RIDONCULOUS RACE: Take 2
Episode One: None down, 20 to go part 1
"This is Toronto, the capital of North America. Birthplace to Funk, where the albino panther roams free. Beneath my manly size 13 brogues, 22 teams are arriving at this historic train station, ready to embark on a race around the world. I'm your host, Don, and this is...the Ridonculous Race," Don explained. He was a handsome man with light brown hair and dark eyes.
Cue theme music.
"Welcome to the Ridonculous Race. Right now, 22 teams across the country are readying themselves to embark on a race to the death!" Don said with excitement but flinched as his earpiece went off.
"Not to the death?" he clarified. "Okay…"
He turned back to the camera, brightly smiling. "Let's meet the teams that...aren't...racing to their deaths! DJ and Brick, the nice guys,"
The camera cut to two well-built men, amiably chatting and laughing as the bus drove.
"Brick and I met when Chris was picking' people for All Stars," DJ explained. "His noble nature was what made me approach him. There's just not enough gentle people out there!"
"DJ's honourable," Brick said. "In Total Drama, people were constantly changing for the competition, but he stayed true to his country...his friends...That's how I knew I could count on him,"
"We've been friends ever since," DJ finished with a grin readily returned by Brick.
"Courtney and Heather, the HBICs," Don continued as the camera panned to two girls, glaring angrily at each other. When they weren't doing this, they glared at everyone else.
"Courtney and I have been competing against each other since Total Drama Island," Heather said icily.
"I thought Heather was a snotty witch that backstabbed everyone in her path," Courtney said rather candidly, causing the Asian to let out a snarl.
"And I thought Courtney was an uptight snob who cried to her lawyers every time her boyfriend said no!" she quickly retaliated, causing the Hispanic girl to hiss in anger. "But we've moved past that,"
"We have. We realised that if anyone deserved a million bucks, it was us. And nobody could stand against us if we worked together!" Courtney said, a vicious grin crossing her face as she spoke. Her final words set both she and Heather into laughter, lightning flashing as their maniacal giggling continued.
"Lightning and Justin...narcissists,"
A rather athletic looking man with dark skin, shaved black hair, and a navy-blue polo with the number one printed on it, kissed his biceps loudly. However, his companion didn't seem to mind. He gazed at his reflection the way Narcissist gazed at his reflection in the lake, and who could blame him? With long brown hair, piercing blue eyes and honey brown skin, he was practically Adonis.
"After the Drama Brothers disbanded, I took a good long hard look at myself in the mirror, and I saw...a handsome man with untapped potential," Justin said smoothly. "But agencies these days prefer models with bulk, not a lean god of a man. So, I hit the gym. It was one of the hardest experiences of my life,"
"When Lightning saw him sha-struggling to lift the 5 kilo weights, he knew," Lightning said wisely. "Lightning saw someone who needed a helping' hand and became so he became Justin's sha-mentor,"
"They weren't five kilos!" Justin said hurriedly, his face reddening with the revelation Lightning had spilt.
"Sha-yeah, huh," Lightning said. "See, I remember. They had to be specially pulled out, because there's a sha-mandatory minimum weight of ten kilos,"
"CUT!" Justin wailed dramatically, flinging his hand at the camera.
"Jo and Eva...athletes,"
Two rather strong looking women pumped weights, both with headphones in. Their expressions were stoic.
"Eva was my favourite of the original cast. I really admired the way she nearly ripped Cody's hand off," Jo said.
"And while I didn't approve of Jo's means of resources, I liked the way she never let her sportsman abilities go," Eva said in the same emotionless voice.
"What happens when you put two powerhouses together?" Jo asked, raising a brow.
"We crush the competition!" Eva roared. "Especially Heather!" She paused, hearing nothing from Jo.
"Too far?"
"No, I was impressed," Jo replied with what seemed to be a genuine smile.
"Gwen and Trent, recently reunited exes,"
A couple sat in the middle of the bus. She looked up at him happily, blushing red. He grinned back at her, just as eager, and held her hand.
"Gwen and I broke up in Action. It was pretty hard, not going to lie," Trent said.
"But about three months ago, we caught up in Ontario and got some coffee, and we've been going strong since!" Gwen said happily.
