Watching me, wanting me I can feel you pull me down Fearing you, loving you I won't let you pull me down
The force of the curse knocked him backward and he hastily brought himself to his knees, gasping for air. The reason for his predicament stood before him, wand pointed to his heart, casting a shadow over him.
You re weak, Lestrange, and you re going to die weak.
Rodolphus sneered. I am not weak, you won t give me a chance to
His laugh was harsh and cruel, interrupting Rodolphus words. You don t get chances in war. Think on your feet or die, boy.
I am not a boy, he growled, standing up. His words were met with a laugh once more and he watched the man walk away. He hated that laugh; it had been all he heard since he came here, sent to train for a war others knew nothing about, so he could finally join the Dark Lord. No one had told him he was his teacher. His snide remarks and harsh words were enough to set his teeth on edge, but that laugh haunted his nightmares. Because deep down, Rodolphus was afraid of him being right.
Idiotic fears.
The Dark Lord knew magic others could never dream of. There can be no war when no one is brave enough to fight him. This was just a precaution. Not even that. And Rodolphus was not afraid. Grasping his wand tightly, he raised it to the retreating man s back and whispered the incantation he had spoken moments before. He watched with glee as he fell to the ground and almost strolled over to him, a boastful grin on his face at finally being able to best him. The fact that his back had been turned and his wand put away meant little.
All s fair.
Rodolphus stopped, his shadow making the man s features darker, and looked straight into the eyes that plagued his nights. Never turn your back on an enemy, Dolohov. The advantage one has could prove deadly.
It was Antonin s turn to sneer, but his words went unheard as Rodolphus winked and walked away, a ghost of a smirk on his lips.
xXx
He just stood there and admired it; the snake and the skull, the sign of the Dark Lord, the Dark Mark. After weeks of training; the blood, sweat and, admittedly, the occasional tear, the words he could no longer take, the arrangement to wed Bellatrix Black the dreams, he finally got what he longed for. And it was worth it.
That day, Rodolphus Lestrange became a Death Eater. It felt strange on his tongue and he doubted he would ever get used to it, but he was proud of it. And now he could leave and be rid of the silly infatuation he had. The man would leave, the dreams would stop.
Don t do it."
Speak of the devil.
Rodolphus pulled his sleeve down and raised his head. Don t do what?
Antonin walked forward so they were face to face. Close enough to touch, he noted and couldn t keep the frown from his face. Don t agree to marry Black so you can get ahead. She s passionate but she is young. She may be of noble blood, but she is not ready for the Dark Lord; there are other ways.
His words confused Rodolphus; why would he care? What was he saying?
He breathed in a hint of alcohol on the man s breath and stepped back. You ve been drinking.
So have you, was his reply. Why does that matter?
Because it shows a mirage of what could be you. You act like you care, but you don t. Your words insinuate meanings that aren t really there and it gets tiresome. Rodolphus pushed his way past to leave, before suddenly turning back, angry. Besides, what gives you the right to tell me what I can and can t do? You don t own me! You don t have me! You don t even want me!
The words fell out before he even knew what he was saying. He hadn t meant to, he certainly hadn t wanted to, and it took all of his strength not to run away. Antonin didn t say anything back and Rodolphus left, thankful for the alcohol in their systems; he could hope they would both wake tomorrow and not remember this.
He didn t get far.
A hand grabbed his arm and pulled him back, his hand, and, without a word uttered, with no warning, lips attacked his own. They were just as forceful as his words, biting and pulling, and his back ached from being smacked against the wall. But he kissed back. He bit and pulled and sucked and grasped and showed he was just as dominant, just as ruthless.
It ended far too soon.
I treated so differently than I did anyone else, harsher, he whispered. I was mean, I was controlling, I was terrible to be around and I sent you to bed limping. Maybe someone else would apologise for that, but I won t; I prepared you for what is out there, I have made you harder and stronger and if you remember everything I did, you won t die, Rodolphus.
The sound of his name coming from Antonin s mouth forced him to look up; he d never called him by his first name before. He took into account how close they still were, how easily he could kiss him again. I won t.
xXx
He woke up sore. It was like nothing Rodolphus had ever felt before, but the feel of an arm brushing up against his own brought it all back and the pain was suddenly worth it. He turned to lie on his back and faced him, not sure whether to be fearful or grateful that Antonin had stayed.
