Author's Note: Hitsukarin written for the Anime and Manga Fanfiction Challenges Forum; the prompt was 'certificate'. It got rather elaborate. Please enjoy!
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Divining Memories
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Dying wasn't as bad as Karin had imagined it to be. The people of District Three took her in, welcomed her. Before too much time passed, a woman named Kukaku invited her to join the Shiba clan. Unknowing, she accepted.
Change is a funny thing, in that it accepts you and pulls you in and eats you alive, until everything is different and new and strange. Karin learned quickly the rules of her new life. A brother and a sister; a vanished figure that haunted the siblings' nightmares. A family legacy shrouded in mystery. She knew only a name - Karin Shiba - and a destiny - to harness her reiatsu and become a Shinigami.
It was Kukaku's idea, introducing her to the Court Guard Squads. Hers and Yoruichi's, a woman who stopped by every so often. "Our older brother was a member, once," she said, puffing her pipe. Karin nodded, mouth full of rice and chicken. "Ganju's not a fan, but they do good work. Can't survive without 'em."
Ganju looked away. Karin didn't understand her brother most of the time, and she wasn't sure she wanted to. But her sister, her sister just clicked with her, pulled her closer. A strong woman. A woman who wanted the world, and a woman who cared enough to let it go.
Her eyes always lingered on Karin as she walked away. Karin, with her hair chopped short and her legs grown long and lean. Karin, unsmiling. Karin, with eyes of the chill, eyes that spoke of winters passed cold, alone.
Karin, with enough reiatsu to blow the top off the Flower Crane Cannon. Karin, with enough self-control to avoid doing so.
Karin Kurosaki, whose temperament better suited her for the work of a Shinigami than either her father or her brother before her.
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Karin lost herself nightly, drifting into dreams that were at once pleasant and painful. A small town. A large university. A pair of bright blue eyes, glowing and speaking in a language she could not understand. A bright, sunlit wedding, surrounded by flowers of every color imaginable. A baby laughing and saying words she could not hear.
A man with an overlarge sword - a Shinigami. A girl with honey hair, someone she'd loved once. A boy who wore scarves during summers. Soccer games in youth. Monsters the size of automobiles. Icicles the size of trees.
She always woke from these dreams in a cold sweat, as if in snow. The first time, she wandered down the hallways in her nightgown and found Kukaku and told her everything. Something about the look on her face told Karin that she should not ask any more questions of this sort.
As summer ate away at itself and was replaced by falling leaves and rainstorms, crystal clear eyes slowly focused themselves, drew her towards them. The air smelled crisper, cleaner as she reached out towards that heartbeat, shuddering in her chest, beating as though possessed.
When winter arrived, Karin took the exam for the Academy. As expected, she was placed in the honors class.
She visited on holidays, but she found that she didn't miss home as much as she'd thought she would.
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Metsukihi - Eyes of Ice, the irises that spoke chills into her soul. A name whispered in a world of rocks and trees growing from the roof of the world.
Shortly into her second year at Shino Academy, Karin sat beneath the shade of a willow tree and meditated, as she'd been taught. This was when she met Metsukihi first. She remembered clinging to the branches of fir and cedar and pine, learning that if she held the branches a certain way, they would not sting her.
The rules of the world were simple - fall and spring back, lean and rely. The winds, harsh and brutal, could crush her, or they could buoy her. The wind itself armed her with thorns and needles and shards of ice, meant to tear an enemy to pieces.
Only twice did she see the glowing eyes, immersed in the evergreen branches that hung down from above.
Upon her waking, Karin discovered that night fell soft on the Seireitei sky, with autumn's light chill settling in amidst the plants. She paused, plucking at a piece of fabric that had been laid over her sleeping form. Not hers. She found that it smelled pleasant, though.
As she picked up her zanpakuto and headed back toward the dormitory, she wrapped the green scarf, edges tattered, around herself.
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"Shiba, Karin." She took her place in the line of graduates, ignoring the polite applause from the audience. Here she was, after five years. All of it condensed down to a sword and a certificate.
She couldn't shake the vague feeling of familiarity as she crossed the stage and shook the hands.
She ran her fingers over the edge of her diploma, noting the stamps that recognized her as an early graduate and an honors student. The kanji representing Metsukihi was there as well.
Later, after the celebrations ended (Kukaku tried to get Karin drunk; Karin refused all alcohol), she found herself again at the willow tree - except this time, she found the spot already occupied.
He sat in the tree, idly munching on the browning core of an apple, but when he saw her, he jumped down. Captain's haori, hair an uncharacteristic shade of white. Karin could not place the comprehension in his eyes. Karin could not place the anticipation in her heart.
