Disclaimer and A.N.: Good day. I came across this anime about a month or two ago while I wa deathly ill or close to it as it felt during Christmas. I originally saw an abridged series version of it created by Fullmetalchao and it was bloody hilarious! I then decided to check out the actual show involved and, again, further impressed (however I do have a problem with season 2, but if you're reading this you probably know the 'repetitive nature of the issue' I'm thinking of). I never got the chance to read or check out any of the light novels/manga and it shames me a little that I didn't compared to others whom contributed to this site. I'm also a huge fan of a certain pairing of this show despite my manly self concept (I'm a pussy!) so I assure you, they may or may not get together by the end of this. As for why Kyon is involved in something like this, well I remember reading a fan fiction that involved the following words: Flying Kyon. Being a wrestling fan and Japan having a strong background in that place will give me some validity for this as well!

Also, this story will likely be set after The Disappearance considering that's the end of the chronological series when it comes to anime, not including the chibi-ish series which I also enjoyed. I'll try to do this in Kyon's POV, whole series is, right?

Anywho, I do not own any of this for it is all based on the author himself. If I did, there would be a season three by now.

Kyon: World Champion

By Formyeyesonly

Another day, another hill to climb. Great.

There was a time when the worst thing I had to deal with on a nearly daily basis was walking up that demented hill just to get to school, although my legs have gotten used to it. The scary part was today it really showed. I had to back away when I saw the definition in my legs this morning while I was brushing my teeth. The taste of listerine never left my mouth until lunch time.

Now? I knew this climb up the hill was only a precursor to anything and everything that could come to mind to the maybe god-maybe 'key to autoevolution' Haruhi Suzumiya. As much as I like to complain about her, I've learned to appreciate what she's done for my life by making things interesting for the normal everyday life I've gotten used to; she reminded me of what I've been missing or could be missing. Maybe I should rephrase that: I've been experiencing what she's been missing.

Ever since the start of first year, she's been trying to track down the paranormal, more specifically Aliens, Time Travelers, and Espers. Hell, she started the SOS Brigade because she wanted to find them and ''hang out with them.'' If you ever looked up the definition of irony, I'm sure you'll find a group picture of the SOS brigage, where I'm probably somewhere in the background. If I had my choice, I would be right next to Miss Asahina and Miss Nagato. But I know how Haruhi would see her pecking order: First is her, then Koizumi (Who would be that sneering bastard until I recently seen a blond haired man in passing with the most disturbing shit-eating-grin I've ever seen, plasted on a human being), then Miss Asahina, Nagato, and finally me. Of course, that's assuming she didn't put her head ribbon above me. I will admit it, it does look cute.

To my surprise, I didn't see or run into anybody on my way up the hill or even in class. I even looked behind me to notice that Haruhi wasn't sitting there either. I wanted to believe that I had a break or a chance to relax and take a nap, considering I was sitting through Geography. I ran into Tsuruya for a moment before I headed to lunch, sadly no Miss Asahina.

''Hey Kyon! Have you seen Mikuru today?''

I wish I had even an ounce of her excitement. A shake of my head later, and she was gone, skipping somewhere else. She hasn't seen her either. Odd.

Lunch and anything after that was more mundance then I'd like to be used to. Tanaguchi was being his perverted self, checking out the cheerleaders. I could only look a little while I continued to feast on my koi. ''Wow, Kyon. Have you been eating well?'' Kunikada asked me in some form of awe. The logical side of me would like to believe that I've finally gotten used to my Mom with overpacking my lunch, truth is I'm just unreasonably hungry. ''You're pretty much Haruhi's pack mule.'' Thank-you, Tanaguchi. ''I didn't mean that as a whipping thing, I mean that you're getting fit.''

In retrospect I should've inquired about me being whipped by Haruhi, instead I couldn't help but feel some pride over being called 'fit'. Sure, it was by Tanaguchi. It did feel good that someone else besides me noticed. The rest of the day, like I said, nothing eventful happened. I didn't even get a hint from anyone to go to the Brigade room this afternoon. I just assumed that I could go on my merry way. That was until I got to my infamous shoe locker. Seriously Kyon, you should know better by now! I opened it and noticed a letter in my shoe. It read:

''Come to the Brigade room at 3:10 pm.''

I assumed a time that specific must have come from Miss Nagato, of course I've been wrong before. I lept across the stairs as if they were just pebbles until I came to the floor where the Brigade room was. I assumed this was about what happened when Miss Nagato suffered that error and will involve me having to go back in time and subdue Ryoko. Yeah, I can believe that I can subdue Ryoko now! I shouldn't let my new found leg muscles go to my head, she was still an Alien like Nagato.

As soon as I opened the door, I noticed that everything remained the same: Nagato at her chair, Miss Asahina in her elegant maid outfit, and Koizumi...sitting at the table...across from the door...looking directly at me. Are his shoulders a bit broader than usual? Miss Asahina! I really need your tea now!

