Naruto is a Dipshit
By Amanda (Rock) Lee
A crisp breeze brushed through Naruto's hair, sending a shiver down his spine. He had tried to tame the beastly hair with gels and sprays, but to no avail. Naruto was heart-broken to discover that products didn't work in his hair. He begrudgingly had to wear his bristly hair natural to his first day at The Academy. It was horribly mundane. He couldn't believe he had to sit in a desk all day long instead of learning jutsus outside and sparring with the other students!
"What a drag," Naruto heard from across the room; his thoughts exactly. Naruto eyed the other students. Everyone had normal tame hair and no one's hair was bright yellow! Everyone was wearing dull colored clothing too. Naruto suddenly began to second guess that fashion article he stole from the Hokage's office. Glaring orange wasn't "in" at all! Naruto slouched and crossed his anxious arms. He was used to being self-conscious and couldn't believe he had actually thought he would be able to make some cool, ninja friends here.
"Attention class," Naruto's eyes shifted onto a rigid figure that looked less than qualified to teach the class. In fact, it looked like he'd come across a guy with a kunai and tried to block the attack with his face. "My name is Iruka Sensei and I will be your instructor to help you all become genin. Now I'm going to go through the attendance list and see if anyone is absent." Naruto didn't know what 'ab-sent' meant, or 'a ten dance' for that matter, but he wasn't about to ask and draw even more attention to himself. He slid further into his wooden chair. "When I call your name, say 'here' and raise your hand, so that I know who you are."
Naruto kicked the edge of the desk. He panned across the classroom once again. What a bunch of weirdos. There was a guy who was currently eating his eighth bag of chips, a dude balancing a dog on his head, two girls both staring at the same boy who apparently cut his hair in the dark, a sleeping kid, and some pupil-less demon girl staring right at him. Naruto snapped his head back forward. These were supposed to be future ninjas? Yeah right. Naruto realized his chances for becoming the next Hokage were even better than expected. He smirked. This is going to be a piece of cake.
"Naruto Uzumaki," Iruka Sensei startled Naruto from the Hokage artwork he was currently drawing on his desk.
"Here!" Naruto inadvertently shouted and raised his rapid hand. The pencil flew out of his clutch, smacked the ceiling, and ricocheted into a girl with flowery pink hair.
"Ouch!" The girl stood up viciously, kicked her chair out of the way, and drew Naruto's blood with her sharp eyes. "NAR-U-TO? That's your name, right? NAR-uto, you're going to pay for that. I'll make sure you never pass this class! You'll never be a ninja and I'll never have to associate myself with you ever again! You might as well drop out right now!" She chucked the pencil back at him.
Naruto forgot about his audacious outfit, spurred by this cute girl's insults, and stood up just as forcefully. "HEY, YOU BETTER WATCH YOUR MOUTH BECAUSE I'M GONNA BE THE NEXT HOKAGE! BELIEVE IT! NO WAY I'M DROPPING OUT NOW! It's not like I threw my pencil at you on purpose anyway!"
The girl erupted into forced laughter, "HA! Good one, NAR-uto! You think you can be a shinobi, but all you'll ever be is a shi-nobody!"
"That's enough!" Iruka Sensei interjected. His suddenly stern eyes contrasted with his previously light-hearted expression. "Both of you sit down!" he demanded. "There will be no fighting in my classroom. …Naruto Uzumaki…" Iruka marked the attendance paper accordingly. "Well, at least I don't have to worry about forgetting who you are. Not with that distinguishing hair and outfit."
Naruto looked down at his jacket in awe. He looked at the clock, finished his drawing, looked at the clock again, dug around in his pockets, and looked at the clock. Naruto drew another picture on the desk. This time he drew himself shining and the villagers clapping for him.
Naruto was just about to interrogate the clock again, when Iruka Sensei announced, "Alright! Class dismissed!" Naruto dashed to Iruka Sensei.
"Iruka Sensei! Is it true?" Naruto pried.
Iruka creased his eyebrows, "Is what true?"
"Everyone will know who I am if I wear this outfit! That's what 'distance squishing' is, right? Everyone will know me, so when I'm the best shinobi in the village, they'll HAVE to make me Hokage! Right?" Naruto gleamed.
"Well, 'distinguishing' means that when people see your, uh, look, they'll know it's you, Naruto. That, often times, is not advantageous as a ninja because adversaries can identify you a mile away." Iruka was expecting Naruto's enthusiasm to plummet, but it only increased.
Naruto interlaced his fingers behind his head and grinned, "I don't know what all those words mean, but if you're telling me that when I fight bad guys they'll look at me and say 'Oh no! It's Naruto! He's the most powerful ninja in The Hidden Leaf Village!' then COUNT ME IN. I'm wearing this outfit from here on out! Thanks Iruka Sensei!" Naruto grabbed his backpack and tore out of the classroom before Iruka could advise him any different.
As darkness clouded the late sky and the sun sunk beneath the hidden leaves, Naruto gazed at the ceiling. He thought of the girl with the angry face and the blushing hair. He couldn't remember her name. She probably wouldn't play a significant role in his future anyway. No, she wasn't important, but what she said was. Naruto believed that if from now on he was as loud and bright as possible, he would never be a "shi-nobody." He was going to be shi-somebody! He was going to be Hokage. Believe it!