"I was pretty bummed I missed out on World Tour, so I'm happy I have this opportunity to see the world, especially with one of the coolest girls, ever!" Trent confessed.
"And we can do it together!" Gwen said, causing both to grin brightly.
"Carrie and Devin, best friends,"
Two friends smiled at each other. The girl bit her lip in excitement, blushing and looking away. When her companion returned to his book, she looked back at him, dreamily.
"Devin and I met in the sandbox, and we haven't spent a day apart since!" Carrie said brightly. "If anyone can win this, it's us!"
"Yeah," Devin laughed. As he spoke, Carrie grew dreamy eyed. "I know Carrie so well, it's like we're…"
As he thought of the word, he looked at Carrie, whose face was pink. "What're you doing?"
"Hmmm? Oh! L-lint check! For the camera!" she said nervously, flicking a hair from his shirt. Devin seemed unconvinced, despite this.
"Who!" she cheered. "Race!"
Near them, two siblings fell out of their seat in a physical fight, relentlessly shoving and hitting each other.
"New stepbrothers, Chet and Lorenzo,"
"My dad married his mum last year, but we still hate each other, but they're still making us do this! Jerks!"
This unspeakable insult caused Chet to gasp in fury.
"DON'T YOU CALL MY MOM A JERK...JERK!" he yelled, shoving Lorenzo off screen.
"Shut your piehole, jerk!" Lorenzo snarled, racing back and shoving Chet off screen. Chet tackled Lorenzo to the ground as the camera went black.
"Also racing, actual sisters, Emma and Kitty,"
As the bus stopped, the camera paused on a pair of siblings grabbing their luggage. Well one was. The other was taking a selfie, causing the first to narrow her eyes in frustration as she took her phone out of her sister's hands.
"I'm studying International Law, so that's gonna give us a real edge," Emma said proudly. "Which is good because we're here to win!"
"And to see the world," Kitty interjected happily. "Meet hot guys and have some fun!"
"If there's time for that, which there won't be since we're going to spend all our time on winning. So, let's just focus on that, kay?" Emma said hurriedly. Kitty's smile dropped as she spoke and she let out a small, disappointed sigh.
"Good!" Emma said, smiling at the camera.
"Models, Anya and Kelsey,"
Two girls sat side by side, examining their phones. After five seconds, they exchanged it.
"The modelling world can be cutthroat," Anya said. "So, we know how to play dirty,"
Kelsey looked at her, a little intimidated. "I don't know if I want to play dirty,"
"Kels, sweetie, are you on the runway or in an ad people skip over?" Anya said condescendingly.
"I wanna be on the runway!"
"Then PLAY DIRTY," Anya said, suddenly exploding in rage, causing Kelsey to frown and nod rapidly in fear.
"Skylar and Cameron, all around competitions,"
"Sky and I met in Grade 1 where we both won first place for sports day!" Cameron said proudly. "She's the only one as talented at winning as I am!"
"So, what if we have no social life or sleep?" Skylar asked casually. "All we need is the gold!"
"And each other, right?" Cameron asked with a smile. Skylar turned away, awkwardly.
"RIGHT?!"
"Owen and Noah, seasoned reality show participants,"
Two males sat side by side, waiting for others to get off. One had a look of hopeful excitement, the other a look of sarcastic exasperation.
"Yeah! Woohoo!" the excited one cheered, raising his hand close to the others face, "Don't leave me hanging',"
"Noah and I met on Total Drama!" Owen explained. "And we've both been on tons of reality shows since then! Like Meltdown Kitchen, Scare Tractor, and Fashionista Flip-Flops!"
"Don't know how you got on that one," Noah said blandly. Despite his sarcasm-laden words, Owen broke into giggles.
"I'm just so psyched to be reunited with my little buddy!" Owen gushed and pulled Noah into a crushing hug. "Come here!"
Noah let out a futile scream as some of his bones cracked.
"Geoff and Brody, lifelong friends and surfer dudes!"
Two males in pink clothes smiled at each other.
"Ahaha! Going around the world on someone else's drive. Sa-weet!" the blonde exclaimed. "Hey Bridgette! Love you babe!"
