I do not own Glee or any of its characters. Its all Ryan Murphy and all the other amazing people who made it.
I know this is a short chapter, but just bare with me. It's only the first one. Enjoy!
Rachel hates it when people worry about her. She should probably get used to it, since people haven't stopped worrying about her since she was sixteen years old. Still it was highly annoying to say the least (she doesn't have the patience to think of something more fitting). Her fathers she can understand; they worry whenever she sneezes since as long as she can remember, her doctors on the other hand shouldn't be worrying at all. She has been a highly sick and frustrated girl for a while now, so they shouldn't be surprised by her outbursts.
She's Rachel Berry. Destined for greatness, no need to worry about her, no not at all. Well, now she doesn't really believe anymore that she's destined for greatness. More like destined to a hospital bed, forever to be in holy whatever God decided, until the day she dies. Her father's especially worry about her the most when she says these type of things to their faces. She used to hope that maybe by some miracle she can get better and be able to be the Broadway babe she imagined herself to be. She started losing hope around when she was eighteen, and now at the ripe age of twenty-one it's all locked in a vault somewhere up her rectum for all she cares. There are moments where she swears she can hear the old Rachel Berry kicking and screaming throwing a tantrum saying "YOU CAN"T GIVE UP YOUR DREAMS" , she responds with a "Watch me". It was decided a long time ago that all she would focus on is not killing her self because of boredom. Never would Rachel have guessed that she would be so sarcastic and contemptuous in her life. Maybe suffering through chemotherapy and living in a hospital does that to you.
Yes the Rachel Barbra Berry has cancer. Acute myeloid leukemia, as her doctors would prefer to say. She doesn't know exactly how it happened or any specific details, but she does remember the pain. There was a lot of pain. Pain because she could see Broadway flying away with its big bright lights and stage. Pain because she was starving, just the thought of eating made her want to throw up. Pain because there were nights of shivering and sweating, and dosing herself in pain medication that didn't work at all except get her on the brink of overdosing. Pain because she can see her future children dying, her husband along with them; family, friends, all gone.
When the doctors told her she had cancer she was on a feeding tube and she she felt like pulling it out and shoving it up their noses. She was angry, it was unacceptable and certainly unfair. She fought with them, telling them they are lying, they are devils sent from hell. They sedated her when she started to take out her IV. She couldn't believe it until the charts were right in front of her eyes. As much as Rachel has been made fun of over the years about it, there was no denying that Rachel Berry loved facts. And the facts were right there, and the grief started growing bigger than her nose. She started sobbing as much as she'd hate to admit.
Her fathers were uncontrollable, when they found out. The doctors told her first idiotically(who trained these people?!) while they were out getting coffee. Imagine their surprise to walk into their daughters room to find her screaming like a banshee at them. After they sedated her they told them, she woke up to sobbing and unrecognizable words coming out of their mouths. She came in because of a high fever, they thought she had an eating disorder. They were apologizing, because a few days before they were disappointed on how she was treating her body, and how she was throwing her future away because she thinks she's not pretty enough. She tried to explain that she just couldn't eat, it sickened her; it wasn't until she fainted when they brought her to the hospital.
She's been going through chemo for years. There was a point when she was nineteen that her cancer slowly deteriorated, and they thought it was going to be gone for good. Then it came back in full force the day after she was discharged from the hospital. Funny how things work out. So she went back on chemo, because what else can she do. Twiddle her thumbs?
"Rachel. You know you can't throw spoons at doctors right. They are going to cuff you." Her favorite nurse Jamie said to her, snapping her out of her thought.
Jamie has been with her since she was diagnosed with cancer, sticking by her through everything. All the other nurses hate her, because of her diva like attitude, but Jamie likes it. Jamie also doesn't deal with all her unnecessary fits, and sets her straight.
Rachel rolled her eyes, thinking about the moment, "I know, but they were all being fools telling me for the umpteenth time how my treatments been going."
