Just a little fun thing a friend and I put together.
I don't own any rights to the Sherlock series.
"He obviously prefers me," Irene Adler said haughtily to John Watson, referring to Sherlock Holmes.
"That's not what I heard him say last night," shouted John.
"You're just a distraction to him," John elaborated smugly. "He knows he'll always have me to lean on. You, on the other hand, are a harlot; not worthy of his time."
Irene scoffed at the words John just muttered. "You're just an innocent little boy in comparison to myself. I know how to handle a man like Sherlock. You on the other hand have no real experience in the matter."
"Says the woman that prefers other women. Not that there's anything wrong with that," he added, ever about equality. "But still," he went on, "I think I know more about his sweet spots than you do. I've been with him longer. We've had many a cuddle session."
Sherlock, himself, was sitting in his chair waiting for the two to stop bickering so that he could get a word in edgewise. "Are you two done yet?"
"Obviously the best person for Sherlock is myself," said the ever deductive detective, crossing his long legs seductively. "Where would I be without myself?" He asked to no one in particular. "But if I had to choose... Well, I would definitely choose...uhh I mean I want you...both?" Irene and John both stood speechless, they never thought of the fact that they could both have Sherlock.
"I don't know," John muttered, "I don't think this one could share."
"What is that supposed to mean," spat Irene back.
"No, I take it back," John snapped, jealously eating his insides. "I may bend backwards for you, Sherlock, but that's only because you're you. There's no way Irene can stay in the picture. But if it's her you want," he went on, turning to look out the window, his back to Sherlock, "I suppose I'll have no choice but to leave. And try not to look back."
"Ugh, I can't believe you're acting so dramatic," Sherlock snapped.
"B-but, isn't she the one you really want," John almost wept.
"If you have observed anything that has happened, thus far, you'll notice I have said nothing in favor of either of you. Just that I would want both," Sherlock said coldly.
"I think I have a solution," Sherlock relented, seeing he hurt John with his insensitive words. Something he tried not to do. "There's only one way to settle the matter. Mexican jousting."
"Mexican WHAT?" These words were shouted from both John and Irene, almost simultaneously.
"You're not hard of hearing," Sherlock said, clearly unperturbed with their outbursts. "Mexican jousting. Either you do it, or I'll be gone for a week in an exotic location. You two can then have a time chasing me down. If you prefer the second option, the first person to find me will be my sweetheart for a month, but no longer. We'll all be back at square one after that time."
"God damnit Sherlock, you would pick something this ridiculous to settle an argument," John said, obviously annoyed with him.
"Well, I think that this party has just become unworthy of my company. I thought you were a man of dignity and not someone with childish ideas," Irene scoffed. "You two have fun with whatever that hell Sherlock just suggested. I have many other dignified customers that will actually pay me to do things of this nature," Irene left with these words lingering in the air.
"Come, John," Sherlock said. "We have a honeymoon in Majorca waiting for us. I scheduled it last week while you out of town." John looked both annoyed and pleased. He had this planned from the beginning. But really, he reasoned, this was Sherlock he was talking about.