"My girl and I did Total Drama," Geoff explained. "But she's surfin' her way around Australia right now. So, boom! Entre my bud, Brody,"
Brody grinned at the camera. "Yeah-hah, man! Guy, bros forever. G&B for the W-I-N."
"Crimson and Ennui, two exceptionally pale teens,"
The gothic duo didn't say a word, just staring down the camera.
"Now, that's just unnerving,"
"Hailey and Jenna. Best frenemies,"
"Hails and I have been friends for years, but we always seem to fight," Jenna said with a sad frown.
"It's not my fault you can't admit you're wrong!" Hailey cried.
"See? She always acts like I'm intentionally out to get her!" Jenna retorted.
"Oh, who cut the stage light above my head in year five?"
"Who stole my role of Marie in North Lane Novel?"
"You're impossible!" Both girls cried simultaneously.
The bus doors opened, and two pink-clad competitors leapt out. "Josee and Jacques, ice dancers,"
They both grinned widely at the cameras, waving.
"We know how to win! We've won gold everywhere!" Jacques said proudly, with a heavy French accent.
"Except...the Olympics," Josee said with a small grimace. "He dropped me, so we only got silver,"
Jacques suddenly let out a wail. "Gah! I don't want to talk about it!"
"Jacques!" Josee called with concern, before turning back to the camera with an apologetic smile. "Silver is his least favourite colour,"
"Also racing...Tom and Jen, fashion bloggers with impeccable taste...I told you not to let the teams write their own cards,"
"Hey, hey to all our blog followers out there," Jen called. "Wish us luck!"
"I bet Jen we could win the race, but I didn't think she'd actually take me up on it!"
"I put my mind to something," Jen said, her tone determined now, "And it happens!"
"Roman and Julie, actors,"
"We met in the theatre club," Roman said dramatically. "Our eyes locked across the room,"
"Separate, we played main roles," Julie said, "But together, we're the STARS of the show!"
"This may be a reality show, but it is our foray into the life of acting!"
"And any exposure is good exposure,"
"Olivia and Amy, evil sisters,"
"So last time I was on a reality show, my sister, Samey, robbed me. So, daddy said I could enter this and he'd make sure Samey didn't apply too! Thanks daddy!" Amy said.
"My sister burnt all my Total Drama applications," Olivia said sadly.
"Ohmigosh! Do you know why?"
"Probs because I burnt all her favourite makeup in front of her and stole all her friends, boyfriends and turned the whole school against her," Olivia said blithely.
"Oh," Amy said, with barely concealed horror. Rivalry or not, Amy would never burn makeup!
"Are you judging me?" Olivia asked, appalled
"No!" Amy cried.
Olivia, seeming not to believe her, dive tackled her.
"Macarthur and Sanders, ambitious police cadets,"
"We're tough as nails, and we'll go to the extreme to win this thing!" MacArthur bragged.
"Definitely! As long as we don't break any international laws!" Sanders agreed.
"Mmmm, I'm okay with breaking a few," MacArthur said, causing Sanders to give her a disapproving look.
"And finally, Lindsay and Dakota, blonde bombshells,"
"Total Drama was way hard," Lindsay said, quite serious. "But I made some friends and had fun. And I'm only 22! I haven't even begun my life yet! So, Dakota and I signed up for this,"
"Totally! This is gonna be SO much fun," Dakota agreed. "Lindsay's the sweetest. Plus, Don ensured I would have, like, no exposure to mutation or worse, internships, so here we are!"
"Awwwww, no you're the sweetest!" Lindsay said, before gasping. "Do you think we might be able to shop this time!?"
The two stared at each other for a moment before screeching so loudly, the camera's glass broke.
"Welcome contestants!" Don said. "This is the starting point for your 26-part race around the world. Each part ends at a Chill Zone. Get there fast because the last team to get there may be cut from the competition. But the first team to reach our last chill zone will win one. Million. Dollars."
Everyone cheered as Don approached a small statue of himself. "Look over here. This is our Ridonculous tip box. Also known as the Don Box. Press the button to get the tips that will lead you to the Ridonculous Race. Ready, teams? On your marks, get set, RACE!"
