum sounded in her mind.
"What's wrong girl?" She asked, lightly stroking the wall.
A hall formed to her right and lights lead to a door at the end. The door was a bright red and had circular symbols covering it to what Rose knew was Gallifreyan. She had never seen this door before, and her curiosity and suspicion that the Doctor was behind the door led her forwards despite the little part of her saying to ignore the room that obviously had something to do with Gallifrey. But the TARDIS was telling her to go on, so she did.
She reached the door and slowly traced her fingers over the intricate symbols, marvelling in their complex beauty. There was faint scuffling coming from the other side, which meant either the Doctor was inside or some other living thing that may or may not want to kill her. She opened the door anyway, carefully gazing inside. She gasped in amazement.
Her eyes watered in the sudden light and she blinked rapidly to see the sight she had seen momentarily. Finally her eyes cleared and once again she gasped. It was beautiful. Absolutely beautiful. Red grass flowed over infinite hills and mountains, and trees burned in the double sunlight like bonfires. The air was fresh and smelled like the farm fields Jackie had taken her to once- so clean and free of human interference. The sky was a burnt orange, not unlike the setting sun on Earth, yet everywhere. It was Gallifrey, and it was beautiful.
A small sob caught her attention and she drew her eyes from the magnificent view to see a small hunching figure sitting under one of the fire-like trees. With a pang Rose realised it was the Doctor. I shouldn't be here, she realised, I really shouldn't be here.
She turned to leave quietly, but there was nothing behind her. No door. Brilliant.
Thanks, she sent to the TARDIS, only receiving an anxious hum back that clearly stated I'm not letting you out until you go and check on the Doctor.
So she approached the figure cautiously.
"Doctor?" she uttered, unsure on how he would react to being caught in such a vulnerable state.
He must not have heard her so she called out again, louder.
"Doctor?"
He whirled around, his eyes wide and bloodshot as he jumped to his feet.
"Rose…" he croaked, his mouth slightly open and tears blurring his vision. "Wh-what are you doing here?" He recovered quickly, wiping away his tears hurriedly and clearing his throat in a ridiculous notion that maybe, just maybe she hadn't noticed how much of a wreck he was at that moment. She could see the shock he was feeling slowly turning into anger, as per natural response.
"The TARDIS sent me," she said quickly, her nerves causing her to tug slightly at her sleeves.
That statement seemed to make him pause, and he looked up to the burnt orange sky and sighed in resignation.
"Yeah," he muttered, "Yeah."
He slouched down onto the red grass, his eyes closed and he was breathing deeply. Rose approached cautiously, knowing how quickly his emotions could change, especially when concerning Gallifrey. She sat down beside him and pulled her knees to her chest while the Doctor rested his head against the trunk of the tree they were under. They sat in a silence that couldn't be determined as comfortable or uncomfortable, but it was manageable. So they sat under a glowing tree under a burning sun and looked out into the vast emptiness of the mountains of Gallifrey.
Finally Rose couldn't bare the silence anymore.
"It's beautiful." She said, not entirely sure what else to say.
"Yeah." The Doctor replied shortly, but a few seconds after he continued, "I used to come here when I was little, when I wanted to get away from it all… they hated me for it, but I loved it out here. Sometimes my friend would come, but most of the time I was alone, and I liked that. I did. Now… not so much." He finished, bitterness creeping into his voice.
Rose looked at him with wide eyes, soaking in every syllable he spoke, every movement he made with the words streaming out of his mouth. It was rare for the Doctor to share his past, and she was soaking in every last detail she could get. Fear of shattering the moment prevented her from speaking, but the Doctor continued anyway.
"I hated them sometimes, I really did. All they did was sit in that stupid citadel and carry on about their own prowess and refuse to get involved with anything because it was 'lesser then them'. But in the end… I still loved them, because they were my people. And when I…. when I destroyed them… that was all I could think about, how much I still cared after all they had done. I cared for every single last one, and yet I killed them all. I burned them. What does that make me? The Oncoming Storm, the Destroyer of Worlds… a monster parents tell their children about at night."
Rose could feel his pain, and she spared a brief moment to look at her surroundings, to imagine them burning like the Doctor had said. She could almost hear the screams of children off in the distance.
"Ever since I did it, I've been counting in my mind, at night when I'm just fiddling about. I count the children that were there. How many I killed. I finished counting tonight… that's why I came here." He choked on his words, and Rose waited.
"2.47 billion." He cried, unable to stop the silent tears running down his cheeks, "I killed 2.47 billion children." His nostrils flared and he gasped for air, tears constantly dripping onto the red grass. Rose found her own eyes watering, tears tracking their way down her cheeks. No more words were spoken that night, not by Rose, not by the Doctor. No words could encompass what they were feeling, and no words could make it better on this one terrible night. No words. And so Rose took the Doctor's hand, a simple comfort to many, but a monumental one to these two select people. She took his hand and held it tightly, telling him all the words he needed to hear in one simple motion.
She wasn't leaving him on this One Terrible Night, and she wouldn't for all the One Terrible Nights to come.
She was never going to leave him, not in forever.
Okay so I hope whoever is reading this enjoyed it... I enjoyed writing it I must say, though I'm not entirely sure I pulled off a crying Doctor. Anyway, it was just a little thing that came to mind... ALSO OKAY HELP ME OUT I've been searching for this fic that has Nine, Ten, Eleven and Rose in it, and it was something to do with Rose being sucked into the parallel universe not being a fixed point in time or something, and then Nine and Eleven are drawn in for balance because Eleven's whole life is being rewritten now that Rose didn't actually leave... anyway I cannot find it anywhere- if you know of it, PLEASE TELL ME. I will send you metaphorical cookies. The chocolate kind. Thankyou, and happy reading.