"Karin… Karin Shiba. That's your name, right?" When she nodded, he kept on, reading directly from a scroll. "'Exceptionally talented in Hakuda and Zanjutsu. Acceptable in Hoho and Kido.' 'Possesses great strength of mind and talent for hard work.' 'Has developed shikai, has the potential to achieve bankai.' These are comments from your instructors. They recommend you be placed immediately in either Squad Two or Ten." The boy's eyes flicked upward, then back down, as if he was afraid to look at her. But he met her eyes in the next moment, and she doubted again.
"I've come to invite you to join my Squad. As a seated officer."
"…what?"
The little crinkle between his eyebrows lengthened, and Karin didn't understand why that look struck her as so familiar, so eerily near. "You heard me, didn't you? I want you to join Squad Ten, as my Seventh Seat. Will you?"
She didn't hesitate. With a nod and the handing of a sheaf of papers, designating her transfer and instructions, he turned to go.
"Wait!" She stepped after him, and he stopped to glance back. "Who are you?"
"...Captain Toshiro Hitsugaya."
It wasn't until later that she realized where she'd seen the color of his eyes before - the scarf, which still hung in her closet, next to her old academy uniform.
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"Pierce, Metsukihi!" The sound of splintering wood, followed by a rush of wind.
But ice already clustered at the feet of her Captain, and the wind meant to slice turned on its master's hand, until the air between them nearly tore them both off the ground. "Reign upon the frozen heavens, Hyorinmaru!"
And it was over, as Karin's pine-needle weapon collapsed and fell apart. She fell to her knees, gasping for air. Captain Hitsugaya hadn't even broken a sweat. Pathetic, she told herself. Pathetic, that you can't even land a hit.
"Your incantation is wrong," Hitsugaya told her as he approached. He seemed unconcerned for her condition, for which Karin was grateful. "Pierce is only the first part. In order to understand Metsukihi, you need to find the full incantation."
Karin thought about it and realized that, yes, most of the Captains had longer incantations than their subordinates. "Did you start out like this? With just 'reign'?"
Hitsugaya nodded and started walking back toward the barracks, prompting Karin to pull herself to her feet in order to run after. "A zanpakuto reveals its secrets slowly, through a deep relationship. Don't be like those guys in Squad Eleven, who ignore their zanpakutos."
The Captain stoically marched away, presumably to finish more paperwork. Karin left herself behind in thought, wondering why, why Metsukihi kept telling Karin to remember, as if there was something important to remember…
"Agh!" Pain shot through the back of her head, as if she'd been struck with something. In the instance her eyes shut, she saw a figure, no, more… speaking more words she could not understand.
She turned around, but there was nothing to see.
She frowned and continued walking. Two days later, Metsukihi created a storm of pine needles coated in icicles.
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The nightmares returned, and once again, Karin kept them to herself. This time, familiar faces wove themselves through her memory - Captain Hitsugaya; Vice Captain Abarai of Squad Six; Vice Captain Kuchiki of Squad Thirteen; even the Substitute Shinigami whose face she had only seen in photographs.
Karin Shiba had lived in the Seireitei for nearly two decades now, but by the standards of Shinigami, she was no more than a child. As a human, she would not have allowed herself to cry, not at more than twenty years of living. But as a Shinigami, she could not help herself.
Usually, she appeased her waking fears by pulling herself out of bed and going to the mound of paperwork that sat on her Captain's desk, hoping that the mundaneness would be enough to distract her, lull her back to sleep.
But on rare occasions, Karin would walk into the office only to find her Vice Captain sprawled on the couch, sake in hand, snoring gently. Karin would slip a stack of papers and drag them toward the hallway - except Matsumoto, despite her heavy slumber, would wake up and tell Karin to set those back down ('I'll get to them in the morning') and open her arms, and Karin, still shaky from her nightmares, would acquiesce, curling deep into the woman's side.
Despite the fact that these occasions usually resulted in Karin nearly suffocating against Matsumoto's bosom, Karin never had the nightmares as she slept by another's side.
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"K- Shiba."
"Yes, Captain?"
"I'm promoting you to Fifth Seat."
"…alright."
An era of peace had set in, or so it seemed. Karin's greatest duties were attending to paperwork involving the transfer of officers between Squads. One of those transfers turned out to be the former Fifth Seat. Not that anyone was particularly surprised, since the man had seemed to be the type that belonged in Squad Eleven.
When war came, as it always did, Hitsugaya stopped training with Karin and turned his attention to the protection of the World of the Living. When he traveled there - going to protect some place called Karakura Town - he put Karin in charge of the Squad in Seireitei.