"It's what they do. Really they think they are Gods walking on Earth, don't mind them" Jamie checks her vitals while saying this.
"Your vitals look good and it's o'clock. So I think you can go, visit him"
Rachel immediately cheered up, its time. She hops out of the bed and starts walking out with her IV.
"Hey don't run off let me grab you a wheelchair, so it can seem your not making your big escape." Jamie goes out of the room and comes back with a wheel chair at hand. Rachel jumps on, and taps her foot anxiously.
Jamie starts pushing her across the floor, and as planned Rachel puts on an unamused face, for people to see she thinks she's off to some test or something uninteresting. As they pass by a stack of magazines on a coffee table, Rachel reaches out and grabs them. She puts them below her as they continue on their way. When they finally reach the room, Jamie squeezes her shoulder before opening the door. She pushes Rachel in before closing the door behind her.
"Hey! Were you able to get Vogue?" Kurt squeals.
Rachel grind and pulls them out from underneath, "Of course I would. Wouldn't leave you hanging"
They laugh, as Kurt moves over and pats next to him gesturing for her to come and sit with him. She stands up and lays next to him and they start flipping through the issue together. He wistfully sighs every so often at the pages, Rachel losing interest sometimes. Fashion was never really her fore front. When they finish the issue, Kurt puts it down and gets ready for the weekly conversations.
"So how's the wonderful world of chemo." Kurt arches his eyebrow, knowing whats to come.
"How do you think?" Rachel pulls off her beanie to show her head with only a little fuzz of hair on it, "Do I look stylish?"
"Not the fall trend, but you're making it work. I do miss your long silly hair though" Kurt sighs dreamily, "Let's have a moment of silence for what we have loss"
They stay in silence for a few moments holding hands, their laughter threatening to come out. When it does Rachel felt as if she burst some organ or something. She laughed so hard it hurt and it was hard to breath. When they've calmed down the room turned serious.
"How about your heart?"
Kurt looked down for a moment, frowning at his chest, "It's fine, they are still monitoring me closely. Hopefully I can move up the list. They say that I'm really close to getting a new heart, but…."
"They have been saying that for the last five months. I know, and it's such a terrible situation."
Kurt has been in and out of this hospital since they were both nineteen. Rachel met him in the waiting room of the hospital on one of her good days. He was bouncing his leg up and down as his father Burt smoothed out his pants several times. She noticed he was listening to Barbra Streisand, the woman she looks up to the most, and commented on it. They immediately bonded over their love of Broadway. The thing with Kurt was that he needed a new heart. His was weak from birth, but the doctors thought they fixed it. They didn't. It has been growing worse over the years, and it wasn't until Kurt passed out while dancing, was when they rushed him to the hospital. Burt has had two heart attacks himself before Kurt fainted, so the problem was genetic. Kurt was so focused on taking good care of his dad that he didn't take care of himself. The doctors say it's better to deal with this now when he's young then when he's older.
Kurt has been on the transplant for a while now. His last two hearts went to s patients who got bumped up the list. Rachel has been through it all with him, sticking by his side. He's the only real friend she's ever had. Nobody wants to be friends with the bratty cancer girl, everybody but him. He knew how it felt. To be judged and pitied. Before she got sick she was constantly bullied, Kurt was bullied too because of his sexuality. They needed each other, and will stick by each other until the end.
"Tell me something good."
"If they let me grow out my hair, I can be Ellen DeGeneres. I don't really suit Eminem." Rachel looks at him half-heartedly.
He gives out a chuckle and rubs his forehead. She knows he hates talking about hearts, makes his head hurt with all of it. Rachel started to look through a past issue by Kurt's end table. Suddenly Kurt pats her knee several times, to get her attention.
"You know my dad found someone."
Rachel peeked up from the issue, intrigued. She doesn't see how Burt would have been able to find someone here, when he's not working or sleeping at the house, he's here in the hospital. She can't see how he would have time to find someone.
"Is that so?"
"Yep! He met her in the hospital, he gets coffee with her time to time. She has a kid here in the hospital."
