PROFESSOR RAMSAY

Professor Slughorn had suddenly taken a turn for the worse on the afternoon of Halloween eve. Dumbledore enlisted the services of a substitute Potions master. He was feeling particularly curious today as he ventured deep into his list of substitute professors. He stumbled upon a controversial professor known only as Ramsay.

'Hmmm,' Dumbledore thought to himself. 'Why not?'

He asked Minerva to visit him and request that he cover Slughorn's lessons until he was well. Minerva shook her head and protested against Ramsay. But Dumbledore was adamant. Minerva sighed and returned with Ramsay three hours later after being shouted out vigorously by him the whole time. Minerva dropped him off in Dumbledore's office and went into a dark room to lay down and curse Dumbledore's erratic decisions.

'Hello Albus!' shouted Ramsay. 'So, when do I get started?'
Dumbledore fixed his glasses a little. He filled Ramsay in as he listened impatiently.

The next day, Ramsay got up at the crack of dawn.

'Right! Today's the day! I want to see some GOOD cooking!'

The Golden Trio were making their way to Potions class, expecting there to be some nobody teaching them today. But they did not envision someone like Professor Ramsay. Draco and his cronies approached them and sneered:

'Mudblood, Weaselbe and Potter.'

Ron immediately retaliated.

'Shove off Malfoy, nobody likes you!'

Ramsay, already in the classroom looking at some recipes, turned his head slowly.

'What is going on out here then?!'

Everyone was silent.

'Am I talking to myself?!'

'No… no sir,' mumbled Hermione.

'Sorry, I didn't quite get that Miss Granger!'

Hermione gasped.

'He knows my name?' she whispered to herself.

'I frankly don't care about your little childish scuffles. Get in here NOW! And that goes for the rest of you!'

Everyone sat done. They were scared stiff of Ramsay as a chill entered the classroom. It was so silent that you could hear a wand drop. Even the Gryffindors who were notoriously noisy in classrooms were quiet.

'RAMSAY! PROFESSOR FUCKING RAMSAY!' he shouted aggressively.

Hermione gasped again.

'Did he just swear?'

Draco sniggered.

'Something funny Malfoy?' asked Ramsay.

'Nope.'

'Well then shut it, you scrawny piece of shit!'

Harry tried not to laugh, but just couldn't help himself.

'POTTER! The boy who lived eh. Famous Potter eh. Let me tell you something! I don't give a flying fladoodle about your run-ins with Voldemort over the last 5 years. All I care about is whether you can brew a decent potion.'

'Do you want to try and face off against Voldemort?' challenged Harry.

Ramsay scoffed.

'Pfft! Voldewart! Please!'

Ron interjected.

'Voldemort is a real threat to our world, you must understand that.'

'WEASLEY! The sidekick. Shut your trap before I clip you round the ear!'

'Er excuse me sir, but you're not allowed to do that,' protested Hermione.

'GRANGER! The brightest witch of your age eh? Well, same goes for you as I said for Potter. I don't care how smart you are. If you can't make a decent potion, then you're a dunce in my books!'

Ron was about to defend Hermione. Ramsay snapped his neck over and put his finger on his lips.

'Cut out the defending the damsel in distress crap, Weasley!'

He turned back to the class.

'Right! Now, we are finally going to get on with the lesson after wasting 10 WHOLE MINUTES! Go get your Potions books! Everyone scrambled to their feet, almost fighting each other to get one. '10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1! Finnegan! Why are you not sitting down?!'

'I was just about to sir!'

'Well you're too slow! 20 points from Gryffindor!'

Seamus tutted and sat down.

'No attitude! Now turn to page 50. You little bastards are gonna be making some draught of living dead today! So, get on with it!'

He clapped his hands together.

Everyone was trying to cut the Sopophorous beans as they flung around the room. Ramsay rushed around the room.

'What's this, what's this? You fucking nitwits! You're supposed to crush them. Not cut them!'

'What? The book specifically instructs to cut them,' said Hermione.

'Tough shit, Granger!'

Hermione couldn't believe her ears.

'You know what! You're all fucking terrible at this! Class dismissed! Fuck off!'