When she asked why, he only hesitated for a split second, before telling her that he needed her diligence and attention to detail in order to make sure everything ran smoothly.
When he walked away from her, she almost believed him.
She picked that moment to glance at Vice Captain Matsumoto, who stared at Captain Hitsugaya's back as well. Pupils dilated, mouth set in a thin curve; Karin knew only that she'd lost herself to memories in that instant.
And as the white-haired Captain departed through the Senkaimon, Matsumoto barely remembered to follow him through before its closing.
After that, the dreams returned, pestering Karin to no end. She found herself sleeping practically nightly in Hitsugaya's office, since something about the musty smell of paperwork and the musky smell of that rancid old couch made her feel safe. The dreams found her still, but not as often.
Tales of battle crossed her desk. Reports of squad members killed or injured in combat; medical records from Squad Four; requests for support from the Substitute Shinigami. She approved or denied them based solely on protocol; the Head Captain had said to leave Ichigo Kurosaki out of this, so that's what she wrote. 'The other heroes can handle this,' she told herself firmly. They would send the Vice Captains to the front lines, and then the Captains.
Imagine the shock written on her face when battle found her, a mere Fifth Seat!
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She woke with a sputtering gasp, as if submerged. The back of her throat burned, and something dug into a large bruise on her temple. She sat up to white walls and red bandages, trying to remember.
She'd been ambushed. The enemy had snuck into Seireitei, and she'd been ambushed. Struck on the head, kicked to the ground. She remembered nothing, not a face, not an attack.
"So you're finally awake."
Karin would have jumped out of the Squad Four cot if not for the straps suspending her (presumably) broken leg. "Captain?!"
Toshiro Hitsugaya never smiled, but the ghost of one graced his lips. "I'm glad you're okay, Ku- Karin."
She looked away, tasting persimmons on the roof of her mouth. "I failed you. I couldn't protect anyone."
"That's true. But… I don't care. You're okay. The fight is over, for now."
"…Captain." Karin blinked slowly, and an oddly familiar stress line fractured her eyebrow. "Who was I?"
This was not the question that Toshiro Hitsugaya had expected. He ran circles in his mind. This wasn't supposed to happen, not yet. Not until someone more capable could explain things to her. "What do you mean?"
"I know it's not my first name you keep starting your sentences with." Karin K- but what was the rest? "I've seen you. In my dreams, in the World of the Living. I was there, wasn't I?" Wasn't I?
A long pause. A long sigh. "I was supposed to keep you out of danger." Toshiro paced, drawing long footsteps upon the tiles. "You were Karin Kurosaki. And I was the third Shinigami you met, or maybe the fourth." Green eyes met silver. "The first was Ichigo Kurosaki, the Substitute Shinigami. Your brother."
She didn't remember. Still, after far too many bad dreams. But she could attach titles to faces - the honey-haired girl who nearly got hit by a car in every dream was her sister; the Substitute Shinigami bleeding his life away on pavement was her brother; the man crying over a fuzzy-eyed body was her father.
There were they, the three of them, standing over a pair of graves; one large, one small; one old and stately, the other freshly dug. Others watched, too - a man with pale hair and a cane; a boy with red hair, baseball bat stowed at his feet; a woman with flower barrettes pinned to a blue dress.
On one side, a group of Shinigami. Rukia Kuchiki. Renji Abarai.
Toshiro Hitsugaya.
Karin barely noticed tears blurring her vision.
But gentle hands cupped her cheek, wiped them away. "Karin," he said. "Karin, it's okay. It'll make sense, I promise."
Her eyes squeezed shut, squeezed until she thought they might burst. "You knew? All this time, and you never told me?" Injuries aside, she knew her reiatsu swelled then, though she was nothing compared to her Captain. "Why didn't you tell me?"
He sighed. "Because you didn't know. And remembering is harder than forgetting."
"Toshiro." Hitsugaya glanced up, eyes sharp as ice. "I won't call you 'Captain Hitsugaya', now that I know who you are. Or who you were to me."
"Er… what do you mean? Who was I to you?"
Karin glanced away, down. Blushed. She hadn't meant to reveal that much, but now she'd trapped herself. She knew what those dreams meant, how insistent they'd been upon drawing a person close and intertwining fingers with a dragon. "I think… I think I loved you."
As she spoke, she felt the truth of it on her tongue. As she shut her mouth, she read the truth of it in her Captain's eyes. Shock and pure wonder, like a child in his first snowstorm.
He kissed her. The next day, she remembered everything.