It's strange, imagining Burt with someone other than himself or Kurt. The fact that he's with someone is surprising. Though having a kid here in the floor would be strange. Two sick kids together.
"Are you okay with this?" Kurt stares at the wall for a little while, thinking about the question. It's obvious he's thought about this way before she's brought it up.
"Yeah, I guess. He's my dad, and I would always want him to stay with mom and not forget her. But I'm not stupid, I would be lonely if I was alone with a sick kid. He doesn't have a social life, I'm his life. And I love him, but I'm twenty-one I'm a grown up now. He needs some company."
"Aww look at you, with your wisdom and knowledge! Very mature response. If I were you I'd be stubborn as a mule." Rachel responded with a small smile
"That's only because you are the diva of the family." Just as he says that, Jamie walks in and gestures for her to leave.
Rachel sighs, hugging Kurt goodbye promising to visit next week. She hops on the wheelchair and waved goodbye as Jamie pushes her along. She looks into the rooms to see a variety of people. They are all of different size, color, age, but the thing that's all the same is they are sick. Very sick. She see's nurses filling out files and reports, doctors half asleep and on their fifth cup of coffee. Once they reach her room, Jamie helps her out of the wheel chair and on to the bed. Rachel sighs and stares outside, she wonders if she will ever be able to leave the hospital.
Jamie noticing where she's staring says, "If you stay on good behavior they will let you outside, and not have a watch guard on you all the time. That means no spoon throwing."
Rachel nods, as Jamie walks out with one final glance towards her direction. If the old Rachel Berry was out and about she would have talked nonsense on what she'd do with her outside time. Well if the old Rachel Berry WAS out she wouldn't need to be excited about going outside because she wouldn't have been banned from it.
Alright she may be sick and a little frustrated, but Rachel is not insane. She told this to her therapist several times. She does so whenever he says something that suggests her mental stability. Really its HIM that would be most likely to be crazy.
"Rachel you have to stop throwing utensils at your doctors when they say something you do not like" Dr. Edwards said calmly, though she can just tell that he thinks she is probably going to blow any minute, "You are not a little girl anymore, you cannot go around throwing little tantrums when you feel like it."
"Sir, with your out most respect, these doctors have memory loss. They keep on coming in to my room telling me the exact same thing over and over again. It gets quite irritating." Rachel crosses her leg over the other while adjusting her hat.
"It gets quite irritating having to handle your tantrums every other session, Rachel"
Oh now it's really obvious his dislike for her. She can feel it pouring out of him; she wouldn't be wrong about these things, dealing with people hating her since primary school.
"You know Rachel I feel like this isn't working out."
Yes! Finally, they will send her a decent therapist who actually knows how to do their job correctly.
"So I'm going to recommend a support group or more like prescribe it."
Crap. Rachel isn't one to curse, but this is an acceptable situation. She'll be stuck with all those depressing cancer kids, who share way too much on the first session. "You are not suggesting that I am depressed or anything in that manner are you?"
"No I do not think you are depressed. I just believe that you need support from people who truly know your situation." Dr. Edwards closes his notebook and sets down his glasses
"But Dr- "
"Dr. nothing. This is final. I hope you find what you need,"
With that Dr. Edwards stands up and open the door to his office. She stands up and leaves, Jamie there with a wheel chair. She brushes her off and walks to her room without waiting for her.
All Rachel, knows is that she's in a terrible predicament. Nothing she can do, but behave well and wait until they say she is emotionally stable. This doesn't mean Rachel won't try to get out of it. If there's one thing she can still do it is not go down without a fight.
Hi! This is my first story here on this website, and I'm kinda nervous about it. I had this idea while watching Grey's Anatomy, and my friend sent me a picture of Finn and Rachel, and all kinda clicked in my head. I did read up on leukemia so don't think I'm walking into this blind. Though I still don't know about it that well, I at least got the base down. I really do hope you enjoy this story. I'm out.
Adios Tannerinos.