Since the fic is getting bigger, here's the basic rundown:
The first five chapters are plot and world building. The story can be read as complete with just those five chapters. The rest can be read in no particular order! So don't feel intimidated by the larger amount of chapters. This is a very low commitment fanfiction.
This is a Mineta smackdown fic. He's gonna die. A lot. Want to see Grape Juice get squished by a character you actually like? Feel free to request ANY vs character you don't see, or even a duplicate of one which has already been written. There aren't any limits, besides the T rating.
Other than that, have fun! This story does not take itself all that seriously, but the plot makes sense, and I keep everyone in character. Which unfortunately includes Mineta. More on that in my original author's note below. Thanks for reading! :)
~o~
Writing this had drawbacks. Sure, I got to write about Mineta getting beaten up constantly, but my standards wouldn't allow him to be out of character. Which meant I had to give some thought to how that disgusting little slime ball thinks.
I had to take that bullet, so the rest of you could enjoy this fic. I hope it was worth it, and that this brings a smile to your face. I leaned into the hatred, and wrote in a purple document in Comic Sans while listening to nothing but 'Peanut Butter Jelly Time' for the few hours it took to get this all put together, and as a result, I think I got Mineta's personality down pretty well.
Rated T for Mineta's existence, Bakugo's language, anime violence, and because I already know I'm gonna enjoy the beat downs too much.
I originally wrote this with Mineta's annoying English dub lisp. But it was pissing me off, so it's gone now. XD Sorry, that's the one Mineta-ism I can't write true to his character, it was really annoying to write/read. It may still show up very occasionally, if it's worse than normal for any reason.
With no further ado, let's begin! :)
~o~
Disclaimer: I don't own Mineta, and the thought of doing so was so gross I needed thirty two showers and bleach for my brain to forget about it.
~o~
Minoru Mineta ogled the rows of lacy panties in the lingerie section, drool dribbling down the side of his mouth. 'They have some sexy underwear here," he muttered under his breath, reaching out with his sweaty hand to stroke the soft, cotton fabric, vivid fantasies springing into his mind. His hand was touching the delicate panties, and one day they would be touching-!
Bystanders gave the drooling boy a wide berth, shooting him vaguely disgusted glances as he laughed quietly to himself, stroking the fabric perversely.
"Mina would like the leopard print ones," Mineta mumbled, looking at the neon pink leopard print panties, "and Yaoyorozu would like the satin ruffle pair, I just know it!" His keen eyes caught a glimpse of lace from the side of the display, and he pulled out a skimpy thong with scarlet bows and spider webbed lace, his eyes fevered with imagination. "Uraraka isn't fooling me, I just know she'd be a dirty whore in the sack!"
Caught by inspiration, the disgusting teen started gathering panties. "I'll give them to the girls," he muttered out loud, his heart pounding hard in his chest. "And then they'll want to try them on for me! Gotta see if they look good after all, and if they don't, maybe…they'll take them off!"
His arms full of panties, and his head full of unrealistic porn, the distracted hero-in-training bumped into another shopper as he exited the underwear section. Panties spilled everywhere, and the woman's bag clocked him hard in the forehead. "Hey!" Mineta complained, his fantasies breaking off.
He stopped, staring up at the young woman with hair like burnished sunshine. 'Oh crap, she's hot!'
"I'm so sorry," the gorgeous blonde apologized, wincing. She saw the panties on the ground, and her forehead creased. She looked at the short pervert, who still had drool on his chin. He appeared to be undressing her with his eyes, from head to toe, not even bothering to hide his stares.
She seemed to make a reluctant decision. Her jade green eyes focused on Mineta, her irises shifting to orange and dilating mechanically like the zoom ring of a camera. Light flashed from her pupils, leaving the boy blinking.
When the light faded, the woman covered her mouth with one hand, looking nauseated.
Mineta gaped at her, excitement throbbing through his pants. "Was that some kind of X-ray Quirk? You could've just asked!" he exclaimed wildly, the panties forgotten.
"Excuse me," the woman breathed, her voice strained, pushing past Mineta at a run.
