I first met her when I nearly tripped over her in the dusty, dirt-poor streets of Rukon. I had already closed my eyes to the suffering and despair around me, raising my carefully crafted mask to the world. I had my plan - I knew what I wanted and I knew how to get it. I was ready to turn my ideas into action… and I nearly tripped over her.
Gomen ne.
She threw a wrench into my meticulously laid plans, but… within a few moments, she somehow meant everything to me. She was dirty and worthless laying there in the street, yet I gave her food, a name, a birthday… and she became the center of my entire universe, and that scared me. So I left.
Gomen ne.
I quickly discovered that I couldn't run from her. I saw her everywhere, even with my eyes closed, even when she wasn't there, even when I tried to forget her. I dove into my studies in an attempt to forget her… but she followed me. Even now I remember seeing her near death because of Aizen.
Gomen ne.
When I swore to avenge her, I realized just how much she meant to me. I knew she had been important, but now… now. I would do anything for her, even if she didn't know it. I loved her. So I set in motion another plan, one that wouldn't - couldn't - fail. I would do it… for her.
Gomen ne.
It was when I was in her strong grip, her sword against my throat, that I realized exactly how much this would hurt both of us. Her, for believing I had betrayed her, and me, for acting as such and giving basis for that belief. It hurt, more than I care to admit.
Gomen ne.
But I knew what I had to do. I knew what I would do. I knew what I needed to do. When she stepped away before I was taken to Hueco Mundo, I could barely find the strength to keep going. If only I could stay there, in her arms - even with her sword at my throat. It was for her, and that's the only thing that kept me going. But even so…
Gomen ne.
I wanted to fix things so you wouldn't have to cry any more. I failed. But at least I apologized.
Sayonara, Rangiku. Gomen ne.