I sat across from Koizumi, who was once again giving me that devilish smile. Should I tell him about the new sneering bastard or would he be offended? ''Good evening, Kyon. I see you've noticed my shoulders.''

He was an Esper after all, however he can't use his powers outside of Closed-space.

''Haruhi wasn't in school all day. What's going on?'' Any tenseness I had was lifted from me, thanks to the sweet scent of Miss Asahina's tea and Miss Asahina. I almost felt a smile seep through my visage as I took a sip of that sweet hot liquid. A laugh stopped me from entering pure euphoria. I'm glad you're entertained, Koizumi.

''Straight to business. I'm not sure exactly what Miss Suzumiya is up to but it could be possible that it may involve my broader frame. Did you have any changes today?'' As I expected. Maybe I should be the Omega Detective the next time someone 'dies'.

''Now that you mention it, I woke up this morning with a lot more noticable leg definition. I also had a bigger appetite than usual.'' I failed to noice Miss Asahina blush and go into a state of shyness only because I was trying to figure out in my mind why Haruhi would want me and Koizumi to seem more muscular or be more muscular.

''I think we will all find out very soon.''

That was when I realized how much of a terrible situtation I placed myself in. I was sitting in front of the door to the Brigade room, it was open, everyone was here, except...

''Hello, everybody!'' And here she comes. I feel gravity fail for a moment when Haruhi took the back of my chair and brought it down to her face level. Why couldn't you give me faster relexes? ''Kyon! How dare you put your back to me? Minus 10 points!'' So, that makes me at 5? She drops me down to the ground and sits at her computer. ''Kyon! You missed too much time when you were in that coma! That's why you're gonna help the SOS Brigade achieve greater recognition!''

Was you and Miss Asahina in bunny suits not enough? How about that movie? Oh wait, I forgot who I'm talking to.

''We need to show Japan and the World that the SOS Brigade not only has the most beautiful women, we also need to show that we have the toughest men too.'' Of course, she instantly points at me. ''That means you too, Kyon.''

Beautiful and tough? Why do you need to prove this? I mean, you, Miss Asahina, and Nagato could be models if you wanted to be. Me and Koizumi being tough? Well yeah, Koizumi is an Esper and fights Shinjins on a nearly nightly basis. Myself? Does dealing with you count? Not including the stab wounds that I can never talk about. Or going into another reality. Or the same two weeks over and over again. Why can't I ever use any good arguements without disrupting reality?

''What we need to do is get publicity. That way, the paranormal will come to us!'' Because that's worked so well for you before. Another snare for me. ''I mean on a grander scale!''

''Like television.''

''Correct, my second! 50 points for you!'' 260? ''That's why I've enlisted you, Kyon, Mikuru, and Yuki to start wrestling!''

And so the explaination for our physiques come alive. Wait, wrestling!? ''And what about you? You dropkicked the President of the Computer Club out of his shoes.''

She continued with her grin and a shake. ''Nope! Every great stable needs a manager. That's where I come in!'' Right, me and Koizumi take all the bruises and you get to sit back and yell at us. I ponder this, sipping my tea while Haruhi takes another sash and writes 'Ultra Manager' in Kanji script for her arm.

''These guys gain international recognition for this and the SOS Brigade will gain that and more.'' Poor Miss Asahina, shivering in her dress.

''B-but I don't want...''Haruhi puts her arm around her in a tender looking pose. I know better.

''Oh, don't worry Mikuru. That's where Yuki comes into play. You're gonna be the eye candy for us and win the Women's title while Yuki acts as your bodyguard. Look at her! So imposing yet so mysterious. It's perfect!''

I don't think I'd use imposing to describe Nagato until you've seen her in real action.

''Now, we're gonna need to start small so we'll be participating in a match this weekend. Kyon, Koizumi, you two will be a tag team! And you'd better win! Winners get in line for the titles!'' She couldn't stop glaring at me.

''Don't worry, Miss Suzumiya. We'll do well.'' Just drink your tea. Ignore everyone.

''And Kyon..'' She gets right in my face. Not that I'm complaining but why when I'm drinking tea? ''This is your chance to make up for those three days so I demand a victory and no lagging behind Koizumi. Everybody needs to do their part.''

A quick smile leaves me with a small stain on my pants from my drink. I would've sipped you well.

''Training begins tomorrow and throughout the week! Dimissed!''

This is going to be a long week.

A.N.: So there you have it! The first chapter of a long story. I hope to be able to update this twice, thrice, or four times a week but school and other projects inject themselves in my life. It happens. So allow me to make some quick explainations. 1: I know little about puroresu compared to North American Wrestling so I'll make up a place where they have a males and females divsion within the same one. 2: Puroresu is heavier on shoot wrestling instead of ''sport entertainment'' so to make things better in this world, promos will exist but the matches will be more like MMA, in other words, it will be more legit and there will be no scripted victories unless said otherwise. I'm new at this whole fanfiction thing so review and give constructive critique. I feel that my interpretation of Kyon may be a bit lacking so yeah.

Until the next day, good night and good luck.