"Tch." He watched her go, making careful note of the curve of her thighs from behind, some of the manic light fading from his face. 'I still think she's hot,' he thought to himself, wondering if he could find a video of a porn star who looked like her to entertain him later. 'Maybe bondage? Ehehehe…'
He leaned down to pick up the panties, and headed to the front register of the clothing store.
He bought the underwear, making plans to hide them in the girl's desks the next day at school. Then they'd try them on later, not knowing his hands had touched them…
His purchases secured, Mineta walked out into the shopping center, blinking in the light of the sun.
"Wow, U.A students are so hot!" a teenage girl squealed to her blue haired friend, and Mineta snapped to attention.
"Why thank you," he simpered obscenely, but she wasn't looking at him.
A highlights reel from the Sports Festival played on the screens of the mall. Todoroki skated down a slide of glacial ice, power frosting from his fingertips while cold wind blew back his white and scarlet hair.
As they walked away, the blue haired girl responded. "Right? Isn't Todoroki just the cutest? Although I like Bakugo, too, just look at his energy!" Her friend said something Mineta couldn't make out, and they laughed together.
Mineta stared with badly hidden disgust at the flat screen. Why did everyone think those guys were so cool? Just because they were born with flashy powers…
"Guys like Todoroki don't know how good they have it," Mineta grumbled, kicking a soda can on the ground as he walked. "One day, I'll be ten times as handsome, and way more powerful, too! That guy will be begging for forgiveness at my feet for daring to take the spotlight from me!"
The thought cheered him up a bit. And after all, he thought to himself, it was a dangerous world full of villains. Maybe something would happen to those guys, and there would be more ladies for Grape Juice.
One day, he'd be so popular, girls would be lining up just to look at him, and he'd be sure to give each and every one some attention…
Dust flew as a boom echoed over the shopping mall.
A scaled claw burst from the dust, slamming into the tiled floor with a thunder crack, leaving a crater of shattered stone. An angled, reptilian head burst out of the cloud of dust next, so high it nearly brushed the ceiling. The shapeshifted villain roared, his draconic voice reverberating over the mall…
'That thing is huge!" Mineta thought, gaping as he stared at the towering lizard monster. He paused. 'That's what she said, ehuhuhu.'
Civilians screamed and ran. The monster roared, the spiked frills around his neck flaring with the colors of the sunrise-
"This looks like a job for Grape Juice!" Mineta yelled, popping the sticky balls off his head, with the plan to immobilize the lizard creature to the ground…from a distance, of course. "Eat my sticky balls!" he shouted, throwing the purple spheres from his head in a barrage.
The balls stuck to the lizard monster's scaly hide, and pinned his back leg to the ground. The shapeshifted villain looked at his leg, and then focused his slit orange eyes on Mineta, an ominous clacking in his throat…
"That's right, you aren't going anywhere now!" Mineta boasted, glad he had worn his hero costume out shopping. He must look so cool…
Scales sloughed off the creature's back leg, regrowing near instantly, leaving Mineta's purple balls stuck uselessly to the ground…
"Oh," Mineta said, gaping, his legs freezing up with surprise.
The spiked frills around the lizards head glowed brighter like a sunburst, and brilliant firelight shone within the creature's gaping throat…
"You have got to be kidding me!"
Mineta screamed, running for the exit as fire bloomed behind him, roasting the floor where he'd been standing. He heard shouts behind him, and alarms blared, but the would-be hero didn't even look back once.
'That thing is too much for me!" he told himself as he ran, bursting out the doors. The lizard creature's long tail was still in the parking lot, whipping through the air, and Mineta backpedaled. He ran towards the alley between buildings instead, looking for a place to hide while all this blew over. 'The pros will handle it! There's no way I can fight something like that!'
After all, he was going to be the most popular guy in the world, someday! He had to protect himself for the sake of all the girls, even if it meant running away a few times! 'Oh, Mineta, you must take care of yourself,' the imaginary women in his mind cooed, stroking his 'manly' chest. 'We need you! Don't worry, I'm sure other heroes will beat that thing!'