As if on cue, or maybe he d been awake for awhile, Antonin opened his eyes. A small smile carved itself onto Rodolphus face, but Antonin didn t return it. You re still going to do it, he stated. Marry Bellatrix.
His smile was gone just as quickly. It s been arranged, I have to.
No, you don t.
Rodolphus faced the ceiling, refusing to look at him anymore. She doesn t care about me nor do I care about her, it doesn t matter.
Antonin sat up. Then why marry?
Convenience, he shrugged. "Our parents wanted this, but maybe I can get something out of it. Marrying a Black will be a good thing, whether we care for one Another or not."
"You're a fool."
He heard Antonin move and turned to face his back. "You sound jealous."
"Maybe I am," he answered. He turned slowly, a small smirk on his face. "Maybe I want you all to myself." Rodolphus's smile was back. "Jealousy doesn't suit you, not that you need to be; what I'll have with her and what I can have with you are both two completely different things, different feelings." He sat up and moved behind Antonin, wrapping an arm around his waist, and kissed his shoulder. "She may have my name, but she won't have me. I can promise you that."
xXx
The day had passed in a blur, Rodolphus could barely remember it happening. He couldn't repeat what happened to another, or to himself, he couldn't say whether or not his vows were traditional or made up. He couldn't believe it had actually happened.
Rodolphus sat on the table, alone in the kitchen, a bottle of fire whiskey by his side and a glass in his hand. He tipped it back, swallowing every last drop whole, and sighed loudly, knowing that no one would hear, or care if they did. Except one.
"You actually did it."
Rodolphus looked up quickly, smiling for the first time, as Antonin made his way over. He moved the bottle behind them and sat next to the younger man. "You always do that; show up when I'm alone and thinking of you."
"What do you think about?"
Rodolphus could tell he was smirking. "What you'd think about my actions, that you actually care about me, besides my brother, of course," he added. "But Rab's too young to understand this."
Antonin looked down and took his hand to comfort him, and noticed the wedding band on his finger. "You actually married her." He looked up, "I hope you know what you are doing, Rod. For us to work -"
"I know," he interrupted. "It'll be fine."
Rodolphus leant in and kissed him quickly, only to jump back when they heard the door open. They stood from the table and moved away, their hands no longer joined.
Bellatrix walked in. "Your brother is whining, Rodolphus, your mother is requesting your presence." She looked at him with a hint of distaste and turned to Antonin. "Why are you here, Dolohov?"
Antonin glanced at Rodolphus a second, before answering. "I was just wishing your new husband good luck," he walked away, but Rodolphus was just able to hear him mutter, "he's gonna need it."
Rodolphus smirked and let out a little chuckle, sure she had heard to. Bellatrix turned to him and he dropped his grin quickly, the look on her face confirming his suspicions. "I should go to my brother," he said quietly and disappeared from the kitchen.
He found Rabastan and stayed with him the rest of the night, his eyes glancing around to spy Antonin. They locked gazes all night and he never once thought about his life with Bellatrix.
When the night was over, he watched Bellatrix walk away, straight to a separate bedroom. He knew they would never spend their wedding night together and he didn't care. He'd just changed when Antonin came in, locking the door behind him. He put a Silencing charm around the room.
No, Rodolphus didn't think about his life with Bellatrix. Not once.
xXx
The years passed. It was so long ago they became lovers, yet it felt as though it was only yesterday.
It still amazed him that a man so ruthless could be so... Loving? Antonin and their relationship was nothing like him and Bellatrix and he was thankful for that. He wished for so long that things could have been different and the decision to marry her and long since become a regretful one.
His life had been filled with pain and anger, murder and bloodshed, Azkaban and Dementors. Rodolphus looked down at his arm and wondered if he was still as proud as the mark as he was the day he got it.
Though, he still didn't regret that. His life, his mark, his training, they all had Antonin in. His past consumed his thoughts.
Because his future was bleak.
The second war had begun. Antonin was fighting, maybe dying, and he kept a realistic view; he may not see the man again.
It'll be easier to move on this way.
But it wasn't. It was still just as hard. The man had haunted him since he was eighteen. He didn't know a life without him.
Haunted.
That was the perfect word for his life.
His whole world was filled with ghosts and demons and it was only a matter of time before they came for him too. He heard a noise from outside. Here they were. His world. His demons. Death Eaters.
I can feel them hold me down.
Would they haunt me forever?