Immediately, all 20 teams rushed to the Don Box.
"Watch the face!" Don protested, not able to move hastily enough. "Not the hair!"
His complaints filtered into whimpers of pain.
"Race on foot," Geoff read aloud as he hit the button and collected his tips, "To the Seeing Tower!"
"And find the Don Box…" read a panting Kitty, "To get your next tip!"
"There's the tower!" Jo yelled.
"And here comes the competition," Jacques called out. Jo turned back for a second to gauge how close they were and kicked a bin. It flew in the air and knocked the Ice Dancers out.
"My bad!" the female bully called uncaringly.
"Whoa, nasty!" Geoff panted. "Are you guys okay?"
A second later, both pushed the bin into the air with both hands and started running again.
"Fab!" Geoff laughed a second before the bin hit him and Brody. "Go!" he called regardless as teams caught up.
"There's the Don Box," Eva called and punched it.
"It's an either or?" Jo read. "What the hell's an either or?"
As she spoke, Jacques and Josee leapt over them to press the button, and Geoff and Brody- still trapped by the bin- hit a wall.
"An either or," Don explained, "gives teams the choice of two challenges. They either climb 144 flights of stairs to reach the world's highest observation deck that's just under a billion stairs, or scares, where they'll get the scare of a lifetime doing this skywalk all around the edge of the tower. Not to worry though, as a precaution, they've been given helmets and I've had a safety rail installed,"
A sharp gust of wind caused another camera to crack.
"When either task is completed, teams will have to see this local guy for their next tip," Don exclaimed, gesturing to a sleeping man.
"144 flights of stairs. Yeah, let's do Scares," Sanders scoffed, running off.
"Scares! Totes!" Anya said.
"Scares," Chet grunted as he and Lorenzo struggled over the tip. He let go, sending Lorenzo flying. "Called it!"
"Sha-please!" Lightning scoffed. "All of you are sha-weaklings! We're doing the stairs!"
"What!? But my face...my body...it's not been exposed to such extremities! Come on, Lightning, can't we talk about this?" Justin whined, following Lightning to the stairs.
"Alright, first place!" Jo said excitedly. "Give me five!"
"No, wait!" Eva yelled as Jo went for a high five, knowing she couldn't put her hand up in time. Sure enough, Jo's hand collided with buttons, shorting them all out.
"Who knew such a skinny tower could have so many floors?" the blonde laughed nervously under Eva's glare.
Shortly after, the other teams arrived in the elevator.
"Who pushed all the buttons?" Geoff asked.
"I'mma take the stairs," MacArthur decided, ignoring Sanders pleas to wait.
Soon, all that was left in the first elevator were Tom and Jen and Anya and Kelsey.
"So, you two are models?" Jen asked
"Yeah!" Kelsey said eagerly
"Oh, it shows. You two have great taste!"
"Aww, thank you. I love your blog," Kelsey offered. "So hot!"
"Aww!" Jen cooed.
"We chose stairs, Eva," Jo huffed as they ran. "Always stairs."
Behind them, Lightning rushed closer, Justin several flights back.
While the two athletes and narcissists commit to climbing the unconscionable number of stairs, more teams choose scares...but they're in for a long wait!
"Hey, hey, fashion blog followers! We're with supermodels Anya and Kelsey who want to talk about fashion faux pas, which is…"
"Overalls! Ugh, nasty!" Anya shuddered.
"I know, right? Like, get with today!" Kelsey agreed. Neither noticed the irritated looking janitor behind them.
The doors opened and all four walked out, looking disgruntled. Anya had a bucket on her head, and Kelsey was covered with a sopping mop.
"I don't see any other teams," Jen said as she looked around.
"We're winning!" Kelsey said, causing she and Jen to squeal loudly.
"Let's hit the skywalk and strut, all the way to the winner's circle," Tom suggested.
"We are so the teams to beat!"
"We have to walk…" Anya said, looking green as she eyed the height. "UP HERE!?"
Oh yes, you do.
The Ridonculous Race will return!
A.N.
So I'm very keen to start writing this! Don't get me wrong, I loved all 18 teams of the original RR, but I wanted to try writing this.
Hope you all enjoy!