"That's right…for the sake of the girls!" Mineta panted out loud, rounding the corner into the alley. He screamed when he saw two figures in the shadows, nearly wetting himself. "Who are you?" he demanded, and blinked with surprise when his eyes adjusted. "Oh hey, it's you!"
The woman from earlier stood in the alley, her burnished gold hair hanging over her crossed arms. The figure behind her stood in shadow, and spoke, her voice smoky and low. "Is this the one?"
"Yeah, this is him," she confirmed, looking down at Mineta with disgust. "He could feed you for a decade."
Mineta's surprise took a backseat to his perviness. "Are you saying you ladies want to eat me!? Line up, there's more than enough Mi-net-a to go around!"
Shadows clung possessively to the woman's skin tight uniform as she walked, relinquishing their hold jealously as she moved languidly into the light. Black horns began at her forehead, curving around her head to twist into the air, demonic and graceful. Her uniform was dark, with jagged golden lines arching down the hems, complete with wicked claws at the ends of her gloved fingertips.
Her predatory eyes gleamed with violet light. Purple smoke curled around her body like dragons of mist, playing through her long, purple hair, which seemed to fade into actual mist at the edges... "Well done, Parapsych," she murmured, addressing her blonde companion.
"Parapsych…" Mineta repeated with his lisp, taking a step back. "Hey, I know that name! You're a villain with a mind reading Quirk!"
Her Quirk was limited to once a day, but it was so powerful she could see every thought a person had ever had. Mineta hadn't recognized her without her steampunk uniform and face mask. Were these two part of the villain attack? Or was it just bad luck they were here too?
But he didn't recognize the horned woman wreathed in mist. "Who are you?" he demanded, popping two balls of in his hands, taking a fighting stance. "I'm a hero, you know! So don't think I'll go easy on you because you're a woman!"
She laughed, revealing needle sharp rows of black teeth. Her eyes gleamed brighter. "He's perfect," she murmured, baring her fangs in a disjointed, snakelike grin, and Mineta shrieked. He threw ball after ball at the villain, so quick his Quirk barely had time to regrow before his sweating hands snatched the balls from his head. The woman's body dispersed into violet mist. The balls passed harmlessly through the cloud of shimmering incense, which smelled strongly of jasmine and sage…
'I have to run!' Mineta thought wildly, as his Quirk did nothing at all to the enemy. 'I have to…'
Little smoke dragons spiraled about his legs, holding him in place, their bodies long and sinuous in the Eastern style, with little wings and leonine heads, and the woman's hands reformed from the mist on either side of his head. "My name…is Biojinx," she murmured, her face appearing from the cloud of incense. Her cold, purple lips kissed Mineta's forehead. Any enjoyment he might have taken from the kiss vanished at the cold agony that shattered through his head.
Grape Juice screamed, the sound lost beneath the roaring of the lizard monster he hadn't been willing to fight, and glittering mist dove into his nose, ears, and open mouth hungrily, as if it had been waiting to strike.
Biojinx let her hands fall, and Mineta hit the ground with a thud, his vision hazed with purple and glittering sparks. She stood over him, a vision of long legs and athletic curves he could appreciate even while possibly dying…
Colors and sounds melded and overlapped oddly as his consciousness faded, but he saw Biojinx turn away on her heels, unhurried and somehow satisfied. "Let's go…Parapsych…"
Mineta lay numbly on the ground, unable to close his eyes, as his heartbeat thundered in his ears and his vision went black…
He woke up some time later lying in a pile of garbage.
Mineta groaned pathetically, rolling over. Garbage crinkled as he moved, and flies buzzed angrily as they took off from his face. It stunk like rotten cabbage and dirty socks. "What happened?" he whimpered, sitting up in the dark alley.
"AH!" Mineta exclaimed, shooting to his feet as he remembered Biojinx. The mysterious villain was nowhere to be seen, though he could still smell her jasmine and sage incense lingering in the air beneath the stench of garbage.
He looked at his hands, and at the sliver of sky visible above the alley, gaping. His vision was tinted purple, ever so faintly. He shook his head and slapped his cheeks, but the tint remained.
What had she done to him?
