Hey I love the 100 and I love the relationship between Clarke and Bellamy. And I really feel bad for Bellamy for being left alone after they pulled that lever together. This is my first story and I really hope you like it. Please review, whatever you think :)
I really could need a Beta Reader as I am not an native speaker. So if anyone would be interested please write me:)
Enjoy!
Kapitel 1 : Decision Time
Clarke watched the stream and its surrounding area attentively for nearly 15 minutes before she choose to leave the safety of the bushes. She had gotten quiet paranoid in the last few weeks. Not that she really had a reason for her fear. At least wildlings weren´t a problem. Since her leaving of Camp Jaha she only stumbled over a few of them. They ignored her in the worst case and greeted her carefully sometimes even politely but always with respect. Clarke supposed that Lexa was behind it somehow. A foul taste filled her mouth as she remembered the last time she had seen the Commander and she got down on her knees to try and wash it away with the clean water of the small stream. If Lexa hadn´t betrayed them..her.. everything would have turned out differently. All this people in mount Weather.. she would not have been forced to make the decisions she made. She splashed some of the ice cold water into her face and closed her eyes for a few moments. No use. All this thoughts they were useless. The past shit happened. The present sucked. Guess the future could not be so bad. If there was a future. It got colder every day and Clarke knew that she had to stop her wandering around if she wanted to survive. If she wanted to live. At some points in her time alone she had been very close on the point to answer this with no. That were the dark points. The moments were she got the feeling, that she lost the right to live. But then again. She was Clarke Griffin. The survivor. And as much as this broken part of her just wanted to give up, the main party of her would not give in to it. She filled the water bottle that one of the grounders gave to her and retreated in the shadows of the bushes surrounding the stream. It was decision time. Again. But refreshingly this time Clarke only had to decide for herself. After all the leading that should be easier for her then it felt right now. Her choices were limited. She could go back to Camp Jaha, she could try her luck with one of the grounder tribes, she could try finding Lexa and.. no that was no option. She would not know what to do if she met that woman. Camp Jaha... seeing her people again. She did miss them. She really did, more then she thought she would. She missed Raven with her snide comments and her smartass attitude, Octavia being blunt and always rushing after what she thought was right, Monty with his tenderness and intellect and all the other precious friends. And Bellamy.. god she missed that guy. She found out how much she cared for him in the last months after she closed that door on him and Finn at the Dropship. And now out here alone it felt like something was missing at her side. He always had her back, always stood beside here. As a leader of her people she was not whole without him. As only her one leader, she still felt like missing him. She tried to get her thoughts together. There was this strong pull back to Camp Jaha but was she really ready to go there? Could she still handle her demons, confronted with the people she pulled the lever for. Confronted with Jasper.
She did a lot of thinking since she left the Camp 8 weeks ago. Fought her demons in the night and at day but she was far from making peace with herself and her decision. She still felt like there had been another way and she just had not been smart enough to see it. But maybe she had been wrong in going away. Maybe her salvation did not wait for her here in the lone woods. Maybe it waited for her were her heart lay, back in the arms of her loved ones. Her people, the ones she would fight for as fierce and merciless as needed.
Her legs jumped into action before her mind really made the decision. With fast purposeful strides she moved in the direction she thought Camp Jaha to be. She had to check on everyone. Maybe leave again if it was too much.. but she had to try.
Bellamy stared into the bonfire when Octavia reached out for his shoulder and sat down beside him. "Nightmares?" He did not look up but he also did not deny it. It would have been useless anyway. "Bellamy I know that I am not the one you want to talk about with this! But if not with me, who else is here!" Bellamy sighted frustrated. "I don´t need to talk about anything! I am fine." Octavia sneered and grabbed his arm. "You are not! I know you.. sometimes I really hate her for leaving, for not getting it that she was not the only one who had a burden!" Bellamy turned his head to her. It was not their first time to talk about this. But he would not go there. It was dangerous ground, thinking about Clarke. He understood why she left but in some way he could not grasp how she could leave him behind. They did it together. He choose to do it together to take half of the burden. Instead now he felt like he took half and Clarke still tried to take it all. "I bear it so they don´t have to." Did she really think it was that easy? That his burden would disappear because she was willing to take it? Did she even think about him at all when she turned around and left them? He had to hit himself mentally to stop this thoughts. They did him no good. They made it clear to him how much he needed that girl. How much he needed to be needed by her. Here he was alone with all he had done. But in her eyes he was worth more than his past. He started trying to be the better person because of her inspiring him and he got to like it that way. With here gone he felt his motivation leaving him, his mood was dark and he lived to much in the past. The one thing that kept him going was her last order. To take care of the 48. One more reason he got angry at himself in the last weeks. That he still felt like doing as she asked. They might have disagreed in a lot of things. Maybe in most. But in the end they had respected each other´s opinions and stood on the same ground when it came to going through with whatever they decided. "Please Bellamy, talk with me." Octavias worried voice got him out of is brooding thoughts. He forced a weak smile. "I know that you are worried, but i have to get through this on my own. I can handle it. I got in and out of Mount Weather. My problems now are nothing compared to that."
Octavia did not seem to be satisfied by the answer but only murmured: "You should not have to get through this on your own. Two people pulled that lever". When she saw his gaze harden she pulled up her hands. "Yeah right I won´t say anymore. Sit here and stare in to the flames. I am with Lincon if you decide I am worthy to share your burden!" After she left in her normal stormy way, Bellamy sunk back into his thoughts. He did not want to think about Clarke right now. He had enough on his mind without here. But somehow everything seemed linked to her. When his thoughts wandered to her again he felt angry and worried at the same time. He felt remorse that he did not try harder to get her back with him. But at that moment he saw the decision in her eyes and he knew her good enough to not challenge Clarke when she made a decision for herself. And he could really understand her decision at that time. He kind of felt the same way but the responsibility to look after the other weighted double on his shoulders after she had gotten rid of it.
Whatever way his thoughts went they all ended up at the same conclusion. He just wanted her to be alive and back here where he could stand by her side.
Loud voices got him back to Camp Jaha once again and he stood up and tried to find the noises origin. It came from the gate and as fast as he could walk, without running he made his way over there. The gate was opened and a small bunch of guards stood around a grounder. Their pose was slightly threatening and all weapons were out. "What´s going on" Bellamy barked. This was the thing he was could in. Taking action, tacking control. The guardsmen reluctant made an opening for him. After he came back from the mount mission they treated him with quite a lot of respect. "This grounder comes with a message. He is from some tribe in the south. They want to form an alliance with us. He said that they rather have one with us than with an truce breaker." Bellamy took a look at the grounder. "Lexa..I guess?" The grounder nodded and eyed Bellamy carefully. "Put your weapons away! You too!" He said looking at the arriver. The man held on to his sword. The mistrust was written all over his face. "I will only enter after I´ve talked to the one they call Clarke"