"Okay, Mineta, don't panic!" he instructed in a panic, his voice high and shrill. "It was probably nothing! Her attack failed! Yeah, that's gotta be it!" He almost believed himself, too.
Mineta stumbled out of the alleyway. The banana peel on his head slid off, landing just in front of his foot. He slipped, crashing headfirst into a pane of glass carried by two workers outside the mall. "Hey, watch it!" the construction worker griped. "Look what you did! You'd better be willing to pay for that…"
His head pounding, Mineta stood back up shakily, staring at what he'd crashed into. "A…a mirror?" he said out loud, dumbstruck.
A black cat streaked across his path, yowling angrily, and Mineta jumped. Above, the clouds began to darken, as if threatening a sudden thunderstorm, and he heard the unmistakable cawing of crows.
With a bad feeling growing in his stomach, Mineta broke off at a run down the street. "Sorry about the damage!" he called out hurriedly, the maintenance workers shouting after him.
'What's going on?" he thought, his little legs pounding on the pavement towards the main street. 'What do I do?'
A man bumped into him as he ran down the sidewalk, nearly knocking the young hero over. "Hey, watch it!" the stranger complained. A second, unrelated stranger slammed into him next, as if he hadn't seen him at all, and this time, Mineta fell into a puddle by the side of the road filled with mud. It was the only puddle on the entire street.
The clouds darkened overhead, a few drops splattering across the pavement, though the sun had been shining only a moment ago. Mineta scrambled to his feet, the scent of jasmine and sage strong in his nose, and the misty purple haze thickening in front of his vision.
"Mommy, why is that boy wearing a diaper?" a little girl asked loudly, pointing directly at him. "He's so ugly!"
The mocking caws of a crow seemed to come from right above him, and Mineta looked up just in time for a splat of white goo to hit his forehead. The little girl giggled, her hands pressed over her mouth.
'Am I cursed?" Mineta thought, with an awful fear growing in his stomach. He ducked, barely avoiding a man's swinging arm, as he happened to point out a building to a friend, nearly clocking him in the head.
'I must be cursed!' The villain had some sort of bad luck Quirk, there was no other explanation! With a cold pit in his chest, Minoru Mineta broke into a run again, taking a shortcut through the warehouse district to avoid the crowds of people with their shoving and accidental punches.
That villain…she must have done something terrible to him, even though he was loveable and innocent! But why? He hadn't done anything wrong!
The school! Mineta grasped on that goal, his eyes flying wide. If anyone could help stop the bad luck curse before it killed him, it was the teachers of U.A! All he had to do was get to the-
His nose broke as he slammed into a man's back.
Clutching his face, Mineta groaned, the hot taste of blood filling his mouth with a metallic tang. His nose hurt, and his voice was sharp with pain. "Hey, wath where your goingth, TH'TUPID!" he yelled, his lisp even worse than normal.
The man looked normal from behind with his short cropped dark hair, but when he turned, Mineta couldn't help but stare at the plague doctor's mask clasped over his nose and mouth, shaped like a leather crow's beak…
The man's eyes were cold as he appraised the bleeding, pathetic boy who had just shouted at him in the abandoned warehouse district.
No one was close enough to hear if he screamed.
"Oh?" Overhaul said coldly, drawing out the syllable, his eyebrow quirking up.
~o~
Author's Note: The villain name 'Parapsych' is taken from the word 'Parapsychology', which is the study of paranormal mental phenomena, such as hypnosis and telepathy. Also cool because it sounds like 'Parasite'. I didn't describe her much, to avoid detracting from the main plot, but I couldn't help but give her a cool name.
Biojinx's name is pretty obvious. Taken from Bio, or 'Life', and Jinx, or 'Curse'. I think it sounds awesome, and I love her character design. More details of her Quirk will show up in the next two chapters, so keep an eye out!
Speaking of, the next two chapters will be complete and uploaded within the next day or two. These will be pretty short, as a general rule. Thanks for reading, everyone!
Oh, this is going to be so much fun! And I'd like to apologize to the Mineta fans for this story…all nineteen of you…this may not be the fanfic for you. XD
~Little Miss Firebright